Pride and Prejudice

And you must see to it that your sister invites Mr. Bingley, Lizzie

He isn’t here, Mother

Isn’t here?
he must be here
the ball is in seven days
and if he is not here then how will we convince our
Mr. Darcy to attend?

Mr. Darcy is not here either

no?
but I thought he was in London
for business
and would return in time for the ball

No
he is not in London
he is on a ship
he is going to war

but this is terrible news

There is an actual war on right now
against Napoleon

how could this have happened??

He was commissioned months ago

And Mr. Bingley?

He is also there
He is also at the war that is happening now

oh my god
we are going to have to put off this ball

Probably yes

do you know who I miss?

Who?

Mr. Collins
remember Mr. Collins?
remember him?
remember when he visited?

I do
I do remember

what I liked about him the most
was how much he wanted to marry you
remember that?

Yes

remember when there was someone who wanted to marry you

yes

hahahaha
there isn’t anyone like that now

Mother, have you seen Mary?
No one has seen her since Jane returned from London

Mary?

yes

Mary who?
I don’t know anybody by that name

Mary
Mary Bennett

mm
I don’t believe so
doesn’t sound familiar

Does this mean that Mr. Wickham has left too?

for the war?

yes

you’re asking if military officer Mr. Wickham has also gone off to war?

yes

He has also gone off to war, yes
Just

good God

if there is a man you are thinking of
under the age of 35
who is in the militia or an officer of any kind
he is probably at the war

is that where your friend Mary went too
the one who went missing

I don’t think so

well you should check
apparently everyone is going there
apparently no one is going to balls anymore because they just
can’t get enough of Napoleon

did you mean MARY?

did I mean what?

when you were talking about Mary earlier
were you talking about MARY Mary?

which Mary did you think I was talking about?

the tall one
the one who lives upstairs
with the glasses
the upstairs girl
who frowns at the piano

oh Jane i’m so happy for you

Thank you

and Lizzie too of course

Yes, that’s wonderful

and now Lydia too
thank God you all found such wonderful men to marry

Thank you

we would all honestly be homeless right now if you hadn’t

I suppose that’s true

we would have nowhere to go
everyone we know would just
allow that to happen to us
I hope you don’t think I was so hard on all of you about it
without cause

No of course not

It’s just that if you didn’t marry I would spend the rest of my life
worrying about my homeless daughters
I’m just glad we’re all so happy now
and even if you aren’t very happy
literally your only other options would have been prostitution or
begging
so

Let’s not talk about it

Please have sons

all right, Mother

have sons and be happy

I know

I’m still going to lose the house
the minute your father dies
he’ll just be dead and I’ll have no husband
and no house and nothing

I know

I’m going to have to live with one of you
you’re going to have let me move in with you
until I die

I know

Christ, it’s awful

It really is