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Rachel
A large part of Rachel’s brain was screaming at her to slam on the brakes. Was she really about to tell this teenager she hardly knew her biggest secret, a secret that Esther and the others didn’t even know?
Yes. She told herself to calm down. God allowed people to go through things so that they could then help others through those things. If she kept her past to herself, she couldn’t help Zoe.
“I was there with my daughter.”
Zoe didn’t react. She didn’t get it yet.
Slowly, Rachel said, “I met my daughter’s father while holding my daughter in my arms.”
“Oh,” Zoe said slowly.
“No one knows that. I don’t want my daughter to ever know. My Andrew was her father in every sense of the word. Genetics don’t matter.”
Zoe tilted her head to the side a little. “Rachel, don’t be so hard on yourself. Lots of people get—”
“Stop.” Rachel tried to reel in her irritation with Zoe’s response. “I didn’t say anything about being hard on myself. I’m not being hard on anyone. I’m not keeping this secret because I’m ashamed. I’m keeping it for the good of my daughter. I’m only telling you right now because I think ... I hope that my story might help you make better decisions, decisions that will keep you safe.”
Zoe furrowed her brow.
Rachel slid closer still, till she was barely on the chair at all. “Zoe, the night that my daughter was conceived, I went to a party with a bunch of guys from work. I used to drink a lot back then. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be one of the guys. I wanted their respect. So I drank a lot. And one night, someone took advantage of that.”
Zoe gasped. “Oh, Rachel. I’m so sorry.”
Rachel held up a hand. “Don’t be. I’m fine.” She lowered her hand and forced her heart to go back there, just for a minute. “I’m fine now, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t fine for years and years. Zoe, it was horrible. It was a nightmare. I was so powerless. I knew what was happening, and I couldn’t stop it. He hurt me, Zoe. I remember thinking that he was going to kill me. And it took me years to recover.” She swallowed. Enough of that. God had healed her, but it still wasn’t comfortable revisiting the occasion.
“Rachel, it’s not your fault.”
“I know that,” Rachel snapped. This child was being thick. “I never said it was my fault, and if it happens to another young woman, I wouldn’t say it was her fault either. Heaven forbid, if it happened to you, I wouldn’t blame you for a single second. But still, Zoe, we can take steps to stay safe. And the biggest step we can take? Not drinking and doing drugs with a bunch of strangers.”
Zoe flinched. “They weren’t strangers.”
“Maybe not this time. Maybe this time they were worse. Maybe this time they were people who were actually intent on doing you harm.”
Someone rapped on the church door, and Rachel stood. “Hang on.” She grabbed her purse and headed toward the door. What was wrong with her? Why was she butchering this? Father, help me do better, she prayed silently. Give me the words. She had to be gentler, yet still persuasive. She opened the door to a pizza delivery boy with bloodshot eyes. Of course. She paid him, tipped him, and took the pizza and soda back inside. “Now, this is really bad for us, but I’m hoping it will sober you up some.”
Slowly, Zoe pushed herself up from the chair. “I’m sober.”
“So you keep saying.” Rachel went to the corner of the sanctuary, where they kept their kitchen supplies and grabbed two plates. Then she returned to the pizza box and slid three slices of pizza onto one of the plates. She handed it to Zoe.
Zoe looked at her questioningly. “Three slices? What do I look like, a horse?”
“No. For the last time, you do not look like a horse. But I don’t know how much you drank, and I want your belly full of beer-absorbing bread.”
Zoe took the plate. “I didn’t drink beer.” She went back to her seat.
Rachel poured her a glass of soda and then slid a small table over next to her chair. “Here. Not exactly hydrating, but yummy nonetheless.” Rachel returned to the pizza, filled her own plate and cup, and then joined Zoe.
They ate in silence.
Zoe was halfway through her third slice when she rubbed her belly. “Okay, I don’t think I can finish this.”
“That’s fine.” Rachel wiped at her lips. “How are you feeling?”
Zoe shrugged. “Mostly sober. Very tired.” She looked at Rachel sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone with them.”
Rachel shook her head. “Going with them was probably not a good decision, but that’s not the decision that scares me. Zoe, you are a young woman. It’s not safe to be drinking and doing drugs.”
“It was just pot.”
Part of Rachel wanted to give up then. “Fine. Honestly, I could care less about the pot. That’s your grandmother’s job. All I want, Zoe, is for you to understand what I’m saying to you.” She took a deep breath. “Your future is so bright. I can see it. I can feel it. I know that this is true. But your future cannot happen if you won’t let it.”
