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Nora
Nora feared she was on the edge of a real, bona fide, white-van-come-and-take-her-away breakdown, and she didn’t know how to stop it. She’d tried sitting in the prayer circle, but had gone stir crazy. She’d tried pacing around the sanctuary, but she’d nearly dropped from exhaustion.
Now she sat with one elbow on the map table, weeping quietly. The map was so big, and so little of it had been shaded in.
She was having trouble maintaining hope. Maybe her son was really gone. Maybe he was gone for good. Maybe she’d never find out what had happened to him.
And she knew that she wouldn’t be able to survive this. She didn’t know if she could survive the next five minutes.
She fluctuated between not being able to draw breath and breathing so fast she got dizzy—sometimes in the space of a single minute.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” a soft voice asked.
Nora looked up to see one of the church ladies standing over her shoulder. It was the one who’d called the police for her, the one who’d hugged her. Esther. “Not that I can think of.”
Esther rested a hand on her shoulder. “You let me know if you think of anything. I know there’s really nothing to be done except find your son, but if there’s anything, no matter how small or silly, that you can think of, that would help you hold on until then, you let me know.”
Nora nodded.
Esther hesitated. “You want to go for a walk?”
Nora wiped her eyes on her free shoulder. “The pastor told me not to leave.”
“We won’t. Besides, it’s raining out again.”
Oh no. Nora hadn’t known that. Her chest tightened.
“I meant around the sanctuary.” Esther shrugged. “I don’t know if it’ll help, but moving a little, getting my blood flowing usually helps me.”
Nora nodded and stood up because she didn’t know what else to do. Sitting there crying certainly wasn’t helping. She matched Esther’s pace, and slowly, they walked toward the front of the large room. “It’s a beautiful church,” Nora said to fill the silence.
“It sure is. We are beyond grateful.”
Nora couldn’t think of anything else to say. They walked the length of the front wall and then turned and headed down the side of the room, past the prayer circle. She couldn’t believe how long these women had been praying. Then they were at the back wall, where the door was, and Nora stared at it again, willing her boy to walk through it alive and well.
“We are going to find him,” Esther said, sounding confident.
“How can you be so sure of that?”
At first Esther didn’t answer. Then she said, “We’ve asked God to bring Levi home. That’s what God does. He brings his children home.”
Part of Nora wanted to roll her eyes at these words. Another part of her clung to them for dear life.
“I’ve got a peace about it. God hasn’t told me in words or anything.” Esther chuckled. “But I’ve got a supernatural peace about the situation. I think God brought you here, to our church, so that we could find your boy for you.” She shrugged again. “I can’t explain it, but then again, I can’t explain anything God does.”
Nora was tired of walking. “I feel like I’m in danger of losing my mind. Like really. Like having a break with reality.” She’d seen this happen multiple times in the home where she worked. She knew it was something to fear.
Esther stopped walking and turned to face her. She took both of Nora’s hands into her own, which were soft and warm. “I want to ask you something, but I’m not very good with words, so bear with me.”
Nora thought she’d been fairly good with words so far, better than Nora ever managed. She nodded.
“I ask you this because I’m trying to help, not because I’m trying to judge you. I won’t. I won’t judge you either way. I’m just trying to figure out how best to help you.”
Nora nodded again.
“Where are you at with God?”
Nora managed to smile through her tears. The question hadn’t felt judgy at all, and she was grateful. She collapsed into a pew, and Esther sat beside her, turning her body to face her.
“I don’t know where I’m at. I guess I believe in him. My dad was a strong believer at the end of his life.” She shrugged and studied her hands. “I don’t know. I was reading his Bible last night. I read for most of the night actually. I read about mercy. And I prayed a lot.” She looked up at Esther. “And so far, I don’t see how that’s done much good.”
Esther’s eyes widened. “Are you kidding? That prayer and study brought you here. It brought you to people who are helping.”
Nora looked at the door. “Not enough.”
“I know. It seems there’s never enough help, but there will be. There will be enough.”
Nora didn’t know how this woman could be so sure about anything. Maybe she was delusional. She did look pretty old.
“Can I ask you how you felt last night, while you were reading the Bible?”
Nora thought about it. “Terrified. Confused.”
“That’s how you felt because your son was missing. But how did the Bible make you feel?”
Nora didn’t know how to answer that. “Better, I guess. A little. It gave me something to do.”
Esther smiled. “Do you want me to find you a Bible? Maybe reading a little now might help. Or maybe just holding one in your hands. No matter what the question is, the answer is between those covers.”
Nora studied Esther. “My dad used to say that.”
Esther patted her on the back. “Your dad wasn’t wrong.” She stood. “Let me go find you a Bible.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve got my dad’s Bible in the car.” She stood too and then she remembered. “Shoot. My car is a long way away.”
“Let’s go get it. Let’s go get your car. You’re going to need it when Levi gets here. And then you’ll have your father’s Bible too.”
