I looked up from the accrual accounting statements I was going over on my desktop to find Gia leaning against the door frame of my office, watching me with an amused expression.
“It’s always so fun to see you behind a desk,” she said. “It’s like a wild animal that’s been taken into captivity and forced to adapt to its new surroundings.”
“Says the girl who looked like a capuchin money on crack during Cat’s pole dancing class.”
Well versed at brushing off her five brothers’ constant ribbing, she threw her head back and laughed at herself. “Considering capuchins are tiny and cute, there’s a compliment in there somewhere.”
I glanced at my phone. “You’ve already missed her beginners class for the day. If you’re here to sign up for her advanced class, I’m pretty sure that violates the gym’s safety protocols.”
She stepped further inside the room, still smiling. “Yeah, well, you violate the fire code every time you smolder in her direction, so we’re even.”
I snorted. Christ, was I that obvious?
“But no, I’m actually here to invite her to girls’ night tonight. I didn’t get her number at the shower the other day.”
I scratched at a weird itch in my chest. Was I really this happy that my sister and the rest of my family were so taken with Cat? Did I actually care if they all got along or not?
Apparently, yes.
“Girls’ night, huh? And what shenanigans do you have in store for them?”
Her mouth slowly spread into a mischievous smile. “Now, that’s violating girl code. The first rule of girls’ night is you don’t talk about girls’ night.”
I scoffed. “The last time you had a bright idea, the night ended with some half-naked dude shaking his ass in Lexi’s face and Nico nearly having a coronary.”
“And I’ll take credit for pushing them closer together,” she stated proudly with a wink. “Our niece will thank me one day.”
My mouth tightened. “You’re really not going to tell me?”
She shook her head. “Nope. But don’t feel bad. I’m not telling them either. Plus, it’s so much more fun when you men hear about it the next day.” She put her finger up. “Forewarning, I wouldn’t try to pull a Nico and break up our fun because we’ll all be armed.”
My face pulled into a glare. “Here comes the coronary.”
She just smiled wider. “Seeing you all stew is half the fun for me. Don’t worry, nothing’s going to happen to your girl.”
I cut her the tiniest bit of slack because she’d referred to Cat as mine.
Damn right she is.
Besides, this might be really good for her. Making friends, having fun with other girls, and forgetting about the fucked up shit in her life long enough to act like a normal twenty-three-year-old. Like she deserved.
“I’m trusting you to not get her into trouble,” I told my sister, even though Cat was a year older than Gia. “Keep an eye on her.”
Gia rolled her eyes. “I swear, with the overprotective men in this family. Cat’s a big girl, Luka. She can decide to get into trouble or not get into trouble all on her own. She doesn’t need anyone babysitting her.”
I shot Gia a serious look. “Trust me, I know how tough and independent Cat is. All I meant is that she’s going through something right now, so she’s a little…vulnerable.”
Gia frowned. “What kind of something?”
I wasn’t sure how much I should reveal about Cat’s story. It was hers to tell, but part of it—the parts involving Luciana and human trafficking—intermingled with shit my family was also looking into. Bottom line, I felt like certain aspects of her life needed to be understood.
I sighed. “I won’t give you the details because that’s for her to decide. All I will say is that she’s having issues with an ex-boyfriend.” Just saying those words made me want to vomit. “Of the stalker variety.”
Gia stilled, her eyes widening. “Shit.”
“Yeah.”
Wheels turned behind her eyes, and she eventually nodded. “Okay, yeah. I get it. She’s good with me, Luka. I promise. It’s not like I’m going to take us anywhere dangerous. I’d have three other brothers ready to grill my ass if I took their ladies anywhere sketchy. I know everyone thinks I can be irresponsible, but I’m not stupid.”
I flinched. “We’ve never thought you were. You just do things your own way, and sometimes it scares the shit out of your overprotective big brothers.”
Her smile came back, and the pressure in my chest eased. I didn’t want to think I’d hurt her feelings. “You guys do things every day that scare the shit out of me, so we’re even. The next time you want to lecture me, just remember that I’m not the one getting blown out of buildings, or being shot in the neck, or storming into mafia summit meetings with automatic weapons and smoke grenades, or almost being burned alive. I carry a guitar to work, not a gun.”
And thank God for that.
“Point taken.” I returned her smile. “Have fun tonight. Try not to get arrested.”
She blew me a kiss on her way out the door. “You know I never make promises I can’t keep.”
“A rage room?” Roxy screeched excitedly. “Seriously?”
“Holy shit, this is amazing,” Jasmine mused as she looked around the room with stars in her eyes.
“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,” Lexi whispered in awe.
I had to agree with them. This was pretty badass. I’d never heard of a rage room, didn’t even know they were a thing, but apparently, they were becoming quite popular all over the country.
When Gia invited me to their girls’ night earlier, I had jumped at the opportunity. Not just because it would be awesome to actually have real friends in my life. But because I was hoping it would distract me from dwelling on what a horrible human being I was.
I had lied to Luka.
At least partially.
I still couldn’t believe I’d told him most of the truth about my tormentor. But I also couldn’t believe I’d omitted the most important details. Luka had done more for me than probably anyone in my entire life—he deserved to know everything.
But I was trying to protect him.
The less he knew about the man who hunted me, the better. The man was a soulless killer, and I didn’t want Luka to ever even breathe his name for fear it would curse him. Luka was a protector and a guardian to his core. He’d taken it upon himself to defend my honor in all ways, so I had no doubt he would try to get involved if I told him the man’s name. He would go searching in the wrong places. Ask the wrong questions to the wrong people. He’d get too deep, meddle too far.
He’d put a bullseye on his back.
And the people those bullseyes were meant for…they never missed.
I couldn’t stand the idea of anything happening to Luka, especially because of me. I’d already had to accept the fact that Luciana had been taken because of the choices I’d made. Everything that had happened to her in the last six months and everything to come was on my head. She wouldn’t be in the position she was in now if I had never met my stalker. The guilt that poisoned my blood was so bad that some days, I didn’t want to get out of bed.
But I had to keep fighting. For Luciana.
I wouldn’t allow Luka to get tangled up in my twisted web. He did good in this world. He took care of others, protected them, fought for them. The world, especially the community he watched over, needed someone like him because there weren’t enough out there. I couldn’t be responsible for one less good one.
And if I was being honest…I didn’t think I could survive losing him.
The hole he’d leave in my heart would be too big for anyone to survive a wound of that magnitude. In such a short amount of time, he’d become as important to me as Luciana.
Gia clapped her hands, drawing our attention. She did her best accent of an English aristocrat, making us all giggle. “Welcome to the Overkill room, ladies. You have approximately one hour and fifteen minutes to break as much shit in this room in any possible way you can break it. And don’t be shy. Let’s face it. We’re not here to actually be ladies.”
Everyone whooped and cheered at that.
“We’re here today to purge every motherfucking bit of anger and frustration inside us because we all know it’s there. The men think they’re the only ones who want to randomly punch shit sometimes? To bash someone’s face in whenever they disrespect or demean us?” She shook her head, wagging her finger. “Absolute rubbish. If anything, we’ve got more because we’re the ones who are expected to hold it in. To keep our cool.”
I could certainly relate to that. My má was a meek, soft-spoken woman who had raised her two daughters to act the exact same way. If I so much as raised my voice to someone older than me, I had pulled extra cleaning or gardening duties.
“Well, not today, I say unto you,” Gia continued dramatically. “Today, we get to have some fun too. Today, all these mirrors, lamps, electronics, porcelain figurines, and glass bottles can suck it!” She waved over at the line of tools. “These are your weapons.” Then she waved around the room. “That is your battlefield.” She winked. “Go be bad girls.”
With excited screams everyone ran to the row of tools that included hammers, bats, metal pipes, mallets, and sledgehammers. They each grabbed their weapon of choice and ran off to start smashing.
“And don’t be overdoing it with that bat, preggers!” Gia yelled at Lexi. “You get yourself and that baby too worked up and Nico will have my ass. Everyone else remember that Russian over there has a wide berth around her.”
Lexi tested the weight of the baseball bat in her hands. “Don’t worry, I’m only going half power. Believe me, if I stress her out, she won’t let me sleep tonight.”
Commence bashing.
The sounds of shattering glass, objects breaking, and hollering women filled the room.
But for some reason…I froze.
I hefted the sledgehammer in my hand and stared at the stained mirror in front of me. I wasn’t even sure who the girl looking back at me was anymore. Once upon a time, I’d been a hard-working, family-oriented girl, who was trying to save up enough money to maybe go to a community college and work my way toward a degree in Psychology. I’d always been drawn to family counseling and thought my personal experiences could help other children who’d had rough upbringings.
Now, all I saw in that reflection was a lonely stripper on the run, who’d lost all purpose in her life aside from finding her missing sister. I no longer saw the youthful fire in my eyes. The only time I even recognized the same spirit I had when I’d been naïve enough to think I could take the world by storm was when I was around Luka. He reminded me of who I once used to be, and who I wanted to be. He made the dreams I’d once held so close to my heart seem possible again.
But had my own self-worth become dependent on him?
Did I even see value in myself without Luka around to fluff me up with his compliments? To make me feel wanted from his fervent desires?
“Don’t tell me Latinas having fiery tempers is just a stereotype.” Gia sidled up next to me. Her reflection stared back at me, challenging. “‘Cuz that would be real disappointing.”
Oh, no. I had anger. Gallons and gallons of it.
But strangely, I just couldn’t seem to channel it all into one place in that moment. So many things had happened over the last several months, my thoughts were bouncing around all over the place. Those emotions were coming from too places to be able to direct them at one target.
“You ever just feel lost sometimes?” I asked Gia without even thinking.
Gia threw her arm around my shoulders. “Honey, I’m a twenty-two-year-old still living with her parents, who think I’m still in law school, even though I dropped out a month ago. I’m spending my days going to auditions and my nights playing rinky dink bar gigs where I barely make enough to cover my phone bill. I can’t move out of my parents’ place because I haven’t saved up enough money for my own yet. And I can’t tell them I even want to be a musician because they’ll probably die of disappointment. I’m as lost as lost could get.”
All of that brand new information bombarded my brain so fast, it was likely to short circuit.
“Then how do you always seem so confident and sure of yourself?”
She looked up at the ceiling, thinking, before meeting my gaze again. “By reminding myself that I’m the only one who gets to live my life. And since we only get one of them, why the hell would I want to live it for anyone but myself?”
“What do you mean?”
She took the sledgehammer from me and ran her hand down the wooden handle. “Sometimes we base too many of our decisions on other people. Our parents, siblings, friends, society in general, boyfriends…” She trailed off on the last word, making me wonder if she knew more than she let on. “There comes a point where you have to figure out who’s really calling the shots.” The weapon swung from her hand like a pendulum. “You…or them? Because if you give them the power to make all your decisions for you, then you’re putting your fate in their hands. Your happiness too. And ninety-nine percent of the time, they’re going to make the wrong call.”
“So, you’re saying…?”
She handed back the sledgehammer. “I’m saying take back your ability to decide. You’re the playmaker, you’re the shot taker, you’re the goddamn queen of your own life, Kitty Cat. Make sure that everyone else damn well knows that. And in the meantime, it doesn’t hurt to break some shit.”
My mouth tugged up at the corners. “Does that work for you?”
“It’s a good way to blow off steam. Another option is to blow off a ma—”
I swung the sledgehammer around, missing her by centimeters. “Thanks, I’m good!”
“Ew, yeah, I just realized what I said. You’re doing the dirty with my brother. Seriously, why are all my friends doing the dirty with my brothers? For once, I’d like to have a normal conversation about sex without it getting weird.”
“Oh, shut up and smash something!” Roxy yelled from across the room.
Gia and I shared a smile before she ventured off to find a weapon of her own.
Okay, I can do this.
I was in charge of my own life. I was strong. I was resilient. I was unbreakable, dammit.
A whooshing sound assailed my ears as the sledgehammer arced downward and crashed into the mirror, sending shards clattering to the floor. The room broke out in catcalls and applause while a triumphant smile overtook my entire face.
I was powerful.
“That was for growing up with holes in my shoes,” I whispered to myself.
My grip on the handle tightened. Pulling the weapon back, I braced myself for impact and hauled the metal headpiece into the mirror a second time.
“That was for not being able to go to college.”
I tuned out the rest of the room as I reared back and brought my battle axe down on my enemies with a mighty blow.
“That was for every man who’s ever touched me without permission.”
Another swing. Another blow. Another enemy defeated.
“That was for my sister,” I said louder.
I was in my own world.
I was taking back my own world.
“That was for the man who thinks he can own me. Who thinks he can have what will never belong to him. Who thinks he can steal everything away from me and do it with a fucking smile on his face.”
My hair had fallen out of its ponytail, but I didn’t care. My breathing was out of control, but the exhilaration felt so damn good. I wasn’t seeing anything but my demons, and I was happily sending them back to Hell where they could rot.
Another swing.
Another.
Another.
“And that’s for every single fucking time in my life that I’ve been afraid! That I’ve lost control of everything around me! That I’ve felt like I’m about to lose my goddamn mind!”
Swing.
Swing.
Swi—
Nothing shattered on that last swing because all the glass on the mirror had already broken. My shoes were covered with the mangled pieces. The floor surrounding me wasn’t even visible beneath my carnage. My arms burned from my efforts, but in the best way. Only then did it dawn on me how quiet the room had gotten.
I was almost scared to turn around.
But I had just turned a corner. I felt oddly refreshed, rejuvenated even. Gia was right. Something about wreaking destruction gave you a high like no other. I suddenly had a deeper insight into the way Luka felt about fighting. The addiction. The cleansing. I understood now why he took all of his problems to the gym and poured them into the ring or rained them down on a punching bag.
I was going to buck up and face this group of women I had just broken down in front of, hoping they weren’t about to judge me, but reminding myself it wouldn’t change anything I just experienced if they did.
They were smiling.
They looked…impressed?
Then they all dropped their weapons to the floor and broke into applause.
“‘Atta girl, Cat!”
“Luka’s really rubbed off on you.”
“Damn, I think you could have a career as a hitwoman!”
Gia whistled loudly, smiling at me with a knowing gleam in her eye. “Hot damn, is this where we welcome you to the family?”
The bud that had sprouted in my chest just burst open in full bloom. It was probably silly to say that everything suddenly changed with a broken mirror and a sledgehammer, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel like exactly that. My old confidence I thought had long since been abandoned in the Mexican desert, lost amidst years of sand and dirt, rose from its unmarked grave.
When I moved on to my next victim, I delivered the first crushing blow with a deafening roar.