10 May 1994 was a very special day for South Africa. It was a day that witnessed an event which not too many people had thought would come to pass. It was the day when Nelson Mandela became the first democratically elected President of South Africa. It was a day of transition—from an era of apartheid and injustice to a new dawn of freedom and democracy.
But there was something else that happened the same day, which was quite remarkable. Nelson Mandela showed a trait that was to mark him out as a terrific leader. Here he was, emerging after spending twenty-seven long years in jail. Most people thought that he would come forth with a thirst for revenge, a burning desire to settle scores with the people who may have wronged him and kept him in jail. Mandela instead did something else. In a gesture that sent a message to the world at large, he invited his former jailers to attend his presidential inauguration—as VIP guests! Three men who had held the keys to his prison cell were special invitees on that momentous day!
Mandela knew that in his journey towards rebuilding the nation, what was needed was not revenge and retribution, but reconciliation. Revenge is linked to the past. Reconciliation is what paves the way for a better future.
People had feared that the transition in South Africa could mean the start of a bloodbath as the oppressed blacks might seek revenge against the whites. This would have put South Africa back on a one-way street to destruction. But with that one act, Mandela made it clear that his nation’s future—its development and success—would lie in forgiveness, not hatred.
Revenge and vendetta may make for great themes in movies, but in life, they don’t serve any purpose. Learning to forgive is a skill that we must all embrace. Carrying a grudge in life only makes you overweight—and in turn slows down your progress. Shed that excess baggage. Shun that desire to settle scores. Revenge is a lose-lose proposition that can distract you from the path to prosperity.
Learning to forgive and forget can also help ensure that you don’t burn your bridges. You’ve probably heard of people who parted ways with their bosses or friends in a rather messy fashion only to regret it when their paths crossed again. You never know whom you will meet and, more importantly, whom you will need on the road ahead. Making enemies can seem like a momentary stress reliever, but it usually serves no purpose and comes back to haunt you later in life. Friendships and partnerships get broken over petty issues that balloon into irreconcilable differences. Don’t nurture that hatred. Don’t carry that grudge. Learn to forgive.
The magazine Fast Company once carried a story of a guy called Pat Keeley, who started up a small company called PSS in the United States. Like all start-ups, it had its early struggles with funding the business. The company raised debt from a bank in Florida and business kept growing—a tad too fast perhaps. As a result the company kept exceeding its lines of credit. And that prompted the nervous bank to recall the loan. That made Pat extremely angry with the bank. He felt done in, and the company was forced to raise equity from employees to tide over what he perceived to be a bank-made crisis.
Some years later, the bank managed to lure PSS back with a fresh loan. Despite the anger over the earlier treatment meted out to them, Pat agreed to restart a relationship with the bank. After all, PSS needed the money! But as luck would have it, the past seemed to be replaying itself one more time, and the relationship between the bank and the company deteriorated once again. And once again, the bank recalled the loan.
Pat was furious. How could they do it? That’s when Pat swore to his staff: ‘We are going to bury the bank!’ He ordered a casket and put all the loan papers and correspondence in it, got a tombstone made and invited his colleagues at PSS for the funeral. As they gathered in the office backyard, one colleague said ‘Hey Pat! It’s a glorious day! Why don’t we get on your boat and have a burial at sea?’
‘No way will I do that!’ replied Pat. ‘You never know when I would have to dig up that casket and kiss the bank’s ass again!’
The next time you have an argument, disagreement or fight, don’t push yourself into a corner from where there’s no coming back. Keep the door open. Don’t drop the casket into the sea!
Remember, Mandela forgave the jailers who were responsible for his twenty-seven-year ordeal. Is it that difficult for us to forgive a colleague or a friend or a business associate for causing us a little temporary grief?
Learn to forgive. Carrying a grudge in life only makes you overweight—and in turn slows down your progress.