Chapter 19
Cressida
Lydia
“I can honestly say, I am happy to have been wrong about you.”
Remington squeezed her hand where it lay laced together with his across his belly as if to seal his words.
“Which parts were you wrong about?” she asked.
He adjusted the arm bent behind his head. “Oh, most of it. All of it. I thought you were an underachieving intern with a crush on her boss—hey!”
She’d let go of his hand and pinched the skin of his stomach through his shirt. Remington seized her hand and held it close to his chest. He rotated his head to see her better, his half-smile lit by the stars above them.
“What about you? Were you wrong about me?” he asked softly. The sincere vulnerability in his eyes made her heart thump harder.
She bit down on her bottom lip as she considered how to answer.
“Yeah.” But part of her wished she hadn’t been.
“Do you regret me now?” he asked.
“Never.”
He held her gaze for a beat before turning back their blanket of stars.
The trip home to L.A. hadn’t been discussed. They just packed up their things and started heading west again. It was their last night in the wild and they’d chosen to spend it sleeping under a desert sky.
Tomorrow would bring the return of all the industry and responsibilities he’d previously fled.
Because. They had to go back.
No one could run forever.
Life had rules and expectations. And no one’s life had more than Remington’s. People depended on him.
“Do you think we’ll ever get there?” he asked, staring up at their blanket of stars.
“Someday.”
“You really believe that?” he asked, his voice tight and earnest.
One more thing she loved about him.
He asked her questions. Instead of telling her all the things he already knew.
And he left room for both of them to be wrong. Which was why it was so easy for her to say what she said next.
“I believe we’re gonna make it. I just don’t know when.”
Maybe he was asking about reaching for literal stars. Or maybe he was asking about metaphorical stars.
Or maybe he was asking about the destination of their respective souls.
Her answer would have been the same for each one.
“It’s all happening,” he said towards the night sky.
“Don’t forget this part,” she said. “No matter what happens. Wherever we end up. Don’t forget this.”
He brought her hand up and kissed the back of it, holding it to his lips afterward.
The world and her people would probably never make as much sense to her as this man.
***
Lydia
Again, living the charmed life that Remington did, he found a spot to park right in front of her apartment.
In silence, they each gathered her possessions from the saddle bags and ascended the stairs. On the way past the third floor, Dweedle opened his door and peeked out. Satisfied that an actual tenant was in the stairwell, he closed the door again.
Lydia nearly laughed out loud.
The alternative would be to break into tears.
Because in that exact moment, she realized how watched she was. Monitored, supervised, examined.
There was no open road in front of her, no painted sky, no spontaneous mistakes to make.
In her best effort to find a balance and hold onto her own freedom, she’d simply added decorations to her cage.
She set her bag down on the floor of her studio, which a few days ago, seemed too big. Now, it was painfully small.
“Are you okay?”
Turning around to take in the height and strength of Remington, a small bit of peace returned.
“I’m fine. Just disappointed to be back I suppose,” she attempted to deflect with a smile.
He looked around her apartment, critical lines showing around his eyes. Did he see what she’d just seen? Or something else?
“Are you heading home?” she asked when he hadn’t spoken in over a minute.
His entire body twitched, as if startled out of his thoughts. “Uh, yeah. I need to check in with everyone and… get back to it. Revamp the schedule, talk to my producer, have a meeting with Mimi and Yvette.”
“Cool.” She rolled her lips together and wiggled her fingers as they hung at her sides.
“Will you be at the office on Monday?”
Monday. Three days from now and his usual meeting day with Merrick.
Guess it was back to business as usual.
A small part of her died with the minor confirmation.
“Of course,” she said, taking a slow breath and hoping he didn’t notice the tremble in her hands.
His stare stayed heavy on her face and she wanted to look away. But she couldn’t. In his eyes was the last place she felt free.
In two steps he crossed the room and kissed her.
His tongue invaded her mouth and she let out a small whimper. One of his large hands cupped the side of her face, fingers reaching into her hair. His other hand was at the small of her back, pressing the two of them together. Hurried, intense, demanding. His facial hair scraped and chaffed against the skin around her mouth, but she didn’t care. With both hands she clung to his shirt, wanting to crawl up him and into his skin, into his heart.
All the words she wanted to say but knew she couldn’t she poured into her response. And as if he could understand her, he responded with the same kind of passion and fervor.
It was a kiss that wrapped up their week together.
A kiss of celebration.
A kiss goodbye.
And with every hasty breath she took, her heart cried out over and over again.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
***
Remington
He checked his phone for the tenth time and felt a pinch in his gut at all the notifications.
He had not missed his phone.
Only back for a day and already everyone wanted his time and his presence. He thought he was ready to take on the messiness of the business he’d abandoned without notice. The truth was a little harder to handle.
He didn’t have time to stop at the grocery store. He needed to get to the meeting with Mimi and Yvette and then get to the airport.
So lost in his thoughts and what was happening next, he wasn’t looking where he was going and turned his cart into an aisle too quickly. His cart bumped into someone else’s with a crash.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” he apologized swiftly.
His gaze locked on familiar turquoise eyes and he froze.
Every cell in his body came to a screeching halt. Like a car slamming on its brakes to keep from hitting a dog in the road.
But it didn’t stop in time.
And with the dog representing his heart, and the car representing reality, it was a gruesome outcome.
“Remington.”
He heard her. But he couldn’t respond. He was staring.
Cressida Buchanan.
His exception to absolutes.
The one woman in the world he’d given everything. Even if she didn’t know it.
Cressida, gorgeous, perfect…
Pregnant.
***
Remington
He had wanted to wait until Monday.
It seemed like a reasonable thing to expect of himself.
But things had changed since that morning. And he wasn’t even sure when his mind had made the decision, but he found himself parking in the street in front of Lydia’s apartment.
It was midnight.
He got off the bike and sat down on the curb, his forearms on his knees.
The soft strains of old 70s rock filled the quiet night. He didn’t recognize the song, but he knew it could only be coming from one window.
Whatever happened next, he hoped she’d be able to forgive him.
***
Lydia
Ah, her desk.
Just as she’d left it. Mostly.
“Good morning, Miss Larkin,” Merrick greeted as he entered the office. He paused at her desk, a relieved smile on his lips.
“Good morning, Mister Jones,” she responded professionally.
His lips twitched and his eyes scanned her surreptitiously, probably checking for any missing limbs or new scars.
“Any messages?” he asked.
“None yet, sir, but the day is young.”
“Indeed,” he murmured.
Lydia sat in her chair as Merrick closed the door to his office. She flicked a piece of lint off the leg of her gray pantsuit.
Strange to think it had only been a few days ago when she’d been under a star painted desert sky, the most beautiful man in the world by her side.
She could do this. Have the normal life, with the job and the bills and the schedule. As long as every once in a while, she was allowed to run wild.
Especially if while she was running, he was running beside her.
She began humming Tom Petty’s “Into the Great Wide Open,” a smile on her face.
The next couple of hours flew by as she checked reports and messages. As if putting in her time here wasn’t such a requirement. It was a choice she made. And as much as she thought she’d been at peace with it before, she realized she hadn’t been.
But this was pretty darn close.
“Hey,” Brenda greeted.
Lydia glanced up from her computer screen with a wide smile. “Hey.”
“Are you hungry?”
Lydia’s eyes darted to the clock in the corner of her screen. Huh. It was lunch time already. She paused, realizing that Remington hadn’t been in yet.
“Starving,” she responded, pushing back from her desk. “Let me tell Merrick I’m leaving.”
She knocked once on the door and stuck her head inside.
“B-Rock and I are going to eat. You want anything?”
Merrick looked up from his computer screen, a worried frown on his brown. He tried to smooth it, but it didn’t take. “No. Thank you. I have a late lunch meeting in an hour.”
With Remington? She wanted to ask. But didn’t. Instead, she closed the door and joined her friend in the outer office.
“I can always tell when you’ve been on an adventure,” Brenda spoke after the elevator doors closed. “You have this special glow. Most people would describe it as an after-sex glow. But I know better.”
Lydia grinned. “You know what’s weird?” she asked. “My mom didn’t call. Not even once.”
“That is weird,” Brenda agreed. “Have you talked to her since you got back?”
“Nope.”
“Huh. Maybe that’s the reason for your glow. Less stress, more sunshine.”
“Maybe.” Lydia smiled, thinking about all the reasons she might be happier than normal. “You know I’m not a genius, right?” she asked her friend as they stepped into the lobby.
Brenda frowned and slowed down, coming to a stop near the atrium.
“Where is this coming from?”
“Nowhere,” Lydia replied with a shrug, avoiding eye contact, choosing to look over the fragrant decoration soaring upwards through the middle of the building she’d helped sketch out when she was twenty.
Children’s fantasies.
“Lydia,” Brenda called softly, beckoning for her attention and an actual answer.
Lydia took a deep breath and finally met her friend’s gaze. How did you express your thanks to your best friend for never treating you like you were a circus freak? When was the proper time to express that kind of gratitude? For loving her despite all the reasons not to.
Brenda’s eyes glossed over and she arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to make me cry in front of all my colleagues, aren’t you?”
“I love you,” Lydia said.
“Can we just leave it at that?” Brenda asked. “I love you and you love me and then we stop talking, yeah?”
Lydia smiled and nodded. “Yeah.”
***
Lydia
“Still catching up?” Merrick asked, a perplexed arch in his eyebrows as he locked his office door.
It wasn’t like her to be there that late. The building around them had emptied, lights shut off, the janitorial service making their rounds on the top floors.
“No, I’m finished,” she answered, leaning back in her chair and letting her eyes drift to the empty couch in her outer office.
Remington hadn’t shown up today.
Like he’d said he would.
She’d even called him.
She’d never done that before.
When he hadn’t answered, she hadn’t thought anything of it.
At first.
“It’s almost ten,” Merrick told her what she had already been thinking.
Lydia pressed her lips together, trying to remember what it had felt like just a few months ago not to care where he was. Not let it be something that entered her head over and over.
This.
This was exactly what all those other girls felt like.
“When he’s with you, he makes you feel like the most important person in the world,” Merrick said. “And when he’s not with you, you know he’s making someone else feel that way.”
She closed her eyes and forced a smile. “That’s the danger in loving a wild thing.”
Merrick didn’t say anything. Nothing trite and nothing insensitive. He knew it all anyway.
“I think Austin sounds like a good idea,” she said. Standing up, she took a long look at Merrick. “Will that be all, Mister Jones?”
His eyes, normally impassive gray glass, gave way to the understanding that comes with deep respect and acceptance of a person’s choices. “That will be all, Miss Larkin.”