I shot the blind old man in his face cuz I was scared they’d do me the same. I screamed at him it’s you or me, I’m sorry God, old man, but this is my life, no one showed me the way, Mom and Pops have been dead these twenty-one years so I sucked black poison outta the world, became a proud and violent son making thugs in stolen J’s my fathers, and how I landed here on Zarzamora Street, this shithole with strangers with holes in their veins, is beyond me.
I don’t ask questions anymore, don’t pray. I eat the time I got left so it’s go go go. One thing led to the next and my boss Mario tells me, threatened me really, you better take what’s yours—ours—don’t you for a second tolerate an ounce from him, that old fucker who turned my mother away, that devil with God’s tongue passing out His books like a pious king. You’re gonna punish him right and good tonight, Mario said, his daughter too if she’s around, they’ve had it coming all their lives.
That’s when I knew, that’s when I knew, Mario was possessed and blood or no blood this was my life, the boys, Zarzamora. The Alamo. The Dome and every murdering piece of scum fighting for breath and scratch cuz it’s them or you, us or you, and the choice is made already. I squeezed the trigger and boom boom, it was done, he was done, his blind eyes no longer of the earth.
I jacked all the shit I could from his shelter and busted out running and as I hauled ass I noted the weight in my arms and thought, said to myself, this is the price of life, mine too, hatred serves two masters but one in the same, the wicked and the selfish, nothing else matters, it was me or him, me or him always, God destined it this way, I played my part the best I could.
Then it snowed. It snowed crazy like a motherfucker and damn was it beautiful. For my troubles Mario gave me $200, said, you done good tonight, kid, you made it rain, literally, go and celebrate, build a snowman, rest up, we got work tomorrow. I stopped by Whataburger and ordered a double, ate it right across from some tired-looking dude who smelled like a cop.
After I finished but before I could do anything stupid I got up outta there and wandered out in the snow. For once that night I cracked a smile, cried a little bit—yes, I cried. I remember thinking, the sky cries too, it hurts tonight, it bleeds. It’s burying every one of us in powder, millions and millions of crystals like falling little stars. God. How the stars fell in my eyes.