A Second Wind (Ages 62–63)
The years beyond sixty, the years of our second maturity, may be evolution's greatest gift to humanity.
There is a colorful, energizing—and even a bit feisty—aspect that follows the Saturn Return. This is the closing Uranus square, and it takes place between the ages of sixty-two and sixty-three when that maverick Uranus is in its home stretch. By now, it has traveled three quarters of the way from where it began, and this is the last aspect it makes before returning to the position it occupied at birth. That is called the Uranus Return, and it takes place around age eighty-four.
By that time, Uranus will have contacted every other planet in the birth chart, and ideally (as Carl Jung might say) we become fully individualized—provided that we've been living authentically. If we haven't been living authentically, then the closing Uranus square in our early sixties gives us a chance to correct that.
How? Remember, change-at-all-costs Uranus is the chief architect of our Midlife Journey at age forty-two, when it is exactly opposite its natal position. It's the planet of freedom and rebellion, so we've got to break some rules, make some trouble, and take some chances. I'm not talking about rebelling for the sake of rebelling, but if there is something you want to do, be, or have, then now's the time to act on it.
Who do you want to be at eighty-four? Hopefully someone well marinated from a full, rich, and juicy life; someone who is wise, compassionate, and spirited; the kind of person who can look back at his or her life with considerable satisfaction and minimal regret. The decisions we make in our early sixties will influence what the kind of older person we become in our eighties.
How's that for incentive? Think of Georgia O'Keeffe, fashion icon Diana Vreeland, activist Maggie Kuhn, Carl Jung, James Hillman, or Joseph Campbell in their eighties. These great role models lived fully right up to the end of their lives; they didn't put on the breaks in their sixties, they accelerated!
The Showgirl Must Go On!
In June 2008, Bette Midler appeared on Oprah to talk about her new show, The Showgirl Must Go On, that was about to open in Las Vegas. The Divine Miss M committed to performing five nights a week for the next two years; ambitious for any age, let alone at sixty-two! In the beginning, she alternated with Cher (also sixty-two). Bette, Cher, and this fabulous show serves as a great metaphor for the closing Uranus square. Not everyone at sixty-two has the stamina or talent to sing and dance like a showgirl, but we can all invent or reinvent our own third act and perform it with all the spunk and bravado of a star!
We even get a boost between sixty and sixty-one, thanks to a fifth Jupiter Return followed by the grand sextile. The grand sex-tile is a mathematical technique that involves moving all the planets sixty degrees (one degree for each year), which creates a sextile (a harmonious aspect), giving us “some wind beneath our wings.” These two optimistic aspects bestow a blessing for this new decade making it the perfect launching pad for the Uranus square.
What kind of elders do you imagine they will be at eighty-four? And what about Bette Midler, Meryl Streep, Dr. Christiane Northrup (author of Goddesses Never Age), and Billy Crystal? I see them as gutsy, fearless, still creating, still living fully.
“Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Mary Oliver's beautiful line from her beloved poem, “A Summer's Day,” has inspired countless people. We think of people asking that question at the beginning of their life, but, in fact, we can ask it at any time and at any age.
Who do you want to be in your older years? What kind of life do you want to be living? How do you want to feel? And, perhaps most important of all, what kind of attitude do you need? What actions can you take now that will help create that future? What habits, thoughts, and attachments do you need to let go of?
The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the woman I am now. Another I is beginning.
In her workshops, webinars, and books, author and artist Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (aka SARK) suggests writing a letter to yourself from your Inner Wise Self as a way to quiet the Inner Critics (those “mean girls” and thugs we carry around in our heads, who torment and intimidate us). I love the idea of an Inner Wise Elder, who is really an aspect of our Wise Self.
Why not write a letter to yourself from your Inner Wise Elder? Make it lavish and positive; be extravagant, and do it often. It's a wonderful way to establish a relationship with your future self.
When I picture my own Inner Wise Elder, I envision her ensconced in the tower of the Astrology Café that I write about in my newsletters. Dressed in her purple velvet cloak and surrounded by her sacred statues, she sits at her round oak table with her runes, stones, and cards spread out before her, dispensing wisdom and compassion. I often ask her for advice, and I always receive it.
Beloved Daughter,
Know that you are seen, you are safe, you are supported, and you are loved. Let go of all the shoulds and musts, the litany of outer rituals and routines. Trust your heart; listen to the goddess within; listen loudly. Slow down. Breathe. Be still. It is from this tender place, this place of allowing and expansion that you need to live as well as write. Stay away from the urban madness in your mind; the heavy traffic, the crowds and voices. Step into the lush garden of your heart, with its gentle streams and scented flowers—lilacs, roses, peonies. Rest in the small sacred arbors, for it is in this rich and generous solitude that everything flourishes, prospers, and grows. All is well; you are loved.
I love the Japanese term wabi-sabi, which, by the way, is not a garnish for sushi. Wabi-sabi describes an aesthetic based on imperfection, irregularity, simplicity, economy, modesty, and intimacy.
The most common examples of wabi-sabi include a bowl, a tea cup, wood, paper, or fabric. Imagine a bowl whose patina has been worn off; one that contains some cracks and chips but is well used and loved and has with the passage of time become more interesting. Could a person be wabi-sabi?
Several years ago, I had some therapy with a Jungian analyst; a lovely woman who I guessed to be in her mid- to late sixties. I was discussing her with a friend who also knew her; although I could talk about my sessions with the therapist, I found it difficult to describe her physically. My friend said it was probably because she had let go of a lot of ego. That made perfect sense to me.
When I think of wabi-sabi in relation to a person, I imagine someone who has shed a great deal of their ego and has let go of the need to prove themselves. It's as if the outer veneer of personality has softened and become more porous, so that their essence, their soul, shines through. Gloria Steinem is a great example; so are Pema Ch6dr6n, Mary Oliver, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Ram Dass. I want to age like that, perhaps less polished on the surface but hopefully more real, more genuine; fully present, at ease with myself and the world.
The Bucket List is a great ritual and the perfect metaphor for this period. When Uranus is in our lives, we're feeling restless, frisky, adventurous, and more inclined to push the envelope. This is not about doing something that doesn't feel right, but we don't learn anything by never venturing outside our comfort zone.
If you've never thought about sky diving and the idea makes you sick to your stomach, it's probably not for you. But if you've always secretly dreamed of going white water rafting down the Colorado River or learning to tango, maybe even in Argentina, but simply never got around to it, then perhaps that's something you should consider. You know it is right if, in spite of your fear, you feel really excited about doing it.
What's on your Bucket List? What have you always wanted to do but never allowed yourself to try, or never before had the opportunity to try? It doesn't have to be dangerous or cost a lot of money; it just has to be something that inspires and energizes you. Maybe it's researching your ancestors, getting a tattoo, self-publishing a book of your poems or stories, or finally learning to meditate.
What about taking a course on how to design a website, reading War and Peace or The Lord of the Rings, being photographed nude, or learning to speak Japanese? With hundreds of websites devoted to Bucket Lists, there's no end to the rousing ideas or possible adventures. And although a Bucket List experience may be temporary, it gets the energy moving in the right direction and builds momentum. Besides, you never know where it will lead. Just like a casual date can turn into a love affair or marriage, a Bucket List jaunt may transform into a late-in-life passion or career.
I never thought in terms of my own Bucket List; I'm grateful to be doing astrology readings and writing at this point in my life. But lately, an old idea has been nudging me. I would love to go to college and get a degree! In the late sixties and early seventies, I took lots of classes at New York University and the New School for Social Research (mainly film and writing), but, being somewhat of a hippie, I never considered getting credit for any of them.
At the same time, I was participating in tons of self-help programs, spiritual disciplines, and retreats; and since the early nineties, I've been studying astrology. But I want to study psychology and literature in a more formal way. It turns out that many colleges, such as Hunter College in New York City and Smith College in Massachusetts, offer free tuition for seniors, and I can go at my own pace. Sure, I'll be in my late seventies, maybe even eighty when I graduate, but so what? I'm going to be that age anyway.
Road Scholar (originally called Elderhostel) was founded by two friends in 1975; Marty Knowles, a free-spirited hippie, and David Bianco, a university administer. They joined forces to create this unique not-for-profit organization that provides educational adventures and learning experiences to adults over fifty.
It offers over five thousand tours in America, Canada, and 150 other countries. It's an exciting and economical way to travel, learn, and make lifelong friends. They even offer intergenerational learning adventures, so you can invite the grandkids.
Road Scholar is known for its great instructors and interesting programs. They even have scholarships for courses in North America. An exciting new program called Living and Learning allows you to live abroad in one city for four to six weeks and immerse yourself in the language and culture. Who hasn't dreamed of living in Paris, Florence, or Barcelona? What a perfect way to make that happen. I haven't been to Europe in years, but this has me dreaming about returning to Rome. It seems my Bucket List is getting longer!
New York Times op-ed writer David Brooks didn't set out to travel cross-country on a motorcycle or climb Mount Everest; instead, he went on an extensive inner journey. Inspired by people who he describes as “deeply good,” he set out to discover how those folks got that way.
The result was his bestselling book, The Road to Character. His focus was not on outer achievement and ambitions but on inner values.
In this method, you don't ask, What do I want from life? You ask a different set of questions: What does life want from me? What are my circumstances calling me to do? In this scheme of things, we don't create our lives; we are summoned by life.22
Throughout my life, there has always been a number that sounded old. When I was 16, it was 27; at 29, it was 42; at 38, it was 52. At 65, however, it was 65.
—Mark Jacobson, New York magazine (April 2014)
There are certain ages that seem to carry more weight, and sixty-five is definitely one of them. We can color our hair, run marathons, and eat lots of kale, but at sixty-five, we can no longer ignore the elephant (or rather the senior) in the room. We may not feel or even look old, but let's face it, there's a stigma attached to sixty-five; it's serious.
These days, people are living and working longer, but since 1935 (the year the Social Security Act was passed), sixty-five has been the official age at which one retires. It's a marker; the great dividing line. Medicare kicks in, and somehow that seals the deal. It's not just our age that changes, but our place in society does as well, and it's not unusual to feel like an outsider; no longer relevant, no longer at the center of the action. And once we cross that mountain, it's an express train to seventy and onward toward old age. No matter how positive or perky you are, we all think of these things at some point. I know I do.
At fifty-eight, our Second Saturn Return is the first stage of becoming an elder; but we're just entering that phase—we're an apprentice elder. The Saturn Return is a conjunction that has a quality of newness and naïveté. The second phase of eldering takes place between sixty-five and sixty-six, when transiting Saturn makes a demanding square to its natal position.
As you know by now, no-frills Saturn is that planet of reality; cold, hard, and sobering. It's not unusual to suddenly wake up as if from a dream and realize that the posse is probably not going to show up; neither is the prince (or princess). I'm an optimistic person; I believe we can change and grow at any age, but if we've been drifting, Saturn can be a wake-up call. Social Security begins at age sixty-six; some people may choose to start earlier or later, but sixty-six is the age when we receive full benefits. That's a good metaphor for Saturn. We're receiving support, according to what we've put in—and, in true Saturn fashion, nothing more.
At sixty-five, we're confronted with some weighty decisions. Should I retire or not? Can I even afford to? And when? It's not unusual for people in their sixties to still have parents that they're responsible for; either living at home or in a nursing facility. We have to navigate Medicare, deal with finances, family, and the future. These are daunting issues, Saturn issues. Uncharted territory.
The last ten years in the US have been dramatic. The economy crashed in 2008 along with the collapse of many financial institutions, followed by massive layoffs. In 2012, the East Coast was hit by Hurricane Sandy. Many people lost their pensions and their homes; retirement was suddenly no longer an option. We can see folks who lost their jobs in the corporate world working now at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's. I know a number of people who confronted their financial situation in their mid-sixties; they declared bankruptcy, started over, and rebuilt their credit. Saturn's aspect in our mid-sixties can serve to get us back on track.
Not retire, re-fire!
Even if we can afford to retire, it's not unusual to find ourselves in a rut once we finally do. We're used to having a full schedule, a career, and a place to go to, and suddenly there's a void; it can feel like falling into an abyss. We can lose a physical structure, as well as our professional identity. Although it's not a prediction, many people are vulnerable to depression at this point, and depression is associated with the ringed planet.
Marv had been one of my very first employees when I opened my restaurant in 1974. He started off as a dishwasher, then became a waiter. One summer, he managed the restaurant for me so I could do a residential workshop in Vermont. It had been thirty-five years since I last heard from him, so it was a real surprise when he emailed me recently. He was in town for a seminar, and he wanted to get together.
We met for tea at a Starbucks in Chelsea and spent two wonderful hours taking nonstop. I was surprised to learn that he had been working in the corporate world. In our restaurant days, he had been studying tai chi, meditating, and going to consciousness seminars. He told me he had retired recently, when he was sixty-eight. His company had offered him a generous exit package, and it had taken him thirty seconds to decide.
With nothing to do, he ended up watching television for several hours a day and fell into a depression. As a result, he began taking antianxiety medication. Luckily, he was also reading a great deal and stumbled on a self-help book, The Inside Out Revolution. He became so psyched about it that he was able to get off his meds and started taking workshops with the author. He didn't know where it would lead, but he felt excited about life; he was learning, growing, and meeting terrific people. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up teaching the material.
Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it.
During a Saturn transit, old structures often collapse, familiar reference points disappear, and we're encouraged to create new ones. The more we cling to an old role or identity, the harder it will be to make the shift. Saturn is not asking us to let go of what is working; it's asking us to release what's not supporting us and to rebuild our foundation. It's important to remember that it's an inside job and not merely an outer goal. Just as at the Saturn Return, a life review, therapy, and support groups can be valuable tools. Doing creative work can help unlock emotions and get the juices flowing. Some people end up taking medication—and sometimes that's necessary in the short term—but it isn't a replacement for dealing with the deeper issues.
If you fall into a rut, don't furnish it.
How do you get out of a rut? Years ago, my friend Roger was attending a spiritual gathering. A revered guru from India was seated onstage, answering questions from the audience. After every question, which included the whole gamut—health, sex, love, death, money, etc.—the guru would exclaim, “Achep, achep!”
Roger couldn't understand what the guru was saying and thought perhaps he had a cold and was sneezing. Finally, out of frustration, he turned to the woman next to him and asked what the guru was saying. “Accept!” the woman replied. That kind of sums it up—about life and aging. We can't control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond. Accepting a situation is the first step to changing it.
What Saturn is asking us to do at this stage is to accept the limitations of aging, but that doesn't mean we have to be defined by them. In fact, once we accept something and stop fighting against it, it has the chance to soften and ultimately shift. It takes time to establish new a role, a new dimension of identity, and we need to be gentle with ourselves. It's important not to label or demonize the situation or ourselves. Allow it to be there, but also open up to what else is there. What are you grateful for, what's good in your life, what brings you alive?
As Pema Chodron writes in When Things Fall Apart, “Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path.”
No one has taught us more about the spiritual path than the much-loved teacher, Ram Dass. Now he is teaching us about aging and the end of life. In his book Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying, Ram Dass describes riding the train from Connecticut to New York one autumn evening after a day of hiking with a friend. The conductor approached and asked him what kind of ticket he wanted. He hadn't realized he had a choice.
“Regular or senior citizen,” the conductor explained. Ram Dass wrote that although he was then sixty-two, bald, with age spots and gout, it had never occurred to him that he could be considered a senior citizen. This revelation got him thinking deeply about aging, and he decided to apply his thirty-five years of spiritual work to learning about this new phase of life.
At sixty-six, Ram Dass suffered a near-fatal stroke that left him paralyzed on the right side. In his book and in the movie about his life, Fierce Grace, he speaks about “being stroked.” Being highly independent, it wasn't easy for him to receive help, but he turned his illness into a spiritual lesson. “Before my stroke, I would never have dreamed I could be as peaceful as I am with the attention of other people, or that I could allow people to ‘invade my privacy’ to the degree that I have, but these experiences have touched me very deeply.”23
Margaret Manning is a writer, entrepreneur, digital nomad, and founder of Sixty and Me, an online community, newsletter, and website for woman over sixty. I love the passion and enthusiasm Margaret has for her work, and I have followed Sixty and Me religiously for years. It reaches a global community of over 250,000 women, and her weekly newsletter goes out to over 30,000 women. She has a following of over 75,000 women on Facebook and writes for Huffington Post.
Margaret has created thousands of articles and videos on every imaginable subject—from sex and dating to death and dying. She has interviewed experts and written on topics ranging from health, fashion, beauty, retirement, travel, and reinvention. It's an incredible resource.
Margaret was born in London but has lived all over the world. She worked as a marketing and communications manager for Microsoft before packing it in and launching Sixty and Me. She also organized a TEDx event in London in 2013. Margaret is a great example of someone who has not only reinvented herself in the second half of life but is helping others to do it.
According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of California and author of The How of Happiness, happiness actually peaks at age sixty-five! In her book, she describes a twenty-two-year study that was done with about two thousand healthy veterans of World War II and the Korean War, which revealed that life satisfaction actually increased over the course of these men's lives, peaked at age sixty-five, and didn't start significantly declining until age seventy-five.
Other studies corroborate this. A recent survey, spearheaded by the Office of National Statistics in Britain, involved 300,000 adults over a three-year period; it revealed that people between forty-five and fifty-nine had the lowest satisfaction with their lives, but those sixty-five and beyond scored highest in all-round contentment.
Another survey was commissioned by tech giant Samsung involving two thousand Brits. They found that at age thirty-five, people were the least happy—which makes sense when you think of the responsibilities of balancing career, relationships, and parenting. The survey discovered that fifty-eight is the age at which people are the most content. So if you're not happy at thirty or forty or fifty, don't give up; there's still time!
The fifties are great, but the sixties can be even more freeing. Gene D. Cohen (in his book The Creative Age) describes this period as the Liberation Phase.
If we look beyond age markers and search instead for the underlying development phase of adult life, we find that it is defined by a kind of personal liberation combined with life experience that lifts inhibitions and gives the courage to ignore social conventions that restrict our creative expression.24
“Only after sixty my true life began.” At age sixty, Bodhi Hanna Kistner quit her job and moved from Germany to India. Then she started practicing Kyudo, Japanese Zen archery. At seventy, she began teaching Kyudo. Now she's eighty-six, and she gives lessons in India, California, and Hawaii.25
Working at Starbucks wasn't exactly on Michael Gill's Bucket List but, like one of those Outward Bound adventures, it turned out to be exactly what he needed. Broke, desperate, out of work, no medical insurance, and in poor health (he was diagnosed with a brain tumor), at age sixty-three, Michael Gill took a job in Starbucks and finally grew up. It's funny how life conspires to put us in touch with our destiny.
Michael was raised on the Upper East Side, went to Yale University, and upon graduation, entered the advertising business. He lived in a big house in the suburbs, had a six-figure income, and enjoyed power lunches and all the trappings of a successful business man. Then, after twenty-six years as a creative director at the J. Walter Thompson advertising agency, he was fired. He was fifty-five years old. For a few years, he tried to survive by being a consultant, but eventually he ran out of clients, money, and hope.
One day while sitting in Starbucks (which had basically become his office), feeling miserable and scared, a young woman approached him and asked if he would like a job there. Unbeknownst to him, there was a hiring event going on. Stunned, he said “yes,” filled out an application, and ended up taking the job.
By his own admission, he was arrogant, prejudiced, and an elitist. He took a big risk, but that risk was fueled by his willingness to finally accept his situation and do something about it. At Starbucks, Michael learned to make lattes, clean toilets, and work with young people a third his age. More important, he humbled up, made peace with his own children, and found dignity, health insurance, and happiness. Starbucks not only saved his life, it saved his soul.
As you can see, I'm just beginning to realize the upcoming pleasures of being a nothing-to-lose, take-no-shit older woman; of looking at what once seemed outer limits as just road signs.
—Gloria Steinem, “Doing Sixty,” Moving Beyond Words
On her fortieth birthday, Gloria Steinem became an instant spokesperson on age discrimination when a reporter's casual comment on her youthful looks elicited her famous comeback, “This is what forty looks like. We've been lying so long, who would know?”
That was in 1974, and the pressure for women to lie about their age (plus the lengths they would go to hide it) was enormous—which is why she chose to celebrate her birthday publicly and continues to do so every year. Her comment caused an overwhelming response back then and exposed the taboo women face from age stereotyping; it also opened up a conversation that's been going on ever since.
In “Doing Sixty,” the powerful and inspiring essay from her book Moving Beyond Words, Steinem discusses this issue, as well as her own aging process, the unexpected freedom she discovered, and the crucial events and people that helped shape her life. This thirtyseven-page essay is filled with great insights and reflections, as well as many of her famous quotes. I cannot recommend it enough.
In her essay, Steinem writes that she doesn't feel calmer and more serene as she ages; rather, she feels more intensely. She emphasizes the importance of change. “Clinging to the past is the problem. Embracing change is the solution.” But she also acknowledges the need she felt in her fifties to develop her inner life and create more self-care. “It's taken me a long time to realize that when I said so defiantly at fifty, ‘I'm going to go right on doing everything I did at thirty and forty,’ this wasn't progress. I was refusing to change and thus robbing myself of the future.”
We all need to change and grow but not in a militant way and not at the expense of who we are. The change needs to come from an inner need and not an outer pressure. Perhaps it all comes down to being authentic (a word often associated with the planet Uranus); going at our own speed, honoring our boundaries, and not letting the outside world dictate our choices.
One of my favorite books is The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moments, by William Bridges. I wrote about his book in the chapter called the Midlife Journey, because what he says about transition is so valuable in dealing with any kind of crises or change, including these generational cycles. Now, here is William Bridge's own story.
Bridges was an author (Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes; Job Shift: How to Prosper in a Workplace without Jobs; etc.) and a consultant on transition for various organizations. Don't you love the fact that his name is Bridges and his specialty is transitions?
When he was in his early sixties, his wife of thirty-seven years died; although he was an expert on the subject of transition, he wasn't prepared for the unknown and uncomfortable place where he found himself. He suddenly felt as if he didn't know a thing about this business of transition.
Being around people was difficult; so was working. To his credit, he hung out in that in-between place and mined it for all it was worth. He spent time alone, he traveled, but mostly he thought deeply and consciously about his life, his marriage, and the choices he had made. In a sense, he did his own version of a life review.
What he discovered made him rethink the whole subject of transitions and to open his heart in a way that had been impossible before. This led him to write the book The Way of Transition. Unlike his other books, this one is deeply personal and intimate; he shares honestly and openly about his own struggles, the challenges in his marriage, his wife's illness, and his own journey. That is why I resonate with it; I learn best from knowing people's stories and finding out how they transformed.
Around the same time, Bridges met and fell in love with the woman who would become his second wife. His story is an inspiring example of what's possible when we're willing to do the inner exploratory work and how that exploration can lead to change in our outer world.
By age sixty, I was doing astrology readings and writing Sun sign columns for a few small magazines, but it still wasn't enough to pay the hefty mortgage on my house on Long Island. After I closed my restaurant, I had refinanced the house (again), so the mortgage was high and it was a constant source of stress. I was still juggling a couple of part-time jobs, and I felt like a gerbil on a treadmill; I could never get to what I really wanted to do—my own writing.
I loved my house near Acobonic Bay in the Springs section of East Hampton; it was such a healing place, a true sanctuary. Being a double Taurus, nature is vital for my soul, and the house and the land with its mature trees plus the nearby bay were essential to my well-being. Over the years, I had often toyed with the idea of selling it, but I always backed down; it meant too much to me. I rented it out during the summer, which was a huge help with the mortgage, but that last summer, I had trouble renting it, and that threw me into a panic. I finally realized I simply couldn't live with the constant stress; I had to get off the treadmill. I knew my Uranus square Uranus was approaching and realized it was time to take a big risk.
At the same time, I was having a Pluto transit; Pluto was opposite my Venus, which can often bring a loss of a love or of something you love. It wasn't my first waltz with Pluto, so I knew it meant I needed to look at the deeper meaning, face my own dark side, and heal an old wound. Selling my house was one of the most painful things I ever did; I felt as if I was losing a beloved friend. But it made me examine how I've treated the things I've loved and lost; the restaurant, money, and now the house. After I sold it I did some therapy, with the aforementioned Jungian analyst, that was deeply healing for me.
As heartbreaking as selling the house was, it was also liberating. Several months after I sold it, I gave up the last of my part-time jobs. I was totally free—for the first time in years! This was the final piece. I was able to pay off credit cards, loans, not to mention my second restaurant in Great Barrington. I still think about the house with great tenderness and miss my sacred haven, but I understand now that selling it provided me with another kind of haven; one in which to write, do astrology, and build a new life, and for this I am profoundly grateful.
My sixties were a time when my life really came together, and I finally felt “all of one piece.” What I was doing in the world was finally consistent with who I was inside. I actually felt content, even happy, for the first time in my life. I'd never been a truly happy person. I wouldn't say I was sad, only rather steadily melancholy. But I began to feel truly happy. Who knew such a thing was possible and at this age?
The Uranus Process: We're not all Gloria Steinem, Bette Midler, or Diana Nyad, but we can learn from them. Even taking into consideration our own abilities and limitations, there are still areas in which we can stretch and grow. Taking risks, even small ones, exploring new areas, and forming new habits will not only empower our sixties, it will shape who we become at eighty-four, when Uranus comes full circle.
If we've done the work in the Second Saturn Return, finding a new role, a fresh purpose, then the Uranus period in our early sixties gives us the freedom to jazz it up a bit. You built the house, now you decorate it! If you haven't found that purpose, it's not too late. In fact, this is the ideal time. What all those women have in common is that they had an objective. We don't have to do what they did, but we do need to find something that is aligned with who we are. As activist Maggie Kuhn said, “There must be a goal at every stage of life! There must be a goal!”
The Saturn Process: Every seven years, Saturn comes around, and, in a sense, we're back to square one; time again to face reality, take a personal inventory, and deal with the new issues and responsibilities that the Saturn phase brings. Sometimes it “takes a village”—be willing to ask for advice and support. For many of us, that can be the biggest hurdle.
Saturn represents structure; even if you're not working, you still need to create a routine and make new habits to support your current life. The good news? Saturn isn't given to one night stands and casual flings; new routines and behaviors created during a Saturn period have an excellent chance of enduring. This is why the Uranus phase in our early sixties is so important; taking risks, discovering new interests, and learning new skills creates the necessary momentum and confidence to deal with the Saturn period.
What Doesn't Work: Staying stuck in the past and the way things used to be, then complaining about it. As author Caroline Myss says, “Complaining, blaming is so last century.” Plus, it's not healthy; not for your immune system or your cells. Become an elder, not an older.
What Works: Healthy elders are future oriented; they live in the present and the future. They have goals, plans. They are risk takers and rebels; they don't belong to the herd. Find something that you love to do and get involved, engaged. Stay curious, continue to learn and grow. Move your body; open your mind. Seek out great role models; better yet, become one!
Uranus Wisdom: “Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life—it has given me me. It provided the time and the experience and failures and triumphs and friends who helped me step into the shape that had been waiting for me all my life. . . . I not only get along with me most of the time now, I am militantly and maternally on my own side.” (Anne Lamott)
Rituals: “My husband gave me the Taj Mahal for my sixty-fifth birthday!” Kate had always wanted to visit India, but since it wasn't someplace that also interested her husband, she never went. Last year, a friend found a luxurious tour and encouraged Kate to join her. “I decided to give my husband the gift of giving me something I truly, truly wanted,” Kate said. “He gave it to me with a generosity of resources and spirit that I will remember along with the adventure he made possible. He gave me the Taj Mahal for my sixty-fifth birthday. What woman could ask for more than that?”
There are a lot of us. Some are widowed, some divorced, or, like myself, never married. Many don't have family, or, if they do, they can't necessarily depend on them. You hit a certain age and begin thinking about where you will live as you get older and with whom.
In the last twenty years, the divorce rate among baby boomers has increased by 50 percent. Men and women in their fifties and sixties are choosing to stay single. I've often talked with women friends about the idea of getting a big house to share; we would each have our own room, plus there would be communal living and dining area. What's your Aging Alone Plan? This decade is a good time to explore this. (For more information, see page 215.)
Social media is the ideal tool for elders, and the benefits are enormous. It has transformed the way families can stay in touch and share photos and videos. With Skype, grandparents can interact with kids whom they might not see on regular basis and visit with old friends who don't travel. And for sheer safety, cell phones and texting make it easy to communicate. It's also a great way to learn, grow a business, and even find work.
According to the Pew Research Center, Internet use among those sixty-five and older grew 150 percent between 2009 and 2011, the largest growth in a demographic group (Huffington Post, March 7, 2016).
In 1970, at age sixty-five, Maggie Kuhn was forced to retire from a job she loved. Fueled by her outrage and her passionate belief that “old people and women constituted America's biggest untapped and undervalued human energy source,” she founded the Gray Panthers, creating one of the most powerful social movements of the century; one that advocated for nursing home reform, fought against ageism, and was committed to justice and peace for all, regardless of age.
Kuhn was a big proponent of intergenerational housing and shared her home with several young women in exchange for their help with chores. She received the support she needed along with youthful energy; they were the beneficiaries of her wisdom. It was a win-win and a concept that we could use today.
Chris offers workshops at her facility, Painting from the Wild Heart, nestled in magnificent settings, such as Ghost Ranch in New Mexico and the High Sierras in northern California. Her workshops are not just about making art; it's about the healing power of the creative process; expressing yourself, being seen, accepted and deeply valued.
“My dear friend, Julie Stuart, celebrated my sixtieth birthday here at Ghost Ranch,” Chris said. “And she asked me to give her one word that characterized my fifties. The word that immediately came to mind was dismantling. During that decade, I felt like so much of who I thought I was had been stripped away for all different kinds of reasons. My bones had been picked clean of attitudes, beliefs, and ways of being that I identified as me. But that no longer served. And the word that I am left with to define my entrance into my sixties? Freedom. Sweet, delicious, no-holds-barred Freedom.”
Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy is an artist, teacher, and author of seventeen books (Living Juicy, Wild Succulent Love, etc.). She conducts amazing webinars and online programs on writing, creativity, and manifesting, as well as personal mentoring. Her energy is contagious and deeply nourishing. Many introductory online seminars are free. Sign up for her delicious newsletter at Planet SARK.
Seeing gorgeous sixty-, seventy-, and eighty-year-old models walking the runway during Fashion Week and appearing in Vogue; celebrities writing anti-aging books; and photos of ninety-year-old yogis doing headstands on Facebook can feel intimidating.
I finally felt that I didn't have to prove myself, and now there's a new pressure to be old, fashionable, and relevant! Sounds exhausting. Sometimes you just want “a cuppa and a lie down,” as they say in England. The answer? Perfection is overrated. We need to give ourselves permission to be both fabulous and flawed!
22David Brooks, The Road to Character (New York: Random House, 2015), p. 21.
23Ram Dass, Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying (New York: Riverhead Books, 2000), p. 95.
24Gene D. Cohen, The Creative Age: Awakening Human Potential in the Second Half of Life (New York: HarperCollins, 2000), p. 84.
25Interview with Bodhi Hanna Kistner, http://theageofhappiness.com.