Real Problems, Real Possibilities
I am more myself than ever.
This chapter is different from the others. Except for the Saturn opposition, the Jupiter Return, and Uranus sextile, there are no other major cycles during our seventies. As always, there are personal aspects but none of the generational ones. Nevertheless, this is an important decade, because it gives us an opportunity to find a way to embody this elder status and come to terms with the aging process. The lack of challenging aspects during this time can help us stabilize our life and our health—physical, mental, and emotional.
There's the sixth Jupiter Return between seventy-one and seventy-two, along with the harmonious sextile of Uranus to its natal position. Both of these aspects are supportive and uplifting and give us a boost as we enter this new decade. Uranus and Jupiter are sky gods, so this period can bring a more expansive perspective, a bigger world view, and a desire to learn.
Jupiter rules travel, so it's not unusual for people to either move (often to a foreign country) or to go on a cruise. Jupiter is also associated with religion, spirituality, and ceremonies. My nephew, Evan, got married during my Jupiter Return, and he and his fiancée, Becca, asked me to officiate at the wedding, which was very meaningful for me.
Diana Vreeland was seventy when she took the job as special consultant at the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum. When asked why she accepted the position, she replied: “What was I supposed to do, retire? I was only seventy.”
Singer Darlene Love appeared in 20 Feet from Stardom, the Academy Award–winning documentary about back-up singers.
May Sarton published her journal, At Seventy.
Academy Award–winning actor Dustin Hoffman directed his first film, Quartet, in his early seventies. Interestingly, the film takes place in a retirement home for former musicians and deals with issues of aging.
At age seventy, singer/songwriter Sixto Rodriguez finally found success in America, where his music was virtually unknown. In 2013, the documentary about him, Searching for Sugarman, won an Academy Award.
Oliver Sacks fell in love for the first time in his seventies.
Between seventy-two and seventy-three, we come to the Saturn opposition; Saturn is exactly opposite its birth position. This is the third and final stage of the elder cycle and signals an important threshold. Still, we're not finished with Saturn. At eighty, we have the closing square; and at eighty-eight, we have the third Saturn Return, but by that time we will be in the territory of old age. At this point, it's necessary to accept our elder standing with grace and good will.
The seeds of the elder we are to become are planted at our Second Saturn Return. At this stage, there can be a genuine flowering of the elder archetype and an opportunity to share the knowledge and the respect we've honed. By now, we've had a lot of experience dealing with the Great Teacher, and hopefully we've learned a thing or two. If we haven't already done so, it's time to make Saturn our friend; perhaps that's the real gift of this phase. We are still on this plateau between middle age and old age, and it is important to take advantage of it. And, yes, this decade has real problems, but there are also new possibilities and potential.
At the Saturn opposition, we have to deal with the consequences of the choices we've made; choices concerning our health, finances, family, our attitude, our self-care or lack of it. This can be a time of reckoning but also an opportunity to clean up our act.
By seventy, our habits are firmly established, sometimes too firmly, but that doesn't mean we can't continue to grow. We can create new habits at any age, but when we do it during a Saturn period, there's an excellent chance those behaviors will become an integral part of our lives.
During Saturn times, we often have experiences that expose our frailties; yet it's only by confronting and dealing with those areas that we can strengthen them. I think of Saturn as the contractor you call in to do some remodeling on your home. He or she may discover the problems are more complex, that they'll take longer and cost more. But by getting the work done, you are not only upgrading your home, you're making it stronger and more secure. We also get to see the results of what we began in our Saturn Return fourteen years ago.
Just as in our earlier Saturn opposition at forty-four, there can be growth, achievement, and success. If not, what do we need to do now to ensure a better future? What can we do now to improve our health, our finances, and our relationships? Once again, it's back to the drawing board; a time to review and reevaluate.
At this age, there are bound to be losses. Who hasn't lost a partner, family member, or close friend as a result of a long illness, an accident, or something catastrophic? Who hasn't had a health issue or a health scare? Who hasn't experienced some kind of financial crisis or had a change in circumstances? There are regrets and fears that can wear us down.
None of these are written in stone; none of this is a prediction; it simply comes with the territory of age. Grieving is a natural process, so it's necessary to go through it and not around it. Having support, community, and a way to share your feelings makes all the difference. In this technological world we now live in, the Internet can provide a place to do that.
Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK) lost her beloved partner, John Waddell, in March 2015. She is not in her seventies, but losses can happen at any age. By sharing her grieving/healing process honestly and openly online, she is guiding us all. Here is an excerpt from one of her posts:
I'm actively deeply grieving while wildly living, and creating my wonder~full new life. Some days and parts of days, this goes better than others.
Here are a few of my grieving practices:
I am remembering that healing happens in spirals and layers, not in steps like a ladder.
Thank you for being with me on my grieving and living journey —SARK
I learned about the work of Christina Rasmussen from SARK. People say that time heals, and that's certainly a part of the healing process, but Christina takes it further. Her Life Reentry process, based on neuroplasticity, “focuses on consciously releasing the pain in ways that both honor suffering and rewire the brain to change your perception of the world and yourself.” Her book (Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again) and her online community are wonderful resources.
Sheryl Sandberg's commencement speech to Berkeley's class of 2016 was a poignant testimony to both the power of grief and resilience. “When life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, find the surface, and breathe again,” she said. “The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will.” She went on to add, that you are “defined not just by what you achieve but how you survive.”
One day I woke up and there was a seventy-year-old woman in my bed.
—Gloria Steinem
I believe there's a birthday for all of us when the whole aging thing really hits. It's usually one of the big ones: fifty, sixty, or sixty-five. For me it was seventy. Maybe because I've always looked younger than my actual age, and I'm in pretty good shape physically. Or more likely, it's because I have a tendency to be in denial. To tell you the truth, I was not thrilled about turning seventy. I just couldn't get my head around it. I suddenly realized that I'm not just getting older; I am old! How the hell did that happen?
My fifties were fabulous and totally liberating. My sixties were a genuine surprise. Everything seemed to come together; I felt calmer and saner than I ever had. But seventy? This was entering a foreign territory, and it seemed bleak and uninviting. In the 1960s, I traveled from Belgrade to Moscow by train in the dead of winter. There was a town in the Ukraine where the train stopped for several hours because the tracks from that point on were different, and the wheels on the train had to be adjusted accordingly. Turning seventy felt similar, except it seemed that the tracks themselves ended. How would I continue? Who would I be? I was concerned others would look at me differently, as if I had a tattoo on my face that screamed “old.” People would judge me. I wouldn't be trendy or hip. Who was I kidding? I've never been trendy or hip.
It dawned on me that the problem wasn't my age, it was my attitude. I was judging myself the way I was afraid others would judge me. That shocked and saddened me and made me reexamine my own beliefs about aging. What I was doing was another form of beating myself up. I decided I had come too far to do that to myself.
The word ageism was coined in 1969 by Robert Butler, the same psychiatrist and gerontologist who created the life review. In her small but very fine book, How to Age, Anne Karpf writes about ageism being “prejudice against our future self.” It keeps us in denial and disconnects us from the elder we will become. In a sense, it is like autoimmune disease; the body attacks itself. Karpf suggests, “We need to re-humanize older people.”
Old age has been stigmatized to the point that we tend to project all our worst fears on the aged. We envision them—and our Western culture has enabled this—stooped and frail with low energy and libidos, then distance ourselves from them. This is not just harmful to the old; it is damaging to all ages. Reclaiming those feelings we project on the aged helps to break the cycle of ageism.
In This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, author Ashton Applewhite reminds us that “only 4 percent of Americans over sixty-five live in nursing homes” and only 10 percent of those over eighty-five. One third of people seventy-five and older live alone. “Over half of ‘the oldest old’—ages eighty-five and up—can go about their everyday activities without any personal assistance.” In addition, many people in their sixties and seventies are caretakers themselves.
Your mindset can affect how you age.
How we view aging and the beliefs we have about getting older influences how we age. The words we use, even jokingly, about such things as “senior moments,” send a negative message. Or repeating blanket statements like, “Our metabolism slows down as we age; it's harder to lose weight as you get older.” That's not true for everyone. And this isn't simply New Age rhetoric. “For the first time, two studies published late last year in the journal Psychology and Aging linked a person's negative stereotypes about aging, of all things, to the development of brain changes associated with Alzheimer's disease.”26
Dr. Christiane Northrup writes in her book Goddesses Never Age: “Mental habits play a huge role in our health and longevity.” She references several studies. One of them is the well-known University of Minnesota longitudinal study of nuns, which began in 1986. The Nun Study is considered by experts on aging to be one of the best in terms of determining who gets Alzheimer's and why.
On entering the convent, each nun, all in their early twenties, wrote an autobiographical essay. The researchers discovered that the nuns who expressed more positive emotions when they were young experienced longevity (and were less likely to get Alzheimer's) than the ones who experienced more negative emotions. This study established clear links between attitude and longevity.
The most important thing you need to know about your health is that the health of your body and its organs does not exist separate from your emotional well-being, your thoughts, your cultural programming, and your spiritual outlook. Your thoughts and beliefs are the single most important indicator of your state of health.
Jamie Lee Curtis has the right idea. She gave an interview in 2016 that I read on Sixty and Me. She was fifty-seven years old at the time. She said: “If I can challenge old ideas about aging, I will feel more and more invigorated. I want to represent this new way. I want to be a new version of the seventy-year-old woman. Vital, strong, very physical, very agile. I think that the older I get, the more yoga I'm going to do.”
That is the kind of attitude that empowers your future self. What beliefs do you have about aging? Can you see a connection between your beliefs and how you're aging? Do you tell yourself: “I'm too old; it's too late; I don't have the education or the credentials?” Become conscious of what you tell yourself. This decade of the seventies is a great time to reframe those beliefs.
As I write this book, I am experiencing this Saturn transit, and let me tell you, it's turned out to be a colossal reality check; not all bad but definitely not easy. One thing I am really, really good at is procrastinating, and Saturn has forced me confront a number of things I had been successfully avoiding for a long time.
For many years, I've had an underactive thyroid that I healed by going 100 percent gluten-free. The results from a recent blood test showed my thyroid was normal, but now there was something wrong with my parathyroid. Para what? I didn't even know such an organ existed.
At the time, Saturn was in Sagittarius and only approaching the opposition to my natal Saturn (in Gemini). I had to take a whole series of tests. At the same time, I got talked into taking some other basic tests that I had dodged for years, like a mammogram and a bone density test. In the end, my parathyroid turned out to be fine; it just functions differently, and there's a category for that.
I did discover that I had bone loss (Saturn rules bones), which was discouraging. I decided to approach it naturally, and I've been rigorous with supplements and exercise. I started taking ballet, which is very structured, very Saturn (not to mention extremely humbling). I also began attending an exercise class at my gym to build up my core strength.
In fact, the term “core strength” is a great metaphor for a Saturn transit. It involves doing certain exercises to strengthen our core muscles—abdominal muscles, back muscles, and the muscles around the pelvis, which stabilize the body during movement. In a sense, we are strengthening our foundation, which is what Saturn asks us to do.
When Saturn was exactly opposite its natal position, I had some dental surgery that I had been putting off. At the same time, I had to deal with a health insurance problem; a chore even less appealing then dental surgery. I also handled some financial issues. In addition, I sold a number of antiques (that I had no room for) at an auction; something else I had been postponing. Just getting them out of my apartment cleared the air and shifted the energy. In fact, facing all of these problems was extremely empowering for me.
There's no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone.
It was during my Saturn opposition that I got the opportunity to publish this book. Now I love a good deadline (I tend to drift without one), but this one was tight, and it brought up my worst fears: Can I do this? Will I be able to complete it in time? Will I be judged? At times, I've felt overwhelmed and not up to the task. Saturn has definitely pushed, sometimes dragged, me way outside my comfort zone, forcing me to become more disciplined and focused. This has turned out to be the year of reality and thanks to the Lord of Karma, I'm stronger as a result.
This year, Saturn has helped me to really embrace my age. Not like when I as in my fifties and sixties and I looked a decade younger, but embracing myself now, when I actually look my age. In How to Age, Anne Karpf quotes a woman who says: “I am sixty-three years old and for the first time in my life, I feel my age fits me.” When I read that, I wanted to jump up and down. “That's me, damn it!” I exclaimed. I actually like being this age; it feels right, natural. I'm a good older person. I was never good at being young; I was miserable.
For me, getting older hasn't been hard. What was really hard was being young, stupid, and scared and having absolutely no skills or support. When I was young, everything seemed like a major crisis. What age has given me is more perspective, a longer fuse, a wider view. It doesn't mean that I don't have problems, issues, or fears; sure I do, but what I don't have is the drama. And while I may not be proud of all the choices I've made in my life, I'm at peace with them. What I am proud of is the way I've turned out. I may not be the star I dreamed of becoming, but I'm also not the train wreck I feared I would turn into. My life isn't ideal (whose is?), but I am grateful for every little thing. I take nothing for granted.
I'm not a health professional, nutritionist, or therapist; I have no advanced degrees; in fact, I've never gone to college. I've failed at many things: businesses, relationships, finances—you name it. What I have going for me is that I love to learn. As a result, I've explored, experienced, and studied many therapies, spiritual practices, and disciplines.
Having owned a health-food restaurant for twenty years, I've learned a great deal about food and nutrition. Along the way, I've healed my eating disorder, overcome low self-esteem—or, as I like to say, no self-esteem—repaired my relationship with my father (no small thing), and, after years of being angry, fearful, and sad, I've learned to love myself and be happy. I may be road weary and a little ragged about the edges, but overall I'm in pretty good shape. I rest my case. It has taken me a long time to get to this place. This is what I've learned.
Attitude: Attitude isn't the only thing, it's everything. It is the engine that runs the whole shebang! You can eat the purest organic foods, exercise every day, and drink pristine water and lots of green juice, but if you're miserable, angry, and anxious, your health will suffer anyway, not to mention your looks. Your attitude is your foundation; everything else is built on it. I believe that if a diet or exercise plan isn't based on self-love, self-respect, and self-care, it ultimately doesn't work. Oh, you can get skinny, strong, and flexible, but that doesn't mean you will be healed. I learned the hard way.
Consistency: You don't have to do extreme sports or excessive dieting and fasting. In fact, it's best if you don't. You do have to be consistent. That doesn't mean perfect. If you fail, you forgive yourself and begin again. A plane flying from New York to Los Angeles is off course 95 percent of the time, yet the plane arrives at its destination. Why? Thanks to sophisticated systems, the plane keeps communicating information to the pilot, who then makes corrections. You just keep adjusting. Like recovery work, it's one day at a time or even one hour at a time. Small changes done consistently over time will produce solid results.
Keep It Simple!: It's not rocket science. What you put in your body, on your skin, and especially in your mind needs to be wholesome, nontoxic, and nutritious. Diet sodas, sugar substitutes, and many frozen desserts may be low in calories, but they contain chemicals that can interfere with your digestion. Violent movies can disrupt sleep patterns. Sugar is a drug. Personally, I wouldn't have Botox or fillers injected in my face. But hey, I'm a double Taurus; I'd rather spend that money on a vacation. But more to the point, let's see the long-term effects.
Food: There is no one diet for everyone. In fact, forget diet altogether; it contains the word die. You have to find a food plan that works for you personally; a plan for life, a plan for your relationship with food. It's a very personal thing. Some people thrive on a macrobiotic or vegan diet; others don't. Some people need more protein; other people do well with less. You make allowances for special treats and occasional indulgences because this is not for just two or three weeks; this is not a quick fix, you're in it for the long haul. You need the faith of Jupiter but the work and self-discipline is pure Saturn. If you stay with it, the result will be Venusian.
If you think the pursuit of good health is expensive and time consuming, try illness.
Years ago, I went to an enlightened naturopath named Dr. James D'Adamo; his diet, based on blood types, changed my life. Food combining makes total sense to me. This is a centuries-old way of eating that optimizes the process of digestion. It is based on the concept that different foods digest at different speeds and therefore should be combined accordingly. For instance, fruit should be eaten alone and on an empty stomach. Green and non-starchy vegetables can be eaten with either protein or starch. But protein and grains should not be eaten together. Many of the countries where people live the longest eat this way naturally.
I learned about eating water soluble foods from Tony Robbins—foods, like vegetables and fruits, that cleanse your body. One of the main things that helped me was eating the same quantity of food over a long period of time. Learning what kinds of food were beneficial was essential. Therapy was a huge part of the recipe, as was body work. But the most important ingredient was learning to love myself, and that took time.
Exercise: We all know that “sitting is the new smoking.” You need to move; you don't need to suffer. Find something you love to do; it doesn't matter what—bicycling, aerobic classes, yoga, chair yoga, Pilates, dance, swimming. Or just take a hike. Research shows “creative problem solving can be improved by disconnecting from technology and reconnecting with nature.” Don't make yourself crazy. Do it a few times a week. Like anything, if you fall off, get back on. Don't judge. Start where you are, do what you can. Keep going.
Like a food plan, an exercise program has to be right for you. Even if you haven't been physically active, it's not too late. An English Longitudinal Study on Ageing shows that “older adults who started to exercise even once a week—even after being inactive—were three to four times more likely to age healthily compared to their continuously inactive peers.”27
Exercise actually promoted gene activity that lowers beta-amyloid levels in the brain.
Personally, I love to exercise; it's my Prozac without a prescription—it clears my head. There were times in my late teens and twenties when I was obsessive; I took several dance classes a day and then worked at night as a dancer in clubs. Now I go to the gym a few times a week. On other days, I walk at least an hour a day or take a ballet class. I try to swim when possible. Sometimes, if I don't have time, I run into the gym for a “quickie”—twenty minutes on the treadmill and ten or fifteen minutes of weights, and I'm out of there. It's not about doing a lot; it's about doing a little over a long period of time.
During the 1970s, Jean Houston spoke at a class at the New School for Social Research about how a person walking around New York City for one day had more stimulation than someone a hundred years ago had in their entire lifetime. That was before personal computers, the Internet, and cell phones. Where does all that information and mental debris go? The practice of fêng shui encourages clearing out clutter to create harmony in our physical environment. What about the clutter we hoard in our head? It doesn't matter whether you meditate, spend time in nature, or just allow yourself to be quiet; what's important is to find a way each day to let go of yourself and your ego, and drop into a more expansive and forgiving place.
Every morning, I get up, make myself a cup of organic coffee, light a few candles, and sit down at my living room table. Around the room are statues of Kwan Yin, Buddha, Mary, goddesses, and altars with sacred object and photographs of my spiritual teachers, guides, and friends. I write in my journal, meditate, pray, and set my intentions for the day. My practice is definitely more funky than formal, but it suits me. It's my favorite part of the day.
Silence Please! “A 2013 study on mice published in the journal Brain, Structure, and Function used different types of noise and silence and monitored the effect the sound and silence had on the brains of the mice. . . . The scientists discovered that when the mice were exposed to two hours of silence per day, they developed new cells in the hippocampus. The hippocampus is the region of the brain associated with memory, emotion, and learning.”28
Skin: Good, pure products are essential, as are regular facials; but ultimately it's not what goes on your face but what goes into your body. What you eat, drink, smoke, and even think shows up on your face eventually. Choose carefully.
Plastic surgery and other procedures can make you look younger, but at what cost? You are “stopping the clock,” which, to me, sends a message that you are no longer growing or maturing. I understand and respect the desire to look your best, but if you are going to have surgery done, be sure to explore the reasons. If there are self-esteem issues or body issues, then it's best to get some therapy or counselling first.
Facial acupuncture is both effective and noninvasive, plus it has been around for five thousand years. It works on balancing the organs, especially the liver, which has a great deal to do with the overall aging process. Facial acupuncture strengthens the internal system, which is then reflected in the outer appearance. Mary Elizabeth Wakefield, facial acupuncturist and author of Constitutional Facial Acupuncture, says, “Constitutional Facial Acupuncture is both an ancient art and a revolutionary treatment that links inner beauty and radiance with outer physical balance.”
Pleasure: “Experiencing pleasure is crucial to vibrant health,” wrote D. Christiane Northrup. We are not here to suffer; we are here to live fully and live juicy.
In the end, it comes down to the little things we do. It's not running five miles every day, meditating for hours, or eating only vegan or gluten-free.
The latest science is showing quite the opposite, in fact: that extending healthy life is attainable for many of us with just a few small changes that aren't especially hard to do—and won't make you miserable. . . . [Not just working out in] the gym . . . but . . . fidgeting. . . . Finally, they are convinced that your inner life has an important impact on how well the body ages on a biological level.29 (italics mine)
One of the most damaging things we can do (in my opinion) is to label every health concern, memory slip, and liver spot as a sign that we are quickly skidding into old age, illness, and dementia. We act like those high-priced lawyers on television shows who are building a case—except it's against ourselves! Don't make yourself into a “person of interest,” as they say on the detective shows. That doesn't mean we should ignore signs or symptoms; not at all. Maybe that buzzing in your ear is tinnitus; do see a doctor about the mole on your arm or the chronic pain in your hip. Have your eyes and hearing checked.
But don't sentence yourself before all the evidence has been presented and the jury has made a decision. Worrying about things before they happen is like praying for your problems. And sure, it's easy to say, but that kind of thinking is a habit, and, like all habits, you can change it.
You won't find youth in a luxurious scented cream displayed in an expensive bottle at Bergdorf Goodman or in a potion invented at a dermatologist's office, having a medical name and pristine packaging. It doesn't come in a pill, an injection, or a five-hundred-dollar facial given by someone with a single name and a six-month waiting list. You don't have to travel to a spa in Switzerland or a secret location in Chinatown or to the shores of the Black Sea. And you won't find youth on one of those infomercials you see at three in the morning. The solution costs nothing and lasts forever.
It's not enough to accept your age. You must surrender to your age. Aging beautifully requires that we embrace it, cherish it, and stand in awe of its influence.
The fountain of youth is inside you. In fact, it says so in the word: youth. All you have to do is be happy, feel good, be grateful, and love yourself. Oh, and forgive yourself and others. I know, it sounds like New Age thinking, a Pollyanna approach. I'm not saying it's easy. It's a lifetime process, an ongoing practice, so the earlier you begin, the better. It can't hurt, and it doesn't cost anything. There's absolutely no downside. It's good for your cell tissue, immune system, your heart rate, your organs, your skin, and your weight. It will give you a glow. It will help you sleep. It won't necessarily take away your wrinkles or age spots, but people won't notice, because they'll feel good in your presence.
One study found that people who have a positive outlook about aging live approximately seven and a half years longer than their glass-is-half-empty peers. Fearing aging, stressing over the symptoms of aging, and worrying about the downside of age can actually make the aging process more challenging.
Start by keeping a gratitude journal: Every day, write down a few things you're grateful for—the perfect latte, a walk in the rain, a great dinner with close friends. There are so many things we take for granted, like our health, our eyes, our feet, the roof over our head, the food we eat. Personally, I believe that it's the big things that get us through life but the little ones that get us through the day, and it's about getting through the day!
Create a happiness jar: Author Elizabeth Gilbert is a huge fan of this wonderful ritual and writes about it on her website. At the end of the day she grabs a scrap of paper (a corner of a bill or an old list) and jots down her happiest moments, dates it, folds it, and sticks it in a jar. And that's all. The beauty of this practice is that it transforms you into a detective of happiness, a Sherlock of gladness; always on the look-out for something delightful to write about. It's subtle but deceptively empowering. And when you don't feel so terrific you can reach into your jar and read one of these notes. It will make you smile. I promise you.30
Focus on what's working instead of what's not working: Talk about what you want and not what you don't want. You don't have to do it 24/7 either, just for a few minute at a time several times a day. I do this on the treadmill, while I'm doing errands, and when I'm cleaning.
Make being happy a habit: I'm not talking about when life is smooth, and there are no problems or challenges (that's easy), but when things get rough, when crises hit. That's when it really counts. I love the book Happy for No Reason, but I love the title even more. What a concept! Being happy for absolutely no reason is like having a trust fund. You're set for life! As Voltaire famously said, “I have chosen to be happy because it's good for my health.”
“Success leaves clues; so does failure”: I remember Tony Robbins saying something similar to this in his seminars during the 1980s: Look around at the people who are fulfilled, happy, healthy, who have good relationships and work they love. What kind of attitude do they have? What are their habits? Study them, model them, learn from them.
Joel has worked in the real estate business for thirty years; he leases commercial office space in New York City and has been successful. A few years ago, the company he worked for was sold, and he was out of work. Joel was in his early seventies at the time. Not exactly the best age to dive into the job market during a weak economy, but that's exactly what he did.
A classy man with youthful energy, he decided he wasn't ready to retire. He interviewed for several months and received three job offers. He decided on one and began work and has thrived there. That's a nice story but it gets better.
Joel has a godson in his twenties who wanted to get into the real estate business. Joel brought him into the company and began mentoring him. Joel was already fluent with computers, iPads, and iPhones, but his godson opened up the world of social media in terms of business. Together they make a great team and are empowering each other. This is a great example of intergenerational support.
You age because you cannot change.
I'm still learning.
—Michelangelo, at age eighty-two
Hilda has been in the skin care business for more than sixty years. She gives a superb facial, and I always leave with my face glowing, but I also come for her nurturing energy and positive attitude.
As a young girl, her education was interrupted, so she didn't finish high school until her own children were in school. Yet she is constantly learning and growing. At seventy, Hilda enrolled in One Spirit seminary, an interfaith church, and became a minister—at the time of her Jupiter Return. Then at seventy-two, she decided she wanted to go to college—so she did! She earned her BA, MA, and a PhD!
Hilda's husband died, and she went into a slump. However, she received the support she needed and healed. She had attended a bereavement group at Memorial Sloan Kettering hospital. When it concluded, the other members asked her to start one, which of course she did. Hilda also counsels, officiates weddings, and continues to learn. When I last saw her, she was excited about a course that she was starting the following week. Hilda is eighty-three.
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.
Years ago, when I owned my natural foods restaurant in New York City's West Village, I bought my alfalfa sprouts from a woman named Rose, who was affectionately referred to as Rose Sprout or the Sprout Lady. At my restaurant, we put alfalfa sprouts on practically everything: house salads, entrée salads, sandwiches; we even used them as a garnish on entrées, so we went through several huge bags a week.
Over the years, I got to know Rose; she was a vegetarian and a regular customer at the restaurant. I would often sit down and chat with her while she was having dinner. Rose had come to New York City from Germany, along with her husband, during the late 1930s. They had a business together and raised a family. After her husband died, Rose lived alone in her apartment on Fifth Avenue, just a block from my restaurant.
One day I asked her how she got into the sprout business. She told me that she lost all her money in the stock market in 1974. “So, vhat vas I to do, Virginia?” She spoke with a strong German Jewish accent. “I couldn't ask my children. One summer, my grandson vas visiting me. I saw him growing these alfalfa sprouts. I vatched vhat he vas doing and said to myself, ‘Rose, you could do that!’” She was in her mid-seventies at the time.
Alfalfa sprouts require a lot of light, so she began growing them in jars on her kitchen windowsill; eventually, she graduated to growing them in large trays. She would put the finished sprouts in these giant plastic bags and wheel them to her customers in a shopping cart. As she got older, the cart served as a makeshift walker. Over the years, Rose developed quite a lucrative business; her customers were the health food restaurants in the West Village and SoHo, plus the upscale food markets in the neighborhood, such as Balducci's and Jefferson Market. She retired in her eighties with a nice little nest egg—made from alfalfa sprouts.
Rose was constantly learning and growing. She took classes and attended lectures at the New School for Social Research, just around the corner on 12th Street. A friend who knew Rose once spotted her at Omega Institute, the conference center in Rhinebeck, New York. A group of people were doing a trust-building exercise out on the lawn; they were lifting an older woman high above their heads and gently rocking her. The woman looked familiar, so my friend moved in closer; it was Rose. She was in her eighties.
Growing up, my father worked as a short-order cook in an all-night diner. He was constantly on his feet, ate on the run, and slept only a few hours during the day. He was either sullen or angry and explosive. Life improved once he retired and was no longer working crazy hours, commuting two hours each day, and taking pills to stay awake. With less pressure the anger subsided, but he still wasn't easy. A Sagittarius (not the enlightened kind), he had that “my way or the highway” kind of personality. Then I opened my restaurant.
Dad was seventy-three at the time and having his own Saturn opposition. I never asked him to come and help out; he just showed up that first day and started working. Four days a week, he took the Long Island train from Great Neck to Penn station—a twenty-five-minute ride; then he took the subway downtown. He arrived around seven in the morning, put on the coffee for the staff, and set up the dining room.
Then he would do prep for the lunch cooks—chopping mounds of onions and garlic. Afterward, he would set up the garnishes—parsley, sprouts, and the sunflower seeds that topped the salads. I told him he didn't have to come in so much or work so hard, but he insisted. “What am I going to do at home?” The truth is, he slept little and liked to be busy. He may have been angry and abusive when I was growing up, but he had a solid work ethic.
I had two lunch cooks in those early days, both women, and he adored them. Buffy was gentle and very spiritual and treated him with tremendous kindness. Angela, of Italian decent, was feisty, outspoken, and made fabulous soups. I would hear him talking with Angela in the kitchen, sotto voce. “What do you talk about with him?” I asked her. “He tells me about your mother, about his problems.” I was shocked; I'd never had an actual conversation with my father my entire life, but he was confiding in Angela.
My father had never given me anything, and now he was making a real contribution. I felt that deeply. And the restaurant was also giving something back to him. Growing up, I never knew him to have any friends, but at the restaurant, he was engaging with people. The staff was young, and many of them were involved in some kind of spiritual path; they treated him with respect. Over time, I saw him soften. The restaurant was good for me in so many ways, but the most important thing it did was to help me have a relationship with my father. I thought I was building a business, but the restaurant was more than that. I was healing. So was my father.
26Alexandra Sifferlin, “Longevity: It's the Little Things That Keep Us Young,” Time (Feb. 11, 2016).
27Yagana Shah, “Starting Exercise Even Later in Life Triples Chance of Aging Healthily,” Huffington Post (Nov. 26, 2013).
28Rebecca Beris, “Science Says Silence Is Much More Important to Our Brains Than We Think,” Lifehack website, www.lifehack.org.
29Sifferlin, “Longevity,” Time (Feb. 11, 2016).
30Elizabeth Gilbert, from her website: www.elizabethgilbert.com.