DOTTIE

As time blurs by, the phone sitting on the communal counter keeps catching my eye. It's hard for me to sit back and know that my brother is going to be out of his mind with worry when he can’t get a hold of me. Outside of Monica, their kids, Marley, and Adam, I’m all he has left in this world. We’re the only two of our immediate family still alive and kicking. Our parents were killed in a head-on collision on a foggy night back when I was twenty-five and Trent was twenty… still in college.

Luckily, I had graduated the previous year with my teaching degree, and there was enough life insurance left over—after their burial, for him to continue on with his education. Trent worked hard, took summer classes and nixed partying with his buddies so that he could graduate early himself.

I’m saddled with grief that he’ll pull out all the stops to find me. He’ll never give up, not until he’s buried himself into debt that he’ll never be able to dig himself out of.

“I know that look,” one of the women says as she plops down next to me. “Who are you worried about?”

“My brother. He’ll go crazy and bankrupt himself if he thinks he can find me,” I answer. “I’m Dottie.” I stick my hand out, as I’ve been taught to do when introducing myself to someone new.

“Stella.” She reciprocates by sticking her hand out and shaking mine. “We’ll leave a trail of you behind here so that you’ll be considered deceased alongside the rest of us.”

“How do you know that?” I ask.

“Because Bull took your driver's license from your purse earlier. He’s gonna plant it on the ground beside your purse.”

“And you know his plan because?” I probe, wanting more answers because all she’s doing is giving me further questions.

“It was my idea when he was talking to my old man, Kruger, trying to figure out how you’d be counted as part of the dead,” Stella admits with a prideful smile. “We won’t leave your family hanging in the wind, that’s a promise. We wouldn’t do that to them or you.”

“The holidays are coming up,” I sigh, chewing on my thumb’s cuticle, it’s what I do when I’m concerned or mulling something over in my mind.

“Yeah. Thanksgiving’s less than three weeks away and Christmas is right around the corner from there,” she reiterates, a longing, faraway look now invading her face. “It’s gonna be hard being away from home. Especially with us knowing our clubhouse is going to be blown to smithereens. But we’ll be alive and together.”

“At least you’ll have your family, but I’ll be alone and the third wheel in this scenario,” I dejectedly point out.

“You don’t know us yet, but I promise you, you won’t feel alone,” she says, her voice full of sympathy and understanding. “Plus, you’ll have Bull. He really cares for you.”

“And I really care for him too, but thinking of how the holidays will be ruined for my brother and his family is unspeakable. I can’t get past the fact that he’ll be grieving while I’m trying to find my place with you all.”

“I’m not trying to be cold about this, but it’s better for him to fake mourn you and see you again someday, than for it to be real and him never get that chance again. It’s always better to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission. He’ll forgive you if he knows this was the only solution you had to stay alive and keep his family safe in the meantime.” My face must have a horrified look because she asks, “Didn’t think of that did you?”

“No,” I choke out, “I didn’t. Is that a real probability?”

“I’m assuming it is,” she acknowledges. “It’s why the guys are going to the lengths they are to protect you and yours.”

“Shit.”

“That about sums it up,” she snickers, but it’s dry and without any mirth.

I have to try and remember that their lives are being uprooted too. And on top of that, they have kids, men, and businesses with staff which'll be suffering as well.

Now, I feel selfish because they’re losing more than I am in the long run.

* * *

“Bull, I’m sorry I was being a pain earlier,” I say to him as we sit in the kitchen, sipping on cups of coffee as we wait for our rides to arrive. The children are all on pallets in the front room, the women and their men are all mumbling, running around to make sure nothing important is being left behind that they’ll need later when we come back and try to piece our lives back together.

“It was a shock, Dot. I get that, but we have to do whatever it takes to keep you, and us, alive and kicking. Unfortunately, our lives bleed into others which is the only reason why I said you couldn’t contact your family to tell them what’s happening.”

“I understand that now,” I press. “It’s just something that’s gonna take me a bit to get used to. My life is orderly. I live by a schedule, so this is all a smidge taxing and overwhelming. I’m used to doing things a certain way. I’ve never been one who’s lived life on a whim.”

He grins at me, which only slightly allays my fears. “I know you’re worried about your brother and his family, Polka. There’s not much I can do to change that fact because if we let them know what’s happening, there’s a chance they could let it slip to the wrong people and that would create a major disaster in more ways than one.”

“I don’t want them to get hurt,” I reiterate, something I’ve said more than once already. “He’s going to be pissed and no doubt hurt, but I’d rather him be alive for me to beg him to forgive me than standing over cold gravestones. That cannot happen, Bull. They’re all I have left.”

“You have me now, Dottie.”

“I know, Bull, but outside of Trent, Monica, and the kids, I’m alone in this big old world. We’re new still, so please don’t take this the wrong way, but the history I have with them isn’t something I want to relegate to the past.”

“It’s not gonna happen as long as we keep to the plan, babe. Keeping him on the outside sucks especially with the holidays coming up, but hopefully, if what we’ve got orchestrated works, everything will be back to normal soon.”

As I go to make a comment, the sound of bustling throughout the clubhouse interrupts my thoughts. “What’s going on?” I ask.

“Sounds like the cavalry has arrived,” Bull answers, leaning over and placing a chaste kiss to the tip of my nose. “Ready to do this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be I suppose,” I return.

“It won’t be so bad, you’ll see. We’ll be back home before you know it, Dot.”

“One can only hope, Bull. Lead the way,” I state, waving him forward. He grabs my hand in his and guides me out of the kitchen and into the main room. It’s chaotic and there are two men standing in the middle of the crowd that have me stepping back. “Wow. They’re a bit intimidating.”

“C’mon, babe. Let me introduce you to Pops and his brother, Luca.”

“Sure, why not?” I mumble. “Lead me to the hit men.” He barks out in laughter squeezing my hand.