ON BEING TIED UP AND BEING UNITED
Monitoring. How closely should the top keep an eye on a bottom that they’ve put into bondage? To use a more formal term, how closely should the top “monitor” the bottom?
Obviously, that depends upon a number of factors, including how immobilizing the bondage is, whether or not the bottom is gagged, the bottom’s underlying health, and so forth.
I’ve found that there are three basic levels of bondage monitoring: closely monitored bondage, loosely monitored bondage, and unmonitored bondage.
Closely monitored bondage. In this situation, the top is keeping a very close, constant watch on the bottom. The top is awake, unintoxicated, physically near enough to the bottom to both hear and see them quite easily, and within “lunge distance” to allow them to reach the bottom very quickly in the event of an emergency. (Some police departments define maximum “lunge distance” as twenty feet). In a close monitoring situation, the top only rarely leaves the bottom, and then only when necessary (such as to urinate or get a quick drink of water) and for only the shortest of periods ? typically less than two minutes. This is the most common type of bondage monitoring.
Loosely monitored bondage. Bottoms who are placed in somewhat prolonged erotic bondage often end up being “loosely monitored.” This can basically be compared to how closely a parent might monitor a sleeping infant. For example, the top might tie the bottom to the bed and then go into the living room to study or watch TV.
The top may not be within “lunge distance” but will be within “yelling distance” of the bottom. This means that the top will be able to hear the bottom if the bottom yells for help and will be able to return to the bottom fairly promptly – in less than thirty seconds – without the top having to having to move at a pace faster than a brisk walk.
By the way, I can cover about sixty yards in thirty seconds while walking at such a brisk pace on level, unobstructed ground, so I’m inclined to believe that the farthest a top can be from a bottom and still be considered to be within “loose monitoring” distance is sixty yards.
Note: If the bottom is gagged while in loosely monitored bondage (a practice that significantly increases the risk level), they should be provided with an alternative, very reliable, means of signaling for help, supplemented with electronic monitoring equipment such as a nursery monitor (more on this later).
When a parent is caring for a sleeping infant, they look in on the sleeping infant from time to time. Similarly, in a “loose monitoring” situation, the top should similarly look in on the bottom from time to time. Precisely how often this should be done is a judgment call, but I notice that prisoners on “suicide watch” in jail cells are often observed by the deputies about every fifteen minutes, so I recommend that the top check on the bottom at least that often. This check-in requires that the top move close enough so that they can actually both see and hear the bottom. The mere fact that the bottom has not yelled for help since the last check-in is not to be taken as adequate assurance that everything is OK.
Here are a few additional hints regarding loosely monitored bondage.
Running back to the bottom greatly increases the chances that you will stumble and injure yourself or your bottom, or otherwise make the situation worse. If you feel that you must quickly return to your bottom’s side, try to do so at no faster than a brisk walk.
Running downstairs can be particularly risky. If you must return to your bottom’s side quickly, and moving downstairs is necessary, please be extra-careful while on the stairs.
Be very careful of putting any lockable door between you and your bottom. There have been several incidents of a top being locked out of the room in which the bottom has been bound. If such a door is present, make very sure that you have an additional key to it and/or block it open.
Unmonitored bondage. In this situation, the bottom is essentially tied up and abandoned. The top cannot see or hear the bottom, and is neither within lunge distance or yelling distance of them. If any sort of problem develops, the bottom cannot depend upon the top (or any other person) to come to their aid.
While the degree of risk in a loosely monitored situation is somewhat increased over the degree of risk in a closely monitored situation, both degrees of risk are much less than the level of risk associated with an unmonitored situation. Just as there are many cases of infants who have been badly harmed or even killed after being left alone (as in “alone in the house or apartment”), there are also many reports of people being badly injured or even killed after being left alone for long periods of time while in bondage.
The degree of risk involved in erotic bondage sharply increases when no one is available to monitor the bottom while they are in bondage, and the more immobilizing and stringent the bondage, the more the risk increases. It should be noted that the degree of risk to a bound, unmonitored person takes a significant additional jump if they are also gagged. One of the reasons for this is that gags can slowly work their way into the back of a bottom’s mouth and into their throat, thus closing off their airway and suffocating them; this is a frequent cause of death during the commission of a crime, and appears often in forensic pathology reports.
“Can you reach that knot?”
Unfortunately, almost all self-bondage that is immobilizing to any significant degree falls into the “unmonitored” category and, sure enough, I have heard of numerous case reports of self-bondage injuries, and even several case reports of self-bondage fatalities. (See p. 63.)
It should be noted that a bottom who is bound by an intoxicated top, or by a top who becomes intoxicated after binding the bottom, is, in essence, an unmonitored bottom. I have at least one case report in my files of an intoxicated top who tied up a bottom and then passed out. The bottom was unable to reawaken the top, and therefore had to endure several very unpleasant hours in bondage before they were able to free themselves.
The crucial importance of a monitor. The more I worked on this book, and the more I researched the whys and wherefores of erotic bondage, the more the presence of a monitor for the bound person grew in importance. This monitor is usually also the top – although it may in some cases be a designated third party – and that’s usually OK.
There are more hazards, problems, and annoyances related to erotic bondage than I can possibly describe in this book. (I did try to cover the most important ones and the most common ones.) However, the presence of a sane, competent, and sympathetic monitor can mitigate almost all of them.
A very large proportion of bondage-related problems do not appear instantly and demand immediate attention, but rather tend to develop over a period of minutes or even hours. A monitor can usually alleviate them with relatively little difficulty while still maintaining the erotic energy of the scene.
Thus, while I have worked hard to provide you with useful information and general guidelines, please understand very clearly that nothing can take the place of good, clear communication between the bound person and the monitor regarding what is and what is not working for both of them at that particular time.
ON BEING UNTIED
There are several useful things to know about being untied.
Probably the most important guideline is that bottoms who are being untied should resist the urge to struggle and pull free of bondage as it is being removed. For one thing, such movement may actually slow down the untying process by hindering what the top is doing. For another thing, body parts that have been bound for a while may have lost a bit of muscle tone, and sudden, strong movements may strain muscles or even sprain tendons and ligaments. Finally, given that muscle tone may have decreased and given that the bottom may not be able to predict how their body will move, strong movements can put the bottom at increased risk of falling. As a general rule, I recommend that the bottom remain still until the top specifically tells them, “You may move.” (It’s wise to cover this point in pre-play negotiations.)
Upon being given permission to move, it is often wise for the bottom to begin moving their body very slowly, thus allowing muscle tone and balance to return at an easy-to-tolerate rate. Because muscles which have been relatively motionless for some time can develop very painful cramps if suddenly stretched, I recommend that the bottom try modest movements before attempting an all-out stretch.
Because muscle tone may be especially low in the upper arms, it is not uncommon to see freshly untied bottoms do things such as use their fingers to “spider walk“ (like in the old “Let Your Fingers Do the Walking” TV commercials) their arms out from behind their backs. Similar movements can sometimes be seen when the bottom uses small movements of their feet and ankles to move their upper legs.
Well-meaning tops often make the following two mistakes:
• Moving a part of the bottom’s body for them. While this can seem like a kind thing to do, moving a body part before it has had time to re-establish adequate muscle tone can actually increase the chances of a strain or sprain. As a rule, it’s usually better to wait and allow the bottom to move their own body unless they request your assistance.
• Rubbing freshly unbound tissue. “Rope tracks” in freshly unbound tissue may look a bit scary, but unless the bondage was applied with unusually high pressure, such tracks will usually go away by themselves within a few hours – as in, “they’ll be gone in the morning.” Well-meaning tops sometimes attempt to help the bottom by rubbing the tracked area. In general, this does no actual good and may even be mildly harmful. Remember that this is compressed tissue: Further compression is unlikely to do it any good and may actually be harmful. It’s usually better to simply let the tissue re-expand at its own rate.
If a numb body area such as an arm or leg gets a “pins and needles” feeling to it as the bondage is removed, it may indicate that the bondage was applied so tightly that it compressed a nerve or interfered with blood flow into the limb. In such a case, the bottom may find it helpful to have some light, general massage in that area. As always, get feedback as appropriate.
Blindfold removal. Eyes that have been blindfolded may have lost a bit of muscle tone and thus be unable to comfortably accommodate sudden exposure to light. While I have never heard of a bottom suffering an actual injury from a sudden blindfold removal, it can certainly be an unpleasant experience. I don’t think a top should do something like that unless they are intentionally trying to be sadistic. One fairly considerate approach can be to unbind the bottom’s arms and let them remove the blindfold at their own pace. Keeping the light in the playroom at a low level during this process is also a kindness.
POST-BONDAGE EMOTIONAL ASPECTS
People vary in how much post-bondage “aftercare” they need. Some are quite robust and almost immediately ready to move on to something else. Others may be in a very physically and mentally delicate place. Both tops and bottoms need to keep in mind that both they and their partner are likely to be in an at least somewhat tender place, both physically and emotionally, and to treat both themselves and each other accordingly.
Freshly untied bottoms often feel spacey and non-verbal afterwards. (Tops may feel a bit spacey too.) This feeling is sometimes called “the afterglow” and may last for several hours. Thus, this is often not a good time for detailed conversation about what worked and what didn’t, when and if the two of you are going to play again, and so forth. (Bringing up negative subjects, whether related to the play or not, can be especially unpleasant and jarring.) Save such conversations for later – as in the next day.
Note: If, for some reason, you absolutely must talk about what happened during the session fairly soon afterwards, try to allow at least the better part of an hour to elapse first. Also, if the players really must “turn their brains back on,” it often works better if you go to a significantly different environment – for example, going to a local restaurant for a light meal.
Also, both bottoms and tops may be feeling a bit nervous about how good a partner they were. Thus, a few words of reassurance such as “thank you, that was very nice” or “you were very pleasing” may be more deeply appreciated than is apparent. In general, it’s a good idea to limit immediate post-play communication to a general “I’m basically OK; are you basically OK?” emotional check-in.
Bottoms may feel very tired afterwards, and they are often easily chilled. Thus, the opportunity to take a brief, warm nap may be very welcome. They may also appreciate having something to eat or something to drink afterwards. (One person I know especially likes cold milk to drink after a scene. Others have their own preferred foods and drinks.) One sign of a skillful player is that they will make sure as part of their pre-play planning that the things they are likely to need for aftercare – food, drinks, blankets, etc. – will be readily available.
IN CASE OF EMERGENCY
Because we can never predict the future with complete certainty, all BDSM play, including all bondage play, must necessarily involve a certain degree of what the attorneys call “assumption of risk.” Emergencies will sometimes occur, thus it’s only reasonable to have an at least minimally adequate “Plan B” in place.
In the case of bondage play, this will often mean having the ability to release the bottom very quickly. While we can, and should, make good usage of slipknots and other quick-release mechanisms, bondage tops should always keep in the back of their mind that there may come a moment when the only prudent thing to do is to cut the bottom free. This means that the top will need to keep some kind of cutting implement handy.
I’ve occasionally seen various specialty items recommended for emergency quick release from bondage, such as rescue-type seat belt cutters. While these can work well, they are relatively hard to find, somewhat expensive, and not very versatile. Therefore the two basic kinds of cutting implements that can be used for quick release are various types of knives and scissors. Let’s look at each one.
While knives can be used to good effect in BDSM play, they may not be a good first choice as a piece of emergency release equipment. Keep in mind that people under stress lose fine motor control. (Ever raced up to a door and fumbled to get the key in the keyhole? You’ve experienced stress-induced loss of fine motor control.) During the research I conducted in preparing this book, I received a number of case reports of tops who had cut either themselves or their bottom while trying to use a knife to free the bottom during the stress of an actual emergency. (It also seemed that larger knives were clumsier to use than smaller knives.) That being the case, it is my recommendation that knives not be relied upon as a “first resort” means of cutting a bottom free from bondage in the event of an emergency.
That leaves scissors.
There is a very wide variety of scissors on the market, and in an emergency having any kind of scissors quickly available may be much more desirable than having no scissors available. Still, some types of scissors do seem to work better than other types.
Cutting a bottom free from bondage during the stress of an actual emergency may happen during extremely turbulent conditions. For example, in California a top may have to attempt to free a bottom during an earthquake. Furthermore, this cutting loose may have to be done under low-light conditions, or even in complete darkness. Given these “worst case” factors, scissors with relatively blunt tips are less likely to cause injury than scissors with sharp tips.
Also, emergency release scissors should be sharp enough to cut through material smoothly – this is not the time to have to take a “gnaw and saw” approach. As a standard, I recommend that emergency release scissors be able to cut through a quarter-inch-thick piece of cotton sash cord with a single, clean, smooth snip.
Keeping in mind that an emergency bondage release may have to be done in low-light conditions, it’s only reasonable that these scissors be relatively easy to find in the dark. Finding your scissors can be much easier if the handles are of a relatively bright color such as white or neon yellow as opposed to black or dark blue.
So what we need, if we can find them, are scissors that have relatively blunt tips, cut smoothly, and have bright-colored handles to make it easier to find them under low light conditions. Do such scissors exist? They certainly do!
There is a type of scissors on the market that is widely used by emergency medical personnel. These scissors were originally developed for use by field medics during the war in Viet Nam. Field medics rapidly discovered that standard bandage scissors worked fairly well at cutting what they were designed to cut – bandages and other types of relatively light cloth – but they were never designed or intended to cut through heavy cloth, leather straps, combat boots, and so forth. Thus, they developed heavier scissors with thick, easy-to-grip handles; these are now sold as “EMT scissors.”
“That?s where I keep my EMT scissors.”
EMT scissors are sold in many drugstores, medical supply stores, and in a fair number of erotic boutiques. Their handles are available in more than half a dozen colors. (I personally recommend handles that are either white or neon yellow in color.) Also, they are relatively cheap. As of this writing (late in 1999) you can buy EMT scissors of excellent quality for ten dollars or less.
Bonus Tip: EMT scissors come with a flattened lower edge that has a small flange of metal protruding from one side. This flange can often be used to very good effect when it’s necessary to do something such as loosen a rope that is wrapped around a wrist or ankle. Simply slip the flange under the rope in question and you should find that it’s fairly easy to loosen it a bit.
The top needs to keep EMT scissors in some location where they can be grabbed very quickly, even in the dark, in the event of an emergency. Pursuant to this, I’ve seen scissors kept in a particular location inside a toy bag, hanging on hooks on bedroom walls, tucked away into nightstand drawers, and even worn on belt holsters as part of an SM costume.
I recommend that tops get as much experience and practice in using their EMT scissors as they can. For example, when it’s time to cut up a long new length of rope into the desired shorter lengths, make a point of using the EMT scissors to do the cutting. Take a similar approach regarding any opportunity to use the scissors to cut rope, fabric, or some similar material. Doing so will give you a feel for how well the scissors cut that will serve you very well in an emergency situation.
In summary, EMT scissors are probably your single most important item of bondage-related emergency equipment. A good top will have at least one pair handy in an easy-to-reach location (many tops keep more than one pair handy) and will have prior experience with using them.
YOUR “GET LOOSE” KIT
Every bondage practitioner should have a few tools handy for those inevitable times when an item of bondage equipment simply refuses to let go of the bottom.
If you have an adequate “get loose kit” on hand when such a situation happens (and it will happen sooner or later), the situation can be nothing more than a somewhat amusing misadventure. On the other hand, if you lack the proper items, the situation can be unpleasant, stressful, and even dangerous.
A few items in a good “get loose” kit would include:
• At least one extra key for every different type of lock that is being used. (If quick-links, described later in the “Equiment” chapter, are being used, an extra wrench will serve as your extra “key” for them.)
• If you’re using metal items, you will need bolt cutters, a hacksaw, numerous good-quality hacksaw blades (buy more than you think you’ll need), a small amount of oil, and a small vise or other means of holding the metal item still while it’s being sawed.
• If a leather cuff or a metal cuff locks into place and refuses to come off, but the cuff can almost be slipped off, the bottom’s hand can often be slid out of a cuff if the hand is first coated with something like baby oil.
• Obviously, when dealing with item made of rope or leather, your trusty EMT scissors should be nearby.
• To help pry stubborn knots loose, a crochet hook can be handy. Also frequently very handy is a piece of strong metal that comes to a hard point. Depending on the thickness of the rope, your needs may be adequately served in this regard by an icepick, an awl, a knitting needle, or the marlinspike of a boating knife.
• A small-sized hemostat made of good-quality metal can be useful for gripping or prying to release a stubborn knot. Two such hemostats can help you both grip and pull in opposite directions.
• A pair of needle-nosed pliers be useful in gripping and pulling. As with the hemostats, two such pairs of pliers can aid in release.
• Finally, if all else fails, you may need to cut the rope. If it comes to this, I recommend a sharp knife with a relative short, narrow blade. Be sure to use the knife in a controlled manner and with adequate visualization.
“I don’t think I can get out of this.”
Footnote: Release Rings. If you have reason ahead of time to believe that a knot such as a square knot may become very difficult to untie, you can pre-position one or two rings that I call “release rings” inside the knot. These small rings are often made of metal, but they can be made of small, firmly knotted loops of sturdy cord as well. To understand how to use them, tie the first half of a Square knot (see p. 135) in place, then drop one ring over each free tail and let it fall down to where the knot is. Finish the knot in the usual way. The presence of the release rings will not affect the security of the knot at all (unless the bottom can reach them) but can make even a tightly pulled knot substantially easier to untie. They can convert many knots that are otherwise difficult and time-consuming to release into what amount to quick-release knots. Try using either one or two release rings when tying various knots, particularly knots that you might need to release quickly, and you’ll understand how they work. Release Rings are kinda neat.
“I’LL BET YOU CAN’T GET LOOSE”
One of the more fun and popular bondage games is the one often called, “I’ll bet you can’t get loose.” This type of game is particularly popular with “escape artists” (aka “eels”) who like to be tied up and then see if they can escape.
This game can be a great deal of fun. It can also be very educational for both the top and the bottom.
“I’ll bet you can’t get loose” can be fun for a certain type of bottom because, in part, it offers them a chance to struggle and see if they can escape from their bondage. Some of them love doing this, either because they enjoy the “triumph” of escaping or because it proves to them (and to the top) that the bondage they are in is essentially inescapable.
(Some bottoms would never even think of trying to get loose from their bondage, no matter how loosely or even sloppily it is applied. Others think that any bondage that can be escaped from should be escaped from. I confess that I personally tend to be of the second viewpoint, to the annoyance of some people who top me.)
Playing “I’ll bet you can’t get loose” can also be fun for the top because, in part, it offers them a chance to watch the bottom try to escape from their bondage. This can be educational as well as entertaining because, as the top watches the bottom try to escape, the top can learn from this and alter how they tie the bottom in the future. I know one dominant woman who became very good at bondage by using this “trial and error” technique. She would tie a bottom up, order them to try to escape, and then watch them carefully as they did so. The next time she tied them up, she would tie them in a way that made it very difficult or impossible for the bottom to escape in the same way. Using this approach allowed her to become very good at bondage in a relatively short time without her ever being “formally” instructed in how to do it.
Playing “I’ll bet you can’t get loose” can be a very fun bondage game to play, but, as with all games, establishing a few ground rules ahead of time can prevent problems and make it more fun for both parties.
Here are a few good ground rules for the game:
• Agree upon a time limit. It is actually very difficult, using ordinary rope-like materials, to tie someone up so that they absolutely cannot ever, in any amount of time, get free from the bondage (unless you tie them so tightly that the bondage damages them). Among other things, most rope-like materials are at least somewhat stretchy and thus usually loosen a bit over time. Also, skin that was initially non-sweaty when the bondage was applied can become very sweaty, and thus very slippery, as the bottom struggles to free themselves. Finally, most human tissue compresses at least somewhat. Thus bondage that was comfortably tight when first applied often becomes too loose as the underlying tissue compresses. Indeed, if the bottom is really trying with all their intelligence, strength, and flexibility to get free, holding them for even five minutes can be a real challenge. I have found that most bondage can be adequately tested in a maximum of about fifteen minutes. Bondage that cannot be escaped from within thirty minutes is unlikely to be escaped from at all. Plus, the game usually remains exciting and fun for both parties for only about fifteen to thirty minutes.
• Tops, keep in mind that a bottom who has failed to escape may not be in the most positive state of mind. While they might be blissfully happy, there is also a decent chance that they may feel frustrated, feel like a failure, feel angry with themselves (or even with you), or otherwise be in something of a negative frame of mind. They frequently also feel physically tired, even nearly exhausted, from their exertions, and they may have some scrapes and strains.
• Agree upon what happens if the bottom cannot escape within the agreed-upon time. Does the session continue, with various sexual and/or sado- masochistic acts, or does everything end at that time? Is the bottom entitled to be freed if they have given up? In other words, before playing this game, clearly agree ahead of time regarding who will win what if the bottom either succeeds in escaping or fails to escape.
• Is the top allowed to watch the bottom try to escape? In general, I recommend that the top be allowed to watch. First, because it can be an important safety precaution. Second, because it can be educational for the top. Third, because it can be enjoyable for both parties. If the top is not allowed to watch, they should at least remain within “yelling distance” so that they can promptly come to the bottom’s aid in the event of an emergency.
• Is the bottom allowed to use any foreign objects in the escape attempt? For example, if they can reach a knife, are they allowed to use it? If they can reach something “breakable,” can they break it and try to use the resultant sharp objects to cut themselves free? Is the bottom allowed to rub against various items of furniture, outcroppings from the wall, and so forth in an attempt to get free? It can be dangerous for the bottom to use a knife or other sharp object to cut themselves free if they cannot see where they are cutting. “Blind” cutting can result in injuries, and it can be difficult to tell the difference between sweat and blood by feel alone.
• Is the top allowed to intervene if they see that the bottom is succeeding in their escape attempt? In general, I recommend against this. The top had their turn “at bat” when they were doing the tying. It is now the bottom’s turn at bat, and they should be allowed full opportunity to take advantage of it. Indeed, an intervention by the top that was not agreed to ahead of time can cause the bottom to feel cheated and angry.
• The bottom should not be allowed to do anything likely to seriously injure themselves during their escape attempt. It’s common for the bottom to lose a few layers of epidermis as they twist and squirm in an attempt to escape, and there may be a few aching muscles and a slight strain or two afterwards. However, anything more severe (for example, twisting within the bonds to the point that the skin starts to bleed), is usually not that great an idea. As one dominant woman I know put it, “I don’t like to see a partner of mine limping afterwards.”
• Is the top allowed to tie the bottom to something such as a chair, bed, or post? I generally like the bottom to be lying or sitting on a carpeted floor for this game. This allows them a fairly high degree of movement without exposing them to the danger of a fall. (I suggest that the bottom not be allowed to stand up if their feet or legs are tied in any way.)
• Be advised that a bottom who is tied to a chair may be at greatly increased risk for injuring themselves if the chair topples over.
• Is the top allowed to blindfold and/or gag the bottom? Using a blindfold makes it much more difficult to escape because it limits how closely the bottom can study their bondage. A gagged bottom has a much more difficult time using their teeth to open a knot.
“I love looking at the various types of rope in the boating supplies? catalog.”
A final cautionary note: “I’ll bet you can’t get loose” is a game that you should only play with people that you know very well and trust a great deal. Remember that there are some serious predators out there that may trick you into playing this game with them by misrepresenting how good they really are at bondage. The decision to consent to allowing yourself to be bound is always one that you should take a moment to think carefully about. You should always assume that the person will succeed in tying you so that you cannot get loose, and make your decision accordingly. If you are not comfortable about being inescapably tied up in this person’s presence, don’t play this game with them.
Footnote: Some predators try a variant called “You tie me up, then I’ll tie you up.” They know that they are probably much better at bondage than you are, and so they’ll probably be able to get out of what you put them in. Furthermore, once you’ve had your turn it can seem only fair that they now be allowed to have their turn. This can be taking advantage of your sense of fair play. Be careful here. Again, only play this game with someone that you know well and feel very comfortable with.
HOW THEY GET LOOSE
All ropes stretch somewhat, all tissues compress somewhat, and sweaty skin is slippery skin.
It can actually be very difficult to tie someone in such a way that they really cannot eventually free themselves by one means or another. This is particularly true if you care about not tying them so tightly that you damage them. Even handcuffs are rated as temporary restraints.
People vary a lot in their body type. Some have wider hands than others have. Some people are much more flexible than others. When studying how to tie someone up, and how to keep them tied up once you have them in that condition, it can be very useful to make a separate study of how people escape from their bondage. Most escapes from bondage involve a relatively small number of techniques. Let’s look at each of the common ones.
• Reaching the knot. This is probably the easiest and most basic means of escaping from bondage. Any knot that can be reached with a finger, a toe, or a tooth is very likely to be worked loose sooner or later. (To keep things simple, henceforth I’ll only refer to knots that can be reached by the bottom’s fingers.)
Keep in mind that bound bottoms may have lots of time to study their bondage and thus figure out ways to either move their fingers to the knot or move the knot to their fingers. They may devise very ingenious ways of accomplishing this. (Bondage is, in many ways, a mental game.)
One of the ways that the top can help ensure that the bottom remains bound is to limit their ability to study their bondage. This can involve means such as blindfolding them, or means of keeping their mind busy on other things such as enduring pain, counting, or some other method of keeping those neurons busy.
Tops should be wary of placing bondage knots “just out of reach” of the bottom’s fingers. This leaves almost no margin for error, and thus any unexpected development may result in the bottom’s being able to reach the knots and thus escape.
• “Coneing out.” I bound a fairly large number of different people during the research phase of this book, especially their wrists. Over time, I learned to appreciate how very variable were the shapes of the numerous hands and wrists that I encountered. In particular, I learned to appreciate how much the size of a hand can vary in relation to the size of its wrist. At one end of the spectrum, some people (mostly men) have large, meaty hands out at the ends of relatively narrow wrists. At the other end of the spectrum, some people (mostly women) have hands that are little more than “slightly wider areas of the road” as you travel the “highway” that runs from their elbows to their fingertips.
Hands that are relatively broad in relation to their wrists can be fairly easy to bind. On the other hand (so to speak), hands that are only slightly wider than the wrists can be incredibly difficult to bind in any lasting way. The bottom can often escape relatively easily by making their hand as narrow as possible. This is often done by bringing the four fingers tightly together, placing the tip of the thumb at approximately the base of the ring finger, and curling the bones of the hand into a rounded arch. Given its shape, this can be called a “cone.” If even a small amount of slack exists in the wrapping turns, the bottom may, with time, determination, and sweat, be able to “cone out” of their bondage by pulling their hand through a relatively narrow set of wrapping turns. (As one bottom put it, “This is like fisting in reverse.”) This is especially true if they can move other parts of their arms with relative freedom and/or bring a large amount of muscular effort to the task. Thus, if the bottom has relatively narrow hands in relationship to the width of their wrist, immobilizing their upper arms can be even more important. (See the “Arm Harnesses” chapter for more information.)
Note: Some bottom shave noted that the “coneout”escapemaneuver is sometimes enhanced if they can move the knotted portion of the rope over to the little-finger-side of their hand.
• Slipping a wrapping turn. This is a fairly sneaky technique that can take a bit of dexterity and patience, but has a very good chance of working. Bound-together wrists are particularly vulnerable to this technique.
To escape by this technique, using its simplest form, the bottom grasps the wrapping turn closest to their hand with the fingers of their other hand and pulls it away from the skin of the wrist. The idea here is to intentionally create some constriction in the other wrapping turns (for a relatively short time) in order to create some slack in this particular turn. Once adequate slack is created by this maneuver, the slackened wrapping turn is worked over the bound hand. This almost always allows enough slack to be created in the other wrapping turns that the rest of the bondage is defeated relatively quickly.
• Thrusting a wrist “further up” the bondage. This is something of a variant on the “slipping a wrapping turn” technique. When using this technique to escape from “hands tied behind the back” bondage, the bottom takes a moment to determine which bound wrist feels slightly looser than the other. (There is usually a small amount of difference.) After making this determination, the bottom pulls firmly on their bondage (and, if possible, twists their wrists) so that the wrapping turns are pulled as high as possible up (towards the elbow) of the looser wrist.
• Simply waiting for the ropes to stretch and the tissue to compress. It is a simple fact that all (non-metal) materials used for bondage have at least some degree of stretch. Also, almost all tissue except bone will compress at least a bit. (This is what allows some escapes from metal restraints.) Thus, over time, if the bondage material is under tension and the tissue is being pressed upon, almost all bondage eventually develops at least a little bit of looseness.
• Offering the wrists in a T-cross. This is a sneaky one. The bottom offers their wrists to be bound in such a way that the bones of the wrist on top are perpendicular to the bones of the wrist underneath. When the bondage is applied, the bottom can often create a substantial amount of slack by simply turning their wrists so that they are parallel to each other. The use of cinch loops (see p. 168) does a lot to defeat this technique.
• Clenching the fists. This is a simple technique in which the bottom clenches their fists and thus puts the tendons in their wrists under tension. The result is a slightly wider wrist. When the fists are unclenched, a small amount of slack can be created. (A small amount of slack may be all that an “eel” needs to escape.)
• Flexing the feet as the ankles are tied. This technique resembles the “clenching the fists” technique. The bottom “lifts their toes” as far up as they can while their ankles are being bound. This puts the tendons in their ankles, particularly their Achilles tendons, under tension. When they point their toes a certain amount of slack can be created.
• Placing the ankles side by side. A fairly subtle means of creating some slack in ankle bondage is to simply place the ankles side by side while they are being tied, and then crossing them to create some slack. This technique is usually easily defeated by the use of cinch loops (see p. 168).
• “Working the rope” to create some slack. Any rope that the bottom can move is at great risk of being loosened. In particular, a bottom whose wrists are tied behind their back but whose arms are not otherwise restrained may be able to work their wrists free within a relatively short time. Double-limb bondage is especially vulnerable to this, as spending some time watching a bottom twist, turn, pull, push, slide, and otherwise “work” their arms or legs within the bondage will usually make quite apparent.
• Use of a foreign object. Any foreign object that the bottom is able to reach may be of assistance to them as they attempt to escape. For example, the corner of a nightstand or of a chest of drawers can offer a hard, useful projection point to use to help move wrapping turns down (and off) the bound wrists. Another example would involve the bottom rubbing their face against a wall – or even against the bed that they are laying on – to remove a blindfold or gag. The bedframe or bedposts can also offer a hard point to rub against.
If the bottom can reach something sharp, such as a knife or pair of scissors, they may be able to cut themselves free. (Caution: “blind cutting,” such as is done when trying to cut bonds holding the wrists behind the back, can produce injury.) Bottoms who cannot reach a sharp object may be able to improvise one by breaking something made out of glass or similar material.
• Using their own sweat to lubricate their skin. The sweatier a bottom be-comes, the more slippery they become. Ropes that would not move on dry skin will often slide with relative ease over skin made slippery by sweat.
• “Stepping through” hands tied behind the back. This technique depends a great deal upon the body type of the bottom and to a certain degree upon how their wrists are secured behind them. It involves the bottom bringing their hands down behind their back until they drop below their buttocks and to the backs of their knees, then “stepping through” and bringing their hands up in front of them. I could do this technique when I was a boy.
“I love the look that comes over your face when you’re tied up.”
• Using their own muscle strength. This is typically done when the wrists are tied behind the bottom’s back, but it can be done in other positions as well. It can be especially effective when the wrists are tied in the anti-parallel position (see p. 178). This technique is often a final technique used to assist in coneing out once the ropes have been worked as far down the bottom’s wrists as possible. In the classic method, the bottom tenses the large muscles of their back and pulls as hard as possible in the anti-parallel direction. If things have been properly prepared, this maneuver often succeeds.
• Sliding out of very smooth rope. Basically, the smoother a rope is, the more a person can adjust it and struggle within it, and the less firmly it will hold a knot. (Some schools of bondage, particularly Japanese bondage, therefore intentionally use relatively rough rope such as hemp rope against the bottom’s skin as a very persuasive means of discouraging struggling.) One escape artist’s trick is to rub wax into a rope as a means of making it exceptionally slippery.