So I know you tol’ me to stop talkin’ but, Gail, I have to tell you I have to tell you what is happening here in my TQ cell, that when it’s real real quiet like late late at night, I start to hear this sound, this scratching sound and then I see a cockroach or two but the cockroach starts to grow, and turns green and gets bigger and bigger till she’s like nine feet long and with tiny green eyes and she’s a crocodile, and she is in the swamp like my floor, Gail, turns into a SWAMP, right? And she and her friends are swimming around and the thing is, that she is my mother my real mother crocodile because the truth is that I am part-crocodile, Gail, I know you want me to stop talkin’ but the thing is that I can’t, I try to stop and my mouth just keeps on goin’ because when I stop talkin’, Gail, I start to disappear . . .
Gail, it’s been four hours. I tol’ ya I fuckin’ pissed myself.
One time Gail asked me, “How come you never cry?” and I realized she was right. I stopped crying when I was about fifteen, when I had been in prison for over a year. I wanted to cry, even just to make them feel sorry for me, but I couldn’t. I can’t.