For the next week, Shay went through the motions every day, trying not to think about Matt. After she left her parents’, she went to find him, but he was gone. Nowhere to be found. She walked the streets for hours. Waited at the car garage until morning. He didn’t answer her calls, and by the time she got back to Red Maple Falls, and made two failed attempts to see him, she accepted what they had was over, and the only person she had to blame was herself.
Every time the bell above the door rang, her heart jumped and she looked up with hope only to be disappointed. She faked a smile for her customers, but even a smile couldn’t cover up the fact that she was completely and utterly miserable.
“How you doing, boss?” Louise asked, nudging Shay with her shoulder.
“Been better.”
“I know. The empty container of chocolate chips kind of snitched on you.”
“Those bastards,” Shay said and though she wanted to laugh, she couldn’t.
“Why don’t you go to talk to him?”
“He knows where to find me.”
“No offense, because you are the person who signs my paycheck, but you’re the one who messed up. You should probably be the one going to him. You know I’m right.”
“I don’t think I can handle the rejection. Not again.”
“That might not be the case. There could be some talking then some making up. Hot makeup sex would totally be worth it.”
“I’m too much of a coward to take the chance.”
“How about you and me and a bottle of wine tonight?”
“That’s sweet, but I think I’m just going to go home.”
“You can’t mope around forever.”
“I know, but I think I’m entitled to it for a little longer.”
“Can’t argue with you there.”
The bell above the door chimed, and Shay looked up with way too much hope. It was a Hayes sibling who walked in, but not the one she was hoping for.
“Hi Kate,” she said and offered one of her fake smiles.
“What the hell is going on with you and my brother?” she asked, coming to a stop in front of the counter. She crossed her arms over her blue t-shirt that brought out the color of her eyes.
“I’ll be in the back,” Louise said and left her alone on the front lines.
“He’s crankier than usual, grunting and brooding like it’s a sport.”
“We had a fight. I guess. I’m not exactly sure.”
“How are you not sure?”
Shay looked at her best friend, and all the emotions she had been trying to keep hidden inside of her rushed to the surface. “I messed up and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t think I can.” Big, fat, ugly tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn’t care. Holding the pain inside was exhausting, and she didn’t have it in her anymore.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Kate said, swiping a napkin from a dispenser and handing it over.
“Why don’t you start from the beginning?”
Shay and Kate walked over to a table and sat across from each other. Shay toyed with the napkin in her hand before looking up at Kate and telling her everything.
She started from the beginning and worked through the Robert fiasco, how her and Matt had gotten back together, leaving out the explicit details, and then about their most recent disastrous trip to New York. How her mother had lied and how Robert had been there and told Matt he was her fiancé.
“He walked out on me. He was so angry—and I don’t blame him—but he didn’t let me explain. I’ve tried. He won’t take my calls. He won’t even answer his door. He gave up on me so easily, and that’s what hurts the most.”
Kate was silent for a second, looking down at her hands, and Shay wiped the last of her tears away.
“He went after you, you know?”
Shay’s eyes snapped up.
“Back then. I don’t know details. All I know is he went to New York to get you back and then your mother happened.”
Shay’s eyes widened, and if they hadn’t been connected to something inside her, they would have fallen out. “Wait. He came to New York? But…oh my god. What did she say to him?”
“I have no idea. But whatever it was couldn’t have been good, because he came home for two weeks then next thing I knew he joined the Marines and was gone again.”
“The Marines? He left Red Maple Falls? He joined the Marines?”
“He left all right. Went to North Carolina for training then shipped off to Iraq. Twice.”
Shay was speechless. All this time, she thought he’d never fought for her, yet he had. And no wonder he became a cop. It all made sense now. Someone like Matt couldn’t go off into the military and then come back to life on a farm. Not after dressing in a uniform every day, fighting for people’s rights and serving his country. He would feel an obligation to continue serving in some way.
She knew there had to be a reason, she just wished he would have told her himself. He should have told her just like she should have told him about Robert. What was the point? Were they trying to protect each other? Because in the end they’d done the exact opposite. She’d hurt him and didn’t know if she’d ever be able to fix the mess she created. He wasn’t a recipe she could tweak, and because of that, she had no idea what to do. He hadn’t given up on her like she thought he had.
“He’s going to kill me for telling you this, but I felt like you should know. None of us know much about his time in the military. He doesn’t talk about it. He only served four years, and he didn’t reenlist. He wasn’t the same when he came back. In time, he was, but it took a while.”
“Why’d he join?”
“I think he was trying to make something of himself. Something other than the boy from Red Maple Falls.”
“Why would he…?” She stopped the question because she already knew the answer. He’d done it for her. She thought back to their argument about Daisy, and she wanted to smack herself in the head for being so blind. He thought he wasn’t good enough for her when in fact he was too good for her. He deserved better than the crap she had put him through.
“Whatever happened, past or present, you two belong together.”
“Then why does the universe keep working to keep us apart?”
“Because the best things in life never come easy.”
***
Matt looked forward to Sunday night dinners, but tonight he could think of a million other things he’d rather be doing—a root canal, a colonoscopy, a lobotomy. They all sounded far less painful than the torture he was bound to endure by his family and their curiosities.
Standing on the front porch, he stared at the door, willing himself to walk through and get it over with.
“You have glue on your shoes or something?” Hadley called out from the side of the house. She started walking toward him, still dressed in her farming clothes, ripped jeans, and a baggy t-shirt. Bubbles came running up the porch steps, greeting Matt with a wag of his tail. Unfortunately, the people who were interested in adopting Bubbles fell through at the last minute. While it was an unfortunate situation, Matt was happy to have the little guy around for a little longer.
“Hey buddy,” Matt said as he bent down to pet the dog. Matt looked up to Hadley. “Is your washing machine broken or something?”
“I lost track of time. I have a change of clothes in my truck.”
“Thank god for that. You smell like the chicken coop.”
“Shut up,” she said, giving him a shove to the shoulder. “I do not.”
Bubbles burrowed his head into Matt’s leg, knocking him back a couple inches. “Trust me, buddy, if I could leave I would.”
“Is that why you’re standing out here like a scarecrow in the breeze? Too afraid to face the music?”
“I’m not afraid to face anything.”
“Then care to tell me what’s going on with Shay?”
“No,” he said, and finally found the will to walk into the house.
“That’s what I thought!” Hadley called from outside.
“That’s what she thought about what?” Carol Hayes asked as she greeted Matt at the door.
“Nothing.” He kissed his mom on the cheek and pulled back, looking around for the rest of his family. “Where is everyone?”
“Out on the back porch. It’s a beautiful night. I thought we could have dinner out there.”
“Matthew! Just the boy I was looking for.” His grandmother’s voice floated across the foyer until she was standing in front of him.
“Mom, I told you to leave him alone.”
His grandmother waved his mother off. “He’s my grandson. I just want to talk to him.”
His mom mouthed “sorry” as his grandmother linked her arm through his and guided him toward the living room.
“What’s on your mind, Grandma?”
“My impending death.”
“Are you sick, and I don’t know about it?”
“No just old.” She patted his hand as they sat down on the couch. “I hear you and a certain pretty baker aren’t seeing each other anymore.”
Matt leaned back into the couch, wishing it would swallow him whole. He didn’t want to talk about Shay. If he talked about her, then he thought about her, and when he thought about her, well hell, it hurt like a bitch.
“Can’t argue with town gossip now, can I?
“Want to tell me what happened?”
“No.”
“Just like your grandfather. A stubborn old mule.”
“I’m sorry if I don’t want to discuss my love life with my grandmother. And before you get insulted, it’s nothing against you. I just don’t want to talk about it with anyone.”
“That’s almost impossible in this family.”
“No kidding.”
“When you came home from the military everyone was on your butt, trying to get you to talk about things you didn’t want to talk about. I could see it in your eyes you’d rather keep those things to yourself and I understood that, so I told everyone to leave you alone. That if you ever wanted to open up about your time overseas, you would when you were darned good and ready.”
Matt looked at his grandma with shock and admiration. “You’re the reason everyone finally left me alone?”
“Darn tootin’, I am. I’ve been around a long time, and I know when someone needs space. When someone deserves the right to the skeletons in their closets. But I also know when someone is making a big mistake and is too blind to see it for himself. You have loved that girl since you were a kid. The universe gave you a second chance and those don’t come around every day, so when they do you have to grab hold and make the best of it.”
“I wish it were that simple.”
“Of course it isn’t.”
Matt was not expecting that response from his grandma. His eyebrow lifted with intrigue as he waited for her to continue.
“Falling in love is the easy part. It’s everything that comes after that’s hard. But if you love the person, truly love them, you won’t mind putting the extra work into it.”
For years, he had wondered how things would have been if he would have pushed his fears aside and focused on the only thing that mattered—his love for the girl who took his heart and never gave it back.
He thought he would never know, but by some miracle he was given another chance. Shay still held his heart, and now he knew for sure he’d never get it back. Seventeen years or seventy—time didn’t matter. His heart belonged with her whether they belonged together or not.
It was simple. He’d never be capable of loving someone else. For him it was Shay and only Shay. When the seas rose and the sun set, it would still be Shay. Always and forever.
He made himself believe he wasn’t good enough for her. That she deserved all the luxuries she was used to and a life with him wouldn’t provide her with any of that. That day seventeen years ago her mother confirmed those lingering insecurities. He trusted a woman who swore she knew what was best for Shay, but in hindsight didn’t have a damn clue what was best for her daughter.
Walking away was the biggest mistake of his life, and he would be damned to do it again. She might have held back information from him, but he was sure she had her reasons. If he’d put his hot-headed temper to rest, he might know what those reasons were.
Not everything from his past was meant to stay with him. Life moved on and brought him along for the ride, and he picked the moments that went with him. Shay chose to keep their memory alive in her mind and forget about Robert. She held on to what was important to her. She held on to him while he’d held on to his insecurities and anger at her expense. He was just as bad as Shay’s mom, manipulating and molding Shay in the name of love just as long as she fell in step with his plans.
He was a damned fool.
So what if she had a fiancé? It was clear she’d broken it off with him. Clear Robert had stolen from her and wanted to use her for his own self gain. And poor Shay giving him her love and trust just to be let down once again was the biggest loser in all this.
Matt looked up at the sky, remembering the nights on the hammock in her grandparents’ backyard. Holding her tight and tracing soft, soothing strokes up her arm. At the time, it was an insignificant moment, but he chose to hold onto it because in the grand scheme of things, the small moments were the ones that left their biggest mark.
He’d rather have a million small moments with Shay than one big moment with anyone else.
Walking away wasn’t an option, so what the hell was he doing?
He jumped up from the couch with determination. “I have to go.”
“That’s my boy!” his grandmother exclaimed. “Maybe I’ll get a grandbaby out of this.”
“From your mouth to God’s ear,” he said with a wink before giving her a kiss on the cheek and bolting for the door.