Chapter 18

 

Kate cuddled into Caleb’s side, loving the way his warmth wrapped around her like a blanket. Tonight, like every night before, was amazing. She had fallen completely in love with him, but she had no idea if he felt the same way.

There was so much about him that she didn’t know. So much that he kept hidden from her. She was getting tired of tip-toeing around subjects to scare him off. But if he loved her, really loved her, wouldn’t he trust her enough to open up?

She ran her finger up and down the hard muscles of his chest while he played with her hair. “Tell me something I don’t know,” she said, hoping he’d finally be comfortable enough to open up to her.

“Like what?”

“Anything.”

“You’re beautiful.”

She stopped her hand on his chest and glanced up to him with an arched eyebrow. “You tell me that all the time. Besides, that’s not what I meant. Tell me something about you.”

He pushed up from her, and she pulled the blanket around her body as he pressed his against the headboard. “I don’t know. I’ve pretty much told you everything.”

“No, you haven’t,” she said unable to keep the bitterness from her tone. It was so hard to continue pretending that she didn’t care that he kept her at arms-length, never revealing too much about who he was. The things in his life that helped shape him into the person he was today. She wasn’t used to not knowing every detail about a person, and the man she undoubtedly had fallen in love with, refused to let her in.

He let out an annoyed breath, his hands coming down on the mattress. “Not again.” He got up from the bed and swiped his pants off the floor.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere so I don’t have to have this conversation.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

He ran a tense hand through his hair. The veins in his neck bulged, and his face turned a shade of red she’d never seen before. “You want to know? You really want to know?”

No. She was only asking to make small talk. Of course, she wanted to know. Didn’t he see that? Understand that he was denying not only her but him as well the chance to be more intimate. To share all the parts of each other no matter how unsettling they may be.

Did he not trust her enough to open up? Did he think she wasn’t worthy enough to know his secrets?

The frustration that had been bubbling at the surface finally exploded. “Yes! I want you to tell me! To trust me enough to tell me.” Her voice was desperate and distraught but she didn’t care. She was done tip-toeing around him afraid she might push too hard and upset him. Afraid that she’d come across as needy and insecure. She wasn’t any of those things. She was just a girl who wanted the man she loved to love her enough to be honest with her. To fill in the blanks that he kept so heavily guarded. To trust her.

“It has nothing to do with trust; don’t pull that crap on me,” he all but growled.

She got up on her knees and moved to the edge of the bed, reaching out for his hand, hoping that her touch would calm him. Assure him that she wasn’t trying to upset him. He didn’t reach for her and she tried to brush away the pain that simple action caused. He was used to hiding behind a wall, and his actions didn’t reflect how he felt. Refusing to let him block her out anymore, she took his hand in hers and glanced up at him, letting the anger fade. “Then why won’t you talk to me?”

“Fine!” he yelled, his voice echoing through her bedroom as he ripped his hand away. “While I sat watching my brother die in a hospital bed, my girlfriend cheated on me with my own father. Is that what you want to hear? My own flesh and blood betrayed me.”

Stunned and unable to form words, Kate stared at him, her mouth hanging open. Tears burned the back of her eyes as she watched the pain and anger rage through him. She wanted to comfort him, tell him that she was sorry for all that he had to endure. Assure him that she would never betray him. Never hurt him in such a horrible way.

Instead, she sat back and let him talk because she was afraid if she touched him, uttered a single word, he would close up again.

“I thought she loved me. I was planning on asking her to marry me. So please forgive me for being skeptical. For holding back a little. For not wanting to go all in because I did that once and I got burned.”

“I’m not her,” Kate said, unable to keep quiet.

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“No, because you don’t.” Kate jumped up from the bed and stood in front of him. “If you did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

“I can’t do this,” he said, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Do what? Talk?” He was closing up again and she didn’t know how to stop him. Didn’t know how to convince him that what they had was worth the risk.

“No.” He waved a finger between the two of them. “Whatever this is.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I made a promise to myself a long time ago, and I got blinded by your pretty face. But I know better. Happy endings don’t exist, and I’m setting myself up for more heartache. I can’t do it again. I won’t.”

He turned to the door, and Kate ran after him, grabbing his hand in a pathetic attempt to stop him. The problem was she had no idea how to make him realize that she wasn’t his ex-girlfriend. That she wouldn’t cheat on him or leave him. That she loved him.

“Caleb, please don’t go.”

He shook out of her hold and turned back, the anger and frustration fading into something else that she couldn’t quite decipher, pain, regret maybe.

“I’m sorry, Kate,” he said before walking out the door and out of her life.