Chapter 12

 

Cassie loved Mason’s family. They were warm and welcoming, and they made her feel like she was part of the family. Even Matt seemed to have lightened up, joking around and sharing stories of the past. He was in jeans and a flannel shirt, his wife sitting on his lap, and Cassie wondered if it was him that had originally intimidated her or if it was his uniform.

She was so quick to judge people, like she did to that poor bartender at Calhoun’s. He reminded her of Dylan with his tattoos and leather vest, and she’d automatically grouped him in a category he didn’t deserve to be in. He was nothing but nice to her, just as Matt had been ever since she walked into the door.

It was her trust issues that she was constantly battling with. She didn’t want to trust so easily, but maybe in doing so she was immediately shutting people out. She had spent enough time with Mason to know that she could trust him, yet she couldn’t bring herself to fully believe it. It was as if she was waiting for him to mess up so she could congratulate herself on knowing he was too good to be true.

But as she sat back and watched him interact with his family, she saw the respect they had for each other, the love and devotion. She could no longer deny the fact that she did trust him, and more than that, she was falling for him. It scared the living daylights out of her.

The last time she’d fallen fast and hard, she’d became a victim, lost control of who she was, and put her life on the line. And for what? Dylan might have given her a place to live, but as time moved on, her home became her prison. She had been so blinded by the idea of having someone that she’d allowed him to own her and treat her like an object instead of a person.

Mason wasn’t Dylan. If she hadn’t been so blinded, she would have seen the signs way before that first hand to the cheek. She knew what to look for now, and her eyes were wide open. Mason didn’t possess any of those traits. He was good. He was someone she could see a future with. A happy future.

And maybe that’s what scared her most of all; if she learned anything in her life, it was that joy never lasted long.

Mason caught her eye across the room, and just like every time he looked at her, heat coursed through her veins. Electricity sparked inside of her, breathing new life into her. When she looked at him, she couldn’t help but want the fairytale. Hadn’t she been through enough? Didn’t she deserve a little happiness?

She liked to believe she did. She liked to believe that after years of not being wanted, losing the only woman who did want her, followed by years in a relationship with a man who only wanted to control her, she could finally be truly happy.

She gave Mason a smile, and his eyes darkened with what could only be described as lust. She never knew what it was like to be wanted in that way, and she was beginning to like it—beginning to crave it. She wanted to know what that intense lust would be like if she allowed him to act on it.

He had surrendered his rights to make a move, giving her the power. While she appreciated his understanding and the fact that he was willing to relinquish control, it had been so long since she held the reins that she had no idea what to do.

She wanted him to kiss her. God, did she want that more than ever. Every night in bed she imagined his lips on her, wondering what they would feel like, how they would taste. Did he kiss hard and long, or soft, short, and sweet, or a combination of both? Would he be an attentive lover as he was with everything else, giving his all and settling for nothing but the best?

“It’s getting late,” Matt said, as Shay stood from his lap.

“It’s only eight o’clock,” Cooper said from where he sat on the floor with Lady snuggled up in his lap.

“I have to be up at four a.m.,” Shay said.

“Me too,” Hadley said. “I need to muck out the chicken coop first thing so I can be free to help at the pumpkin patch.”

“Some of us actually have a schedule we have to live by,” Matt added.

Cassie glanced to Cooper to see if Matt’s comment offended him, but it didn’t seem to affect him at all. He lounged back on his hands and smiled.

“I’d be jealous of me, too.”

Matt picked up a pillow from the couch and tossed it at Cooper’s head. It bounced off of him and landed softly on Lady, but the senior dog only nudged it away then went soundly back to sleep.

“Knock it off, you two,” Mrs. Hayes said, pushing up from her spot on the couch and walking over to Shay and Matt.

“Don’t mind him,” Shay said. “He’s just cranky because Terry talked him into teaching a self-defense class tomorrow at the high school.”

“I’ll be there,” Kate said,

“What?” Matt exclaimed.

“Terry came by my studio and you know how impossible it is to say no to that woman.”

“I think it’s a wonderful thing,” Mrs. Hayes said. “All of you girls should go.”

Cassie didn’t know the first thing about self-defense, and maybe if she did she wouldn’t be so scared all the time. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to learn a few techniques just in case.

“If there’s an opening,” Cassie said. “I’d love to come.”

Kate took a final sip from her wine glass. “Terry said the more the merrier, so absolutely. Hadley, you in?”

“Why the hell not?”

“You know how to defend yourself,” Matt said.

A devilish smirk spread across Hadley’s face. “I’m going more for entertainment purposes.”

“Great,” Matt mumbled.

Mrs. Hayes gave Matt and Shay a kiss on the cheek then rested her hand on Shay’s stomach, a beaming smile forming on her face.

There was so much love in that smile, it made Cassie yearn for a family of her own. She missed Francine, but being around Mason’s family made her realize how big the hole was in her heart.

Just thinking about Francine, six feet under, her free-spirit no longer gracing the world with her presence, made hot tears spring to her eyes. What she wouldn’t do to have her back. For a while she was too embarrassed to think Francine was even watching over her, but she found comfort in the belief that Francine was with her. Cassie knew no matter how badly she messed up, Francine would always love her. She held onto that notion every day, and it gave her drive to better herself and her situation.

And she was doing that, slowly, each step closer to redemption. Each success a brick being pulled from the rubble and rebuilding her life. Becoming the woman Francine knew she could be.

Mason came up beside her, his warmth like a comforting hug, wrapping around her and assuring her everything would be all right.

“You ready?” he asked, and she nodded, afraid if she spoke, the emotion she was trying to suppress would push forward.

They said their goodbyes, and Cassie was shocked when most of the family pulled her in for a loving hug. Each time she pulled back she noticed Mason’s eyes on her, watching like he knew that physical contact could send her reeling. It had so many times before, but she was getting stronger each day, refusing to let the demons of her past take away the joys of her present. Hugs were friendly and meant to be signs of affection, not something to be feared because they could easily squeeze too tightly and take away her control.

“Have you thought about what we talked about?” Betty Hayes asked.

Cassie had been preparing for this question all day and was surprised Betty hadn’t brought it up sooner, but it was probably only because they’d never had a minute alone.

“If Mason is a good shot like his grandpa, you’d only have to do it once.”

Cassie laughed and not just at Betty’s blunt words, but because Cassie knew damn well one time with Mason wouldn’t be enough.

“Mom, you’re not being inappropriate, are you?” Mason’s mother asked.

“Me? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Betty said with a wave of her hand, but turned back to Cassie and winked.

“Betty, where are the damn keys?” Harold Hayes called out to her. “I can’t find them.”

“Maybe because they’re in my hand.” Betty sighed. “That man would be lost without me.” She held the keys up for him to see.

“Well, why the hell do you have them?”

“You asked me to hold them.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you know damn well I wouldn’t lose them.”

Their back and forth was adorable. Their words held frustration and annoyance, but the look in their eyes held something entirely different. It was a look she imagined you’d get after being married for as many years as they had been. It was admiration and love, respect and appreciation. Betty was right, Harold probably would be lost without her, but she would probably be lost without him, too.

While Cassie admired their devotion to one another, it scared her. These two had been together for so long they had become a single unit. Their identity would always bear the other’s, and as someone who was trying to get her identity back after years of being silenced, the idea of becoming one with someone terrified her.

She didn’t know who she was anymore. How could she share a connection so deep and binding if her character wasn’t strong enough to stand out on its own like Betty? Yes, Harold was her other half, but her light was bright and obvious. Cassie’s light was dimmer than an aging bulb.

Mrs. Hayes pulled her into a warm embrace, and her thoughts floated away. “It was such a pleasure having you.”

“The pleasure was all mine, Mrs. Hayes. You have such a lovely home.”

“Please call me Carol. And I do hope that we didn’t scare you too much, and you’ll come back again.”

“Scare me?”

“We can be a bit overwhelming.”

“A bit?” Mason asked, his eyebrow arching in that sexy way it did.

“Don’t get smart, and come give your mother a hug.”

Mason wrapped his arms around his mother and lovingly rested his head on top of hers. Cassie’s heart swelled at his tender affection. A man who loved his mother openly and wasn’t afraid to show it was a man who would never intentionally hurt a woman.

At some point in time, Cassie had started to trust Mason, but now seeing him with his family, stripped from any pretenses, she knew what her heart had been telling her all along. Mason Hayes was one of the good guys.

“I know you’re busy with the brewery and the bike race, but try to find time to stop by the festival. I think Cassie would love it,” Mrs. Hayes said to Mason.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

They finished saying their goodbyes and got in his truck. She liked how he always waited for her to get in before closing her door and going around to the driver’s side. It was little things like that, silly as they were, that showed her who he was. None of his actions were forced or used to put on a show. With Mason there was no façade; he simply was who he was. He was someone she could see herself falling in love with and maybe she already was.

Which went against everything she was working toward—love was never part of the equation. It had never worked out the way she’d hoped. Her expectations were always so high, like a girl dreaming of fairytales, but she never got the fairytale. Love for her had always been a nightmare that she could never wake up from.

Love was the enemy. But when she looked at Mason, she didn’t feel threatened… She felt hopeful.

Mason pulled up to her house. Her house. It still seemed like such a foreign concept, but she was learning to accept it, embrace it, appreciate it.

“You’ve been quiet. You okay?”

God, she loved that he noticed, that he cared enough to ask. It was so simple and silly, but that’s all she ever wanted—basic human courtesy.

“Like my mom said, my family can be a bit much.”

“No, your family is great. You’re so lucky to have them.”

“Then what is it? And don’t tell me ‘nothing’ or that you’re fine, because you have these wrinkles right here.” His thumb hovered above the bridge of her nose, wanting desperately to stroke it, but not wanting to touch her without her making the first move. “They come out when you’re overthinking something.”

Stuck by how much that slight observation warmed her heart, her lips curved up unexpectedly as raw emotion surged through her. She finally decided she was done with her stupid plans.

“Remember when you said you wouldn’t kiss me unless I wanted you to?” she asked, looking down at her hands and fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

“Yes,” he said. She looked up, catching his gaze. His eyes boring into hers going beyond the surface and straight to her heart.

“I want you to.”

“Really?” The stunned excitement in his tone made her heart swell and her lips twitch with laughter. He cleared his throat. “I mean. Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

He moved closer slowly reaching out to her. His hand stilled, hovering mere inches from her cheek. “You’re really sure?”

“I really am. It’s okay. You can touch me.”

He let out a jagged breath as he crossed the invisible line he had lovingly created and pressed his palm against her cheek. She tilted her head into his warm, work-calloused hands, loving the feel of his skin against hers.

He stroked his thumb across the apple of her cheek, sending an excited wave through her body. She never thought she’d revel in a man’s touch again, and now she was savoring every gentle caress.

She relaxed, moving closer to him, opening herself up to this man who she knew with all her heart would never raise a hand to her, would never make her feel inadequate or useless. This man would make her feel protected and loved.

He tilted his head and her eyes slid shut as desire rushed through her. She could feel his warm breath on her skin, feel his presence moving closer still until his lips brushed against hers. Tender and sweet, igniting a thousand sparks inside her.

He kissed her like she was a fine piece of china and he was afraid of breaking her. It was thoughtful and caring, but she wanted more. She wanted all of him, the real him, and not a restrained version because he didn’t want to scare her.

“You won’t break me,” she said against his mouth.

His hand moved, his fingers tangling in her hair as his other hand cupped her jaw, his thumb gently stroking against her skin. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t. You would never.”

“I wouldn’t. I promise. You need to believe me.”

“I… I trust you,” she said and his hold on her tightened, and his lips crashed to hers, all gentleness gone to the frantic movements of their lips. Her arms went around him, dragging herself closer. His hand dropped from her hair, landing on her hip and urging her forward. Their bodies pressed against each other as she straddled his lap, all fears and reservations gone to the lust consuming her.

Her hips rocked against him, and he moaned, his arms tightening around her. It didn’t scare her, though, it only propelled her forward. Her body arched into his as his tongue slipped passed the crease between her lips, exploring her mouth with red hot eagerness.

His hands slipped beneath her shirt, resting against her heated skin and sending waves of warmth through her body. Heat expanded in her core, and moisture pooled between her legs. Every sensation, every touch of his lips, swipe of his tongue was like an electric shock, shining new light into her and making her feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

An excited bubble swelled in her lower abdomen when she felt the hard press of his erection. She moved against it, wanting to know what it would feel like inside her.

Mason pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. His hands grasped her face, his thumbs making small circles on her cheeks. “I need to stop,” he said, his breaths coming in short, fast gasps.

Suddenly aware of how forward she had been, she froze. “I’m sorry,” she said and went to disentangle herself from him, when his hold on her tightened.

“Don’t go,” he said, pressing her against him.

Her head rested against the crook of his neck, and she inhaled his familiar scent, finding comfort from it. “I got carried away.”

“We both did.” He stroked her hair and kissed her neck. “Which is why I had to stop.”

“I don’t understand.” She pulled back, her back hitting the steering wheel, reminding her that they’d never made it out of the truck.

“You trust me, and I refuse to do anything to betray that trust. You said I could kiss you, but if we kept going the way we were…”

“I wouldn’t have minded.”

He laughed, and the sound was reassuring. “Don’t tell me that.”

She reached up, running her fingers through his hair and trailing them down the curve of his ear. She took a deep breath, swallowing down all her reservations. “I like you, Mason. A lot. And before today, it scared me.”

“What makes today different?”

“I finally realized that the thought of letting you slip away because of my fears was by far scarier than letting you in. I don’t fear you; I know you’ll never hurt me intentionally.”

“I won’t. Ever.”

“I know. I’m just scared of losing myself.”

He brushed her hair behind her ear, smiling up at her. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Promise?”

He kissed her again. “I promise.”