Chapter 37 Chapter 37I slumped down in my seat. Ms. Raymond never started class on time. She was always fumbling with her papers or trying to find her glasses. I’d pictured scientist types as being more organized than Ms. Raymond. I was willing to bet you never see NASA scientists with toilet paper on their shoes. I was doodling on my notebook, trying to figure out some kind of plan to deal with Dick that didn’t involve:
1. Telling the police, who weren’t going to believe us
2. Confronting Dick directly, since he was never going to confess
3. Completing a college degree in criminal justice in order to be able to prove what happened.
It was hard enough to think of a plan without having to deal with Nicole. Her lab table was across the room, but there was no mistaking who she was talking about. She was surrounded by a bunch of people, including Brit and Sam. There would be whispering, and then everyone would turn to look at me. I wondered if this was how animals in the zoo felt. I was a one-woman freak of nature exhibit. I put my hand in my pocket so I could feel my dad’s letter. I tried to act as though I didn’t notice everyone clucking about me and instead was focused on reviewing my notes. We had to give presentations in class today. I was supposed to talk for five minutes about diabetes, but everything I’d prepared was pushed out of my mind by the odd word here and there I heard coming from their table: crazy, psych ward, disgusting, her own brother.
Finally Ms. Raymond told everyone to take his or her seat. Sam walked toward my lab table on the way to hers. She paused, shifting from foot to foot.
“I tried to warn you to watch out for Nicole,” she said quietly. “She ruins people who cross her.” Sam slipped past me and sat down.
I sat staring at the scarred lab table. Generations of kids had carved their names into the top. My finger traced one of the names. I kept thinking about what Sam had said about Nicole having the power to destroy people. Did she, or did we give her the power? For years I’d acted as though my mom had the power to keep me from my dad, but the truth is I hadn’t wanted the hassle, so I let her. I had the power to destroy my life and the power to take it back. I felt my stomach tense as I raised my hand.
“I want to do my presentation first,” I said as I stood. I didn’t bother bringing my notes up with me. I wasn’t going to need them.
Ms. Raymond looked surprised. Our class wasn’t exactly full of volunteers for most things, and so far this year I hadn’t set myself apart as a star student. I could hear a low murmur of whispers as I walked to the front of the room.
“My topic was diabetes, but I’ve changed it.” I stopped to take a deep breath and looked around the room, being sure to meet Nicole’s eyes. “I’m going to talk about schizophrenia.” Someone in the back of the room actually gasped as if I had announced I was going to talk about penile implants.
“I don’t know the numbers for schizophrenia, but mental health problems are common. Something like one in three people will have some sort of mental health problem in their life. This is a subject I know a lot about because my dad has schizophrenia.”
I looked around the room, but everyone refused to meet my eyes.
“Common symptoms of the disease are hallucinations, delusions, disorganized speech, and behavior that is described as bizarre. Unlike what most people think, schizophrenia isn’t the same as multiple personality disorder. Other misconceptions are that people with this disease are violent or more likely to commit crimes. This isn’t true.
“Schizophrenia can typically be controlled with medications and psychological support. My dad has had the condition since I was a kid. He may have schizophrenia, but that isn’t what controls his life. He’s an artist, and one of the best ones I’ve ever seen. I’m proud he’s my dad, and I’m proud of all of him, disease included, because it’s a part of who he is.
“Doctors aren’t sure if schizophrenia is genetic. They know that most people who develop it do so either as a teen or in their early twenties. They do know that people who have a schizophrenic parent are more likely to develop the disease, but it doesn’t mean they will for sure. I don’t know if I’ll get it or not, but I do know that if I do, I hope I handle it with the same courage as my dad.
“Schizophrenia is a disease. No different from cancer or MS or diabetes. The only reason people are ashamed of mental health conditions is because they let people convince them they should be. Anyone who makes fun of someone with a mental health condition is low. They might as well make fun of some kid with cerebral palsy.” I stared directly at Nicole. “If you ask me, people with mental health issues have nothing to be ashamed of; the people who find something funny in it do.”
No one said anything. A few kids were staring at me with their mouths open, and a lot of people were staring at their desks. It looked like Sam was crying in the back. Ms. Raymond stopped shuffling her papers for once and simply smiled at me.
“That was excellent, Isobel,” she said.
I gave her a nod and was ready to go back to my table when a kid raised his hand. “My mom’s had depression. She takes medication for it.” He looked surprised to realize he’d said it out loud.
Someone in the back called out, “My uncle’s bipolar.”
“My cousin has an anxiety disorder,” someone else said.
“Hell, I must be crazy with all the stuff going on in my brain,” said Luke from the football team, and almost everyone laughed as he stood up and took a bow.
“If he’s crazy, then you better count me in too,” Gary said, giving Luke a high five.
Nicole and Brit didn’t meet anyone’s eyes; they stared straight ahead. Sam looked like she was developing her own anxiety disorder. Her hands were twisting back and forth and her eyes kept darting around at everyone else in the room and then back to Nicole. Nicole’s mouth trembled and her hands were clenched into a knot on the desk.
I walked slowly back to my seat with my head held high and my shoulders back. Not only had I put Nicole in her place, but I felt proud of myself, and I was pretty sure I’d nailed an A+ on the presentation. Not too bad.