Mariah sat in the automatic glider, trying to recapture the sensation of peace and tranquility Michael’s back yard had previously fostered. But it was not to be. She was edgy, uncertain.
“Yes, of course,” she said, in response to his question. “I want to hear everything you have to say. This is not the time to hold anything back.”
Michael watched her resigned expression, knowing she expected the worst. If she was looking for chastisement, she would have to find it elsewhere. He must choose his words carefully; what he said today would have an important impact on her future.
“I’d like you to think back to the very first Finding, the one of Amanda Forrester.” She nodded, and he continued. “Amanda was terrified, but essentially unharmed. How did you feel about Billy Kramer, her abductor?”
With a slight frown, Mariah stared down at her hands for a moment before answering. “Nothing,” she said. “I was glad when the FBI arrested him, but basically, that was all.”
Michael nodded, and said, “And after the Finding of Joseph Armstrong: did you have any strong feelings about Reginald Carter-Smith?”
She looked pensive. “Other than the fact that he was a pervert and I was happy they locked him up? Nothing.”
He smiled. “And I’m sure you’re going to say the same thing about Kevin O’Reilly’s kidnapper, Julio Martinez. Or, for that matter, the men who kidnapped Timothy Saginotu, Dianne Cormier, or Zaphiel Engel. Correct?”
“Agreed.” A look of wonder and anticipation had replaced the trepidation on her face. For the first time since the night of the triple Findings, she appeared to relax slightly. Michael allowed himself the tiniest bit of satisfaction, hoping he would achieve his desired effect.
“Now, let’s look at the Finding of Sophie Celeste Duval. Unlike any of the others, right?” When she nodded, he said, “And why is that?”
Mariah thought for a minute then said, “She was dying. George René Malchelosse nearly killed her.” Her eyes clouded momentarily, remembering how frightened she had been when she realized that Sophie had been so close to death.
“Exactly,” Michael said, watching Mariah’s eyes. “He hurt her. Everyone has “hot buttons”: things that make us furious due to instinct, environment, education, and so forth. Some are primal instincts, or fixed action patterns, like fear. The same incident might make another person upset, but doesn’t produce the same raw emotions.” He waited a heartbeat, and added, “Why do you think that, out of all the things your psychic powers could be used for, Finding kidnapped children is what came first?”
He was gladdened by the slight smile that touched the corners of her mouth. He realized how much he had missed the lopsided grin he hoped would appear momentarily.
“You were furious that Malchelosse nearly killed Sophie. You knew he was mentally unbalanced, but it didn’t matter. So, your “hot button” is? Hurting children.
“So you manipulated him in order to find out where she was being held. And all you gave him was a momentary headache, albeit a bad one. Even back then, when your power wasn’t nearly as strong as it is now, I’m positive you could have done worse.”
Her surprised expression was enhanced by eagerness. She said, her words coming quickly, “Hinckley. I wanted him to stop hurting Estella Fuentes. I wanted to do more, like scare the hell out of him.” She paused, staring into Michael’s eyes. Excitement began to replace melancholy. “I didn’t know about the blood clot. I didn’t kill him.”
For the first time since Finding Estella Fuentes, Mariah’s thoughts were clear. Without realizing it, she had erected a barrier that night to hide behind. While trying to deny it, she blamed herself for Everett’s death, that instead of just frightening him she had reached into his chest and physically pushed that clot into his aorta. Knowing that she hadn’t done it made her giddy with relief.
But Michael wasn’t through. “Now, let’s look at what happened after Frannie died.” Mariah’s smile dimmed, but she felt determined. She knew she needed to settle these doubts permanently.
“None of us will ever know what you would have done to Damion Lazote if Kelly Garrett and Frannie hadn’t killed him, but let’s not dwell on that.
“Up to this point, the Findings were easy for you. Basically, you never had to do anything. The Findings just happened. But things changed after Frannie died. You began to experiment, to find out what you were capable of doing.
“Why?”
The question caught her off guard. She began to give him the obvious reason: so she could defend those around her, so she would be prepared ... for what? For another assassination attempt?
With sudden clarity, a look of delight came into her eyes. “So I could do more than find kidnapped children.”
Michael’s smile reflected joy that she had reached this level of understanding on her own. “Exactly. You knew you were capable of doing more. You proved that when you inadvertently deflected Lazote’s bullet that would have buried itself in your chest. Without thinking, you performed a psychic act so different than what you’d previously done. And now you were focused.”
He waited for his words to sink in. “And then you outdid yourself: you found three people. But something was drastically different in all three.”
She thought for a moment, a frown creasing her brow. “Wasn’t Benjamin and Joseph Ringeisen a normal Finding? Bel Muldur was too drunk to remember even kidnapping them, so even though they were hurt, it was only through neglect. Scaring him out of the woods and into the arms of the FBI was all I wanted to do.” She thought a minute and her eyes widened. “No, wait, something else happened,” she said, unaware that she was leaning forward. “I Healed Ben and Joey. By laying my hands on them. Not only the infections caused by the rat bites, but their dehydration. I’ve never done that before.” She stared into his eyes. “Up to this point, the Healings were also automatic—mine and those who assisted me in the Findings.” Michael grinned at the wonder and amazement on her face. It was like watching the sun emerge from behind a blanket of rain clouds.
“Geralyne Barrett was the first adult I found.” Almost to herself, she murmured, “But I didn’t hurt Gustavo Diaz or the men who tortured her. I knew she’d be saved. And I had something more important to take care of.”
The speculative look on her face was replaced by that lopsided grin Michael had sorely missed. “But I did hurt Anthony Santatoro. Because of what he did to children. The prostitution, the drugs ... the beatings. He thought it was physical, but it was all in his mind.
“I hated him. I could have killed him, but I didn’t. Just like Malchelosse. And Hinckley. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I was just venting. A lot of people would say that what I did was wrong, and they might be right. But I bet if most people had the ability to act on their anger, their frustration, they would.
“I have control over what I did, Michael. The power was great, even scary. I was furious, and yes, even smug. But I didn’t kill him. I’m not playing God.”
Mariah felt dizzy with relief. She had not lost her humanity to this daunting psychic power. She had reacted like most people would—with anger; however, in her case, she could make the perpetrator feel this wrath.
Smiling at her, Michael said, “You’re going to have to be very careful, however. I think it’s safe to assume you haven’t reached your psychic limitations. But your emotions must continue to be tempered by reason, even when you’re angry. Regardless of what you believe, I am thoroughly convinced that God is truly working through you. And that He will not let you cross that line.”
Mariah said nothing, just hugged and thanked him for helping her through this mental morass. She wasn’t going to remind him about the aliens, about her belief that they were playing a major role in her development.
They had not come to her. Yet. She wasn’t sure they even knew she had seen them at that moment when she was separated from that by that malleable barrier. But she was content for the moment, for the first time since the Finding of Sophie Duval.
She felt her resolve strengthen. Now she would go after the clown. It was her destiny to stop him.