I didn’t tell him what we’d done while he was off “finding himself” or whatever. I figured it was better for all of us if he didn’t know. That way, he couldn’t be charged with anything, and there’d be one less person to testify against us. Of course, if anyone could keep a secret, it was pretty clear it was Tommy.
“What about that whole Natalie thing?” I was saying. “All that ‘she’s so hot’ and stuff? Was that just bull?”
“I don’t know, man,” he said. We were sitting at opposite ends of the dining room table. I think I sort of wanted to have some furniture between us. “I was probably hoping more than pretending at first, but basically, yeah, I picked the hottest chick in class and went around telling everyone I had it bad for her. It seemed like the right thing to say, and it didn’t seem like I’d ever have to put my money where my mouth was.”
“You’d be surprised the mouths that end up on Natalie these days,” I said, but I didn’t explain that one, either. “Man, you had me fooled. You seemed so nervous around her.”
“Yeah, well, I guess bad acting looks a lot like real nerves,” he said. “But that’s what it got to be for me, man: acting, pretending. I was pretending every day of my life, first to myself and then to you guys. That’s what I can’t do anymore. I’ve got to…”
And I knew from the buildup that he was going to uncork some feel-good expression, like “be true to me” or some crap like that. He just let his voice trail off, because he must’ve remembered that I wasn’t the right audience for that kind of thing. This wasn’t Oprah.
“Well, you know,” he said after a bit.
“Yeah, I know,” I said, and there was a little more silence. “But why Dantley’s class? Why’d you lose it in there?”
“ ‘Cause he knew. He’d been hounding me big-time, ‘cause he knew exactly what I was.”
“I didn’t even know,” I said. “How the hell would Dantley?”
“Seriously?” said Tommy.
“Seriously.”
“Because Dantley’s queer as hell.”
“No frickin’ way!”
“Yeah, totally.”
And I just had to shake my head. It was like, all these years of calling people homos and fags, and I couldn’t tell the real thing when it was two feet in front of me. Man, I thought, these small-town queers, the CIA ought to sign ‘em up.
And I had other questions. “Manchester again?” I said.
“Nah.”
“Same guy though.”
“Yeah.”
“Is he one, too?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t offer details, and I didn’t push for them. There’s only so accepting a guy can be expected to be in a day, you know?
“Listen, whatever you’re thinking, he helped me a lot. He…”
I cut him off: “What about the guys?”
“Let me tell Mixer,” he said.
“You might want to skip Bones for now,” I said. I wondered if he was dumb enough to still have that club.
“I was planning on it.”
“How’d you get here anyway?”
“Biked it.”
“Oh, man, enjoy the climb,” I said, because Soudley was down the valley from North Cambria.
“Good for me,” he said. “Builds character.”
“Just be careful it doesn’t mess up your hair.”
He flipped me off and let himself out, and I just sat there at the table for a long time. Man, I thought. Tommy was going to have problems in school. Serious problems, and things were going to change between him and us. A week ago, I would’ve felt sorry for him, but right now, I had my own problems.
I went to the kitchen for a slice of cheese. Tommy was walking his bike across the lawn toward the road. He got on, heading toward Mixer’s house. He was leaving, and I’d completely forgotten to kick his ass. I wondered if Mixer would.