This writing piece is a reflection of the relationship that I have with my grandmother. We have our disagreements but I appreciate her because, despite our differences, she has made me the woman I am today and made me grow a greater appreciation for all of the women around the world.
I am a seventeen-year-old Latina on my way to finishing high school and attending college. I am a seventeen-year-old Latina and I travel around the city to take college courses. I am a seventeen-year-old Latina who can’t stand the thought of staying home, unproductive. I am a seventeen-year-old Latina who loves to spend time with my friends and go to the movies.
My grandmother, when asked what she was like at seventeen years old:
When I was seventeen, I had my first child. When I was seventeen, I wasn’t allowed outside of the house unless accompanied by your grandfather, abuelo. I had to wake up very early to harvest cebollas (onions). When I was seventeen, I had to be a good wife and have a seco de pollo ready for abuelo when he came home from work.
That is why I encourage you to stay home, too. Be ladylike. Learn how to cook, stop going out every day, and help your mother do laundry.
I was born in Jackson Heights, New York, in 2000. My grandmother was born in Cuenca, Ecuador, in 1939. We are sixty-one years apart. In Jackson Heights, I have bits and pieces of the whole world at my hands. People from every country on the planet roam each block. I grew up around advanced technology and countless resources, which have played a role in shaping the kind of person I am today. I attend school with a vast library and laptops all around. I walk to the train station to take the 7 to explore my city. None of this was available in Ecuador in the 1930s. We grew up in two completely different generations with different societal expectations.
In hers: Women had to be perfect housewives to appeal to their husbands and not ruin family reputations. But even though it’s 2018, I still get pushed by my grandmother to act as if I’m part of her generation. The old generation.
In mine: I get to wear what I desire. I get to cut off all of my hair and dye it purple if I want to. God Forbid! That would be a sin in my grandmother’s eyes. She’d remind me it’s devil-like, and that no man will ever lay his eyes on me. Mija esas cosas son del diablo, no de una señorita.
The role of women in my generation has changed immensely because we are contributing to the job fields that were once dominated by men, which is having a direct impact on today’s society. Years ago, my grandmother’s contribution to her society was very controlled by men.
She and her sisters spent their days crafting and decorating hats as a source of income. Meanwhile, when it came time to sell the goods, the men were in charge of negotiations, always keeping the pay. But the women never complained because at least they were fed by their husbands at night. And though it wasn’t enough, they remained silent because it wasn’t worth an argument.
Today women like myself have the opportunity to play major roles in different areas—business, politics, medicine, and publishing. The roles of women in my generation have changed from that of my grandmother’s because we’re educating ourselves. We are concerned with our communities and the destiny of future generations. Issues like generational poverty, LGBTQ rights, and public policy are arenas we’re exploring so that we can advocate for them in the future.
I am graduating from high school in June of this year, and will pursue higher education in college, something my grandmother was not able to accomplish. She attended elementary school up until the fifth grade because her parents were convinced that she didn’t need an education and should help them harvest vegetables instead. Because of that, she had to depend on abuelo her entire life.
I want to depend on myself. I want to live a life full of freedoms. I want to go out to dinner with my friends on weekends and still be ladylike. I want my grandmother to teach me to cook because I’ll need it in the future for myself. I want to wake up early to buy cebollas and cook seco de pollo for my friends, my partner—or whoever I choose.
Despite the differences between my grandmother and me, I’ve never judged her. Sixty-one years ago, she couldn’t stand up for herself. It’s difficult for her to adjust to an ever-changing society where women are independent. It’s difficult for her to understand that I am part of that change. I admire her for her strength; it’s what keeps me grounded and motivates me to become an advocate for the next generation of both men and women who will come after me.