SOFT WHIMPERS of distress and the breeze from the fan blowing across my bare skin drew me out of sleep. I opened bleary eyes and glanced at the window. Pink and pearly gray stained the sky, bleaching the dark indigo away from the horizon. I groaned, burying my face in the pillow, and only another mumbled sound of fear had me biting back the vicious curse I’d almost let slip out.
Four months of waking up at the butt crack of dawn. It was enough to drive a man nuts. Morning and I had never been on the best of terms.
Kristair had stolen the covers again, leaving me buck-assed naked. He’d wrapped them around him like a cocoon and curled up in a tight ball in the middle of our bed, completely covered in blankets and sheets. He was either going to suffocate or roast. Still, I knew, Kristair would’ve burrowed even deeper if he could, anything to escape the morning sun and the dreams it brought.
We’d tried blackout curtains, and they’d worked like a charm until Kristair took them down again. He’d said he’d never adjust if we kept them up. And while he might have had a point, I argued he should give himself some time to become used to dreaming again, along with all the other abrupt changes of being mortal. But there was one thing I could say about my lover: he made stubbornness into an art form. Not that I could talk, to be honest.
Kristair struggled as I peeled away the covers, his hands fisting in a death grip in the folds. Still, he didn’t wake up when I tugged them free. I’d never met anyone who could sleep as heavily as he did. I drew the blankets around us again, and when I pressed against his back, slipping my arm around his waist, he quieted some and nestled into me with a soft sigh. Closing my eyes, I nuzzled the nape of his neck, breathing in the scent of him.
It was still early; we could get a few more hours of sleep. I curled my body around his, closing my eyes, and then Kristair trembled, tossing his head restlessly, and I knew it was a hopeless cause.
If only I could have slipped into his mind. I’d have soothed away every fear he had, especially the ones he refused to name, pretending instead that they didn’t exist. We might not have had our mental connection anymore, I might not have been able to hear his every thought, but no one knew Kristair like I did, not even himself. He was locking too much away, and one day it was all going to come bursting out. I just hoped to god I was there for him when it happened.
I kissed his shoulder and slid my hand down his warm hip. Four months and it was still a wonder to me to feel the heat in his skin when he didn’t have to think about using blood he’d fed on to put it there. Or listening to his heartbeat and his steady breathing. He was my miracle. He had given up everything because he loved me, and that was a sacrifice I refused to take for granted.
Kristair murmured when I rolled him onto his back, limbs heavy with sleep, but he didn’t stir, not even when I nudged his thighs apart and settled my weight over him. I wished the camera were near. I would have taken a dozen naughty photos of him and made my own shrine. His skin held a golden vitality in the early morning sun. His lashes curved and shadowed his deep-set eyes, and lord, he looked just fucking bitable.
I kissed along his jaw, rubbing my lips against the rough growth of his morning beard until they tingled. “Wake up, sleeping beauty. No more bad dreams, not this morning,” I whispered.
His lips parted when I kissed their warm softness, and the tension began easing from his body as his subconscious began to switch from fear to pleasure. This was becoming my new favorite morning ritual. After all, if I was going to be up, I might as well be all the way up.
Kristair’s cock stirred against my thigh, and I smiled, breaking the kiss, rubbing my lips against his own. “Come on, sleepy head. If I’m awake, you’re damn well going to be awake too,” I murmured, dragging my tongue down his throat and giving it a little bite. “I could cover you in marks and you wouldn’t know it until you went to take a shower,” I teased, imagining what he’d have to say about that.
I tugged the blankets away from us again, pulling back enough to look down at him. Damn, he was beautiful. I knew he always said that about me, but he needed to take a hard look in the mirror. Long, lean limbs with just the right amount of muscle, dark golden skin, his chest and arms covered in blue tattoos that matched mine. His brow had furrowed, making little lines and accenting the ruggedness of his features. His chin tapered to a point, and his nose was strong and prominent, and damned if he wasn’t just perfect.
Kristair tried turning on his side, reaching for the covers, but I had him pinned, and as I pulled his hands away from his goal, another idea struck me. Leaning over to the nightstand, I grabbed the lube and a cream-colored silken scarf I kept intending on using. Kristair always distracted me away from the idea. Well, he wouldn’t be able to do that now.
“Oh love, you’re in so much trouble now.” I snickered, rubbing my lips against his jaw. “You sure you don’t want to wake up before I have my wicked way with you?”
Kristair muttered something intelligible and buried his face in my neck. I wished it were a sign he was waking and not that he was seeking comfort, but the distress in his tone told me he was still caught up in his nightmare. It made me ache inside to see this strong man with naked fear on his face, to feel him tremble.
I lashed his wrists to the headboard and took a moment to admire my handiwork. The cream silk emphasized his skin tone, and lord, there was something sexy about a strong man helpless. Making a mental note to remember to put the camera on the nightstand for the next time, I turned my full attention to my bound lover.
Dragging my mouth down his throat, I kissed the steady pulse there, remembering those days in the hotel when I’d woken up to find him cold and unresponsive. Now he sighed and arched his throat, turning his head to the side.
“Jacob,” he murmured, the corners of his mouth lifting in a small smile, and his cock throbbed against my thigh.
He was almost awake, and I wanted to be inside him when he realized what was happening. I lubed my cock and slid my arm under his knee, spreading him wider as I began to push inside him, groaning from his welcoming heat. Long, pure black lashes opened, framing his dark eyes, revealing the lingering fear and growing desire.
Kristair’s lips were so damn soft and inviting as they parted in confusion, and I kissed him, surging deeper into his body as he groaned, until his heat completely surrounded my cock. I stayed there, releasing his leg, tongue tangling lazily with my lover’s.
I wanted to whisper in his mind as I made love to him, and since I couldn’t, I broke the kiss and smiled down at him. “Good morning.”
“Jacob… what…?” Kristair twisted his head back to look up at his bound hands, his knees rising up instinctively to cradle my hips, sleep still hazing his eyes. My lover had many sterling qualities and significant advantages over me in most things, but being quick to react upon first waking up wasn’t one of them.
“If you have to ask, then I’m doing it wrong,” I teased, circling my hips until his breath caught and a tremor rippled through him.
“I’m sorry I woke you.” Kristair wrapped his hands around a slat on the bed and levered himself up to kiss me. “Untie me and I’ll make it up to you,” he promised.
I snickered and eased out of him before thrusting hard, savoring his gasp as his eyes darkened to midnight. “No way that’s gonna happen. That would be reasonable and I’m not a reasonable man, especially at this time of the morning. Consider this my payback.”
I leaned over him and gave his nipple a stinging bite. Kristair groaned, arching against me, his long legs coming up to wrap around my waist. Both of us sighed with pleasure as I surged into him deeper. “And now that I have you tied up and helpless, the last thing on my mind is letting you go.”
“You are a wicked man,” Kristair replied, a smile tugging his lips.
“Yeah, but you love me.” I winked at him as he laughed, all trace of fear gone from his expression now.
“That I do.” Kristair’s eyes glinted as he levered himself up again, his lips teasing my jaw and then down to my neck. He clenched around my cock, making me gasp, his tongue tracing around the pulse in my throat. “I love hearing you breathless even more.”
Tied up my lover might have been, but he certainly wasn’t helpless anymore. Fuck, he made me weak when he feasted on my throat like that, teeth scraping, mouth sucking, and the memory of how it had felt when he fed turning my bones to water.
Two could play at that game. I pulled back out of reach of his mouth, grinning as a small pout crossed his lips before he banished it. He’d have kicked my ass if I told him he’d pouted and would’ve denied it to his last breath. “Brat,” he growled, clenching again.
“Is that the best you can do?” I teased, bracing my hands on either side of him, snapping my hips harder as his lean, dark body twisted and arched. I could have watched him like that all morning.
“Oh, there’s plenty of other names I could call you.” Kristair’s eyes half-closed, his mouth going soft as desire played across his features. “If you’d give me a moment to gather my thoughts.”
“Not a damn chance.” I slid one hand under his ass, cupping the smooth cheek in my hand and squeezing it before lifting him higher. Now this was a morning ritual I could look forward to: listening to Kristair’s needy sounds of pleasure and having him wrapped around me instead of what we had been dealing with.
I leaned low over him and kissed the hard plane of his stomach, dragged my tongue over the tattoo low on his ribs. Kristair moaned, and I smiled against his skin, looking up the length of his chest. Fuck, he was beautiful, and he was all mine.
“You’re giving me that look again,” Kristair murmured.
“Yeah, love, what look is that?” I kissed his stomach again and gave it a sharp nip, trying to hold onto the passion spiraling out of control within me.
“Like you’re going to haul me off to your cave and keep me your prisoner there.”
I grinned again. “Sounds like a wonderful idea. I might just do that, collar you and mark you at the same time.” Kristair’s dark eyes flashed—with want or pique, I didn’t know—and before I asked, his legs tightened around me as he drove his hips up.
“If you don’t get up and kiss me, I’m going to….”
“Nothing,” I chuckled. “You’ll do nothing.”
“We’ll just see about that,” Kristair promised.
Laughing, I kissed him, tongues mating as our bodies twined and moved together. I lost myself in his clenching heat, the sweet softness of his lips, the scent and sounds of sex. Kristair’s cock throbbed against my stomach, our skin now slick, and those needy, urgent moans of his drove me out of my mind.
“Untie me. I want to touch you,” Kristair said, rubbing his jaw against my own.
Oh, the thought of those long-fingered hands on my skin was a temptation, but I shook my head, capturing his lips again. The long, languid thrusts became quicker, harder, as the lazy, just-woke-up feeling vanished under the mounting heat.
I broke the kiss, pulling back just enough so I could watch Kristair’s unguarded expression. I loved the moments like this when he held nothing back and I could read him as easily as if we still had the mental connection. It was these moments when Kristair shared his wants and needs and vulnerabilities without walls.
He smiled, tongue tracing over my lips as he panted. “So close… just like that… don’t stop.” His moan had my stomach jumping and heart skipping a beat. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him as, with each rock of our hips, the pleasure rippled sharper and hotter over his face.
Then he arched, a soft cry falling from his lips, his body tensing under mine as he came. Enthralled, I paused, buried deep inside him, feeling every rippling contraction as his muscles went limp from his release. I shifted, the head of my cock nudging his spot, and he gasped, biting his lip against the overstimulation.
Kristair’s eyes flew open and his gaze locked on me as I began circling my hips again once I regained my composure and my own impeding orgasm tapered off. “Oh damn,” he whispered, and then he cried out as I drove into him hard enough to rock the bed against the wall.
Each shout from my lover, each writhe of his body, spurred me on. I attacked his throat, nipping and sucking until his flesh was hot against my lips. And all too soon, it was over. One rough moan from Kristair, the hard clenching and buck of his hips, and I was lost, my climax hitting me so fast that it was like lighting zipping through my body, there then gone, leaving me trembling in the aftermath.
“At least we didn’t break the bed this time,” Kristair said, after we’d recovered our breath and the tremors eased from his thighs.
I started laughing and lifted my head from where it had been resting on his shoulder, dropping a kiss onto his lips. “I blame you for that one.”
Kristair turned his head, glancing at the alarm clock we never had to use, and his eyes widened when he saw the time. “Oh for… Jacob, It’s not even six a.m.”
“Nobody knows better than me what damn time it is.”
Kristair attempted to tug his hands free again with no success. “I’m sorry if I woke you. Why don’t you catch some more sleep and I’ll make us breakfast in a little bit?”
“Nope, not gonna happen. One, because for some sick reason, I can’t sleep if you’re already up and about, and two, I’m already wide awake.” I eased off of him and gave his flank a teasing slap as I rose from the bed. “I’m gonna grab a quick shower; then I thought we could go for a run.”
“Don’t you think you’re forgetting something?” Kristair asked with a pointed tug of his bound wrists.
“Nope.” I grinned and sauntered into the bathroom, ignoring his insistent call. Now this was the way to wake up. Pleased with myself, I lingered in the shower and ran through the different ways my lover would attempt to seek revenge on me before deciding I was safe. Kristair would forget all about it by the time he returned from work and I from the gym and meetings with the coaches.
When I came back out again, towel wrapped around my hips, I found Kristair sound asleep again. He’d somehow managed to get himself free and was curled up again under the covers, snoring away. Old habits died hard, I guess.
Another wicked idea struck me, and grinning, I grabbed a hold of all the blankets and yanked them off to the floor. Kristair sat up with a shout, reaching vainly to cover himself. And fuck, the look on his face was so priceless I doubled over laughing before I could say a word. “Kristair… oh my god, if you could’ve just seen your face, you….”
The growl was the only warning I got, and the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back on the floor and Kristair was leaning over me, his face twisted into a snarl. Desire surged all over again in my veins. “About that run….”
“Shut up, Jacob,” Kristair snapped, pinning my hands above my head. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“I have no problem with that,” I managed to say before Kristair kissed me, rough and insistent. Oh yeah, I’d gotten him good.
I CROUCHED down in front of the refrigerator, studying its contents. Eating was still such a novelty. I’d never paid any attention at all to what humans consumed before, except to make sure those I cared for did eat. By the time Kayla came to me, she already knew how to cook enough to feed herself, and she’d always done her own shopping with the money I’d given her. Usually, by the time I’d woken up in the evenings, she’d already fed and put everything away.
I hadn’t realized eating could be such a sensual experience. The tastes, textures and scents all mixed together in more varied ways than could be dreamt of. Discovering and exploring it all provided me with endless fascination. More than once, the things I put on the table made Jacob snicker, but my lover always ate it. Pursing my lips and consulting the handy book balanced on my knees, I started to draw out the ingredients for something called “eggplant parmesan.” It sounded intriguing.
“What’s that?” Jacob asked, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“Breakfast.” I handed him the eggplant and rose, balancing the other ingredients I’d need on my book.
Jacob dangled the vegetable in front of his face, then shook his head, and stuck it back in the refrigerator. “Save the shiny, purple monstrosity for tonight. I can’t handle anything called eggplant first thing in the morning.”
“You eat eggs.”
“There’s a world of difference between eggs and eggplant.” Jacob shook his head after another disbelieving glance at the refrigerator’s contents. “Do you intend on trying everything in the produce section?”
“Why wouldn’t you?” I glanced back down at my book and huffed. I supposed I could wait until evening, though it seemed absurd not to try it just because of the time of day. I began flipping through the pages, searching for another picture that caught my eye. “I like the produce section. I can see what I’m buying. Did you know that they get upset with you at the store if you try to look in the boxes to see if you’re getting what is actually described?”
A sound suspiciously like a snort drew my attention, but when I glanced at Jacob, his expression was smooth. I narrowed my eyes. I hadn’t paid him back sufficiently for his shenanigans this morning. Tying me up before the sun had even crested the horizon. As if Jacob could still read my mind, he smirked, his bright blue eyes vivid with mischief and that oh-so-knowing smug expression that turned my blood to liquid fire.
Brat. And I loved him for it.
My fingers itched to sink into his tousled hair to make it even more of a tumbled mess than it was. I suppressed the tinge of wistfulness, and before my mind could stray even more, I turned my attention back to my book. We could not spend the entire day in bed today, despite how I might wish it.
“Fine, then, I’ll make this cheese and onion tart. And before you say anything, it has eggs in it. I still don’t understand why some things are considered breakfast foods and others dinner. Food is food. It all goes to the same place.”
“I didn’t say anything. I was just gonna ask you if you wanted a cup of coffee.” Jacob topped off his mug and flipped the television on.
I shook my head. I’d tried it several times when the aroma tantalized me, but I couldn’t acclimate to the harsh taste of coffee. Our morning runs were usually enough to energize me, though this morning’s activity had accomplished the same end. Waking up had also taken some time to get used to. It was unsettling, feeling the lethargy when I first opened my eyes. It reminded me too much of that time just before the Ascended took me, when it got harder and harder to rouse in the evenings. I pressed my lips together and suppressed a shudder at the memory.
“If you could heat up some water for tea, that would be appreciated.”
“No problem, love.” There was a nonchalance in Jacob’s voice that had me tensing as I laid out what I would need to prepare the breakfast. Sure enough, after my lover had filled the kettle and set it on the stove, he came to lean against the counter next to me. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I replied, tensing despite my best effort not to.
Jacob leaned closer, and I was unable to escape seeing the concern written on his face. “How about those nightmares you’re still having? You’re holding yourself aloof, the way you always do, setting up your walls. You don’t think I can’t see it? Did you ever think that if you talk about what you’re afraid of that—”
“Afraid?” I stiffened, shooting him an indignant glare. “I am not afraid of anything, Jacob Corvin, least of all a phenomenon that has no power to hurt me anymore.”
“Liar.” Jacob smiled and touched my jaw in a tender gesture that robbed me of most of my pique. “Everybody’s afraid of something and you’re no different. I know everything’s been turned upside on its head for you, but you don’t have to tackle it alone. Just think about it.”
How could he know so much? How could he see into my heart and mind so well when we no longer had our connection? It was unsettling to be so exposed when I thought I had presented another image, and at the same time, this was Jacob…. If there was anyone I’d want to see me vulnerable, it was my young lover.
To my relief, Jacob dropped the ridiculous conversation. I steeled myself, shaking my head. Afraid indeed. Where he got such ideas, I didn’t understand. When I was asleep, I couldn’t rationalize centuries old instincts away; they plagued me at a time when I couldn’t rein them in. Eventually I would adapt, that was all.
I eyed him warily out of the corner of my vision as I cracked eggs into the bowl and whisked them with unnecessary force, but he didn’t seem inclined to try to push the topic anymore as he watched the morning news. I would have let myself relax, only Jacob was not the kind of man to let an issue drop just because I didn’t wish to discuss it. His tendency toward stubbornness bordered on the extreme.
He turned and caught me watching him as the teakettle began to whistle and grinned. “I know I’m good looking and all, but if you keep staring at me like that, I’m liable to get an ego.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, and the tension broke. “Mo chroí, you need no ego stroking. You’re bad enough as it is.” I leaned in and kissed him. “Go sit down, your hovering is likely to give me fits.”
“Doesn’t take much,” Jacob teased as he danced out of swatting range and went to sit at the table.
I let the tea steep as I finished preparing breakfast and set it in the oven. The morning ritual and Jacob’s presence were almost enough to banish my lingering unease. It irked me that I could let a mere dream affect me so.
I took my tea and sat down next to Jacob, turning my attention to the news. The weatherman predicted another humid day and expected thunderstorms later on in the afternoon, which was no different from the past few days.
“At least you don’t have to worry about practice yet.”
Jacob snorted. “When training camp starts nothing’s gonna stop it, maybe not even lightning striking the field. You gonna drive out to Latrobe and watch?”
I grimaced, thinking of the car that awaited me in the driveway. The car that I hadn’t driven once since Jacob had purchased it for me and insisted on a test drive. Now that was a memory for nightmares. “We’ll see. I still have to get through these interviews intact.”
“Give it up. You’re never going to be happy with anyone other than Kayla in your office. Besides, now that you have day hours, do you really need someone to man your desk? It’s not like she was there full time anyway.”
“I don’t understand why she felt the need to quit,” I grumbled. It still rankled that she had left to go to Baltimore to start up that shelter for teenaged runaways with Steve, of all people. I tried not to feel betrayed—after all, she had a right to her own life, which was why I hadn’t argued when she told me of her decision. “She could’ve funded her trust into any number of places here.”
“Because if you and Steve didn’t stop bitching at one another she was going to shoot the both of you.” Jacob squeezed my hand. “And I might’ve helped her.”
I dropped the issue before Jacob felt the need to defend Kayla and her so-called boyfriend any longer. He’d heard my complaint often enough. It was little comfort that I knew Steve disliked me just as much and, in all likelihood, had to hear Kayla defending me. After all, the bastard had still stolen her out of my life.
However, I thought I behaved myself rather well considering the circumstances. I had been scrupulously polite to him up until the day he started packing, fully intent on leaving with my daughter and her money. At least neither Jacob nor Kayla knew of that incident. If I could get away with going down to Baltimore to look in on her, I would.
How could I not have known the shelter was a dream of hers? Had I gotten so wrapped up in my own affairs that I’d lost touch with my daughter?
I’d brood on it later, when Jacob wasn’t around to notice and worry over me. Instead, I busied myself by pouring a cup of tea and checking on breakfast. In the background, the newsman announced a breaking story, and Jacob cursed, turning up the sound. Frowning, I turned to see police and firemen swarming outside a downtown high rise in what had become an all too familiar scene.
“The police have still been unable to identify the accelerant used on the victims. Whatever chemical it is…” the reporter was saying with an expression of grave concern on her face.
My stomach twisted in a curious combination of horror and morbid curiosity. “They found another one?” Stupid question—I could see for myself that they had. The sixth victim in as many weeks, dragged out of their house at dawn, stabbed to death, and burned outside. “Poor bastard.”
“The police still have no suspects.” A number flashed across the scene. “Anyone with any information is urged to come forward and….”
“What kind of sick fucker does something like this?” Jacob seethed, glaring at the TV as the reporter bemoaned the lack of any evidence and the cops went about their grim business.
“One for whom killing is a pleasure, an art form in some respects.” A soot-smudged cloth covered a pitifully small lump. I had seen some atrocities in my time and admittedly killed my share of people, but this display was sickening.
I pushed aside the useless reaction and took another sip of my tea, unable to tear my eyes from the screen. Six victims: three men, a woman, a teenaged girl, and whoever this person was. Six victims killed at the break of dawn, their bodies destroyed by fire. A chill raced through me as Jacob raged in the background.
“It takes a real fucking douche to stab somebody while they’re sleeping and then set them on fire. That’s one real piece of shit. Let them try that bull-fucking-shit here and we’ll see what kind of a big man they are.” His rant continued in crude terms I had thought he had been moving beyond.
Despite my best efforts, my dreams returned to me. The sun slipping over the horizon, rays eating into my flesh as I burst into flames, screaming. And Jacob reaching for me, fangs just visible between his lips as he caught fire as well and I was forced to watch him die.
“Kristair!”
Shuddering, I pulled myself out of the memory. It was just a dream, nothing more, and not even a very realistic one at that. “Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
I met Jacob’s concerned eyes and smiled. “Of course.” Disappointment and frustration flashed over his face, and immediately guilt twinged. I knew he thought I was pushing him away. I didn’t know how to explain to him that I wasn’t, that there was merely no point in rehashing issues that didn’t matter. But for his sake, I had to try. “I shouldn’t let it disturb me. After all, whoever it was was long dead before the flames touched them.”
“Something like this disturbs anybody with a conscience.”
I pulled the tart out of the oven, and despite the delectable scent, I’d lost any interest in sampling it. The sound of the reporter’s voice winked out, replaced by Jacob’s favorite XM country station. “I was thinking of calling those detectives I know to see if they’d drop us a hint or two. Only knowing them, they’d come up with a way to blame me, especially Kuykedal.”
“He does seem to have it out for you, but he hasn’t charged you with anything yet.”
“Not for lack of trying.”
I served the both of us, knowing Jacob would fret if I didn’t eat after all my effort. “Besides, what would you do even if they gave you a lead, chase it down? I thought you wanted a nice, calm, normal life now. No more adventure.”
“Call me paranoid, but it’s been too quiet. I keep waiting for the bogeyman to come bursting out of the shadows shouting ‘boo.’ Given the fact that I now know vampires and magic are real, I wouldn’t put it past the bogeyman to exist.” Jacob poked at the tart with his fork and took a cautious sniff. “Looks pretty good.”
I shook my head; he didn’t have to sound so surprised at that. “I haven’t poisoned you… yet.”
He grinned at me. “Not for lack of trying,” he said again. “There’s still an eggplant in the fridge.”
I dug my fork in, but the delicate cheeses and caramelized onions failed to lure me out of my thoughts. I couldn’t shake the feeling of premonition hanging heavy over me. Maybe I was finally letting my dreams get to me, but I’d never put them to rest if I kept ignoring them as I had done. “Would you do me a favor? Call those detectives of yours. I just want to make sure that those victims were already dead before the fire.”
Jacob looked as if he were about to argue but thought better of it. “I’ll leave a message for Aderson. He’s better about getting back to me without the hassle. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything. You do realize he might not tell us jack.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I covered his hand with my own. “Thank you. It’s probably just the conspiracy theories of an old man, but it will soothe my restless curiosity knowing one way or another.”
“Okay, gramps. I’d better get to the gym before I meet with the execs and my agent again.” Jacob rose and placed his dish in the sink, then came over, and gave me a hard kiss. “Try to put it out of your head. It’s just some whack job who’s preying on people who’ve got nobody to look out for them. The police will get him, eventually.”
“I’ll be fine, I promise.” I watched Jacob go from the screen door and cleaned the kitchen. And then it was time to go out and face the day. It was easier when I was with Jacob doing our morning runs because I didn’t want him to see my apprehension. And it had gotten to the point where cloudy or rainy days barely made me twitch.
Sunlight flooded our yard, bright and glowing golden. The summer heat struck me as I stood on the porch, reminding me quite vividly of the burns I’d suffered when my office had been on fire. Intellectually, I knew I wouldn’t burst into flame when I walked out into that light, but it was difficult to ignore two thousand years of instinct shrieking and clawing at me.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped off the porch and managed to keep from flinching at the same time. I’d passed the test another day. I refused to become a prisoner in my own home during the day. I would get used to my new existence through a sheer effort of will if nothing else.
By the time I arrived at my office in the Cathedral, I’d almost put worries of sunlight and murder victims out of my mind. I had chosen a different kind of life, one with peace and companionship in it with the love I’d always craved. There was no sense in seeking out the blood and battles that had occupied my time before. There was no sense in giving into my fears of change.
Then Jacob called.
Frowning, I set the phone back on the receiver and stared at it for a long time, unease slithering over my skin and my intuition jangling. According to Detective Aderson, the victims had been dead already, and each one had been found with a knife still lodged in their heart.
Killers didn’t leave their murder weapons behind. Unless the knife wasn’t a murder weapon and was merely used to keep its victim immobile so the sun could do its work. Was it paranoia, my own fears haunting me, or was it significant?
I checked my watch. It was almost time to pack up anyway and head home. I could leave a bit early, take a different bus, and swing by the crime scene beforehand. It wasn’t that far from our house, and then….
And then what? Investigate? Get myself noticed by the police still doing their work? Bad enough I had Jacob call and get on their radar. My young lover would rightfully throw a fit if I involved myself, as I would if he had. I rose and pushed the idea out of my thoughts. The past was buried—best just to let it be.
I PEERED in on Kristair as I carried the dirty dinner dishes to the sink. He sat in his favorite chair with a book open in his lap, though I had yet to see him turn a page. It was only another sign of his distraction. He denied being lost in thought, but I hadn’t been able to draw him into a conversation all evening, and he hadn’t uttered a word of protest when I offered to load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen.
It proved my point, at least to me, but now I was stuck with the chore.
I glanced at him again as I went to scrub down the table, and it struck me how young he looked. Maybe a year or two older than me at the most. Sometimes I forgot he had been my age when he was turned into a vampire. When he gazed at me with his ancient eyes or spoke in that proper manner of his, his youthfulness faded.
The windows and back door to the kitchen were open, letting in the night breeze to soothe away the sultry heat of the day. It was almost getting to the point where we’d need to keep the AC on at night as well, but I kinda missed the liquid heat of Louisiana. I’d never had AC growing up, and I sure as hell appreciated it during the day, but sometimes it made me feel like I was living in a box with no outdoor sounds. Kristair never seemed to be bothered by the heat or cold—or he just hid it damn well.
I didn’t hear a sound, no creak of the back porch, no sensation of eyes on me, so when the knock came on the screen door, I nearly jumped out of my skin. “The fuck!” I tossed the sponge into the sink, turned, and froze. Ghedi Ussier’s dark face peered at me through the screen. For once, there was no trace of dimples, and his gray eyes were glacial.
“What do you want?” That came out far more belligerent than I intended, but good god, my heart was still pounding. Sneaky, soft-footed bastard.
“Good to see you, too, Mr. Corvin. Is the old man home? I need to speak with him.”
“What about?” I made no move to open the door or to invite him in. Dammit, I’d never told him Kristair had returned, and I was pretty sure my lover hadn’t either. Couldn’t say I was too surprised he’d found out, though, but it was unsettling to think we might’ve been vampire gossip. If Ussier knew, how many others did? Did they know Kristair was human now? That he was vulnerable?
“Jacob,” Kristair said from behind me.
I flinched inside. Kristair wouldn’t chastise me in front of others, wouldn’t even consider it, but boy, right now was one of those rare moments when I was glad we didn’t share our mental connection. I could sense his disapproval for my manners even without glancing at him.
“Ancient One.” Was it my imagination, or was there a note of almost welcome relief in Ussier’s tone? I’d never heard anything like it in all the time I’d known him. Then, to my surprise, without a word of invitation from either of us, Ussier had the gall to open the door and walk right in. I thought there were rules against that.
“It doesn’t work that way. You know that,” Kristair said in an undertone as he strode forward and clasped Ussier’s hand. “It’s good to see you, old friend.”
“I thought you couldn’t read my mind anymore,” I muttered under my breath, snagging a beer from the fridge.
“Your expression spoke volumes. I don’t need to read minds to know what you’re thinking.”
“That’s true, Corvin, you never did make an attempt to hide what you thought or felt about something.”
I opened my mouth to tell Ussier that when I wanted his opinion I’d ask for it, but the tension around the vamp’s eyes stopped my words. Something was wrong, seriously wrong. Kristair cast me a glance that was both a warning and a plea for patience, and I subsided with a mental grumble.
“Please, let’s sit and you can tell me what brings you here.” Kristair gestured to the kitchen table, and I cocked my head and studied my lover’s face. It was as smooth and unreadable as ever, but something in the shade of his voice made me wonder if he already suspected the reason for Ussier’s visit. He’d better not have been holding out on me.
Ussier pulled out a chair and leaned back with careless grace, as if this really wasn’t anything more than a reunion between friends. Only the intensity of his gaze gave away his agitation, and that was more than I’d ever seen from him. Frowning, I sat down as well, admitting to myself that my curiosity had been raised.
“Is this about the serial killer?” Kristair asked, and to my double shock, Ussier nodded.
“Yes, whoever it is has been targeting vampires, striking them just at dawn when they’re the weakest, then staking them outside to let the sun do its work for them.”
“Wait a minute, they’re vampires?” I asked Ussier and then turned to Kristair. “And you knew this?”
“No, I merely started suspecting it this morning.” Kristair glanced at me, his expression inscrutable. I could have sworn he was trying to tell me something, something he didn’t want to say aloud with Ussier here, so I bit my tongue. For the moment.
“What made you suspicious, old man?”
Kristair turned his attention to Ussier, a thoughtful frown furrowing between his brows. “The timing bothered me, for one. If the hunter was going for humans, then he ran the chance of running into them awake. For instance, this morning was a workday. So were most of the others, if I recall. Many of his victims would’ve been up and about if they were human. Two or three a.m. would have been a better time to strike.”
It hit me then, what Kristair didn’t want Ussier to know. His dreams. That must’ve given Kristair the first connection. But weren’t they only nightmares brought on by his return to humanity and not prescience? After all, the dreams had started long before the murders.
“The fact that none of the victims had any family or friends searching for them was another clue, but there were no other similarities between them. They were of different ages, men and women, from various backgrounds. They only thing they had in common was that they were alone in the world. Still, that wasn’t enough to satisfy me and make me jump to the conclusion that they were vampires.”
“That’s why you had me call Aderson. But I don’t get it, if they were vampires, wouldn’t autopsies show they were already dead before the fire? No matter how badly they were charred?” I scratched my head. Come to think of it, how did that work? How would a coroner find cause of death on a body that had ceased changing however many ages ago? “How does that make a difference one way or another?”
“The fact that the bodies were so badly destroyed by the fire was another clue. A human would have something left, no matter how bad the fire was. And all of these fires were reported rather quickly. I asked some more questions after you called and it seemed that whatever remains there were, none of them made it to the coroner’s intact. The older a vampire is when they finally perish, the quicker they decay. Besides, only vampires burn so easily. No other creature, mortal or supernatural, immolates so fast, and your detective friend admitted they couldn’t find traces of any accelerant.”
“You have been giving it some thought, Ancient One,” Ussier said, a pleased smile flickering across his lips. “How come I’m not surprised? Anything else you care to add to your theories?”
Kristair slipped his fingers into my own, giving my hand a squeeze. “Not really, there were other things that bothered me, but I didn’t know for certain until you showed up. That’s why you’re here isn’t it? You need someone to help you hunt down whoever’s preying on the vampires.”
“Oh, no way in hell.” I glared at the both of them. “You’re outta yer damn mind, Kristair.”
Ussier’s cold gaze zeroed in on me. Only lines of strain and worry around his mouth and eyes made him seem at all human. “Whoever’s doing it is only attacking us at dawn, not at any damn time we can fight back. They certainly aren’t vampire, that’s for sure, and the majority of us don’t have any defense against these kinds of attacks. I don’t even know how the fuck they’re finding out where their victims are sleeping.”
“What about Lisabeth? Has she been able to divine any leads?”
“Nothing tangible, the only thing she’s been able to tell me is that whoever’s behind this has their soul divided. Whatever the fuck that means.”
Kristair was staring, off, a finger tapping against his chin slowly. “Have there been any other attacks on your people other than the ones we’ve heard about on the news?”
That had to be a good sign—Kristair wasn’t lumping himself in with his old friends—but I did wish Ussier would stop indulging his curiosity, even if I was a bit interested myself. It just couldn’t be good that he showed up here tonight. To distract myself, I rose and finished loading the dishwasher as I listened in on their conversation.
“Not yet. At first we thought it might be a werecreature, given the gruesome way they were killed. Or an especially tenacious hunter. But Silverfeather insists it’s not one of his people, and I doubt he’d be willing to break the truce we have at this time. And a random hunter popping up here doesn’t make much sense either. There are more notorious vampire lairs than Pittsburgh.”
“Whoa, now wait a goddamn minute.” I turned around and glared at the both of them in exasperation. “Have I been living in a bubble all my life? How come I heard none of this until you popped up?” I pointed at my lover.
“Humans only believe what they want to believe. How often did you hear somebody claiming supernatural sightings and dismiss them as jokes, crackpots, or lunatics? Welcome to the real world kid,” Ussier said with a hint of his old grin.
“I’m probably going to regret asking this, but what is considered a notorious vampire lair?”
“Mexico City comes to mind. Of course, with all the unrest in Kabul and Peshawar and other locations in the Mideast, more vampires are flocking over there. Unexplained bodies don’t raise such a fuss in such places.”
“These attacks could be personal,” Kristair said softly.
“No shit they’re personal. Someone wants to get our attention and make their damn point.” Ussier scowled, his voice grim. “I get the feeling it’s personal, only I don’t have a damn clue who they’re trying to get at. We all have enemies of one kind or another.”
“Has anyone in your circle lost someone close to them?”
“The gentleman this morning got together with Artemise once a month, but the rest were on the fringes or just passing through.”
Kristair’s head shot up. “Bedwyr?”
“Yeah, I forgot, you would’ve known him too. Otherwise, there doesn’t seem to be any real pattern to whose targeted, unless it’s just opportunity. Except for Bedwyr, none of the victims were too old. They wouldn’t have the safeguards the rest of us do. Though, whoever it is, Kristair, they’re not leaving one damn trace for us.”
“Have you considered that the assassin is using magic?” Kristair asked, and I studied his face, searching for any signs of grief for this Bedwyr person, but my lover seemed as inscrutable as always.
Ussier grimaced. “Yes, but if they are, it’s not a form either Lisabeth or Artemise recognizes.”
“They’re the experts,” Kristair said thoughtfully, his eyes far away. I recognized that expression, when his thoughts were moving so fast it was damn near impossible to decipher them. It used to give me a headache when he did that. Then he pinned his gaze on Ussier, for the moment every inch the ancient vampire he used to be. “You’re here to call in old favors.”
“It is the currency of the undead,” Ussier said smoothly.
Kristair inclined his head toward him. “It would be my honor to help you in any way I can.”
“Wait a minute—”
“It’s not open for discussion, Jacob.” The utter finality in Kristair’s voice and the direct look he gave me brought me up short. He’d never spoken in that tone before.
“Fuck me,” I cursed viciously, glaring at him and trying to penetrate that thick skull of his with some other choice words.
“I think it’s time I leave you two lovebirds to discuss this.” Ussier rose and shook Kristair’s hand. “You know how to get a hold of me.”
“Of course, my friend.”
Ussier nodded to me. “See you around, Mr. Corvin.”
Guilt made me writhe a little inside. For Christ’s sake, it wasn’t that I didn’t sympathize with Ussier, and I knew I owed him, but someone here had to have a little common sense. I stared after him as he walked out the door and then let out a groan of frustration. “Wait, Ussier.”
To my surprise, Kristair didn’t try to follow me out, and Ussier paused, waiting for me on the porch. “Look, I know I owe you, I owe you big time,” I said in a low voice. “But dammit, you can’t ask him to do this. We’re only human again. We’re gonna get ourselves killed.”
Ussier paused and grinned. “Only human? Somehow I doubt that. Besides, I’m not looking for you two to start a war. I’m more interested in using that old man’s mind. He’s been around longer than any of us. If anyone can put all the pieces together, it’s him. You’re pretty damn clever yourself. You two make a good team.”
I considered that as I walked him out to his 4Runner, weighing the danger with everything the vampire had done for Kristair and me, and then sighed. “Okay, so you’re just seeing if we can run down a new angle, not take whoever this is out.”
“I’d be very put out if you did. Just see what you can dig up; then pass it on. I’d like to get my hands on them personally. And don’t fuss so much. The old man hasn’t been around this long without learning a thing or two about survival. Human or not, it’s going to be hard to catch him unawares.”
Ussier didn’t know my lover the way I did. Kristair’s intelligence and tenacity I didn’t doubt for one bit, but I did worry about his state of mind. And damn him for being such a closed-mouth ass on that score.
Ussier clapped me on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “I really do appreciate this.”
“Why did you help me after Kristair was gone? For all you knew, it was over and done with, you owed me nothing. Forgive me if I’m offending you, but you never struck me as a man who did anything without anticipating getting something in return. What did you think I could possibly offer you?”
Ussier laughed. “You’re kidding right? Maybe you don’t appreciate just how unusual you are. Not only did you capture the old man’s devotion, but you bonded with him on a level I still don’t understand. You were the only human ever to have a vampire’s abilities without changing into one yourself, which meant you didn’t have any of our weaknesses. I don’t think you realize how much power you were sitting on.”
“I knew. Even though I didn’t want to know,” I replied softly. Then I shook my head, banishing old memories. “When we’ve got your answers, are we done? All debts cleared?”
Ussier regarded me steadily, and for a moment I thought I might’ve pushed the vampire lord too far. “You really are hell-bent on protecting him aren’t you? I can respect that. Yeah, you get me the answers I want and the table’s clean between us.”
“Somehow I doubt it’s the last I’d hear from you though.”
He laughed again and clapped me on the arm before unlocking his 4Runner, only reinforcing my opinion that Ghedi Ussier was not the kind of man who let anyone slip through his fingers that he could use to his benefit. “I do like you, kid. See you around.”
I LISTENED intently for Jacob’s return, the stomp of his feet and the second slam of the screen door, only when he did come back, he did so quietly. I had my back turned to him, busying myself at the counter, but I sensed his return like a coming thunderstorm, somehow all the more ominous because he wasn’t ranting.
“You’re angry,” I said, turning my head in his direction just enough so I could see him out of the corner of my eye, though I remained where I was.
“Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out,” Jacob said, his voice deceptively soft. I knew that tone. He wasn’t in one of his shouting, arm-waving fits—he had gone past spitting furious to obdurate reason. He wanted some concession from me and wasn’t going to ease up until he got it. And the anger was still there, simmering under the surface, fueling his determination.
“I’m sorry I spoke to you the way I did. I didn’t want to argue about it in front of him. It was….” I paused, searching for the right word as Jacob laid a hand on the counter on each side of me, caging me between his body and the counter. His closeness was electric and robbed me of my words. “Discourteous, especially after—”
“Oh, I know why you did it,” Jacob interrupted, his breath fanning the back of my neck, causing a ripple of awareness to strum through me. “Our old mental speech would’ve been quite handy then. Don’t you think?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Having you rage in my head would’ve been distracting.”
“You’re doing it again.”
My lover knew just how potent he was to my senses and used it shamelessly to his advantage. Right then we were so close I could feel the heat of his body, though he wasn’t touching me. Between that and the force of his anger, which was warranted, I admitted to myself, I found it hard to gather my skittering arguments. “Doing what?”
“Every time I bring up our old connection you dismiss it or ignore it. Why’s that, you think?”
I set down the pile of silverware I’d been sorting and tamped down my initial dismay. “I’m not going to waste my energy pining for something I cannot have.”
“You know what I think?”
“I think you think too much,” I said with exasperation.
But at this moment, I’d dearly have loved a peek into his mind, if only to discover the best way to soothe him without breaking my word to Ussier. That I couldn’t was an open wound I tried my best to ignore. Trust Jacob to stir up things that were best left alone.
“I think you’re hiding again, love.”
I stiffened and glared over my shoulder at him. “Are you calling me a coward?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. But you do guard your heart, Kristair, and you don’t acknowledge anything that might hurt you. And you refuse to admit that you’re afraid sometimes, when I know you are.”
Jacob saw so much. Even without our connection, he understood, he knew me in ways that no one else had my entire long existence. Which made it doubly pointless to talk about, if he knew already there was nothing to say. “What would admitting it prove?”
“That’s my point exactly.”
“Then please enlighten me,” I said through clenched teeth. “Because I’m failing to see it. And what does this have to do with your anger over Ussier’s request?” I turned around to face him, which was a mistake. Jacob’s eyes were a blazing, hot blue, and his face was set at its most stubborn. There was something about Jacob all fired up that got to me in the most primitive way possible.
“Everything, fucking everything. You’ve found yourself in a world you don’t understand, you feel like you’re powerless and lost, and instead of turning to me, you’re shutting me out. And I really don’t give a damn what the reasons are, but I want you to stop. What, you don’t think I won’t understand how it is to feel like that?”
I gaped at him, amazed at how close he came to the truth. How did he do that? Even with him knowing me, it was uncanny. “No, that’s not it at all. I know you do.” So many reasons flooded my mind, and I couldn’t articulate even one.
When I didn’t say anything else, the fire in his eyes ignited even more, and deep down, another thrill of anticipation rippled through me. Not that I wanted Jacob to be angry with me, but he made furious breathtaking.
“You refuse to acknowledge that we once had that connection. I bet you don’t even think about it because it hurts too much.”
“Mourning it is not going to bring it back, Jacob. I’d rather save my energies to adapting.” Which was as close as I was going to get to admitting that he was right. I’d been human once before; I could be human again. At least this time I had Jacob’s own experiences to help guide me. His memories had saved my pride on more than one occasion.
Some of the heat faded in Jacob’s gaze, and he gave me a small smile. “Why can’t we get it back? We didn’t have that connection because you were a vampire, not really. It’s something you learned to do by exercising that brain of yours and your people’s spell helped reinforce it. You keep saying my mind and will is strong, what’s to stop us from trying to develop the connection again?”
“You don’t think I haven’t thought of that?” I shook my head. “Yes, in theory it’s possible, but part of the trick is believing it will work, training your mind until the thought becomes reality.”
“Then there’s no problem.” Jacob grinned and pressed a quick, tingling kiss to my lips. “We know it will work. We just need some practice.”
“No, we don’t know. We don’t know what the Ascended have done to us. If they reduced us somehow to keep this from happening at all. I’m sure they were prudent enough to set limits. I know I would’ve, if I had been in their position.”
That shut him up for a second, but then Jacob’s chin jutted out stubbornly. “Whatever, maybe they did, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying it.”
I sighed, struggling for patience. “Jacob, mo chroí, consider this. What happens if we do try and it works?”
“That would be rather fucking awesome.” When I didn’t immediately share his jubilation, Jacob’s smile turned into a frown. “So please tell me why you don’t think it’s awesome.”
“I’m concerned that it would give the Ascended an excuse to take me back. After all, I am supposed to be merely human now. And if they do take me back, I doubt they’d allow me to escape a second time.”
“Fucking a!” Jacob crossed his arms and scowled. “Dammit, I didn’t think of that. Okay, you’ve got a point,” he snapped.
I tugged his hand free as his eyes narrowed and kissed his knuckles. “Let it go,” I said softly, trying to appeal to my lover at his most stubborn. “Worrying at it won’t solve anything.”
He snorted and pulled his hand away, caging me between himself and the counter again. “You don’t know me very well, then, and we’re not even close to being finished.”
“What is there left to argue about? I’m not changing my mind about helping Ussier. I owe him a huge debt.” By all rights, Jacob should’ve been dead. If Ussier hadn’t helped him after I’d been taken…. I didn’t even like to think about what would’ve happened to him, because the best-case scenario was him being murdered outright. And the worst I couldn’t bear thinking about.
“We both do, and my conscience won’t let me ignore it either, as much as I bitched about it. And I’ll probably bitch about it pretty much non-stop until it’s over with. I’m going to help too.”
I wanted to smile at Jacob’s sour response but kept it hidden. Jacob’s sense of loyalty and fairness wouldn’t allow him to deny Ussier. I should’ve remembered that. “I know you wanted a normal life, mo chroí, and I’m sorry that once again my past is intruding on it.”
“Our past, and that’s not what’s pissing me the fuck off either,” Jacob said with his teeth clenched.
“Then what is it?” I raised my voice, goaded past patience. “Please, tell me what it is so I know.”
“I don’t trust you,” Jacob ground out, the words cutting deep. “Do you know how much it fucking infuriates me to admit that? As long as you keep things from me, as long as you keep all this bullshit locked up, I can’t trust you.”
“I have given you no reason at all to not trust me,” I lashed out, anger and hurt bubbling up out of a deep well. How could he say such a thing?
“Haven’t you? Think on it, Kristair, and when you do, get back to me.” I stared, aghast, as he walked away, and a few minutes later, the furious sounds of one of his video games drifted in from the living room.
Seething, confused, and hurt, I put some water in the kettle and placed it on the stove to heat before moving to the doorway between the kitchen and living room. Jacob sat cross-legged on the ground, his game controller on his lap, cursing a vicious storm as his character was riddled with bullets. His concentration was shot. I’d seen him make this run through the deserted, ruined city flawlessly a dozen times.
My lover knew I was there. Jacob’s shoulders had stiffened the moment I darkened the entryway, but he didn’t turn around. I stood and watched him, trying to make sense of it all, until the kettle began to whistle.
Even the ritual of making tea didn’t settle me down, and I took my steaming mug out onto the wraparound porch. Cool, soothing shadows enveloped me. A large maple stood in the yard, blocking most of the night sky. The moon was a bare sliver of silver and the stars distanced by the neighborhood streetlamps. The swing creaked as I sat down in it and stretched my legs onto the railing. Daylight was too harsh. This was the world I understood. A world that I reveled in.
Only it was no longer my world.
I could no longer penetrate the shadows and see as clearly as if it were day. I could no longer scent an approaching intruder as they neared, hear distinctive sounds amidst the motley background noise. If someone came at me, I had to rely on human strength, human reflexes. I couldn’t keep Jacob safe in the manner that I wanted to keep him safe.
We no longer had our supernatural abilities, but we couldn’t hide behind the safe ignorance of humans either. We were aware of the other world just as they were aware of us. A beautiful and terrible world. We couldn’t ignore it and hope they’d ignore us in return. We had to find a way to embrace both sides to survive.
Becoming a vampire had been a far more terrifying change at the onset, but I would admit, this change back to being a human was harder to adjust to. And it irritated me all the more because I was having such difficulties reconciling what I had been with what I was now. I had never been one of those who had railed against being a vampire, who had thought it was a curse. Still, I believed the sacrifice was worth it.
I couldn’t understand what else Jacob wanted from me. I was trying to adjust in the only way I knew how. Couldn’t he see that?
I wasn’t sure how long I sat out there, but my tea had grown cold by the time I heard the screen door open and Jacob stepped out onto the porch. The ache in my chest swelled up, and I closed my eyes. I hated quarreling with him. It left me shaken and uncertain, vulnerable in ways I’d never allowed myself to be before he came into my life.
He didn’t say a word, but I knew he was looking at me the same way I had been studying him before I came out here. I finally turned my head and met his gaze. His face was cast in shadows, but I knew this man better than my own self in many ways, and he was aching just as much as I.
“Did you come out here to see whether or not I took your car and went out on my own?” The accusation came out before I could censor it. It was as if I had some perverse need to nettle him.
“The thought did come to mind.”
“I wouldn’t dare touch your baby.” That car, a royal blue ’79 Camaro Z28, had been Jacob’s first purchase after he’d signed with the NFL. I’d helped him piece it together, following his tutelage, until it was fully restored. It now sat gleaming in the driveway, and I hadn’t a clue of how to drive it. All I knew was that it was more complicated than my own. I could let Jacob’s memories guide me as I did in other things, but I wasn’t sure he had that good of a grasp on driving himself.
“You are too proud and stubborn, and I didn’t come out here to fight with you again,” Jacob said evenly.
“You are just as guilty as I am when it comes to being proud and stubborn, Jacob Allen Corvin.”
“True.” He crossed over to me and took my mug, setting it on the railing before kneeling on the swing and straddling my lap. “And I’m sorry for what I said.”
Jacob apologizing first was a novelty, and it was enough to make me back down from my defensive stance. “If I admit that I’m afraid, will you tell me why you don’t trust me?” That bothered me more than I could say, and Jacob’s expression softened.
“That came out wrong.” Once again, frustration crossed his face. “Fuck. I don’t know how to explain it. But it comes down to this: It pisses me off that I can’t figure out how you’re going to respond to this investigation. Everything’s changed for you and you haven’t reacted at all. You’ve had your damn poker face on since you’ve returned. I keep feeling like you’re shoving everything away and one day you’re just going to explode when it gets to be too much. And I can’t help but wonder if this is going to be the trigger or not.”
“Jacob, may I point out that you’re the hothead, not me. I don’t explode.”
“Oh really?” Jacob gave me a penetrating look. “Maybe you don’t go off all half-cocked like I do, but once you consider someone an enemy you hunt them down without any mercy.”
“That’s the way it should be. Leaving an enemy around to hound you again is pure foolishness.”
“Wait, I’m not done.” Jacob fisted a hand in his hair. “Just because I run hot and you run cold when it comes to fighting doesn’t mean the same things don’t drive us, the same emotions.” I had to concede Jacob’s point there. Sometimes I forgot how well he understood how people worked. He had an innate wisdom when it came to others.
“And when you get caught up trying to protect someone, Kristair, you don’t always think things through. I worry to death that you’re gonna forget that you’re not some badass vampire anymore now that your friends are threatened and that you’re going to get yourself killed. Either because you haven’t given yourself a chance to adapt yet or because you’re trying to prove yourself.”
Jacob watched me as I floundered for a reply. Sometimes he could show remarkable patience, and he did so now, waiting for me with at least a semblance of calm. This wasn’t a random lashing out as I had thought. Jacob had very valid reasons for being upset, and for once, I didn’t know how to reassure him. I was going against two thousand years of instinct, all of which said to chase down whoever was behind the murders and do whatever was necessary to destroy them.
“I will admit that I haven’t thought of it from quite that perspective.” Jacob breathed a sigh, and tension I hadn’t realized he still carried flowed out of him. “You’re right to worry and all I can say is that I’ll try, I swear I’ll try to be extra careful and diligent about what I can and cannot do.”
Even admitting that much of my limitations stung.
“Well, that’s a start, and I’m not going to push you for anything more now.” Jacob leaned in and brushed his lips over mine. “Look, I know I hurt ya with what I said, and….”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You wouldn’t.” He ran his fingers over my scalp and rubbed his thumb along my jaw. I slid my hands up, cupping the back of his head. “But I know I did and I’m sorry.”
“No apologies are necessary, mo chroí, not if you kiss me,” I said, drawing his head down, anxious to taste him, to feel the physical connection again and know that everything was once again okay between us.
“I’m gonna do damn more than kiss you,” Jacob said in a husky voice, and then our lips met, and I knew.