compassion training: metta meditation
by Lisa Jakub
Metta, or loving kindness, meditation is my favorite way to calm down and feel a little more compassion for myself and others. First step: get comfortable. Sit on a chair or the couch or the floor. Lie down on the bed or on the coffee table. This is going to be challenging enough without forcing your body into some uncomfortable position. If you are on the floor, try sitting on the edge of a cushion or blanket, so that your hips are higher than your knees.
Breathe naturally and repeat the phrases (out loud or in your head):
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I live with ease.
Now insert the name of someone you love. And, yes, of course pets count.
May _____ be well.
May _____ be safe.
May _____ be happy.
May _____ be healthy.
May _____ live with ease
.
Insert the name of someone you don’t really have any feelings about. Like maybe your mail carrier.
May _____ be well.
May _____ be safe.
May _____ be happy.
May _____ be healthy.
May _____ live with ease.
Now insert the name of someone you have a . . . complicated relationship with. Someone with whom things are just plain difficult. The mere mention of this person brings up not-so-flattering feelings in your heart. It’s okay—you don’t have to tell anyone whom you chose to focus on here.
May _____ be well.
May _____ be safe.
May _____ be happy.
May _____ be healthy.
May _____ live with ease.
If that last exercise stresses you out, make sure you circle back to yourself again, because right now you are the one suffering. And remember that dealing with family is super high-level spiritual work.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I live with ease
.
The last step is to open up all this loving kindness to the wider world:
May all beings be well.
May all beings be safe.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be healthy.
May all beings live with ease.
If you are trying to focus on all this lovely compassion but find yourself obsessing about that mean thing your friend said three months ago, that’s totally okay. That’s normal. When you have those thoughts, just come back to focus on your breath and the words. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t decide that you suck at meditation and should stop. Just bring your attention back. Those random thoughts are like clouds on a windy day. Let them come and go. You’re bigger than the clouds; you’re the sky.
There are also many app options for meditation, such as Headspace, Mindfulness, Calm, and my favorite, Insight Timer. The latter offers guided meditations, music, ambient noise, and bells. It tracks your meditation sessions and offers milestones and cool graphs to keep you motivated. Try to get quiet for just a couple of minutes every day. For me, that was the tiny change that changed everything.