Larry knew I was there before I even got the chance to knock.
The demon dog was barking nonstop from the other side of the door as I raised my fist to knock against Tyler’s penthouse entry. I banged a solid three clangs anyway, then stepped back and waited.
“Hey?” Tyler opened the door with a fast swing and gave me a puzzled look. She was wearing the shortest shorts I’d ever seen in my life and a tight tank top that made it very obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
Damn it, Isa.
“Uh, yeah.” I shuffled my feet slightly, readjusting the hem of my shirt and trying not to look directly at her nipples pressing against the fabric of her shirt. “I was downstairs and just had an idea I wanted to run by you.”
“Sure.” She held the door open wider and motioned for me. “Come in, come in.”
“So, Kiki needs to make a splash with its opening, right?” I said as I waltzed past her and headed toward the giant white sectional couch in her living room area. I took a seat on one of the chaise sections and stretched my legs out like I belonged there. That was the key to social anxiety—pretend you didn’t have it. Fake it till you make it is a very valid coping mechanism.
Larry jumped onto the other end of the couch and just sat there, staring at me. I’d never seen a dog mean-mug someone before, but Larry had it down to an art form.
“Right. We definitely need the press,” Tyler agreed, following me but not taking a seat just yet. She stood across from me, her arms by her sides. “Meaning…what?”
I spread my hands in an arch, my palms out. “Live podcast recording.”
She blinked, then tilted her head to the side. “Of The Deviant Devotee?”
“No, of Y’all Gay, obviously. I just spoke with Ali Clayton, and she’s in.” I did actually like that podcast—one of the very few I’d ever actually entertained—but every word out of my mouth just then had been fabricated. I thought that was obvious from my sarcastic tone, but…
“Wait…really? I love Ali Clayton,” Tyler began, clearly getting amped up at the very idea. “Are you serious?”
Swing and a miss. “No. Of course I was referring to your podcast. I mean, you’re an investor, and we’re together…it just makes sense, you know?”
She seemed to physically freeze for a moment, like she was trying to transition the idea with everything I was saying. “Like a marketing thing? Or like a personal thing? Are we revealing me being an investor? Or me being your girlfriend?”
“Not if you don’t want us to.” I sat up quickly on the chaise and bent one of my legs to push it beneath my torso. “I mean…it’s free advertising. We should consider it.”
“Yeah.” Tyler took a few steps forward and sat on the edge of the chaise, still keeping a good amount of distance between us. “And…?”
She was waiting for me to be honest. Les be honest, though, I didn’t like asking for help.
I stared at her for a moment longer, then let out a deep sigh and dropped my head back onto the couch cushion. “Isa thinks we should come out as a couple on your podcast as part of the reveal for the bar—stir up gossip around the whole thing to bring more people out.”
She didn’t respond immediately, and I purposely didn’t look at her to gauge her reaction. Honestly, if she looked horrified or even slightly worried, I wasn’t sure I could handle it without feeling personally rejected. It had been a long time since I’d dated someone who wasn’t completely out, and this feeling of fear and insecurity is exactly why.
I feel sympathy for the situation—believe me. I get the desire to stay in the closet and the benefit that can have for a lot of people and situations. But being out is the best thing I ever did for my mental health, and when I even had to semi-conform back to my closeted self, it can feel hella triggering.
“Is that what you want?” Tyler finally answered. “Or is that just what Isa wants?”
I lifted my head now, finally taking her expression in. I’d expected concern or disgust, but what I saw instead was unmistakably fear. “What?”
She looked down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers. “Do you want to be public?”
“I mean, I’m not the one with a public following or fan base,” I hedged my words, unsure exactly what answer she was looking for. “I’m completely out. There isn’t anyone in my life that doesn’t know I’m as lesbian as they come.”
She glanced up at me beneath her long eyelashes. “I’m mostly out,” she countered. “Maybe not publicly on social media or the podcast, but everyone in my personal life knows. It’s not like it’s a secret.”
I felt like we were playing semantics now. “But it’s not confirmed, and I know your career is important to you. I don’t know what the ramifications would be on the podcast of coming out.”
Tyler waved one hand like it was nothing. “Everyone has already guessed. It’s like the top search engine result if you look up my name.”
I couldn’t imagine being in that type of position where everyone wanted to know my sexuality all the time. Just the idea of it felt…limiting. Like she was being boiled down to just one part of herself instead of embraced as her whole being.
Still, I wasn’t sure where that left us or what she was aiming at. “So…”
“So, let’s do it.” Tyler shrugged. “Let’s do a live recording opening weekend at Kiki. We can sell tickets to make it exclusive and then have an open outdoor area for walk-in traffic.”
“Really?” My brows perked up. “The line would be around the block to get in.”
Tyler grinned as she crawled closer to me on the couch. “That’s the point, right?”
I nodded. “And…and us?”
Why the hell was I so nervous about her response? I mean, she was the one who convinced me to be her girlfriend. When the heck had I turned into a simp who was waiting for any moment of validation from the woman I was fucking? Yet, here we were. And her validation was all I wanted right now.
“Let’s announce it,” she replied, pausing next to me as she swung her legs around the couch to be right up against me. Her hand dropped onto my leg, and her fingers trailed from my ankle up to just above my knee. “We can do a whole show about us and the bar. It won’t have a crime element, obviously, but the human element sells. It will get traffic, especially among the fan base.”
My shoulders dropped as the tension eased out of me. “Shit. Really?”
She shrugged again, this time leaning in closer and letting her lips brush against my jaw in a way that made my insides coil in the best possible squeeze. “Of course. Are you surprised?”
No. Yes. No. Well, yes. “Uh…”
Tyler laughed, and her head tilted back when she did so. That meant she moved further away from me—which I definitely didn’t love—but the way her neck stretched made me want to lick the entire length of it, and I didn’t hate that. “You look like you saw the Ghost of Commitment Future.”
My tongue slid out across my bottom lip. “Honestly? I think I expected you to say no.”
She slid against the couch cushion next to me, aligning her body with mine and leaning her head against my shoulder. “Really? Why?”
That was a good question.
“I honestly don’t know,” I admitted, although the rule-follower side of her and her complicated familial relationship certainly came to mind. “I think it’s mostly based on my own preconceptions. But…honestly? If I really think about it, I…uh…I guess I didn’t think you’d publicly acknowledge being in a relationship with me…specifically, me.”
Tyler looked as shocked as I felt about the admission. Where had that even come from? Insecurity was not my brand, but the words had flown out of me with a truth I couldn’t deny.
“Yasmeen, I’m the one who wanted us to put a label on things.”
That was definitely true.
She continued. “Of course I want to go public with you.”
“This is clearly a topic I’m going to have to discuss further with my therapist,” I admitted. “Because I don’t really know where that came from. But when Isa was proposing the idea downstairs, I was just so sure that you wouldn’t want to risk the podcast for the bar…or for me.”
“Well, your feelings are valid. I’m sorry that was something you were concerned about, but the truth is…” Tyler leaned her body into mine and whispered a kiss against my cheek, her lips barely brushing mine. “I’m not risking the podcast for you or the bar. The podcast stands on its own.”
“Oh, well that makes me feel better,” I said, my tone laced with sarcasm.
Because, no, it did not make me feel better.
“Yasmeen, we don’t,” she continued. Her lips connected with my cheek now and I turned to face her, letting our kiss become real as her mouth touched mine. “We don’t stand on our own.”
Her mouth brushed mine, and I moved in for a kiss just as she pulled back. God, I was hungry for her. My body was already igniting just from the sheer proximity. “We don’t?”
She shook her head, then leaned back into me. “This? This isn’t automatic.”
My tongue slid across her bottom lip, and I nipped softly at her. “What do you mean?”
I couldn’t not kiss her right now. I had to taste her the closer she got to me. If that wasn’t automatic, I didn’t know what was.
“We are a choice.” Her voice was hushed now, barely above a whisper. “There’s nothing accidental about you or me. I want you with every intention of the word. This isn’t a phase; it isn’t even a moment.”
We aren’t just a moment.
Her words rang around inside my skull like a bell being slammed around by Quasimodo jumping on the pendulum. Once last year, Rachel had taken a Buzzfeed quiz about who was her ideal soulmate, and Quasimodo had been her future husband-to-be. Weird, since she was gay as hell, but I would never let her forget that a Buzzfeed quiz considered her dream partner to be a hunchback. That’s what true friendship is. Accountability and reality.
But enough with my ADHD thought train.
I returned my focus to Tyler.
“You and I are a choice I want to make every day,” Tyler continued.
My lips passed by hers in a swipe—a promise, but not a guarantee. “We are?”
My sentence was barely a gasp, but she consumed every breath of it.
Her words were an exhale, and I felt my muscles unclench with every syllable. “Yasmeen, what are you afraid of?”
Her question reverberated in my ribcage like an echo.
“Saying that I want this and then you saying you don’t.” The words rolled out of my mouth before my filter could turn them off. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid even though you asked me for all of this, I want it more than you do.”
I couldn’t believe that I’d actually admitted to that, but I had. We were just going full honesty tonight, and I couldn’t seem to reign it in. Hell, I couldn’t believe I actually felt that way, but the words came out of my face hole so quickly it was impossible to deny them.
“Well, this is a new take,” Tyler replied gently. “I hadn’t considered before that you’d feel insecure about our label.”
I bit my lip. “Yeah, I’m not loving this version of me right now.”
Tyler frowned. “Honestly, I’m relieved. You always seem to have everything together and are so sure of yourself. It’s actually really nice to see behind the curtain and know there’s a real person under all that bravado.”
“Very few people get to see behind the curtain,” I teased, pulling her closer to me.
Tyler lifted the bottom hem of my shirt, sliding her hand across my stomach. “This curtain?”
I leaned into her touch, letting her push me into the couch cushions as her body moved over mine. “Mmhm…”
She kissed me slowly, like taste-testing the perfect glass of wine. My eyes fluttered closed as I found myself completely engaged with the physical sensations of her hand sliding against my skin. Then her body was sliding down mine, and her hand gripped at the waistband of my jeans. With quick dexterity, she undid the button and pulled at the zipper, and I wiggled my hips to help as she pulled the denim completely down and off my legs. She tossed the pants onto the floor behind us, and Larry immediately jumped off the couch and made a nest in my discarded jeans.
I couldn’t think about the dog right now, though, because Tyler’s lips were placing careful kisses across my collarbone and then down the side of my chest, seeming to bypass my breasts on purpose. My back arched as I aimed to bring her closer to my nipples, but she continued to make her way further south. I groaned lightly, but she just looked up at me with a devilish grin on her face, and I knew she was torturing me on purpose.
Her fingers hooked the fabric of my panties and slid them off as she settled herself between my legs. I could feel her breath against me first, and my entire body shivered with anticipation.
Finally, she traced a circle over me with the tip of her tongue, and I felt like someone had just hooked me up to a live wire of electricity. When her lips closed over the most sensitive part of me, she sucked just enough to give me a preview of what was to come before pulling away again.
Now I groaned loudly.
“I’ll be right back,” Tyler said, this time pushing up onto her feet and heading out of the living room.
I propped up on my elbows and looked after her. “What?”
“I’ll be right back!” she shouted, but then disappeared into the bedroom.
“Don’t mind me,” I called after her. “I’ll just sit here, clam out like an all you can eat seafood buffet.”
Tyler laughed as she reappeared a moment later. “Patience is not your virtue.”
“But orgasms are,” I countered.
She held her hand up, and in her palm rested a small red, oval-shaped device in the palm of her hand. “Good thing I brought reinforcements.”
I lifted one brow, intrigued. “Complaint rescinded.”
Tyler settled herself back between my legs, and I heard a small buzzing noise as I dropped my elbows and lay back on the couch cushions. She placed the stimulator against my inner thigh at first, and I felt the soft pull at my skin as it vibrated and suctioned against me. The sensation moved up my thigh, and Tyler’s fingers slid across my core, spreading me for better access.
When she placed it against my clit, I nearly bucked right off the couch but she placed her palm flat against my lower stomach to hold me down. The tension twisting in my core mixed with the pressure of her hand against me felt like the perfect combination and I was off to the races.
My hips moved of their own accord and she lifted her hand to allow me more movement. With the device still in place and pulling at me like it was begging me to unravel, Tyler’s fingers swirled around my entrance. She pressed one finger inside first, and I clenched around her like I wasn’t going to let go. When she added a second finger, I could feel the precipice approaching fast, and knew I was about to go overboard.
“It’s so fucking sexy to see you like this,” Tyler’s voice was a throaty whisper and she didn’t stop her fingers as her mouth kissed my inner thigh and her teeth left soft nips against my skin.
The combination of her voice, her teeth, her fingers, the device…I couldn’t stop it any longer. My body tensed like a bomb, and when the explosion came, I felt wholly splintered with pleasure and purpose and waves of passion.
“Tyler!” I cried out her name, because holy fucking shit, how could I not? And my words only made her apply more pressure as she took me for everything I had to offer. It seemed to go on forever, like I was just perpetually falling into an abyss, and the pleasure and terror were one and the same. Maybe it was only seconds, maybe it was minutes—I didn’t fucking know, or care—but my body pushed itself to the edge of what I even knew was possible.
When I finally went limp beneath her, she slowed her movements and softened her touch. The device was gone now, and she was instead gently caressing me with feather soft pressure to help me come back to reality.
“That was…” I let out a long exhale. “Incredible. You are incredible.”
She dropped down onto the couch next to me, curling into my side. I hugged my arms around her shoulders and kissed her temple.
“Are you staying the night tonight?” she asked.
I nodded, because I was absolutely going nowhere after that. “Sure. Let me text Isa to close up for me though.”
I could already picture Isa laughing and saying I told you so.