Situations 39&40
SELF-SACRIFICE AND SELF-PRESERVATION

“You find true joy and happiness in life when you give and give and go on giving and never count the cost.”

–EILEEN CADDY

Self-Sacrifice

Self-Sacrifice is a noble, generous, and unselfish act.

This situation requires a Hero, an Object, and a Thing Sacrificed. There are three types of Sacrifice: One is selfish in motive—Sacrifice for Passions—while the other two are selfless—Sacrifice for Ideal and Sacrifice for Kindred.

THING SACRIFICED

The Thing Sacrificed can be either selfish or selfless in nature.

Self-Sacrifice can be a wonderful thing when done with pure intentions. But there are times when the motive of a character that shows Self-Sacrifice may be to make another character feel guilty or obligated to her. If she is a self-proclaimed caretaker or martyr who finds her worth only in giving to receive, she is using Self-Sacrifice as a device to manipulate others. Very often those close to her won’t want to accept gifts and help from her because they know there are strings attached. Think of Ray Romano’s mother in Everybody Loves Raymond as an example of this. She sacrifices for the family to fulfill her passion to be needed.

This Selfish Sacrifice for Passion generally falls into the sacrificing for one’s own interest or to manipulate others.

Passion can cause one to act impulsively or without logic:

• sacrificing sacred vows for a passion

• sacrificing honor due to temptation

• sacrificing health for a passion

• sacrificing of one’s fortune for a passion

True Self-Sacrifice involves a hero with pure intentions, someone who for political or religious reasons, honor, or piety decides to make a sacrifice. This could be sacrifice of:

• ties

• interests

• ambition

• goals

• love

• happiness

• modesty

• life itself

Sacrificing for ideals consists of:

• sacrificing to keep one’s word

• sacrificing for one’s people

• sacrificing for one’s faith

Sacrificing for kindred consists of:

• sacrificing for one’s friends

• sacrificing for one’s parents or siblings

• sacrificing for the happiness of a child

THE HERO

The Hero in the Idealistic and Kindred types is pure in intentions when he makes the decision to sacrifice something. He may be a rogue at every other moment, but when he stands his ground here, he is true to his word. He will fight until his last breath. Other characters may hate him, but they can’t help admire him when he makes the ultimate sacrifice, perhaps a sacrifice they didn’t have the courage to make.

The Hero in the Passionate type of sacrifice is more on the selfish side. He either wants to manipulate others into doing something for him or he lets his desires get the better of him and he sacrifices things he really doesn’t have the right to sacrifice. Perhaps he is a married man who sacrifices his life savings on a gambling spree. Or a priest who sacrifices his vow to the church because he wants to be with a woman he just met.

OBJECT

The Object is the object sacrificed for. It is the Ideal, Kindred, or Passion desired. It can be tangible or intangible; either way, it is important to the Hero.

Whether Self-Sacrifice is used as plot, subplot, or incident, the elements of the beginning, middle, and end are the same:

BEGINNING: The Hero is placed in a position to sacrifice something for the Object. He’s not sure what to do.

• What type of Object is it?

• How deeply connected to the thing sacrificed is the Hero?

• Will any other characters offer to help him?

• Will the Hero try to find a way out of making the sacrifice at first?

• What does the Hero want to gain by making the sacrifice? Will he change a nation (Idealistic)? Save someone’s life (Kindred)? Fulfill a desire (Passion)?

• What makes the Hero capable of making a sacrifice?

• Does the Hero have any special abilities?

MIDDLE: The Hero decides to make the sacrifice and takes a chance.

• Will the Hero face any obstacles to making the sacrifice? Will another character try to stop him?

• Will all his obstacles be internal? Will he doubt himself?

• If the Hero is Passionate, will he consider the consequences of his actions?

• How will other characters react?

• Will the Hero confide in someone about what he is going to do?

• Will the Hero make any last-ditch efforts to avoid the sacrifice?

END: The Hero faces the consequences of his actions.

• Did the Hero survive the ordeal?

• Did he create the outcome he desired, even if he sacrificed himself?

• If the Hero is Passionate, will he be able to pick up the pieces and get his life back together? Does he even want to?

• Will another character be inspired and pick up where the Hero left off?

• What is learned from this sacrifice?

“Hunger, love, pain, fear are some of those inner forces which rule the individual’s instinct for self-preservation.”

–ALBERT EINSTEIN

Self-Preservation

Self-Preservation means to protect from injury or harm and to keep safe.

In this situation the Hero becomes the Preserver. She values herself and her life and won’t give it up without a fight. She realizes that true love starts with loving the self. Everyone else around her may feign being in love, but sooner or later their insecurities will come out. True love is secure.

Self-love is often too neglected, even in spiritual disciplines. We are taught to be unconditionally loving toward others, but this is impossible until we love ourselves completely, otherwise the love generated can only be conditional. Self-love is a great gift to society because it heals. Self-love does not mean one is selfish; it means taking the time to heal and work on yourself so you can be able to be there for others. Love is giving something of yourself; it is all about being open. This cannot be accomplished until one has gone inside and developed a resource to give.

How can a woman who has been abused since childhood raise children without abusing them? Can she find or build enough resources within herself to unconditionally love her future children? If she heals her pain and takes care of herself, she can be one of the best mothers in the world. There is always hope, but she needs this opportunity to help herself first.

This Hero won’t try to help others prematurely. Many times people do not want help to begin with. She will sit back and wait until the time is right. She will be available when needed but doesn’t push to help because that would only be a selfish need to make herself useful or to be the savior of the other person. She is a leader and a teacher who guides others when ready.

The Conflict comes from her struggle to keep distractions and possible guilty feelings about focusing on herself away long enough to find out who she is:

• What does she want out of life?

• What are her goals and desires?

• What is her pain?

If the situation arises for her to sacrifice herself for another she won’t do it. Usually this is not a life-or-death situation. Others may want her to sacrifice her time or resources. She is learning how to say “No” instead of putting her needs aside.

This situation is similar to the Healing Journey, but here she is more self-centered and self-focused. She will not be seeking a cure or object of some sort; instead she is seeking her true self and protecting that self. Many mothers can understand this dilemma, as they are asked to put everything about who they are as a person aside to raise their children. They are asked to live for their kids.

Whether Self-Preservation is used as plot, subplot, or incident, the elements of the beginning, middle, and end are the same:

BEGINNING: The Hero realizes she needs to make a change in her life. She begins to go inward and heal herself.

• What brought about this realization? Did she get a disease or have an accident?

• How does she begin the Healing Journey? Does she meet someone else who has done it? Does she go to a seminar?

• Does she feel guilty? Does she have responsibilities?

• Can others survive without her? Will they let her out of her prescribed role?

• Does she need to “freak out” in front of others to let them know she is serious about this?

MIDDLE: The Hero is faced with many obstacles to test her inner resolve. She is continuously tempted to go back to her old way of relating to the world.

• Why is she tempted? What is her weakness (for example, do her kids barge in on her writing time)?

• Does it seem easier at times for her to just go back to the way things were?

• What makes her keep going? Does she have an Object that reminds her to change, like an alcoholic carrying around the top to the last beer he drank?

• What will she have to give up to keep going? (Some alcoholics have to give up all their old friends.)

• How many obstacles will she face?

END: She is a changed person and is now available to help others.

• Are others happy now that she has made a change? Do they accept her new way of living? Or do they want the Hero to go back to the way she was before?

• Does she care what others think anymore? Can they still make her feel guilty?

• Is she happy about the changes she made?

• What will she do now with her new resources? Help others do the same thing?

• How will you show her metamorphosis?

• Will others even know she made a change or found herself? (Think The Bridges of Madison County.)

EXAMPLES

Pirates of the Caribbean:
The Curse of the Black Pearl, GORE VERBINSKI

SACRIFICE FOR PASSION AS PLOT— Pirate Jack Sparrow sets out to save a governor’s daughter from fellow pirates, with the hopes that it will give him the opportunity to regain the ship that was stolen from him. He sacrifices his freedom and fortune to come to the aid of his comrades. His partner sacrifices everything he has for the damsel in distress.

The Bridges of Madison County, ROBERT JAMES WALLER

SACRIFICE FOR KINDRED AND SELF-PRESERVATION AS PLOT— Photographer Robert Kincaid wanders into the life of housewife Francesca Johnson for four days in the 1960s. She falls in love with him, remembering the woman she used to be and learning about herself (Self-Preservation) but sacrifices her feelings for the sake of kindred.

Safe, TODD HAYNES

SELF-PRESERVATION AS PLOT— A housewife becomes sick, claiming she’s become sensitive to the common toxins in today’s world: exhaust, fumes, aerosol spray. Her physician examines her and can find nothing wrong. She decides to leave everything to go to a New Age retreat center. She tries to heal herself.

Something to Talk About, LASSE HALLSTROM

SELF-PRESERVATION AS PLOT— Grace discovers that her husband Eddie has been cheating on her with another woman. After confronting him in the middle of the night on the street, she decides to leave him and move in with her sister on their parents’ farm. She questions the authority of everyone, especially her father, as she breaks away from her old life and tries to start a new one.