An hour later, I’m back home with Lady and Boydy. Gram is still out, due back shortly. Boydy and I are in the garage, looking at the sunbed.

Boydy shakes his head. ‘Why should a sunbed make you invisible? People go on sunbeds all the time, and they’re pretty harmless. What’s special about this one?’ He thinks for a moment. ‘We could ask the woman in the tanning shop?’

‘I can imagine how that’ll go,’ I say with a sarcastic tone. ‘Oh, hi. That sunbed you gave me? It’s just made me invisible. Besides, tell her, and by the afternoon half of Whitley Bay will know and then it’ll be the whole world. Like, literally. Imagine: it’ll be in the papers, on the telly, all over the web.’

‘Assuming she doesn’t just fink you’re nuts. You’ll be famous!’

‘Exactly, Boydy. Exactly. And I don’t want to be.’

‘Really?’ He sounds genuinely surprised.

‘Yes really! If I’m gonna be famous at all – and I can’t really see the appeal – I want to be famous for something that I’ve done, not for having an unfortunate accident on a sunbed and being followed around by paparazzi. Besides, Gram would hate it. She’d probably think it was common.’

But Boydy’s not listening. He’s wrinkled up his nose and sniffs the air.

‘Blimey, Eff. Was that you?’

I thought I’d sneaked the burp out unobtrusively but evidently not.

‘Sorry. Yup, guilty. It’s a burp, by the way, not a … you know. I think it’s a side effect.’

His eyes widen and he sniffs again, almost gagging. ‘What is that? It’s … it’s inhuman!’

‘I think it’s my Chinese herbal medicine. I kind of overdid it, and it’s playing with my guts, so—’

‘Hang on. Your Chinese herbal medicine? Where did you get it?’

‘Off the internet. It’s an acne treatm …’ And then I tail off as it dawns on both of us simultaneously.