CHAPTER 17

Adjusting at Home

The process of getting out of bed every morning took about an hour once I refined it. It took up to two hours when I first got home, but we managed to figure out how to make it quicker. The pain and dizziness slowed things down considerably, but on a good day, when my mom dressed me in the morning, we’d get that part down to ten minutes. Since I have some arm use, I could have slid a top on fairly quickly, but pants would have taken me about forty-five minutes to get into. My mother sped that up considerably, so it made sense for her to start helping me dress.

Sleeping was a big challenge, which I hadn’t expected. Like anyone, if I were up all night, which happened with great frequency, the morning would be rough. I couldn’t roll over or change positions. When I first returned home, my mother and Chris would turn me over in the middle of the night. There was initial concern I’d get bedsores from not being able to move. Chris would go to work wiped out from not getting continuous rest, so they eventually switched off and let him turn me only on weekends. After a few months they weaned me off of this process and I didn’t get pressure sores at all. I missed being able to roll over and wrap myself around Chris. I compensated for that by cherishing his touch. Sometimes, when I was awake at night, I’d look down to see his hand on my hip. It made me feel safe seeing it, knowing he was embracing me, even if I couldn’t feel it.

The entire situation was exhausting for everyone, especially my mom. We had to figure out how to dress me, book and keep track of appointments, and transport me to those appointments. It was an enormous undertaking, and we didn’t know what we were doing. One morning, after my mother helped me out of bed, dressed me, and everything else, at a time when we were still getting our routine down, she was styling my hair for me. I asked her to spray hairspray on me, and she was so tired and frazzled that she sprayed Pine-Sol on my hair instead. She had my hair perfect, too. She was so distracted that she soaked it in cleaning supplies. We had to redo it, but we laughed so hard at what had happened, we cried.

It was difficult to keep up with the clutter, too. I loved a clean house, and I was frustrated at first with all the medical supplies stacked up in my bedroom. I think that impacted my sleeping a little.

My friends were so amazing during this time. They all wanted to help and give my mother a reprieve. Carly used to make it over twice a month to hang out and keep me company. While she was there she helped take some of the responsibility off of my mom by cathing me. It had to be done four times a day. I threw the bag away as it filled. This duty had the potential to be upsetting, but it was mostly humorous when she took the first couple of shots at it. We laughed about it a lot, about how we couldn’t imagine two years ago that one of us would be seeing me from this angle. She also knew how to transfer me, lifting me up onto my chair. She was great company and gave my mother some much-needed relief.

My brother, Aaron, was a big help as well. For the first six months, he moved from Virginia Beach to North Carolina to live with me. He was able to pick me up and put me on the couch, and it relieved my mom a bit from having to do everything.

We wound up actually making a crazy connection through some serious talks, which became fairly deep. Once when we were sitting up at night on the couch, he said, “I thought the world was kind of a cruel place. I thought it was filled with only selfish people. I have a different outlook now, after seeing so many people who care about you, stepping up.”

He saw my friends, my parents, Chris, even strangers who donated time and energy and goods and money that changed my life, and he was moved. He hadn’t realized people could be like that. He was jaded before I was injured. The accident had actually restored his faith in people. When I heard things like that, it made the injury feel easier, as if there was an upside to it. I had pain and suffering, sure, but I grabbed hold of moments like this with my brother, these little enlightening revelations, and it kept me going.

Aaron stayed with us until we managed to restore a sense of order, and then he moved in with our friend Tom, who was close by. It was really nice to have Aaron near us. One time he was over at the house hanging out, and my mom stepped out for a little while. I was still in bed. I can’t remember what I dropped, but whatever it was it must have made him think I had fallen out of bed. Three seconds later, he threw open the door.

Startled, I said, “Well, hello there.”

He said, “That was so loud I thought you fell.”

We laughed so hard. He must have hit only three steps of the full staircase, he moved so quickly.

I felt like I didn’t really know him very well before the accident. Maybe my entire life. He was eight years older, so we never hung out. But after the accident we became extremely close. He lived down the street and came over for dinner, and I saw him much more than when we were young. I was grateful for renewing that connection. It was awesome just to be able to chill with him in a way that I hadn’t expected.