CHAPTER 35

Being Heard

I still had one thing to conquer that I hadn’t since the accident: I wanted to sing again in front of people. In my efforts to remain really busy and meet new people whenever I could, and to not let this wheelchair ever get in the way, I worked hard to find new things to do. I loved my wheelchair rugby team, and I had always wanted to try something crazy, like skydiving, but sometimes I checked out the website Meetup.com to find activities in the area that might be fun for just a night.

Since I loved singing so much—it was always my passion; I loved entertaining people—I was immediately struck when I saw a karaoke night for twenty- to thirty-year-olds listed on the Meetup website. I was excited, but I was also really scared. I used to belt it out all the time before the accident, and Carly and I had done lots of singing in rehab—but I hadn’t really tried to sing much after that. Especially not in front of other people. I’d met some cool people through this site, so I decided I would sing and try something bold.

I was just going to wing it. Tom was there and Chris and Mike, too (another friend, not cousin Mike). I was wearing a burgundy mini-dress and brown leather boots. The event was at a pretty cool place in downtown Raleigh, right by NC State, a rival of ECU, and I think the drama school was there; they were belting out amazing tunes that night.

I had to coax myself a little in my head. I kept thinking, You’ve been singing all of your life. You feel pretty right now, which is important. You’re dressed nicely. You can do it. You can do it. I kept saying this in my head as I watched other people get up to sing.

When I was little, I was always performing. My friends and I would make up skits and shows, and we’d sing for our families all the time. I loved it. When I was in high school, every year I did the talent show. I always chose a Shania Twain song. One of them was “Honey, I’m Home.” I thought back to high school and remembered that people really got into that country music. I decided as I flipped through the book to channel high school and stick with a crowd-pleaser. So I did.

Chris helped me get up there and get set up. I wasn’t even nervous because I really never got nervous on stage. I was more worried because I knew I lost my breath so easily now, and I could actually get dizzy from exerting myself. So that was one concern for sure. But I had practiced at home to make sure these new issues wouldn’t slow me down. I had speakers in the walls at home and a karaoke system, and I practiced often.

But this came up on a whim and was my actual debut, and as I looked out at the crowd I had this crazy adrenaline kick. I just started singing my heart out. I don’t even remember if I thought about it. It just came so naturally and was so much fun. The crowd was totally into it; they sang along and cheered a lot at the end.

I felt really proud that people liked my performance. When I looked back at the video, which we put on YouTube, it actually looked like I was nervous. I had to hold my arm across my stomach and push on it to keep the blood pressure up—it kept me from getting dizzy. So to someone who didn’t know better, it looked like I was holding in my butterflies. But I wasn’t. It was a really meaningful night for me for sure. It had been on my list of things to do since the accident, and I felt happy to have accomplished it.