CHAPTER 36

The Positive

I think what both surprised and inspired me the most since my accident was the attention my story received. I had no idea when I was released from the hospital that it would reach anyone. Then, suddenly, I was in the news. What I appreciated most as I watched was that my determination, my character, and my personality somehow got through to people, and that really gave me confidence; it made me feel good. I felt like I did beat this injury, turned something negative into something positive by reaching out and impacting people. It was like a light switch went on, and I was forced on a new mission in life determined by circumstance, not fate.

The realization followed my first appearance on Today. People donated a lot of money, which was amazing, but they also sent letter after letter to my Facebook inbox and my e-mail. I read and responded to every single one, or at least I tried to. I did it because it made me feel great and I knew people wanted to hear back from me. People wanted to relate to me and wrote things like, “My son had this happen to him,” or “I am married to a quadriplegic.” They were trying to connect, and I quickly learned I had the strength to help them. I had spent a lot of time dwelling on the hurtful comments, but eventually I found purpose from my accident in the positive comments and the people seeking help.

I realized I could connect with people and let them know they shouldn’t just think about changing their lives when they read my story, but that they really needed to live that change. I knew that, in many instances, my story would air and then I’d be out of sight, out of mind in a sense. But when I heard stories about real changes people had made, that’s when I knew I’d made a difference and done something amazing in the years following the accident. It was easy for me to say, of course; I had a constant reminder. I lived in this chair.

So I set out to do what so many had done for me: help a recently injured patient. One in particular was fifty-three when he had a motorcycle accident. (The driver of a van had failed to yield.) I visited him in the hospital often and began giving him and his wife advice. It was so hard to look in their eyes and see the sheer fear and shock when it was all so fresh. But I told them that I was there for them day and night.

I was given a new job following the accident: Fight for the cause I lived, work hard for a cure, raise awareness, and be strong for others. As I sat by this man’s bedside for the first time, I knew I had a mission for life.

One night, as the third anniversary of the accident approached, the girls and I had a conversation. We were all sitting on the couch at Samantha’s house in our sweatpants. I remember we were playing the board game Apples to Apples, where someone draws a card with an adjective on it while everyone else puts down a card with a noun that they think best represents that adjective. Most people don’t play the game realistically but instead put down cards they think will be humorous. It was a silly, mindless game, but fun, and we liked that. I had recently visited my high school to give a speech, so I guess the accident was on my mind.

We had the frankest discussion that night about how they had all changed. Someone said, “It was the worst night of my life.” I think I was surprised by how horrified and terrified they all still were when we put it on the table. It will never be forgotten. They all admitted that they think about the accident regularly.

It is a cliché, but we were all made newly aware of life in a very different way. We were so happy-go-lucky before. We never woke up thinking, Tonight something terrible is going to happen to one of my best friends. But when it did, everything changed. However, we realized it wasn’t all negative; the one good thing that came out of it was gaining a greater appreciation for each other and our lives. Maybe if our friendship overcame my accident, it could overcome anything.

I had two sides to my life. I didn’t have the perfect life without problems before the accident. I had ups and downs like anyone. But I did have everything going for me; all of us girls did. We certainly didn’t think something like this would get in the way of our lives, and we realized we’re not immune to tragedy. Even though something like this happened to me, it doesn’t mean it can’t happen again to someone in our group in a different way. Realizing that wasn’t negative, either. We became healthy and grateful but not immune to reality anymore.

We’re mostly grateful for each other.