47

Sunrise

I WATCHED HER head down the hallway toward the bathroom, then vanish inside. A few minutes later, Garrett walked out of the ballroom.

“Juliana?” He glanced around the halls, at the aunties and uncles wandering to and from the restrooms. “Are you okay?”

When I didn’t respond, he led me to an empty room so we could talk in private.

I finally said, “I told her everything.” I was still in shock. But I felt something loosening, getting lighter. Finally, the box was open and all the secrets were out.

“Everything?”

“Like I should have from the beginning.” I reached for his hand, squeezed it. “I’m so sorry. For what I did.”

He smiled, but it was wistful. Full of regret. “I made mistakes, too.”

We had both been trapped in the Linevine, tangled in judgments and fear and everything else we had been taught. Maybe what had happened to us was inevitable; after all, that was what the system was designed to create. To perpetuate. Until we were able to free ourselves of it.

“So, what now?” I asked.

Everything unspoken pulsed between us. Garrett looked exhilarated. Terrified. He hesitated, then slowly laced his fingers with mine. “Are you really okay?”

“Yes. No.” And suddenly, I was back with him on a riverbank, watching the sun arrive. Bringing a new day. I remembered how close our hands had been to each other, how the inch between being together and apart seemed almost insurmountable. And maybe it was. Look how long it had taken us to get here, where he could cross the distance and clasp his hand with mine. “But that’s fine. It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

He smiled. “Are you, Juliana Zhao, starting to tolerate messiness? Uncertainty?”

I nodded.

He took a step closer. His palm slid across my lower back and tugged me toward him. He was waiting for me to lean back, to run, but I was not moving. I was not even breathing. He hooked a gentle hand behind my neck and pressed his mouth to mine.

Every cell exploded in color; every part of me that had been ragged with heartbreak was now infused with light. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his arm tightened around my waist. I was finally able to thread my fingers through his hair, the strands tangling.

He pulled away and smile didn’t even cover it. It was warm, overwhelming adoration.

So, this was what it was like to be loved by Garrett Tsai. How had I never guessed?

Garrett said, “Are you sure?”

I knew the words were important to him, so I said, clearly, “I choose you.”

He looked floored. Then he touched a fingertip to my lower lip, leaned in, and kissed me again, his thumbs cradling my cheeks.

And I let it all go then, all the boxes I had tried to hold down, all the plates I had been spinning in the air, all the expectations I had been carrying. I let them all go and allowed myself to be in the moment. With him.