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Evan
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I couldn’t help but steal glances of Avery as we drove to the precinct. Her brows furrowed, and I knew she was deep in thought. I was sure she was overanalyzing everything: the crime scene, Garcia and Marshall not picking up their phones, and whatever was going on in her head where we were concerned.
We were far from anything; she made that clear by saying we were strictly going to dinner as just friends, but after she’d shown up at Adams’s door, I’d been hopeful that maybe she wasn’t too hidden behind those walls. From the glimpses of desire I’d seen in those pretty little green eyes of hers, I knew there was a part of her that wanted me just like I wanted her.
When we finally made it to the precinct, dusk had settled in. The cool September breeze blowing in through the windows of the car had replaced the hot, humid afternoon sun. Virginia wasn’t as humid as Louisiana, though. Louisiana had that sticky air that clung to someone like wet clothes, air that was enough to take a person’s breath away each time they stepped outside.
I missed Louisiana, especially since my parents were gone. All I wanted to do was move back into my childhood home and put down some roots of my own. A month earlier, I’d been offered a position at the Shreveport Police Department as lead detective, but I still hadn’t replied. I’d been in constant contact with the department. They had given me another week to decide before moving on to someone else. The position would mean a little more money, which would be nice, but something had kept me here. I glanced over at Avery again. Maybe that something was her.
“What are you thinking about?” Avery’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
The car idled in my designated parking spot right in front of the precinct. Okay, it wasn’t mine per se, but everybody knew that if they parked there, I would have words with them. I took the keys out of the ignition and handed them to her. I allowed my fingers to brush against hers and linger much longer than they were supposed to. My entire body responded each time we touched. My hands grew sweaty and my heart skipped a beat. My groin twitched and I tried to focus on something else other than how badly I wanted her. It was like everything I needed was wrapped up in Avery. I know she felt it too. The way her eyes darted to our fingers as they touched. I wasn’t dreaming; Avery and I were meant for each other.
“Just thinking about the heat. My parents. Mia.” I looked right at her. “You.”
She laughed. “That’s a whole lot to be thinking about at one time.” She sighed. “What were your parents like?” she asked, ignoring the fact that I had said I was thinking about her.
I shifted in my seat. I hadn’t talk about them in forever. It was just too raw. The loss became too real when I started to put into words how they’d meant the world to me and then been taken. But something inside of me wanted to share with Avery everything about my past. To lay my heart out on the line and just hope what I said wasn’t too much for her.
“They were the best.” I smiled. “The most devoted parents. My mom was a school teacher and my dad a cop. He was so proud of me when I joined the force.” I clenched the steering wheel beneath my hands, pieces of my heart tugging at the thought of them. God, I’d loved them so much. “Their love for each other was just as strong as the day they met. So strong, in fact, that the night they were killed in that car crash, they died holding hands.” Avery let out a small gasp. “I always wanted a love like theirs.” I paused for a moment, trying to sift through the emotions. I did want a love like theirs. That forever kind of love. The kind of love that didn’t care whether you had morning breath or that the size of your waistband had gone up over the years. The kind of love that pushed through all boundaries. Their love had been more than just a marriage. Marriage was a piece of paper. Their love had been fate. “Mia and I were lucky to have them. Now, all we have is each other.”
“You seem to really care about your sister,” she commented as she glanced out the window, smoothing out her hair.
“She’s my life now. I take care of her the best I can. I tried to keep the house in Louisiana, but with my parents’ debts, me living here, her college tuition and trying to live on a cop’s salary....” My voice wandered off. Avery surprised me by taking my hand in hers.
“Hey, you do your best. You’ve stood by your sister when many men would have just walked away and worried about themselves.” She gave my hand a quick squeeze before pulling away. No matter how many times I spoke about my parents, it was like it just happened. I smiled at her to show her how much the comment had meant, and she blushed a little at the attention. Damn, but she was beautiful.
“Enough about me. What about you?” I sat up in the seat.
“What’s to tell? I work for the FBI. My mom died when I was nine. My dad’s the deputy director of the FBI, so I was passed around from aunt to aunt a lot growing up. Not so much love and devotion. Just obligation.” She shrugged as she listed off her past like it was her grocery list. I realized it was going to take a lot more than being a shining knight to win her over. Her lack of attention and love from her father growing up made her literally shrug in the face of love. Winning Avery Grant over was going to be a lot harder than I thought.
“Your mom died when you were nine? Wow, that had to be hard.” I looked into her eyes, and I caught a flicker of sadness, which was quickly replaced with a hardened stare that could have only been developed with years of practice. Years of practicing how to not feel anything.
“It was. But I managed.”
The silence hung in the air. There was so much that wasn’t said. So many unanswered questions. But the way Avery kept adjusting herself and staring nervously out the window, I knew not to ask anything else. Her mother was clearly a tough subject. I didn’t want to push her away by being too eager.
“She killed herself.” Her words pierced through the silence. I looked at her trying to offer comfort, so she could continue on with her story. “She became addicted to drugs shortly after I turned two. My dad was always gone. Too consumed with climbing up the ladder of the FBI to care about his family. So my mom and I were left behind a lot. She dealt with it for a while, but it became too much. Drugs became her outlet to forget.” She took a breath.
“Avery, you don’t have to tell me this.” I took her hand in mine and gently caressed it with my thumb.
“I know, but for some reason I want to share this with you.” A small smile spread across her face.
“She started leaving me home alone when I was five. I didn’t mind. I learned how to take care of myself early on. I knew something was wrong with her. I told my dad and whoever would listen, but everyone kept saying I was just a kid and had an overactive imagination.” She let out a soft laugh. “Well, on October fifth, the year I turned nine, she jumped off the roof of the motel where she’d go to score drugs. Never once did she think about me or what I would do without her. She just jumped.” A single tear escaped her eye as she clenched her fists at her sides. I wiped the tear away and took her face in my hands.
“Avery, she was struggling. It had nothing to do with you.”
“I know that, Evan. It’s just that night has shaped me into this hardened, unemotional being. I don’t want to feel anything. Ever. Because the pain I went through in losing her was just too much for me to bear.”
Understanding of why the thought of us was so hard for her registered. She’d never let anyone in. “And that’s why the thought of us being anything but friends scares you.” It all made sense. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be with me. She was afraid to feel anything for anyone, for fear that she would lose them.
She nodded.
All I wanted was Avery to agree to be with me. Her walls were secured tight but the fact that she’d opened up to me, ever so slightly, gave me hope that maybe with time she would see that being with someone didn’t make her weak. I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to tell her that I would be there for her, but I knew that I was coming on too strong, too fast, so I let my physical impulses take control. Taking her face in my hands again, my lips found hers. Passion and need swirled through our interlaced tongues. Everything Avery was afraid of feeling, I felt with our kiss.
A knock at the window made Avery moan against my mouth. I looked up, and Madison’s bright eyes and full-faced smile greeted me.
“Time to get to work, you two.”
Avery’s forehead rested against mine, her breathing uneven and staggered. She reluctantly pulled away from me.
“Come on, Evan. Let’s go do what we do best. This emotional shit is for the birds.” And with those words, the moment I’d had with Avery was gone.
