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Avery
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I swung open the doors of the precinct and all eyes came to me. The sounds of telephones and chatter still filled the air, but the moment I walked in, the atmosphere shifted. I knew it was because I wasn’t as composed as I usually was. My shirt wasn’t pressed. My hair wasn’t tied back. I looked batshit crazy. I felt it too. I felt everything coursing through my body. My blood was boiling. I swear it was. I was hot to the touch, and my hair flew all around my porcelain, freckled face.
Torres poked his head around the corner from the conference room we usually used. His eyes widened when he looked at me, and I shook my head, indicating for him not to open his damn mouth.
“Torres,” I screamed. “Get me all the case files on Lorelei. We need to be focusing on her now.”
He stumbled back slightly. It was like he knew he should move, but he didn’t. He just stood there like a deer in the headlights.
“Did I stutter? Get me the goddamn files. Marshall and Garcia are out there! We have to find them.” The precinct went quiet. Some cop in the corner chuckled and mumbled, “Cuckoo,” as he shuffled through his papers. I couldn’t help myself. I really couldn’t. He’d given me all I’d needed to kick his ass.
I stormed over to his desk and flung his papers off with one swift motion of my hands. He stood up and I looked up at the man, who was easily over six feet tall.
“What the hell you... you crazy bitch!” he yelled. People crowded around, and I glanced back and saw Torres trying to get through the crowd.
“Avery, don’t do it,” Torres yelled from behind me.
“Do what?” I smiled shyly, and I peered at the man’s name tag. Officer Stetson.
“Don’t hurt him. It’s not worth it.” I glanced at Torres. He was right. I took a deep breath and brushed back my hair. It didn’t matter much, but as I breathed in through my nose and practiced some of the relaxation methods Madison had taught me, I felt better. I smiled at Officer Stetson as I turned away from him.
Officer Stetson snickered. “Like she could even hurt me,” he mumbled as I took a few steps. It was loud enough, though, for me to hear it, and a loud gasp came from beside me. I guessed my reputation had preceded me. All the calmness, all the relaxation techniques I had just worked through and applied.... Yeah, screw it.
All I heard was Torres’s voice behind me as I kneed Officer Asshole in his balls. He stumbled back and fell to the floor with a loud thud. I marched closer to him, the sounds of yelling voices all around me. It didn’t matter, though. I heard nothing but my desire to kick his ass running through my head.
“Avery.” My arm tugged from behind me as I wound up my fist to pummel into Officer Stetson’s pretty little face. That’d teach him to call a woman a bitch again.
A more aggressive tug this time just pissed me off even further. So I did what any normal woman who had just been called a female dog would do. I turned around and braced myself to punch him. What I didn’t expect was him. My Kryptonite.
“Evan.” His name came out breathy and lingered ever so slightly at the tip of my tongue. I released the ball of tension that was in my fist and took a deep breath. I glanced back as moans hit my ears. Torres and some other officers were helping Officer Stetson off the floor.
“Come on, Avery. Let’s go to the conference room. We have a case to solve.” Evan held his hand out to me. I glanced at it, and his gray eyes bore into me. I could only glance, though. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. I knew my resolve would dissipate. I couldn’t help but remember his hands all over me and his hands not all over me. Me in control, taking what I needed. A small smile crept across my face, but it was quickly replaced with thoughts of sorrow and doubt. The emotions were my only companions.
The simple gesture of his hand was a peace offering. If I took that hand, it would be a symbol, an indication—no matter how slight—that I didn’t hate him. That there was hope. My heart was saying to screw all fucking logic and take that hand. To not overthink every little damn thing. But after what I’d discovered, what he’d hidden from me, I didn’t know anything beyond the need to get my friends home. So I did what my father had done my entire life. I walked away, leaving the gray-eyed man, who had, whether I’d admit it or not, stolen my heart, all alone.
Something about me walking away from him this time seemed so final. I’d made my choice. Tears welled in my eyes. I’d borne witness to my mother’s love for my father. I’d seen it eat away at her, little by little, until she’d turned to drugs, to something that would make her feel again.
I couldn’t let that happen to me.
I wouldn’t let that happen to me.
I wasn’t Madison. I couldn’t see beyond my own pain. I’d caught glimpses of what her life would be down the road. She would be happy because she had come to terms with her past. She had been given a chance to move on. I hadn’t been. I’d been given a mother who had killed herself—not a mother who’d sacrificed herself. What had I been left with? A father who cared more about fighting crime than his only child.
I made my way to the conference room, Evan and Torres trailing behind me. My phone rang, drawing my mind away from the pity party that had formed in my head. The distraction was welcomed because being in my own head wasn’t a pleasant place to be.
Especially now.
“Grant,” I answered without looking at the caller ID.
“Avery, it’s Dr. Wilson. Is Madison with you?” Dr. Wilson’s voice was distant, and I caught a hint of what I thought was a whimper almost.
“No, she’s on her way back from Connecticut.” She sighed into the phone and I could have sworn I heard her crying. “What’s wrong?”
I motioned for the guys to hurry up into the conference room, and they took their seats by the table eyeing me with every ounce of anticipation I felt. My heart rate quickened and my composure, which was already shot, completely went to hell. I paced, waiting for a response. It seemed like an eternity.
An endless moment in time.
“It’s the blood work. It came back.” My heart stopped and I held my breath. I stopped pacing, and I knew then that one of my very best friends was no longer with us.
“It’s Marshall. That charred body... it was Marshall’s.” Dr. Wilson tried to remain professional, but the staggering and soul-felt nature of her words rocked me to my core.
“No,” I said simply, as if those words would make Marshall’s death disappear. I couldn’t feel my legs. Numbness enveloped my entire body. I was frozen in place. I stumbled, and my back hit the wall behind me.
“I’m sorry, Avery,” Dr. Wilson said.
“And Garcia?” I replied, stealing a glance at Torres. His eyes widened and he sat up to the edge of his chair. Evan hung his head, diverting his eyes from me.
“None of the blood work matched hers.”
“Thank you, Dr. Wilson.” I went to hang up the phone, but she called my name.
“Avery, wait. There is one more thing. Those soil samples came back with a match to a rare type of seed that is only found in certain areas of Western Virginia.”
“What areas?” I asked, trying to shift my focus back to the case.
“Burke and Craigsville.” The feeling slowly came back into my legs. It was the break we’d needed. Burke was where Lorelei’s family farm was.
“Thank you. We’ll be in touch.” I glanced at the two agents in front of me. Both looking lost and scared as their eyes searched mine for an explanation. I knew Torres was worried about Marshall, but Evan... he was worried about me. About us. About what this meant. I shook my head, a small smile creeping on my face. Not for humor, but for the fact that the gods, or whoever was upstairs, royally hated me. This just solidified my very lonely future even further. I hadn’t been able to keep my mother safe. And I couldn’t keep my friends safe.
I bypassed Evan in the chair and went right to Torres as I placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Marshall is dead,” I whispered to him. I wanted to hug Torres, pull him in and cry for my friend who had died a horrific death. Instead, Torres—a man I had grown to know, trust, and respect—crumbled, his tears flowing freely.
In that moment, I’d wanted to console him, but truly, I envied him. Envied the fact that he was so in tune with his emotions that he could freely show them. I glanced at Evan right as he looked away from me. Evan didn’t bother offering me any words of condolences or tales of happy endings. Evan moved closer to Torres and whispered something in his ear. He patted him on the back and Torres lifted his head and wiped away the tears that had fallen for the woman he had loved. Whether it was in secret or not, the tears he had shed were real.
Whatever Evan said to Torres consoled him. He offered him words of comfort that I couldn’t give. Evan was almost a total stranger to Torres yet brought him comfort when I couldn’t. I stared at the two men who had shared a moment so close and intimate that I envied them. I wanted to be them. I wanted to be a part of that shared moment. But just like always, I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to let anyone in.
“What about Garcia?” Torres asked, his voice quiet, hesitant.
“There is no sign of Garcia, so we can assume for now she is alive.”
“Fucking pieces of shit!” Torres said as he stood and punched the wall where I had almost let myself crumble and fall. I clenched my fists at my sides, the heat rising in my body and I knew my cheeks were red. I just wanted the raw emotion like Torres. I fought it all back. Now wasn’t the time. Yet, when was it ever a good time for me to feel?
“What else did the doctor say?” Evan looked in my direction as he asked this question. His eyes refused to hold mine.
“The soil samples were for a rare seed. For a tree that only grows in certain areas of Virginia. Burke was a match.”
I texted Madison and I let her know about the development with the soil samples. Marshall’s death was not something I could text her. I just had to find the courage to let my best friend know that she had lost someone else. No. That we had lost someone else.
Adams finally showed back up and was put in charge of organizing a task force to head out to Lorelei’s parents’ farm. Torres helped because we needed manpower due to the acres of land that needed to be explored. I wanted to give him time to grieve, but time was of the essence, and that was what we did in this job. We pushed aside what we needed to get the job done. I was left alone in the room with Evan who hadn’t even looked at me since he’d last spoken.
I shuffled through paperwork and checked my phone mindlessly. I caught Torres crying silently, grieving by himself instead of finding comfort in me, his friend. I was grateful for that though. I didn’t have to try to know how to deal with feelings. Instead, I could continue to try to take my mind off Garcia and Marshall. No matter what I did, it was my fault. Deep guilt crept into my bones.
I had let this happen.
I heard Evan’s chair squeak, temporarily ending the silence that had enveloped the room. Then I felt it. The pull of him against my back. The attraction and nearness of him causing the nerves in my body to stand on end. His breath brushed against the back of my neck, and he leaned forward to get closer to me. His lips grazed against my ear.
“Avery.” His voice was a low whisper with a hint of sadness. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t acknowledge his presence. My body wanted to move toward him. It fought with my mind, wanting to run to him and seek comfort in his arms. I waited for him to say something, but it never came. The closeness slowly drifted away and I felt more alone than I ever had. I was left with the scent of him, one I had become intimately familiar with over the past few days.
Where he would normally have reached out for me, he didn’t. He walked away, and I knew he wasn’t going to come back.
