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Garcia
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The beeping of the hospital equipment was annoying. For two days it had kept me awake. In that time, Torres hadn’t left my side. Avery, Madison, and Scott came daily, but Torres was plastered on the chair next to me, and he looked horrible. His face was covered in the start of a beard. His normally tailored suit had been replaced with a wrinkled T-shirt and baggy jeans, both of which looked like they hadn’t been washed in days. I went to sit up, and he rushed over to adjust my pillows.
“I can do it, Torres,” I said as I swatted his hands away.
“I know. I just want to help. I just....” He sighed. It was a sigh that held much more than frustration. It held loss. It held regret. And that sigh was all for Marshall. I had been here before, watching those I cared about mourn over someone who they’d loved. Someone we’d loved. And once again, I had lost a sister.
“I miss her, too. A lot.” Tears stung at my eyes, and I had to stop myself so I could take a deep breath.
Torres slumped back into the chair, fidgeting with his hair.
“I’m sorry. I promised Avery I wouldn’t say anything about Marshall, but I can’t. I feel so messed up over it. How am I supposed to move on?” Torres asked, his eyes pleading with me to give him the answer.
I smiled at him and reached out for his hand. He placed his in mine, and I squeezed.
“She loved you, you know?” I let out a small laugh. “Although she didn’t want anyone to know about you two dating, she talked about you all the time. Even when we were kidnapped. She was more worried that you wouldn’t know how she felt than the fact that we were going to die.”
Torres looked away. “Stop. I can’t—” He shook his head at my words.
“Please. I need to say this. She made me promise.” Torres looked at me, and his face was strong and steadfast.
“She told me she loved you so much that it scared her to the point that she questioned everything. Her job, wanting a marriage and kids. She wanted all of that with you, and she was going to tell you... before she died.” Torres looked at me, a single tear falling down his cheek. He wiped it away and straightened out his shoulders, becoming brave again.
Sometimes, that was all you needed; words to heal the parts of you that were shattered. I had fallen. Not just from my family, but from my faith. I’d grown up a devout Catholic, and the church had always been there for me. But there was something about losing those close to you that made it harder to remain steadfast in your belief. There was something about losing loved ones that made us humans lose faith. But this case... watching Lorelei unravel and worship something that was filled-to-the-brim with hate... this case had made me miss so much. My parents. My mentor, Karen. Although I had gained so much, the memories that had surfaced were painful. The past couple of weeks had ripped open the wounds I thought had finally scarred over from losing Tallie and Lola.
“Thank you, Garcia, for sharing that with me. I loved her, too. So much.”
“She knew, Torres. She knew.” I sat up and swung my legs over the bed, my head spinning slightly. Being buried alive was a challenge to heal from. It had been two days, and I still felt dizzy every time I stood. It was getting better, but I couldn’t wait to go home. Home. My head spun again with thoughts of my family.
“I’m going to take a shower.” Torres helped me to the bathroom and headed out for the evening. It was clear he’d received the closure he’d needed. What I’d shared helped him on his way to moving on. Me, I wasn’t so sure anymore. As I let the water pour down my body, I hoped it would cleanse away the memories. I wanted to stay. I wanted so badly to stay with Avery and Madison and build my life here, but once again, I had lost someone. The itch I always felt when faced with pain and loss returned. I wanted to run away from it all, just like I had all those years ago.
I toweled off and climbed back into the hospital bed, waiting for the doctor to tell me if I could be discharged. I picked up the phone and dialed my father’s number. I needed to speak with the man who had always been there for me, even when I’d turned my back on him. On them.
“Papa?” I said and then cleared my throat. “Papa, I’m coming home.” I barely managed to get the words out as the tears lodged in my throat.
“Mi Hija,” I heard my mother screech in the background.
“We’ve missed you. God is so good,” he whispered into the phone. “We’ll be waiting.”
“I’m so broken, Papa. So, so broken,” I cried. I let the tears for my sisters, for Marshall stream down my face. My father offered soothing words, which comforted parts of me I had buried and forgotten.
When the doctor discharged me, I packed my clothes, e-mailed my resignation to my boss, and booked on the first flight to San Diego. To my family. To my home. To the only place I felt could heal me. I sent Avery and Madison a text because I couldn’t face them, not yet.
Me: I’m sorry for not saying good-bye in person. You all have become like my sisters, the sisters I lost all those years ago. I never told you about Tallie and Lola, and how I lost them. You both were so much like them. Beautiful and full of life. Losing Marshall made it all come back. All the shit I’d tried to bury. I’m going back to where it all started. To my home. But what you’ve both taught me is no matter how hard you try to forget, you just can’t without conquering that fear, head-on. I love you both. Please don’t forget that.
