Days blended together, passing in a blur of passion until more than a month had gone by. No matter how many times Nadya made love with Rem, she couldn’t get enough of him. She also couldn’t shed the feeling something was missing, but was no closer to finding a solution.
Just as she was no closer to finding out why Rem wouldn’t bite her. Aside from the time Jalen had practically force-fed her lifeblood to Rem, he had never tasted her. He was discreet about from whom he fed, but it still hurt that he didn’t come to her, his lover, for sustenance. Was there something wrong with her? Nadya had no idea, and each time she tried to ask, he changed the subject or withdrew completely.
Unexpectedly, Loretta provided the answer one evening as Nadya helped her sort and prepare vegetables for canning. They sat on benches in the main hall, with the table between them heaping full of vegetables fresh from harvest.
“Are you happy here, dear?” asked Loretta. She didn’t glance up from the ear of corn she was husking. Her demeanor suggested it was just an idle question, but her posture revealed the answer was very important to the other woman.
Nadya took a moment to compose her thoughts while ostensibly finishing breaking the ends off the green bean in her hand. When she’d tossed it into the bin already half-filled with green beans, she reached automatically for another bean. “I’m not unhappy.”
Loretta looked up from the corn. “Do you love my son?” That she could answer without hesitation. “Yes.”
“So, why aren’t you happy?”
Nadya didn’t meet Loretta’s gaze, and she didn’t answer. As she tended to the green bean she silently hoped the other woman would let the subject die.
“You love the other one too.” It might have been a question, but she said it with such certainty that it sounded like a foregone conclusion.
Her throat was suddenly dry, and she coughed to clear it. “What other one?”
“The brother. Jalen.” Sadness passed across Loretta’s face. “Rem’s enemy by a cruel trick of fate.” Her gaze focused on Nadya, and her expression cleared. “Rem doesn’t want to think that you might have loved Jalen. He prefers to see you as the victim of his brother. When my son loves, it is with his entire heart.”
She saw no reason to hide the truth in light of Loretta’s candor. “I love Rem, but I loved… still love… Jalen too. I wasn’t his prisoner. Rem didn’t rescue me. He took me away from the only man I had ever wanted. Until I came here.” She sighed. “I didn’t know I would want two men. I love them both. They are so different…” Nadya trailed off, chagrined to realize she’d mangled the tender vegetable in her hands. With a flick, she tossed it into the rubbish pile and selected another. Cautiously, she peered at Rem’s mother, not certain what kind of reaction to expect to her honesty.
Loretta nodded. “I won’t pretend to understand loving two men, Nadya, but I know how it is to love with your whole heart. I know the pain of losing that love, of settling for something that isn’t what you want.”
Something in the older woman’s expression hinted at a desire to say more, but also reluctance. Nadya hoped to encourage her to open up by reaching over to squeeze her hand before returning to breaking beans.
“I loved Lorne.”
“What?” Nadya ruined another bean by snapping it in half. “But he was a monster!”
Loretta held her shoulders in a straight, proud line. “Not always. Once upon a time, my Lorne was as tender as the green beans you’re destroying.” A small smile accompanied that comment. “He saw me in the Q and whisked me away to his palatial estate.”
A wistful sigh escaped Nadya as she recalled Jalen selecting her. “What happened?”
“The DuMond family is pure. Nothing but official vampire marriages with verified pedigrees appear in their family records. Lorne’s father wasn’t going to see that change. When he discovered I was more than a plaything to Lorne, he nearly killed me. I’m sure if he’d known I carried his grandson, he would have killed me. As it was, he beat me so severely in front of Lorne that I still bear the scars, thirty years later.”
Recalling Rem’s assertion that his father hadn’t known about him, she asked, “Why didn’t Lorne know about Rem?”
“I had barely found out myself. We had been talking about running away and making a life together, but when Charles found out, that was out of the question. He told Lorne I was dead, and I knew if I tried to see him, so he would know the truth, the old bastard would kill us both. To this day, I don’t know why Charles spared my life. Maybe he had a hint of compassion for his son? I don’t know. I found myself banished from the N’work region, alone and pregnant.”
“What happened?” Nadya hung on her every word, spellbound by the tale of forbidden love, knowing it had no happy ending.
“This clan took me in. Rem’s stepfather ran the tribe of ragtag humans who had broken away from vampiric rule. He was kind to me.” Her lips puckered, and she blinked several times before continuing. “It wasn’t long before Michael fell in love with me.” She closed her eyes, clearly losing her reserves. “I let him. Heaven help me, I encouraged those feelings, knowing my child and I would have security if I was the leader’s mate.”
Having abandoned all pretenses of preparing vegetables, Nadya leaned across the table to pat Loretta’s hand. “Did he know Rem wasn’t his son?”
She nodded. “Michael assumed I had been a victim of the DuMond family, and he raised Rem as his own son. It wasn’t until Rem was turned into a vampire, several years after Michael had died, that I told him who his biological father was. I had hoped it would end the feud, but it seemed to strengthen his resolve to defeat the DuMonds and other vampire clans, to free humans.”
“Did you tell him the whole truth?” Nadya asked gently. “If he assumed what Michael assumed—”
“You’re too perceptive, my dear. I couldn’t bring myself to confess to Rem that I had never loved Michael, the man he’d adored and regarded as his father. Michael was a good friend to me, but my heart had only ever belonged to Lorne. It is terrible to know this war forced Rem to kill his father, the man I had loved so completely. How could I tell him the truth about my relationship with Lorne after that? It might have destroyed Rem.” Her gaze seemed to drill into Nadya, straight to her soul. “I believe Rem loves the way I do. There will be only one for him, and I fear you are the one.”
Nadya recoiled. “Why do you fear that?”
“Because he deserves someone who loves him completely, not someone who is conflicted by emotions for another.” A tear trickled down her lined cheek. “I destroyed a gentle man’s tender heart. I won’t have you do the same to my son.”
Stomach churning with nausea, Nadya searched for a way to reassure them both that she wasn’t the woman Rem would love so deeply. “I can’t be her. I can’t be his other half, because he holds part of himself distant from me. I mean, he won’t even bite me.”
Loretta scowled. “Of course not. He won’t risk hurting you. Rem still fears the animalistic hunger of his vampiric side, of losing control. If he has only a shallow connection with his donor, he can maintain control. The more deeply he loves someone, the more difficult it would be to hold all that power in check.”
The nausea took an upswing, and she barely kept it in check at the back of her throat. “I see.”
“Do you really?” Loretta leaned forward earnestly. “Do you understand what I’m telling you? If you love Rem and can be happy with just him, then I will be pleased to welcome you into our family. However, if you aren’t sure, Rem deserves better than that. If you don’t love him with all of your heart, you should leave now.”
Nadya nodded, and Loretta leaned back. She resumed shucking corn and acted like the conversation hadn’t taken place. Nadya wished she could do the same. Her body went through the motions of snapping the beans, but her mind was occupied with far more important matters. Matters of the heart that weren’t so easy to sort out.