The good news is there’s no such thing as perfection.
While at first glance Kai didn’t seem to have a single flaw, it didn’t take long to realize he’s the male equivalent of my sister.
Like Ella, he values freedom and happiness above all. This, for some reason, means resenting the constraints on creativity that traditional education imposes—his words, not mine. I learned that he did cook in Spain, but rather than attending the “soulless, moneygrubbing culinary institutes,” he took the college fund his parents had saved up for him and spent it traveling and learning to cook from locals all across the world. Which apparently is enough to land a job cooking on a yacht.
But to be fair, he’s a damn good cook, and who am I to knock how he landed here?
“So, Maya.” He levels me with a stare that does very rude things to my insides. “What do you do?”
Normally, this is a question I love. I’m proud of my career and all that I have achieved. But sitting on a yacht with Mr. and Mrs. Antiestablishment causes an unfamiliar thread of discomfort to weave through my veins.
“Um…well…I work in finance.” I bring the insulated cup filled with ice and whiskey to my mouth and ignore his grimace.
Long gone is the dimpled smile. Now he’s looking at me as if I’m the enemy.
“Finance? Huh.” He glances at Ella, who just shrugs her shoulders and pops another grape into her mouth. “I’m surprised.”
“I love numbers and I’m really good at making people money.” Though my usual confidence is missing, he must hear the truth behind my words. His smile returns and so does the warmth in the blue eyes I want to stare into forever.
Or for however long we’re on the boat.
“As long as you’re doing something you love, that’s all that matters.” He grabs one of the bacon-wrapped scallops that Ella won’t eat because of her newly chosen vegetarian lifestyle. “Life’s too short. I took a break from traveling when my grandma got sick. I spent two months with her, and even on the bad days she would tell me at least one story from when she was young. It really stuck with me. She loved her life and, in the end, isn’t that all that matters?”
His words knock my breath away. I already know he’s a great cook and easy on the eyes, but this newest piece of information is like the icing on the most decadent cake. Good guys aren’t easy to find and Kai seems like he could be one of the very best.
“She doesn’t love it. She loves our mom’s approval. She likes the feeling of security even though it’s a total myth.” Ella states her opinion like it’s a fact, bypassing the tender information her friend just shared with us. “But don’t even try to wake her up from her delusions. She’s in total denial.”
I try to gather enough energy from the sun to shoot lasers at her, but alas, it doesn’t work.
“I’m not in denial. Just because my life”—my stable, safe life—“is different from yours doesn’t mean it’s wrong or bad. Isn’t that what you said to me the other night?”
“Oh, so now you want to admit I’m right?” She gulps down the remains of her fourth (but who’s counting) drink.
“I just worry about you.” I try to defend myself, but I know she’s right. She flipped the table on me and I didn’t like it one bit.
Sometimes I think I’m so hard on her because I feel like she’s been excused for things I was always lectured about. I hate to admit it—and I probably never will out loud—but I don’t think I actually judge Ella as much as I resent her.
God.
I really am a bitch.
“Whatever, I didn’t come out on a yacht to talk about this.” Ella stands up and tosses her sunglasses next to the tray of appetizers Kai made for us. “I’m going swimming.”
Like the anchor I’m sure the boat is about to drop, my stomach plummets.
“What do you mean you’re going to go swimming? You can’t just go swimming.” Panic rises like the tide with every step Ella takes toward the side of the boat.
“It’s the ocean, of course I can go swimming.” She toes off her sandals one by one, leveling me with her most irritated glare, but it doesn’t faze me.
I naturally run on the anxious side, but usually I’m good at getting a handle on it.
Not right now though.
I’m not even trying to handle it.
I’m letting all of my fears run wild and free because I’m too freaked out by the images of my sister getting attacked by a shark, swallowed whole by a whale, or worse, or assaulted by those nefarious dolphins.
“You don’t even know what’s out there!” I clamp my hand around her wrist, yanking her back to the safety of the middle of the yacht. I try to slow my racing pulse, looking to Kai for some kind of backup. “Isn’t there a shark-tracking system or something? Some kind of radar to check the water before she literally dives headfirst into the great unknown?”
Disney brainwashed us with The Little Mermaid. People are out here thinking there’s a kingdom of sweet and caring merpeople hiding in the depths of the ocean when it’s really sea monsters, shipwrecks, and dead bodies.
“I’m not sure our boat is equipped with shark sonar capabilities,” Kai says with a straight face.
I don’t realize until I hear Ella’s laughter that the backup I was hoping he would provide me with isn’t coming. His dimples make a quick and unwelcome return and the “free and happy” assholes surrounding me break into hysterics.
“Fine. Go get eaten by sharks for all I care.” I stomp away, the onslaught of indignation temporarily squelching my fear. “I’ll just be right here, enjoying all the food you’ll never again taste.”
Ella stops laughing and her deep sigh echoes off the water like I’m the one out of line here. I mean, I’m not the one jumping willy-nilly into a gigantic body of water, the full depths of which are still a mystery to mankind. I read an article once that said more than 80 percent of the ocean still remains unexplored. Eighty percent! What the hell is hiding in 80 percent of the ocean? Oh that’s right, we still don’t freaking know! And don’t even get me started on Steve Irwin.
But yeah, I’m the irrational, dramatic Johnson sister here.
Cool.
Whatever.
“If you’re acting like this just because you’re feeling left out, I did bring a bathing suit for you to wear.” She slides next to me on the bench and wiggles her eyebrows at me in the way that always made me laugh as a kid.
“Do you have a bathing suit for me or a leftover scrap of fabric like you’re wearing?” I ask. “Also, did you really not think to offer it to me earlier? I’ve been sweating my boobs off in this dress for the last hour and a half!”
“I got it out of your drawer, so I’m assuming you’ll like it. And I was going to give it to you, but you had a bad attitude.”
“So you went through my drawers and then withheld my own stuff from me as punishment for not being happy about the fact that you kidnapped me?” Does she hear herself speak sometimes?
“Yup.” She leans across me and nabs one of the prosciutto-wrapped melon balls and tosses it into her mouth like she wasn’t lecturing us an hour ago about the evils of eating meat. “One doesn’t count.”
And if that isn’t Ella in a nutshell, then I don’t know what is.
“Sometimes I wish I could live in your brain for a day.” I tilt my head to the side, trying to figure out what in the actual fuck is going on inside that beautiful head of hers. “I feel like it’s wild in there.”
“It is. You’d love it.” She takes my insult as a compliment. “So are you going to get your bathing suit on and swim with me or not? I know you have that weird dolphin thing, but I’m pretty sure that’s completely irrational.”
“A dolphin thing?” the previously silent Kai asks.
“She’s afraid of them,” Ella says at the same time I say, “They’re fucking evil.”
Kai’s mouth falls open and I can tell he doesn’t know whether or not to laugh. “Dolphins?” he asks again. “The sweet fishies people pay money to swim with? The lovable topics of countless children’s tales?”
“They’re actually mammals,” I correct him thanks to the knowledge I’ve acquired from nights of endless dolphin doom scrolling. “And yes, those very dolphins are in fact evil, murderous monsters. They’re the Ted Bundy of the sea. You’re so charmed by them you don’t even realize their true motives until it’s too late.”
“Oh god,” Ella mumbles beneath her breath before sliding away from me. “You’ve gotten her started.”
“Wow.” Kai still looks like he wants to laugh, but at least has the common decency not to. “I never knew.”
“I’m happy to impart my hard-earned wisdom where I can.” I look at my glass and realize the only thing left in it are some sad, melted dredges of an ice cube. More alarming is the fact that it was already my second drink.
No wonder I’m turning into a total aquatic lady. I’m tipsy! In the ocean! With a hot guy who can cook, make cocktails, and is the polar opposite of my now ex-boyfriend.
I don’t know.
I’m drunk.
Ella’s a terrible influence.
“So do you want your bathing suit or not?” Ella is trying to sound annoyed, but I know her too well to believe it. She’s proud she’s got me out of work, on the water, and ranting about dolphins. This was probably her plan all along. She’s an evil genius.
I contemplate sweating for the next few hours just to prove a point—my dress is already ruined so it doesn’t really matter if I keep it on. And compared to Ella’s bikini, mine is going to look like I bought it off the set of The Golden Girls. But the sun isn’t setting anytime soon and my deodorant can only take so much.
“Fine, but if you make one joke about my suit…” I want to threaten to throw her overboard again, but knowing she wants to go in the ocean ruins it. “I don’t know what I’ll do, but please don’t.”
“What are you talking about? All of your suits were really cute. Why would I joke about them?”
I’m used to us giving each other such a hard time that Ella being nice to me about my bathing suit after I was rude about hers really throws me off…and fills me with guilt.
“Oh, um…no reason. Thanks.” All of a sudden, the floors on deck are the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen.
“You’re being weird,” she says. “Kai, I’m gonna show her where her suit is, but do you want to be my favorite person in the world and make a couple more cocktails? She’s gonna need one if we’re going to get her in the water with us.”
“Yeah, because being drunk in the water with a slowed reaction time is way less scary.” I feel bad about being a bitch, but not enough to be peer-pressured into the ocean. “But it will help me not have a total heart attack as I watch you two frolic.”
“Frolic?” Kai repeats after me, his white teeth shining bright against his gold skin and his dimples popping. Holy hell. He is so hot. “I don’t think I’ve ever frolicked before.”
“Oh, sir, I can tell—you most definitely have frolicked.” I regret the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth.
I haven’t even touched the tequila yet!
But as I lock eyes with Kai, the regret fades and nerves set in. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I have the distinct feeling it has something to do with frolicking…with me…and in a bed.
Or maybe the water.
I don’t know what he’s into.
Or at least I hope that’s what he’s thinking, because it’s most definitely what I’m thinking.
After I’ve had four cocktails, three shots, and more food than I’ve maybe ever eaten, the Miami shoreline finally comes back into view. As my reckless sister swam all day long, I sat on the deck with Kai, trying all of his food, listening to stories of his travels, and even filling him in on the not-nearly-as-entertaining details of my life. I’m normally a person who takes a while to get to know, but I couldn’t help but let my guard down around Kai. And while I’d like to blame it on his amazing bartending skills, the truth is that there was just something about him that I couldn’t ignore.
Even though the water should seem more ominous in the nighttime, the dark, inky sheet surrounding us has turned into a mirror. The moon and stars sparkle and sway all around us and it’s like I’m floating inside of a magical storybook. All thoughts of sea monsters drifted away with the fading pinks and oranges of the sunset, replaced by diamonds dancing on the water, and all I can imagine are the secrets, the romances lost beneath the surface.
I finally see the appeal of a midnight swim. What wouldn’t I risk just for a glimpse of the promises lurking beneath us…
My thigh grazes against Kai. It’s as if just the thought of dipping into forbidden waters pulls me toward him.
“So did you have fun?” Kai asks.
As the day went on and my reservations slipped away, our proximity grew nearer and nearer…something that excited me as much as it scared me.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. The nervous habit I’ve worked so hard to rid myself of is reappearing all because of a cute guy who’s twisted my insides into knots in just a few short hours. “I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun.” My voice is barely a whisper, my confession washing away with the sound of the waves. “I go out with my friends, and I have the occasional big night out, but nothing like this. Never disconnecting and letting myself…just be. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this.”
“Ella told me you’re very…focused.” The pause as he searched for a kind word to describe me makes me laugh.
“She told you I was uptight and snooty.” I give him the adjectives more along the lines of what I know Ella used, even though they might be too generous. “Don’t worry, we’re sisters. We’ve said worse about each other, and we’ve said it to each other.”
Ella went inside the cabin after taking a final tequila shot and declaring her desire for a nap. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure I saw her wink at me before walking through the door. Until that moment, I thought she brought me out here to spend time with her. But now, sidled up next to Kai as we accidentally touch every few seconds? I’m not so sure.
He raises both of his hands in front of him. “I didn’t want to be the reason for a family rift.”
“Not possible.” I tell him the God’s honest truth. “We might fight like crazy, but I don’t think anything could keep us apart forever.”
“That’s good to hear. Sometimes family can be difficult.”
That feels like maybe the most massive understatement in the history of understatements. Difficult is choosing between two different movies you really want to see or learning how to knit. Dealing with family feels more like conducting a mission to Mars…but somehow still harder.
“She’s the most frustrating person I’ve ever known, but she would do anything for me and I’d do the same for her.” The evening breeze is picking up. I rub my arms in a weak attempt to chase away the goosebumps.
“Are you cold?” Kai asks, not waiting for an answer.
He’s out of his seat—my body instantly mourning the loss of his warm body—and hustling across the deck. When he turns around with a giant blanket, his smile is as bright as the moon.
Instead of handing me the folded-up blanket, he takes his time unfolding it and tucking it around one side of my body before taking his seat next to me and pulling the other side around him.
“There,” he says. “Is that better?”
“Um.” He lifts one arm around me, mindlessly moving his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm, the sweet and simple gesture causing me to forget what words are and how to speak. It’s such a small gesture, but I can’t remember the last time someone has done something like this for me. I feel like I’m always the person taking care of everyone, never on the receiving end of kindness. “Yeah, thank you.”
“My pleasure.” He doesn’t seem to notice his effect on me and I’m not sure if I’m grateful or furious. “Now, what were we talking about?”
I search my mind trying to remember something other than the way he’s making me feel.
“Just Ella and how she knows how to push all of my buttons.” High five, brain! “But even so, I love her. It’s the Ella charm. I swear, she could punch someone in the face and they’d just be grateful to get some of her attention. The earth regularly shifts for her. Unyielding rules are happy to bend to her will.”
“Maybe you should call it the Johnson charm.” His hands slow down, but he never pulls them away. “I see it in you too.”
“You do?”
I don’t think I’ve ever been called charming before…I’m much more used to being described as uptight—and yes, I’ve been called uptight multiple times, thank you very much. But never charming.
“That spark.” He leans in, and his smooth voice that always sounds like he’s on the verge of laughter changes. A seriousness creeps into his tone and—even though I’ve known him for less than a day—it feels big. Huge. Important. “That thing that makes people want to be around Ella? It’s in you too. It’s just quiet. Ella’s a shot of tequila. Loud and in your face, the party you always want to be invited to. You’re not that—you’re like a glass of brandy. It’s powerful and something to savor. You’re the kind of person people want to be around forever.” He pauses for a moment and looks at me with a mischievous—and very sexy—glint in his eye before he finishes his thought. “Even when you’re ranting about dolphins.”
I feel like I could melt in his arms and leave a big ol’ puddle of Maya on the deck of this yacht right now.
But I have a plan, and becoming a puddle doesn’t fit into that plan.
I wrote my plan down when I was twenty and I’ve lived by it ever since.
Every decision I make gets filtered through the lens of that plan. Will this help me reach my goals? Will this set me back? What will the consequences be and are they worth it? The inner dialogue running through my brain never shuts up about The Plan.
But right now, drifting back toward Miami with nothing but the sound of the breeze and the waves around me, peace envelops me, and for the first time, I don’t think.
I just do.
I lean in, my mouth finding his before my mind has the opportunity to catch up. The full lips that I’ve been staring at all day are hesitant. Nerves and embarrassment begin to rise in my stomach and I move to pull away, but before I can, his strong arms pull me in closer and his lips push back against mine.
The breeze stops.
The water comes to a standstill.
Time ceases to exist.
It’s been ten years since my last first kiss, but surely this isn’t what they’re usually like. I would have remembered this.
His soft lips are gentle at first, mirroring my movements, learning and adjusting to what I want. Then something happens and he takes over—the softness falls away as his teeth nip at my lip, his tongue tracing away the sting.
I’m suddenly aware of every place our bodies are touching and how much of my skin is exposed to his. Electricity crackles down my arms and into my belly, moving lower and lower until…
“Are we almost in?”
Ella’s distant voice is a hammer smashing the thinly veiled fantasy I allowed myself to believe in for a few moments.
As reality sets back in, so does the panic.
And shame.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” I jerk away from him, not registering the loss lingering on his face.
I throw the blanket off me, rushing toward Ella’s voice without so much as a backward glance and counting down the seconds until we’re back on solid ground.
The ground where I have a job I abandoned even though I’m trying to get a promotion. The ground where, according to my mom, I should be trying to formulate a plan to carry on the Johnson family college sweetheart tradition and piece my relationship back together, not totally blow it apart for good.
Yes, Kai is a dream, but I live in the real world.