I push open my front door, hoping Ella didn’t pull an Ella and end up staying home instead of going out.
Thankfully, I think she’s just as invested in me getting lucky tonight as I am. To say I’ve been wound a bit tight lately is perhaps the understatement of the century.
“Welcome.” I gesture to the open living space that is still barren of wall art, color, and—one could argue—warmth. “Make yourself at home.”
What I lack in interest and personal touches I make up for in cleanliness and tidiness. Plus, I did make sure to buy the most comfortable couch I could find. It was my first piece of furniture that I didn’t get as a hand-me-down and I’m very proud of it.
“This place is great.” Kai smiles and links his fingers with mine. It’s such an innocent gesture, but he does it every time we’re standing near each other. It’s like he can’t help but touch me, as if holding my hand satisfies a need deep within him…and it makes me feel so special.
There’s just a different feeling that comes with desire when you know someone wants you for your entire essence. As much as I loved Vaughn, being around Kai has made me question if Vaughn ever really loved me in return—and also if I was capable of receiving it. Not that Kai loves me or that I love him…
“Um, can I get you something to drink?” I pull my hand away from his and shake my mind free of the wild and slightly unhinged thoughts. I don’t wait for him to answer before walking toward the fridge. “I don’t know what I have, but I know there’s a wide variety thanks to Ella.”
How Ella has survived as an adult human is more of a mystery now than it ever was before. Her eating habits make no sense at all, and neither does the inordinate amount of money she spends on beverages. Alcoholic, nonalcoholic, sparkling, flat, you name it and it’s been in my house. I went to the grocery store with her and she bought a bag of almonds, a few avocados, a mango, two boxes of sparkling water, four different brands of kombucha tea (that, in my opinion, all tasted like vinegar), one case of Diet Coke, and a liter of limeade “just in case we need an emergency mixer” for the tequila she bought the day before. Because apparently she has had multiple experiences where her biggest emergency was not having a mixer.
I love her, but I still have no idea how we’re related.
“A water would be great actually, thanks.”
After our first glassblowing faux pas—we got serious and managed to keep our hands to ourselves long enough to successfully make four glasses—Kai took me to his favorite taco truck around the corner from the warehouse. I wouldn’t call myself a food snob, but part of me was concerned when we pulled into the parking lot. I shouldn’t have had any doubts though—they were the best tacos I’ve ever eaten and I was able to order a Coke in a glass bottle, which is obviously the superior Coke. I saved the location in my phone and plan on adding them to my rotation of takeout.
I grab a plastic cup out of my cabinet, thrilled to soon replace them with the masterpieces we made.
“You have to sip out of plastic for now,” I say. “I never thought I’d be so excited for glasses made out of glass.”
“You’ll have to come back with me one day to make some more, but with color next time.”
When he asked what color I wanted, I froze on the spot. My apartment is so bland—I mean neutral—that choosing a color was overwhelming. I convinced Kai to go with regular clear glass, much to his disappointment.
“I was thinking red, but I don’t know. Is that too bold after years of white, beige, and gray?” This indecision is why I still haven’t placed my art order. Maybe I should just hire a designer and tell them to surprise me.
“Any color would be great,” Kai says. “But if you don’t like color, there’s nothing wrong with clear. The best part of glassblowing is that it’s all up to you. The rhythm, the piece, the color—it’s all what you’re feeling in the moment. You do what you love, not what you think I would like or Ella would like. It’s about you.”
I mean…
Fuck.
How am I supposed to develop normal feelings at a normal rate for him when he’s constantly saying the most wonderful things?
“I like that. It’s hard for me not to have a solid plan in place, but I guess I’ll try to wait until we go again.” I hand him the cup I overfilled with ice and point to my sofa. “Do you want to sit and maybe watch a show or something?”
Alone and in my apartment with Kai, it could be said that the last thing I want to do is sit on my sofa and watch television like we’re in a freaking PG-13 sitcom. What I really want to do is point him directly to my bedroom, rip his clothes off, and engage in activities that would require a minimum XXX rating.
While we managed to control ourselves after we got carried away the first time, we spent the next three hours sneaking in extra touches whenever we got the chance. And I wasn’t wrong about glassblowing being sexy AF. It may not be sexual as in Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore doing pottery in Ghost; it’s too hot and dangerous for that. However, between the glory holes and blowpipes and everything taking on a phallic shape at one point or another, I’ve been able to think of nothing but sex for the better part of the past three hours.
“Sure.” Kai follows me across the room and sinks into the deep cushions beside me. “What do you want to watch?”
Since Ella has been in town, she’s taken control of my television. I’ve watched more rom-coms and murder mystery shows in the last three weeks than I have in my entire life. There have been a few documentaries that I’ve wanted to watch, but the sad truth is I won’t be able to focus on anything other than Kai sitting next to me.
“Doesn’t matter,” I tell him honestly, and pass him the remote. “You can pick, I’m not choosy. Just please no horror movies, I can’t deal with those.”
I went to a horror movie with a guy I liked while I was in high school. My best friend at the time convinced me that pretending to be scared was the best way to get a guy to put his arm around you in the theater. And while she wasn’t wrong about the arm thing, we forgot to factor in that I’m genuinely terrified of those movies. I definitely screamed, I might have cried, and the boy never called me again. It was the last horror movie I ever watched.
“I don’t love scary movies either. I’d much rather laugh when I’m watching TV.” Kai takes the remote, and when he pushes a button, the screen lights up and reveals Delilah’s gorgeous face. “Do you watch this?”
There’s definitely surprise and maybe even a thread of judgment in his tone. I go on the defensive immediately.
“I didn’t before, but that’s my best friend.” I point to Delilah and watch his reaction. It would be such a shame if after thinking he was damn near perfect, Real Love was what ruined the illusion for me. “So I guess you could call me a super fan now.”
“No way!” He drops the remote and then breaks into a dimple-popping smile. “They asked me to be on this season.”
“Stop! Did Ella tell you to mess with me about this?” I roll my eyes and shake my head. Freaking Ella.
“Why would she tell me to do that?” His eyebrows scrunch together and he’s definitely being genuine, because he’s looking at me like I might be losing it.
“She’s still mad I turned down being the lead on Real Love.” Ella loves to mess with me, but I’m not biting this time. “Right?”
“Wait, what? You were supposed to be on the show too? Ella doesn’t even know I was chosen, and she definitely didn’t tell me any of this,” he says, and I slowly realize that he’s not messing with me. “They found me through my art page on Instagram. They interviewed me a couple of times and offered me a spot. I was going to do it, but pulled out at the last minute because it didn’t feel like something that aligned with who I am.”
Everything around me feels as if it’s moving in slow motion, like time has stopped so that I can imprint this moment in my memory.
When I was thirteen, I was obsessed with amusement parks. I asked my parents for season tickets and went almost every single day that summer. My mom was worried; she thought I was developing an adrenaline addiction. There was one roller coaster I was particularly obsessed with. The climb to the top was so long and slow you’d wonder if it might be broken, and when you finally reached the top, it would come to a complete stop. You’d sit there for a moment, taking in the view from the top, enjoying the total stillness and almost forgetting why you’re there. Then, just as you managed to relax, the brakes would release and you were plummeting toward the ground. In those seconds, I wouldn’t be in control of anything. My stomach would leave my body as I laughed and screamed and felt whatever I was feeling to the fullest as we raced down and up and then down again. And long after the ride ended, even as I was lying in bed, if I closed my eyes tight enough, it was like I was back on the roller coaster.
Sitting here with Kai, hearing that he was asked to be on Real Love, just like me, and also turned it down, just like me? I’m right back on that roller coaster, free-falling through the air. I can only feel the rush of adrenaline as my stomach flips and I lose control.
“So we were both supposed to be on, but we both said no and ended up meeting anyway?” My hands start to tingle as I let all rational thought disappear. I’ve never put much stock in signs from the universe before, but this almost feels too big to ignore.
Maybe Kai was right. Maybe this thing between us is fate? I’ve only ever trusted myself before, but it would be wonderful to trust some great unknown. To be able to let loose and not always do what sounds right, but what feels right.
Fate or not, I decide to kiss Kai.
Unlike our other kisses, there’s no sister or art students lingering, no glass nearby, no seatbelt buckles digging into my back. There’s nothing to stop us, but from the frantic movement of our hands and mouths, our bodies haven’t gotten the message.
Kai flips me over, my back slamming into my couch as his body weight settles over me. His hands are everywhere. They move from my side, to his fingertips grazing the curve of my breasts, then to the dip of my waist.
“I’ve wanted to do this since I first saw you standing in that black dress with your arms crossed on the yacht.” His voice has a delicious rasp and his eyes turn midnight blue. “You’re so goddamn beautiful and I’m going to take my time indulging in every single inch you deem me worthy of.”
Goosebumps cover my arms and sparks shoot down my spine. Nobody has ever looked at me or touched me like Kai is right now.
“Every inch?” I manage to ask through my heavy breathing. “Promise?”
His lips tip up at the corners, but I can’t see if there are dimples or not because his mouth is back on mine before I can register anything other than the feel of his hands as they slip beneath the thin material of my shirt.
Even though everything about him seems so soft, his touch isn’t. His calloused palms trail across my skin, reminders of how skilled those hands are…a promise of what’s to come. My skin tingles with anticipation as his hands move lower, electricity chasing their path. His tongue twists with mine and his hands keep moving lower…
And lower…
“Oh my god,” I breathe against his mouth.
I tangle my fingers in his unruly hair, holding him to me as he unbuttons my shorts and removes any and all obstacles preventing him from reaching our goal.
I’m afraid to move, afraid to open my eyes, afraid of anything that could break the moment. But as his fingers drift between my legs, I can’t stop my body from reacting. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this, like I could burst at the seams, as if his touch alone could push me over the edge. I’m trying to keep some modicum of composure, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He lifts his head, staring down at me with those gorgeous eyes of his. “Always so in control, let me see you let go. Let me take care of you for once.”
I try not to let thoughts of Vaughn cloud my mind, I don’t want to compare because there’s no comparison. This is new to me—having a man care more about me and what I need than himself. I’ve never had this.
I didn’t know what I was missing.
But now that I know, I’m never going back.
Not ever.
I bite my bottom lip, looking up at Kai’s flushed skin and darkened eyes from beneath my heavy eyelids and nod. He doesn’t hesitate before lowering his head back to mine and using his teeth to pull my lip and quickly tracing the sting away with his tongue. His nimble fingers quickly find the exact spot I need him. My back arches off my couch just as my eyes slam shut and color dances behind my eyelids.
We never make it to my bedroom, but between the glassblowing and what happens on my couch, this is the hottest date of my entire life. Both figuratively and literally.