After Bailey left my place with her tail between her legs, I told Delilah about everything from Vaughn to Kai to my parents. I also gave her my blessing to put my name in the hat for Real Love and then immediately started to think I’d gone a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
“I know it’s scary, but I promise you won’t regret it.” Delilah must notice the fear written across my face. “I don’t think I ever told you this, but after I signed the contract to go on Real Love, I almost called a lawyer to help me back out.”
“No, you definitely never told me that story.” My memory might not be the best, but I’d remember lawyers. “What made you decide to go through with it?”
“Well, besides the thought of being sued for breach of contract by a major television network, I decided I had to trust myself. The entire reason I signed up was because something deep down inside of me was telling me I belonged there. I—” She cuts herself off and I can almost see her mind working out a problem. “Say it’s God or the universe or whatever you want to call it, but I think I was being pushed to meet Anthony.”
Now I’ve always considered myself somewhat of a skeptic, but hearing Delilah tell me that she picked Anthony makes my heart explode inside of my chest.
“I knew it!” I jump off the stool and wrap my arms around my gorgeous, happy, and in-love best friend. “From the first episode, I knew you picked him!”
Maybe from the first episode is a bit of a stretch, but I called Anthony from the very beginning. The way that man looked at Delilah, as if she hung the moon and stars, was not something that could be faked.
“And he’s so amazing, Maya. I can’t wait until you can meet him.” The same look I saw in his eyes on TV is in hers now and I could not be happier for her. “But what I’m trying to say is that if you really sit with yourself, you already know exactly what you want. Maybe it’s Real Love and maybe it’s something different. I just want you to make a decision that you’re basing on faith and not fear.”
“That’s so much easier said than done though.” I’ve been told my entire life that being dutiful is superior to all else and that success is found by pleasing others. “I don’t know if I can trust myself. I’m not like you and Ella, people don’t just fall in love with me.”
“Don’t talk about my friend like that. You are the most capable, lovable person I know.” The ferocity in her voice knocks my breath away. “You changed my life in ways I could’ve never imagined and I won’t allow you to doubt yourself.”
I start to squirm beneath her praise. It’s funny that as much as I crave it, I also struggle with accepting it.
“So does this mean you’re moving to Chicago now?” I attempt to shift the focus off myself, not even caring that I’m giving away the fact that I’ve not only been watching the show, but I’ve also been paying very close attention. “Who am I going to talk through all of my issues with?”
“Actually…” She drags out the word and a smile I don’t trust pulls at the corners of her mouth. “I think I know the perfect person.”
Even though work is usually the one place I do my best thinking, I call out for the next two days. I’m attempting not to overthink every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life, and having to run into Bailey and even Delilah was too much of a distraction. I needed to follow Delilah’s advice and really sit with myself for a couple of days. Luckily, being a workaholic means I have an abundance of PTO and might take the entire week off.
I’m watching the United Kingdolls perform “UK, Hun?” for the thousandth time when I hear a key unlock my front door.
“See you’ve really brightened up the place since I left.” Ella waltzes into my apartment, lifting her chin in the direction of the empty Lucky Charms box on my counter, judging me within less than a minute of being in my presence.
I really need to apologize for doing that to her for the last twenty years.
“Shut up.” I drop the remote onto the couch and run to my sister. Instead of the fight we got into the first time she showed up unannounced at my apartment, when I reach her, I stand on tiptoe and wrap my arms around her. “I’m so glad you came back. I’m so sorry that I was such a bitch to you.”
“I’m sorry. I saw Vaughn and flipped out. I didn’t even give you a chance and then I attacked you.” There’s no sarcasm in her voice, and this might be the first authentic apology Ella has ever given me.
I can’t believe how much we’ve grown.
“I might not have deserved it that night, but I did deserve it.” All of the regrets I’ve been ruminating on since I saw her last float to the surface. “I’ve been so hard on you and it wasn’t fair. Also, I talked to Mom and holy shit. You were not wrong to run as far as possible from her expectations.”
“She told you about Dad?” she asks, and my head jerks back so fast I’ll probably have to find a chiropractor to fix it. “Our parents are insane.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since I overheard them fighting about it when I was sixteen. I asked Mom and she told me to mind my own business, but I was able to crack Dad when we went golfing one day.”
“Ella!” Since she was sixteen? So many things start to fall into place. No wonder she always scoffed when I brought up our parents’ marriage and living according to Mom’s expectations. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“And break your heart? I don’t think so. That was going to be on them.” She walks to my fridge and grabs one of the bazillion drinks she had left in there. “I might meddle with certain things, but no way was I drifting into that lane. No way.”
That was probably a good call. I wouldn’t have believed her anyway. It’s still hard for me to believe, and Mom told me.
“Speaking of things I’ve been right about, I heard Bailey showed her entire ass,” she says, and all is right in the world again.
“You heard?”
“Duh.” She rolls her eyes and clicks her tongue. “You do realize that Delilah and I talk a lot, right? She called me as soon as she left.”
“Hmph.” My arms drop to my side and my bottom lip pokes out…something I’m sure is the exact opposite of cute. “I thought you were out of town! I wish you would’ve been here to see it. It was wild.”
“I was technically out of town. I spent the night in Palm Beach.” Ella grabs her phone out of her purse and walks over to the couch. “But if you want to see something even crazier, boy do I have something to show you.”
“I’m not sure anything could top the rant Bailey went on,” I tell Ella, who’s busy tapping away on her screen. “She was saying that she deserved to be on Real Love and Delilah was jealous and only cheering for me because I wouldn’t steal her spotlight—”
“Here it is.” Ella cuts me off, clearly not interested in anything I was saying, and shoves her phone in my face.
“What?” I ask as my brain begins to process what I’m seeing. I grab the phone out of her hand and look even closer. It’s Bailey’s Instagram feed and she tagged Victory, one of the clubs Vaughn worked with a lot. “Is that…it can’t be. Is it?”
“Is that Bailey at Victory, smiling and laughing next to Ralph?” Ella says what I didn’t think could be true. “It definitely is.”
Well then.
Any pity I had for Bailey goes up in flames.
“ ‘Fun nights with new friends! Seeing a lot of good times in the future.’ ” I read her caption out loud and almost fall when I see Vaughn comment with a winky-face emoji. “An emoji? He always made fun of me for texting emojis!”
“Listen,” Ella says, and takes her phone back. “I’m not saying you have terrible taste in friends, but I am saying that you trust people too easily and you should run all future prospects by me for approval.”
In the past, I would’ve scoffed at this suggestion, but now I’m honestly not even really opposed.
“Do you think…” I don’t even know how to finish the question because I don’t think I want the answer. “Do you think they’ve hung out before?”
Do I think that Bailey sucks? Yes. Do I think she would’ve slept with my boyfriend before I was aware that she sucked? No. At least, I hope not.
“I don’t think so. From what I got out of Bailey when I did still talk to her, she didn’t really go to the clubs Vaughn worked at.” She tosses her phone onto my table and sinks down on my couch. “I think they ran into each other, and since they both are terrible, they hit it off and posted because of said terribleness.”
Oddly enough, that makes me feel much better.
“You follow Bailey on social media?”
“Please.” She grabs the remote and starts scanning through the streaming channels. “I would never give her the pleasure. This is a fake account that I use to occasionally stalk people who have wronged me in case I accidentally like one of their pictures.”
I have social media, but I’m terrible at handling one account. I’d be hopeless at two.
But I guess this is what sisters are for.
“I appreciate your dedication to staying informed.”
“I know you’re not going to look, so I do what I can.” She finally settles on the newest season of Housewives. “Plus, hate scrolling is my favorite pastime.”
“Oh. That makes sense I guess.” Ella’s favorite part of Mean Girls was the burn book, so her enjoying hate scrolling adds up. I lean into the couch and my stomach growls, reminding me of exactly how long I’ve been watching RuPaul’s Drag Race UK. “By the way, I ordered a ton of food if you’re hungry.”
She follows me into the kitchen and takes stock of the overabundance of delivery, as I’ve already ordered today.
“Were you expecting company?” she asks as she looks into the five—yes, five—boxes on the counter.
“I was planning on stuffing my feelings down, thank you very much.” I open the box of sweet potato fries and she swipes one before I can stop her.
Why did I want her back again?
“What?” she asks when she sees how I’m looking at her. “You asked if I was hungry and you know how I feel about sweet potato fries.”
They are the superior fry.
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes, but my heart’s not in it. “At least get a plate.”
“So what else is new?” she asks once we’ve piled our plates with more food than we’ll ever eat. “Delilah told me you had good news, but wouldn’t tell me what.”
Considering they are new best friends, that was nice of her.
“I got my promotion.” I’m prepared for her to groan because of her constant jabs about my job. But to my surprise, she drops her fry-and-mozzarella-stick-covered plate and runs around my counter to hug me.
“You got the promotion? Congratulations!”
“Thank you.” I hug her back, so grateful that we’re not fighting anymore.
I might be 100 percent an introvert, but even introverts need genuine human connection. Yesterday was a lot. Having my sister be so happy for me, even when—no, scratch that—especially when she doesn’t necessarily agree with the trajectory of my life means so much to me. She may be my polar opposite, but I couldn’t love her more if I tried.
“You were up against two guys, right?” she asks.
“Yeah, it was me and two men in the running,” I confirm. “There aren’t a ton of women in the industry.”
“Look at you, bringing down the patriarchy.” She lets out a long, slow whistle that I still to this day cannot do. “Good for you, Maya!”
“Thank you.” I beam under the praise I would’ve brushed off a few weeks ago and I know that’s more about me than it is about Ella. “But…and you’re partially to blame for this…I don’t know if I want to accept it.”
I feel like anyone else would at least pretend to be sad hearing this news. I mean, I did just spend the last decade of my life working to get here. Throwing away all of that work is pretty depressing.
But not my sister.
Nope.
“Oh my god!” She bounces up and down and her smile grows about a hundred sizes. “Yes! Quit! I’m going to go to Brazil! You can come with me! It will be so much fun. Me and you, exploring South America. Tasting the food, experiencing the culture, lounging on the beaches.”
As far as pitches go, this isn’t a bad one. Some time in the sun exploring with Ella does sound pretty appealing. And Brazil? I’m not sure it gets much better than that.
I’m about to tell her about Delilah and Real Love when there’s a knock at my door.
“Did you order food too and still take my fries?” I look at her and aim an accusatory glare at her full plate.
“If by ordered food you mean invited Kai over, then sure.” She walks to the door, looking at me over her shoulder with an expression I definitely don’t trust. “It might not be takeout, but I have a feeling he’s eaten quite a few things here.”
“Ella!” I shout, my cheeks heating as the memories from all the nights (and mornings and afternoons) spent with Kai flash to the front of my mind.
I’m not even able to gather my wits before she swings the door open and Kai is standing inside my apartment looking as handsome as ever.
“My dude!” Ella high-fives him and somehow still manages to look cool doing it. “You’re just in time.”
“Am I?” he asks her, but he’s looking at me. And even from across the room, I can feel his gaze drifting down my body.
“You are.” Ella locks my door and practically shoves him until his butt is in the stool next to me. “Because I was just trying to convince our girl here to move to Brazil with me for a year.”
His eyes do that thing again that causes him to resemble a really cute cartoon character. “You’re going to move? What about your job?”
“She’s not—” Ella begins to say, but does a zipper motion across her mouth when she notices the death stare I’m aiming at her.
“I got my promotion. I was going to call you, but then my world promptly caught fire.” I spare him the gory details. “Now I’m not sure this is what I actually want as much as it is what I think I should want…if that makes sense.”
“Total sense.” Kai is the polar opposite of Ella’s chaotic energy. His calmness is contagious as he skims his hand down my arm. “The cherry. It’s spreading.”
Tears spring to my eyes and I try to blink them away.
“Your cherry is spreading?” Ella’s horrified shout breaks the moment. “What kind of freaky shit are you two talking about?”
“Oh sweet lord.” I hide my face in my hands. I thought I’d dealt with enough recently that I could at least feel comfortable in my own home, but apparently that was too much to ask for. “Somebody kill me now.”
Kai’s warm laughter washes over me, but not enough to force me to show my face again.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” he says. I spread my fingers and peek just in time to see Kai pointing to the present he made me. “I gave her that for her birthday. The color on the cherry is spreading throughout the pie.”
“Aw shit, Kai! I forgot you had a deep, talented artist soul on top of slaying in the kitchen.”
I don’t know if Kai absorbs some of my humiliation, but when I drop my arms to my sides, his face is bright red. I guess it’s all about balance when it comes to being around Ella.
“Oh my god!” Ella jumps around some more. “I heard there’s a great art and food scene in Brazil! You should totally come with us. Like the three amigos, but you two can bang.”
“I hate you.” I love her, but I also hate her. “What are your motives right now?”
“Motives? What are you talking about?” She does the puppy dog eye thing she used to get away with everything in high school. Luckily for me, I’m immune to all that shit.
“Oh no. No, ma’am. I’m not falling for any of this nonsense.” If I’m going to spend a year with her, we need to be completely open with each other. And that includes the little games she finds so much joy in.
“There is no nonsense. It’s just that…” She trails off and confirms to me that there is, in fact, nonsense.
“It’s just what?” Ella is never one to beat around the bush with anything in life. If she’s hesitating, maybe I want to wait until we aren’t around company. But it’s too late for that.
She’s quiet for a moment, and then she finally says, “You’re nicer when you’re taken care of.”
“What are you talking about?” The fire that blooms so easily in my sister’s presence ignites. No offense to Kai, but even though I know he’s successful in his own right, I’m willing to bet that the savings account I’ve been steadily contributing most of my salary to for the last ten years would take care of me better than he could. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me. If you haven’t noticed”—I gesture to the empty and slightly depressing apartment we’re standing in—“I’ve done a pretty great job at providing for myself.”
When I look to Kai for backup, his eyes are creased at the corner and he’s chewing on his bottom lip like he’s trying not to laugh.
“Oh my god, Maya!” Ella throws her hands into the air. “I’m talking about sex! You’re much nicer when you are getting some good D on a consistent basis. It’s how I knew Vaughn was trash years ago. You got mean.”
Oh.
My.
God.
“You did not say that.” I’m just going to go to my room now. I’d much rather die in my comfy bed than in front of company.
“I was trying not to, but it’s true.” She shrugs and tosses a fry in the air and catches it in her mouth.
“Well,” Kai says before I lose my mind. “As much as I would love to be the third cast member in what is bound to be an epic comedy adventure, I’m afraid I can’t.”
Even though I still haven’t decided whether I’m even joining Ella, hearing Kai turn down the offer is equal parts relief and disappointment.
On one hand, I really like him. Like a lot. Like so much that I wouldn’t be upset exploring South America with him and my sister. He’s so thoughtful and talented and hot and I think I’m a better person when I’m around him.
And did I mention hot? Because he’s hot.
But on the other hand, part of me is afraid I’m jumping into something with him to avoid being alone. I like who I am with him, and I’m nervous I won’t like who I am by myself. And even though I still haven’t called my therapist, I know that’s not okay. I don’t want to latch on to him because I think I need to. I want to choose him because I want to.
And what if this fast and hot whirlwind romance is all we’re supposed to have? I don’t want to ruin the magic of our time together by not walking away when I should. If we part ways now, I can keep the memory of our time together saved and untouched by the drama that inevitably comes with life.
“Oh bummer,” Ella says after she finishes chewing, because she might be a little savage, but she’s not a monster. “Why not? I thought you were getting antsy in Miami and looking to leave.”
Well that’s news to me.
“I was…I mean, I am.” A smile like I’ve never seen on anyone lights up his gorgeous face and takes him straight to mythological levels of hotness. “My work got commissioned for a gallery in Seattle. They are going to provide me with a place to live and studio time to create an interactive and interchangeable exhibition for a year.”
“What?” I don’t hesitate before I turn to hug him. “That’s amazing! Congratulations!”
I loosen my grip on him, and when I pull back, he’s looking at me the way he did the first night we were on my couch together. There’s longing and appreciation and excitement.
“Do you mind if we go talk on your balcony?” he asks before shooting a rueful grin Ella’s way. “No offense, Ella.”
“None taken.” Ella shoves a handful of fries into her mouth. “Go be alone, profess your love to each other.”
I almost apologize for her, but luckily Kai is already an expert in dealing with my sister and I don’t have to say a word. One more perk of being with Kai.
Once we slide the glass door behind us, we settle onto my balcony overlooking the same ocean where we first met.
“So…” He turns to me, his strong hands immediately finding their way to my hips. My body lights up beneath his touch, reminding me that I’m not ready to part with it yet. “It seems like you might be leaving Miami. I didn’t think that was really an option for you.”
I lean into him, not overthinking anything for once and just allowing my body to take what it needs. “It wasn’t, but I’ve made a few friends who’ve convinced me that maybe it’s time to consider expanding my horizons.”
“Friends, huh?” His grip tightens against my hips. “Am I one of these so-called friends?”
“Would it be okay if you were?” I regret the question as soon as it leaves my lips. I know better than to ask something I don’t want the answer to.
“Yeah, I want to be your friend.” He nods his head, the reflection from the sun making his eyes look impossibly blue as he looks at me, and my heart that’s yearning for so much more shatters just a little bit. “But I’d also like to be your partner. I want to explore with you, create with you, grow alongside you as we both continue to discover who we are. I know Seattle is about as polar opposite from Miami as you can get, but if you wanted to come, I’d love to have you there. I don’t want you to feel pressured at all—I’ve loved watching you start to come into your true self these last few weeks and I would never want to get in the way of that. But if you are looking for a change, maybe we can brave the gray skies together and switch our boat dates from yachts to ferries?”
His hands slide around me and my slight fear of heights are the only things preventing me from falling over right now. All of my breath leaves me in a whoosh and I think I hear Ella screaming from inside, but I’m not sure.
I’ve spent the last thirty years playing by the rules, following the safe, predictable, boring path. Now, in the span of twenty-four hours, I have four different paths to choose from, and I’m not sure any of them are bad. I could keep pushing forward in my job and climbing the corporate ladder; I could go on Real Love; I could travel to Brazil with my sister; or I could risk everything for a guy with kind eyes in Seattle.
So many choices. So little time.
I know there are no promises for any of them, but I am sure that for the first time ever, I’m going to live my life the way I want to.
I’m just not quite sure what that means yet.