The day I went missing
Part 3
I don’t look up from my desk until the light above my monitor comes on. I swivel in my chair to look out at the sea of bright lights and milky grey sky. There’s no one else in the office apart from Annie, standing in the doorway looking at me expectantly.
‘Got a moment?’ Annie says.
‘Sure, want to get a coffee?’
She nods, twisting around back into the hallway. I follow her along the corridor towards the kitchen, but she breaks away and, reaching for my arm, yanks me through an open door and shuts it quickly, flicking on the light.
We’re standing in the tape closet, reams of film lining the shelves, and Annie has a finger pressed to her lips.
‘He knows,’ she says, quietly, an urgency in her tone.
‘That doesn’t matter,’ I reply, calmly, taking her by the shoulders. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘You don’t know what he’s like, what he’s capable of.’ She shrugs me off and paces the room. ‘Have you spoken to Graham?’
I shake my head.
‘Have you spoken to anyone?’
‘I’m trying,’ I say.
‘Pretend I never said anything.’
‘You know I can’t do that.’
‘I mean it, Katy, I’ll deny it all. This has gone too far.’
‘He’ll get away with it.’
‘Let him,’ she cries. ‘Destroy everything you have, and get rid of the key I gave you. Promise me.’
‘What about the others? They’ll get away with it, too.’
She shrugs. ‘So, they’ve gotten away it a million times before, why do I matter?’
‘Please, Annie. Just give me more time.’
‘I’m scared.’
‘I know, but—’
‘No, Katy, I’m sorry, you’re on your own.’
I nod. ‘Let me call Graham, I’ll speak to him tonight, someone will help us.’
She doesn’t reply. She opens the door slightly and checks both ways before leaving me alone in the closet. The door clicks as it shuts, the automatic light turns off and I’m plunged into darkness. I bring out my phone and hover over Graham’s name. Things didn’t end well yesterday, but he’ll put that aside to help me, he has to.
I send him a message.
I need to speak to you, will come to your flat after work.
I wait for a moment, but he doesn’t reply, if he’s even read it. I need to get some fresh air, I need to breathe. Unlike Annie, I don’t check if anyone’s coming, I just burst through the door and march down the corridor towards the exit.
‘Where are you going?’ Peter calls after me.
‘Out,’ I reply without breaking stride.
‘Can I join you?’
‘No,’ I shout back.
I fall out of the front door and into the cool, evening air. I glance quickly up at the office window, wondering if Annie is watching me.
I pause for a moment as cars race past, my heart pressing against my chest. I take a deep breath and spot a car across the road facing me, its headlights illuminating the street. There’s someone moving inside, another bright light, a flash? I start to cry, my cheeks burning with fear and guilt.
Behind me, the front doors to the office block swing open and I see Peter pulling on his rain jacket as he walks my way. He hasn’t seen me yet, but I know he’ll follow me. I edge away, glad of the distant comfort, just to know someone is watching out for me, but a new thought twists through me, that a man can so easily and without thought think it’s okay to take pictures of me, to watch me, to follow me.
I pause as I turn the corner, waiting for Peter, turning as I hear his footsteps. I lunge towards him. pushing him against a brick wall.
‘What are you doing?’ he chokes. His hood catches on the wall and falls backwards, revealing terrified, panicked eyes. He holds his hands up defensively and winces. ‘I was just making sure you were okay.’
I let go of him, taking a step backwards as he straightens his jacket. ‘I’m sorry.’ His eyes scan my features and his mouth falls open. ‘What’s happened?’
‘It’s none of your business, Peter. Leave me alone.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘For a walk,’ I say, walking in the opposite direction.
He doesn’t follow me this time but lets me go, and the safety and comfort his presence gave me disappear as I move away, thrusting my hands in my jeans’ pockets and exhaling, a frosty breath circling my head like a halo.
I check my phone and Graham has replied saying he’s at his mum’s house tonight, but I’ll go there anyway; I need to speak to him. I message Joanna and tell her I can’t make breakfast tomorrow. Our argument will have to wait a little longer.
I walk the streets for a while, trying to work out what to do next, but a solution doesn’t present itself, because Annie is right. This is too dangerous now, and in telling other people, I’m only putting them in danger too.
I stop, not realising where I’ve gone, but it’s the silence that wakes me. I blink, spinning on the spot. The side street I’ve found myself on is completely empty and lined with garages. I can see Brandon Hill in the distance, the soft glow of a streetlamp over the brick wall by the entrance to the path.
I must have walked about thirty minutes away from the office.
‘Shit,’ I say out loud. I need to get back. I start running in the direction of the office, but stop suddenly, and a footstep behind me stops a moment later.
‘Hello?’ I say, turning around.
There is no one there, but I hear the sole of a shoe scrape along the wet pavement, the spit of a puddle.
‘I know what you did,’ I scream.
I run again, as fast as I can, until I get back to the office. I tear through the building, now empty, only a few offices with the lights left on. I hurry along the corridor but a voice startles me. ‘I waited,’ Peter says. ‘Just to make sure you were okay. I’m sorry again, but I couldn’t leave knowing you were upset.’
I stare at him breathless, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
‘I’m fine,’ I say, walking past him towards our office.
‘Do you want to go get a drink or something? You can talk to me, you know.’
I shake my head. He follows me into the office and watches as I walk over to my desk. He’s silent for a moment before he says, ‘Is this about what you’re working on?’
I look up at him, but I can’t speak. Instead I shake my head, trying not to let him know just how upset I am. ‘I was going to order a pizza and do some more work. I just need to focus.’
‘I’ll stay and share it with you,’ he says. ‘We haven’t had dinner in ages.’
‘No, I just … I want to be alone.’
‘If you’re sure.’ He doesn’t push it. He knows I’m still mad at him for following me. He shouldn’t have done that, but the truth is I don’t want him to leave, I feel scared. Does he see it?
He picks up his backpack from his chair and holds his hand up in a gentle wave. ‘See ya, Katy.’
I watch him leave before I finally let out a breath. There are footsteps approaching along the corridor. Is Peter coming back? Or is it someone else? I panic, reaching forward and grabbing the snow globe. I roll the batteries across the floor towards Peter’s desk. With my heart pounding, I reach into the bottom of my bag and grab the USB stick and the gold key Annie gave me weeks ago, thrusting them in the empty space, closing the lid. I place it gently on the table, just as I hear the words.
‘Hello, Katy.’