When I wake up, the world is a shade darker. I think about calling Maggie or Lawrence today, but what good would it do? I feel the security man’s hands around my shoulder, the way he led me away, the horror on the receptionist’s face. I never wanted to become that person, to turn into someone so desperate, but now I’m faced with a new twisted version of myself.
Is Katy never coming home?
The USB felt like the last tangible link to her, and now that’s gone. But the police know about it, like they always should have, and whoever broke in and attacked Peter had something to hide, something Katy knew about. I wonder if they looked for the key, too, if that’s why Peter’s house was in pieces when the police got there, if that’s why they hit him.
I check the forum, but no one has put anything in there. Was this just a distraction from my questions, from me probing into who people are? It’s too soon to go to the police about this until I see what this is, if the pictures are actually of Ian, or just someone who looks like him.
I missed the call from Mum yesterday, but I couldn’t bear to hear her whining voice, the age in it. She doesn’t have long left – what happened to Katy took years from her life and although her mind is young, her bones are fragile and her skin is thin.
I sit at the kitchen table with a cup of tea, too milky, as Katy would say. I stare at her across the table, an outline of her. Her blonde hair up in a scruffy ponytail, a face bare of makeup other than a flick of eyeliner, a stripey turtleneck. She asks what I’m doing with my day and I reply that I’m going to try and find her. She smiles and says, ‘Give up, Mum.’
I cry, rising from my seat. ‘No, I can’t,’ I choke, salty tears sliding across my chapped lips. ‘What were you working on?’
‘It was a secret.’
‘But I didn’t think we kept secrets.’
She smiles. ‘You never asked.’
‘I didn’t want to. Was it dangerous?’
She shrugs. ‘You knew I wanted to be an investigative journalist.’
‘I just never thought you’d get a story before you got out of university.’
She laughs. ‘Me neither.’
‘What happened to you, Katy?’
‘You need to let it go, Mum.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Well, are you going to answer that?’
‘Answer what?’
I look down at my phone vibrating on the kitchen table, but when I look up at Katy again, she isn’t there.
I don’t recognise the number, but it could be the studio calling to update me like they said they would.
‘Hello?’ I answer.
‘Grace?’ a small voice says.
‘Speaking.’
‘This is Annie, from NTV. I just wanted to apologise about yesterday, I heard what happened.’
‘Annie,’ I whisper. ‘I didn’t think…’
We’re both quiet for a moment until she says. ‘Katy was a really good person.’
‘You knew her? They told me she didn’t have any friends at work.’
‘Yeah, I guess, but that’s not why I’m calling. I’m not sure if you know my boss, Mark Crawley?’
‘Of course I do.’
‘He wants to interview you.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand.’
‘He has a series of documentaries and he wants to interview you, he—’
‘I know who he is and what he does. What I don’t understand is why he’d want to interview me.’
‘Well.’ She hesitates. ‘I think he heard about what happened in reception yesterday, said he wanted to speak to you, he thought it would be interesting for a story.’
‘But he could interview anybody he wanted.’
‘He could,’ she says, not disagreeing with me. ‘Would you be interested?’
‘Is this for television?’
‘We don’t know yet, it’d just be an informal chat at first to get an idea of what would work.’
‘Okay, yes, okay,’ I say, excitedly. ‘Can we speak, as well?’
‘Erm, look, I didn’t really know Katy that well, I just sat in the same office as her. I’m really sorry.’
I shake my head. ‘The receptionist said you were upset about the documentary about Katy.’
‘I don’t know why she said that. Maybe the documentary has shocked me a little.’
‘No, that’s not what happened, she said you were upset.’
‘I don’t know what to tell you. I knew Katy, we worked in the same office, but that’s all.’
‘Did you know Peter?’
She doesn’t reply until finally she says. ‘Does tomorrow work? Mark’s in the office filming, so he could meet you for a coffee after lunch?’
There’s something she isn’t saying, something she’s holding back. I can’t put my finger on it, but she’s too quick to disguise her feelings about Katy. Would it be so wrong to be sad about a colleague going missing?
‘Can I see her office? I never got to see it before.’
‘Erm, I’m sure we could arrange that.’
‘And her desk?’
‘Things have changed a bit—’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Okay, well, is 2pm all right?’
‘I’ll be there.’
‘I’ll meet you in the lobby, in case there are any problems.’
‘There won’t be,’ I say. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
I hang up and look at the empty seat in front of me.
* * *
When I arrive at NTV, the security guard from the day before isn’t there, and when I walk into the reception, the desk is empty too. The foyer is devoid of noise, apart from the light tap of my black loafers.
A woman is sitting with one leg outstretched, one curled into her, short hair up in a half ponytail and shaven down one side. She has a nose ring and freckles that line high cheekbones.
‘Annie?’
She looks up, startled. ‘Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.’ She stands up, sliding her phone into her dungarees.
‘Nice to meet you.’
‘You too,’ she says, ‘Want to go up?’
I follow her as she taps me in through a security gate, bending down to let her lanyard brush against the barrier.
The corridors are narrow despite the size of the building, and painted a garish blue which makes them feel even smaller than they are. Annie leads me towards the lifts, again tapping her lanyard against the button. She waits, smiling at me tight-lipped.
‘So, I thought I’d show you Katy’s old office. Like I said, her desk isn’t there anymore, but I can give you the whole tour of the building, show you some of the sets we film in, if you like?’
I shake my head. ‘That won’t be necessary, that’s not why I’m here.’
The lift dings and doors slide open and she waves a hand for me to enter, following closely behind.
‘You’re here to talk to Mark.’
‘Well, yes,’ I say, turning to her. ‘But I was actually more interested in talking to you.’
Her expression doesn’t change, but she starts tapping both feet, bouncing onto the balls and falling back onto the heels. ‘I didn’t really know her, and it was so long ago.’
‘She sat at a desk near you?’ Annie nods. She has slight wrinkles under her eyes, and pinched cheeks. She must be about thirty-five, give or take. ‘You were about Katy’s age? When she went missing.’
‘Erm, I’m thirty-seven, so a bit older.’
‘You’ve worked here a long time.’ She nods. ‘You must know who else worked here when Katy went missing.’
The lift stops and the doors open. I follow Annie along a corridor and into a large open-plan kitchen. A few people are sat around a table by the window with their laptops, sipping mugs and talking animatedly about something, but the laughter is broken by Annie pulling mugs from the cupboard and accidentally dropping one in the sink. It smashes but she doesn’t react. She waves a hand and smiles at me.
‘Tea, coffee?’
‘Tea, one sugar, more milk than most people think is normal.’
Her lips turn up, and her eyes light up as she looks at me. But the smile quickly fades.
‘So back to my question,’ I say, leaning on the kitchen counter as I watch her fill the kettle with water.
‘A lot of people worked here.’
‘But anyone Katy was friends with?’
‘No,’ she says.
‘Peter?’
She stops.
‘I don’t think he was here when I worked here.’
‘No, he was.’
She shakes her head. ‘No, I don’t know a Peter.’
‘But you watched The Disappearance of Katy Harper. Didn’t you recognise him?’
‘No, I told you, I didn’t know him.’
‘Okay,’ I say, turning around to face the window. I stare out at the Bristol skyline, the cathedral in the distance, brick and cement spliced with trees.
She places a tea on the counter behind me. The group by the window are staring at me now, whispering among themselves.
‘Ignore them,’ Annie says. ‘They’re just being nosy. I’ll take you to Mark’s office.’
I follow her down the corridor.
‘Can we see Katy’s office first?’
She nods, checking her phone. ‘He’s still in a meeting anyway.’
‘Have you always worked as his assistant? That must be very exciting.’
‘I’m an executive producer,’ she says, with a touch of irritation.
‘I’m sorry, I just assumed.’
‘That’s okay, I used to be.’ She slows slightly. ‘His assistant, I mean.’
‘Yes,’ I reply, frowning.
She stops at an open door and nods her head towards it like it means nothing. I stop in the doorway, scanning the room. It has old blue carpets and wide windows, walnut desks and large desktop monitors. No one is here. I wonder if Annie told them to leave, if they were worried I would make a scene, start trying to speak to people. Maybe I would.
‘It’s changed quite a bit,’ she says, squeezing past me. She walks to the middle of the office and places her mug down on the desk, holding out two straight hands.
‘Here, she used to sit about here.’
I look at the desk. I stare straight through her. There she is. Katy, sipping a black coffee and staring out the window, leaning against a metal pillar. She turns, smiling at me.
‘I’m so glad you got to see it, quite the view, right?’
I nod.
‘Why are you here Mum?’
‘I … I’m… The .’
She nods, walking towards me. ‘The USB, don’t you think I kept that a secret for a reason?’
‘What reason?’
She shrugs. ‘But I got it to you, didn’t I? What did you do with it?’
‘I lost it,’ I sob.
‘How could you do that?’
‘I didn’t mean to, I thought I was helping.’
She turns back to the window. ‘To think, I’m out there somewhere, and you’re in here.’ She smiles.
‘Grace?’ Annie says, waving a hand in front of my face.
I force a smile.
‘And where did you sit?’
She points towards the window. ‘Over there?’
I take a step towards her. ‘Can I ask you a question?’
She picks up her mug. ‘We should really get going. Mark will be waiting, he’s so excited to meet you.’
‘Did you know what Katy was working on?’ I ask, ignoring her.
‘No, I don’t, sorry.’
‘So, the police didn’t ask you anything?’
‘Well, yeah, they asked us some questions, but I thought it all came out, the restaurant owner, all of that.’
‘Yes, but a secret project.’
She goes to speak, but stops. ‘No,’ she says, firmly. ‘Nothing.’
I nod slowly.
‘Did you ever see Katy with a USB?’
She stops. ‘No,’ she says quickly.
‘And what about any files that were saved to her work laptop, where would they be?’
She frowns at me and says slowly. ‘It was ten years ago.’
She walks towards the doorway, but I call after her.
‘It wasn’t ten years ago for me.’