By the end of the day Bella was tired to the point of exhaustion. Despite two restless nights with next to no sleep, she’d worked harder and longer hours than ever. It was a kind of penance for the guilt she carried after seriously upsetting both Anton and Gabe.
But although she’d made life harder for two men this week, she was glad that she’d at least pleased a third man, her father, by keeping his stock in the best condition that the lack of rain would allow.
Today she’d shifted cattle onto better grassland, delivered more molasses and salt licks to distant paddocks, and found twin orphaned calves, which she brought in to the home paddock. The poor skinny babies had huge dull eyes and sunken sides, and if the land wasn’t so desperately dry, Bella might have encouraged one or two mother cows to take them on. The other cows, however, had barely enough nourishment to feed their own young, so now, with a couple of buckets of powdered milk, Bella made her way back to the paddock.
‘Come on, girls,’ she called to them, but the calves were so weak they could barely struggle to their feet, let alone walk to her. ‘I know how you feel,’ she muttered as she lugged the heavy buckets over to them.
Encouraging calves to feed meant she had to dunk her hand in the milk pail and splash it into their mouths. Baby calves only knew how to drink by sucking, so she had to encourage them to suck on her fingers. It was the weirdest sensation to have their raspy tongues working away on her hand, but luckily, these two both got the hang of it.
Bella had just finished and was climbing through the fence with the empty buckets, when Liz drove around the bend in the small borrowed sedan.
‘Looks like you’ve had a long day,’ Liz called as she pulled up and lowered the window.
‘So have you,’ Bella suggested wryly.
‘I know. Sorry I’ve been AWOL. I gave Alex his lesson and he practised for an hour afterwards, and then Jack thought we should all have lunch in the pub, and there seemed to be so much to talk about, trying to plan for Alex’s future schools, et cetera. I’ve stayed away much longer than I meant to.’
‘But you’ve had a good time?’
Liz was glowing. ‘I have.’
‘That’s great.’ Bella was sincerely pleased that at least one person around here was happy. ‘What about Anton?’ she asked less happily. ‘Did he get away okay?’
‘He did, Bella.’ Liz’s eyes were thoughtful for a moment, then she nodded towards the buckets. ‘Are they new calves? Have you been feeding them?’
‘Yes. I brought them in from the Grey paddock.’
‘Well, you can leave feeding them to me in future. That’s one job I can look after.’
‘As long as you don’t mind being licked to death and having your skin feel like it’s being rubbed with wet sandpaper.’
‘I’ve fed calves before. I know what it’s like to be slimed to the elbows. I’ll be fine.’ Liz gave an airy wave. ‘See you up at the house.’
Bella had showered and was in her bedroom, hunting through her diminishing quantity of clean clothes, when she saw the glint of gold on her dressing table.
Even before she crossed the room, she knew this was the necklace with the horseshoe charm that she’d left behind with Anton.
Her throat was tight as she picked it up.
It was embarrassingly clear to her that she’d been immature and foolish when she’d left this in France. Even if it had been a desperate, subconscious attempt to prove to herself that she was finally over Gabe, it hadn’t been very effective.
She could no longer hide from the truth that she was unlikely to get over Gabe. Ever.
Poor Anton had been considerate enough to return the charm without making any fuss. He’d been incredibly gentlemanly and evolved about this whole debacle. But his mature behaviour made Bella feel smaller than ever.
Was she a prime case of arrested development?
Sort yourself out, Gabe had challenged.
I’m trying.
She pressed the tiny horseshoe to her lips, fighting tears, then slipped the chain around her neck and secured the clasp.
But I can’t do it in isolation.
Her ‘sorting out’ required a difficult and scarily honest conversation with Gabe.
She’d left a message on his phone letting him know that she needed to talk to him. She’d made sure he understood that Anton was past tense, but so far Gabe hadn’t replied. She had made a special trip home at midday, anxious and nervous, especially to check the answering machine, and she’d checked it again this evening before her shower.
There was still no answer. Gabe was letting her sweat.
Liz had thrown a roast in the oven as soon as she arrived back from town and now rich smells filled the kitchen.
‘You look like you could use a drink,’ she said when Bella walked in.
Bella gave a tired shrug. ‘I guess. Have you opened anything?’
‘I can in a blink. Let’s have a glass on the verandah while the veggies brown.’
Bella smiled. ‘You’re starting to relax about this cooking business, aren’t you?’
‘I’m feeling very relaxed this evening,’ Liz agreed, eyes sparkling.
‘You’ve been flirting with Jack Roper again.’
‘No more than he flirted with me.’ Liz had moved to the fridge. ‘Will white wine do? I had a little buying spree while I was at the pub.’
‘White’s fine.’
As Liz extracted a bottle of Clare Valley Riesling, she sent Bella a searching glance, but she didn’t comment until they were on the verandah, comfortable in old cane chairs padded with patchwork cushions, looking out at paddocks drenched in turquoise shadows.
Gus sprawled on the floorboards between them, his head resting patiently on his paws. Bella wished she could tell the faithful dog that it wouldn’t be too long now before his master was home. She had a strange feeling that her problems would sort themselves out when Peter Fairburn was well and back in charge of Mullinjim.
Liz sipped at her wine. ‘Ooh, this is nice. I hope you don’t mind the ice cube. It’ll keep the wine cool in this heat.’
‘It’s a good idea.’ Out of the corner of her eye Bella caught her aunt’s expression, a mixture of fondness and concern that was almost more than she could bear. She kept her gaze fixed firmly on the wineglass she held tightly in both hands.
‘He’ll get over it, Bella.’
‘Who? Anton?’
‘Yes. He seems to be a very level-headed and resilient young man. And now he’s heading off for another adventure. In a few days’ time––’
‘He’ll have forgotten me,’ Bella said with a faintly bitter smile.
‘Well, he might be recovering from his disappointment,’ Liz agreed. ‘That’s what you want, isn’t it?’
Bella nodded, but to her dismay, she could feel tears stinging her eyes. She blinked hard.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Sort of.’
‘I’m here if you want to talk.’
‘Thanks.’ Bella closed her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts. She wanted to offload, but she realised she didn’t have a clue where to start. Talking about Gabe to Liz would be like taking the lid off a jar of angry bees.
Scary stuff.
‘I think I warned you that coming home can be tricky,’ Liz said quietly. ‘And it can be especially tricky if you haven’t faced up to why you ran away in the first place.’
Bella’s eyes flashed. This was a bit too close to the bone. Panic flared. Crap. She was turning into a nervous wreck. She took a swift gulp of wine, hoping it would calm her. ‘You sound like Gabe. He told me last night to sort myself out.’ But Liz had put her finger on the very heart of her problem. ‘You’re right,’ she said tightly. ‘I was running away when I took off for Europe.’
‘From Gabe?’
‘Yeah.’ Who else? Bella rolled her eyes. ‘I was pretty immature. You wouldn’t believe how stupid.’
‘Oh, I probably would.’ Liz smiled awkwardly, her eyes suddenly tense.
‘Don’t tell me you ran away, too.’
‘In a manner of speaking.’
Bella remembered her aunt’s tears soon after they’d returned.
I’ve been making peace with the past . . .
In the kitchen behind them, the oven began to beep.
‘Saved by the bell,’ Liz said, moving quickly to her feet. ‘I’d better turn that darned thing off.’
‘Sure. Let’s eat,’ Bella was on her feet, too. ‘I’m starving. And talking about our past mistakes will only give us indigestion.’
‘But you will feel free to talk if you need a sounding board, won’t you?’
‘I will,’ Bella said as her aunt hurried inside. Talking might help her to unravel the chaos inside her.
She didn’t follow Liz straightaway, however. She went to the verandah railing and looked out at the view she knew so well and that she’d missed so often when she was away. It was almost sunset, but streaks of pink and gold still lingered in the clouds gathered on the horizon. Cattle continued to graze in the paddocks while kangaroos hopped silently among them like shadows.
Beyond loomed the dark hump of the trees along the creek. Across the bright sky a flock of cockatoos flew slowly homewards.
It was an ordinary enough view, but to Bella it was extraordinarily special. It was home.
Coming home can be tricky if you haven’t faced up to why you ran away.
Sort yourself out.
Okay, okay . . .
She fingered the little horseshoe on its chain, remembering the night Gabe had given it to her in Townsville, when they were still so happy.
‘I almost bought you sapphires or pearls,’ he’d told her. ‘Then I thought this horseshoe was more you.’ Almost immediately he’d looked uncertain. ‘But maybe you’d rather have sapphires and pearls.’
Bella had rolled her eyes at him. ‘Don’t be crazy. When would I wear sapphires and pearls? Imagine me on a muster.’ She’d made her voice hoity-toity. ‘Mind Lady Bella and her joolz.’
Smiling, she’d slipped her arms around him. ‘I can wear this horseshoe anywhere, wading into a muddy dam or dancing at the Ritz and I’ll never take it off.’
She winced, remembering how naïve she’d been that night. Naïve but buzzing with happiness . . . before everything went horribly wrong.