‘There’s something I need to discuss with the two of you,’ Virginia announced at dinner.
Bella looked quickly at Luke, who hastily swallowed his mouthful of steak.
‘I hope it doesn’t come as a shock,’ their mother went on. ‘But I’ve made a decision about where I want to live now.’
In the sudden silence Luke’s eyes were wide, mirroring the same surprise and nervousness Bella felt. Ever since the funeral their mother had remained stoic and outwardly calm, but Bella had expected her to take weeks, even months, before she made any firm decisions about the future.
She’d expected to have everything sorted with Gabe by then, but they hadn’t spoken yet. He’d told her at the funeral that he’d been in touch in a day or two. For now he was giving her family ‘space’, but not knowing was killing her.
With quiet determination, Virginia said, ‘I’d like to go back to Townsville.’
Bella and Luke exchanged startled glances. Had their mum lost it?
‘Townsville?’ Bella asked uncertainly.
Her mum was nodding calmly. ‘I like Townsville.’
‘But why?’ Bella couldn’t imagine her mum in a city, not even in a laid-back, tropical city. Apart from eighteen months working in a bank in Townsville before she was married, Virginia Fairburn had lived in the bush all her life.
Luke was shaking his head, looking as puzzled and worried as Bella. ‘I thought you loved it here.’
‘Of course I love living here or at least I have loved it.’ Their mother let out a tired sigh. ‘I’m sorry, but I simply can’t bear the thought of carrying on here without your father.’
Bella opened her mouth, then promptly shut it again as she realised she didn’t know what to say.
Luke looked equally stunned. ‘Isn’t it too soon to make decisions?’ he said finally. ‘You might feel differently in a week or two.’
‘I very much doubt that, darling. I’ve had quite a lot of time to think about this, you know. Ever since your father’s first heart attack I’ve had to think about how I’d cope . . . But I hoped we’d have years and years . . . ’
Without warning, her mouth crumpled and a sob broke out. Bella was half out of her chair, ready to offer a hug, when her mother held up her hand.
‘It’s okay, Belle. I’m all right.’ Taking a deep breath, she straightened her shoulders and regained control, but before she spoke again, she reached for the ever-ready teapot, tested its weight, then poured what was left into her cup.
‘I came here as a young bride,’ she said as she added milk. ‘And I’ve spent my entire married life here at Mullinjim and it’s been wonderful. But that’s the way I’d like to remember it. I don’t want to struggle on here as a widow. I’m afraid I just don’t have it in me.’
She stopped again and this time tears glittered.
Bella felt as if she wanted to cry too. Mullinjim was losing both her parents in one fell blow.
‘In Townsville I can keep an eye on your gran,’ her mum went on. ‘I know she’d like that. She’s been on her own for such a long time.’
‘But you wouldn’t live in the nursing home?’ Luke looked shaken.
Virginia smiled. ‘No, not yet. I’ll look for a cottage. Somewhere near the sea would be nice. Or a townhouse with a little bit of garden.’
A little bit of garden after a hundred thousand acres? The thought appalled Bella. She felt inexplicably let down by her mother’s announcement. The very thought that her mum couldn’t contemplate living here without her husband had shocked her.
Where was the strong woman who’d managed so wonderfully over the past few days? Where was Bella’s role model for living here without Gabe, if she had to?
‘But you’re not going to sell Mullinjim?’ Luke was looking more worried than ever.
‘You can’t sell this place, Mum.’ Bella realised she sounded as scared as Luke. ‘It’s not what Dad wanted.’
Resting her elbows on the table, Virginia regarded them both with a tired, faded smile. ‘Do you know what your father wanted?’
Bella’s heart thudded painfully. Her gaze met Luke’s again, but apart from the fact that he still looked anxious, she had no idea what her brother was thinking.
‘I don’t know what Dad told either of you,’ Bella said. ‘But he certainly gave me the impression that he wanted Luke to continue with his building certification and he hoped that I would run this place.’
Virginia nodded. ‘That’s what he told me too. You’d like to continue with the building, wouldn’t you, Luke?’
‘I don’t have to,’ he offered quickly. ‘I can come home to help. I’ve run the last couple of musters and I assumed I’d be looking after the next one as well.’
‘But if you had a choice, would working as a builder be your first preference?’
He studied the knife and fork lying together on his empty plate, then he looked up again quickly, shoulders squared. ‘I feel responsible for Mullinjim.’
‘Because you’re the son and heir?’ Bella couldn’t help asking.
‘I love this place as much as anyone.’ Luke’s mouth twisted uncomfortably. ‘But I guess I’ve been hoping that I’d have the chance to consider other options. If I have to be totally honest––’
‘You must be honest now,’ their mother said quickly. ‘We all must be completely honest. It’s very important.’
Luke nodded unhappily. ‘Well . . . now I’ve started building, I’d like to give it a really good go. But it’s hard to juggle both the cattle and the building work.’
‘What about you, Bella?’ Her mother’s blue eyes were piercing now. ‘How would you feel about staying on here to run Mullinjim on your own?’
I don’t know. I – I’m not ready.
Her aunt’s advice was still ringing in her ears. If there are issues you still haven’t resolved, get them sorted before you make another decision.
‘I guess I wouldn’t have to be entirely on my own,’ she countered. ‘Dad didn’t run this place by himself and I can always hire help.’
‘Well, yes, you’d certainly need help. But you’d also have to commit to living here. How do you feel about that?’
It depends . . . The very thought of living next to Gabe but not with him caused an almost suffocating pressure in Bella’s chest.
‘You might want to take off – to run away again.’
Bella flinched. Run away?
She was stung by her mother’s accusation. She’d hoped that everyone else thought her choice to go abroad was a natural choice, the sort of thing that any curious young person at a crossroads in her life might do.
But now the difficult decisions she’d avoided were still hanging over her. Now she was facing the really big questions she hadn’t yet asked herself.
The next few seconds could be the most important of her life. Her answer would define her future. She felt like a contestant on a TV game show, poised to give her answer to the final, crucial question.
The next words she uttered could mean the difference between winning or losing everything. Everything that mattered.
It was time to finally stop agonising over the past. It was time to grow up, to face up to her future as an adult.
She’d worked long, hot and dusty hours to prove she could take on the responsibility of her family’s property, and she’d relished the sense of achievement this brought. She’d loved earning her father’s praise and she’d loved testing herself. She knew she was good at this work.
Good decisions usually feel right.
As Bella remembered Liz’s parting words, the answer arrived with a sudden certainty that stunned her.
She belonged here.
With or without Gabe Mitchell.
The realisation was scary. She’d spent a lifetime swinging like a compass needle, as if Gabe Mitchell was her true north. Unfortunately she was still completely crazy about him and she was terrified that she might end up like old Roy, living in the same district as the person she loved, nursing the pain of her loss. Forever.
But she couldn’t turn her back on Mullinjim. And she couldn’t ask Luke to give up his dreams. And the sad truth was, even if she lived somewhere else, there would always be a Gabe-shaped hole in her heart.
I can be strong. I can pour everything I have into this place. I’m my father’s daughter.
‘Bella, I’m sorry.’ Her mother reached across the table to squeeze her hand. ‘I shouldn’t have put you on the spot. You don’t have to give an answer now. Think about it. Maybe you need a few days.’
Beneath her mother’s touch, Bella’s hand clenched decisively. ‘It’s okay, Mum. I know what I want. I want to stay here.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yep.’ She was so grateful that neither her mother nor Luke mentioned Gabe. ‘I’m sure. I love it here. You both know that. And I love working with the cattle.’ With a determined lift of her chin, she smiled. ‘This is where I’m meant to be.’
She felt better already. She could almost feel something inside her click into place.
Luke’s shoulders relaxed and he let out a huff of relief. Her mother smiled at her, too, and gave Bella’s hand another squeeze before she reached for her cup and took a deep sip of her tea.
They were pleased with her answer.