ou take one look at the corridor and realise that it’s time to get out of there, otherwise you’re going to end up as a smoked student.

You run from the building and out to the street. There’s a wild wailing noise of sirens, a jangling of bells, and a fire engine pulls up.

Firefighters jump off the truck and start pulling out hoses and axes and fire extinguishers. ‘I’ll help!’ you cry enthusiastically. A fireman hands you the end of a hose.

‘Quick!’ he says. ‘Attach it to the tank.’

You’re not sure what he means but you don’t like to admit that. You look around and, yes, there’s a big white tank just fifty metres away, sitting in the corner of the schoolyard. You rush over to it and connect the hose to the outlet. Then you stand back and watch. The fireman points the hose at the fire and opens the valve on the nozzle. Liquid shoots out in a huge powerful spray, falling straight onto the flames.

To your amazement there’s a massive whoooosh and a great fireball rolls up into the sky. You look at the tank in surprise. Oopsadaisy. You should have looked at it before. On the side in big red letters is painted: DANGER—PETROL—HIGHLY INFLAMMABLE. You realise you’ll go down in history as the person who burnt the school down on your very first day. What an honour.