he gives you a sweet smile.

‘Are you comfortable there, dearie?’

‘Yes, sure.’

‘Because I do like my students to be comfortable.’

She goes out for a moment and comes back with a cup of hot chocolate and a portable TV. You lie back and prepare to enjoy yourself.

‘Got any good videos?’ you ask.

‘Why certainly, dear.’

You spend the morning watching TV. For lunch you send out for a pizza, and charge it to the school’s account. Every half hour the Principal pops her head in. ‘Are you happy?’ she asks. ‘Am I doing enough? Anything I can do to improve?’

After a few hours of this you get sick of it and tell her not to bother you again. She disappears, fast. You lie back and pick up the remote control to start another video. Only one little nagging doubt worries you. What are you going to do tomorrow? Just how long can you get away with this? You reach for the white pages and look up the list of schools. It’s a nice long list, and every school has a Principal.

Should take you a few months to work your way through that lot. You settle back in your armchair and press the ‘play’ button.