Caitlyn sat in her favorite cushioned chair on the back patio of her house, legs pulled up beneath her, and the latest book by her favorite author in her hands. The pain pills she’d taken thirty minutes ago were kicking in, giving her some relief, and on top of that, the Texas sun had finally decided to come back out and warm things up.
But she still felt restless. She found herself reading the last paragraph half a dozen times and had no idea what it said. No matter how hard she tried to tell herself she didn’t care, all she could think about was Josh.
“Hope you’re hungry.” Her best friend, Amber, stepped out onto the patio from the house, balancing two bags of takeout, plates, and a jug of sweet tea. “I picked up barbecue and it smells so good, you’re lucky I didn’t eat it all in the car driving back.”
Caitlyn set the book down, then moved the bouquet of flowers out of the way. “You know, you’re spoiling me.”
“That’s what best friends do.” Amber started arranging the takeout containers of brisket, fried okra, beans, coleslaw, onion rings, and corn bread. “Besides, it’s not like I went out and smoked the brisket myself. I like taking care of you, even if you are somewhat of a difficult patient who for some reason didn’t call me when you were in trouble.”
“Do we really have to go there again?” Caitlyn moved too quickly to grab an onion ring from sliding onto the floor, paying for it with a sharp pain that shot through her rib cage. “I did it to keep you safe.”
Amber frowned. “I still think I could have helped.”
“I know, and you know I love you for coming, but it’s been over a week now, and you’ve been here every day. These ribs of mine will take a while to heal, but I’m okay. I feel guilty you’re not with your family more.”
“Forget it. I wouldn’t be a best friend if I didn’t smother you with a bunch of TLC. Besides, my family can survive without me for a few days. And if they can’t, they might just realize how much I do for them.”
“So I guess it is a win-win situation.” Caitlyn popped a piece of fried okra into her mouth. “Seriously, I can’t tell you how good it is to hang out with you. We don’t do it enough as it is.”
“Agreed.” Amber sat down across from her and started filling up her plate. “Listen . . . I know you don’t want to talk about this, but—”
“If you’re referring to Josh—”
“He’s left at least a dozen messages, not to mention the gorgeous bouquet of flowers sitting on this table.”
“He’ll give up eventually.” She looked at the food on her plate, her appetite suddenly gone. “And you were right. I really don’t want to talk about him.”
“Except I think you do.”
Caitlyn frowned.
“Listen, I realize you’re recovering from a very traumatic situation,” Amber rushed on, “but that doesn’t mean you should brush him off. Especially when you’re in love with the man.”
“I’m not in love with him, and besides, whose side are you on?” Caitlyn’s frown deepened at her friend’s persistence. Amber never had been able to drop a subject until she was ready. “I thought you were supposed to be on my side.”
“I am. Remember, I’m the one who offered to spend time with you this past week even though Noah’s in the middle of basketball season and Chloe—”
Caitlyn rolled her eyes. “Please. I know your tactics. Now you’re trying to make me feel guilty?”
“Hmm . . . I thought I was doing a pretty good job. But seriously, I just don’t understand why you’re running from him. I met him when he stopped by. You haven’t said much, but he’s good-looking, seemed charming, and even though I’m sure you haven’t told me everything that happened between the two of you, goodness, girl, the fact that there was something between you was obvious.”
Caitlyn knew Amber was trying to help, but there were still times when she pushed too hard. “You don’t understand—”
“Really? Is that what you’re going to throw at me? Because it won’t work. I know this has everything to do with your father and Bryce, and your fear of letting anyone into your heart because you’re afraid it might get broken again. But not all men are like them. I’d even say that most men aren’t like them. You know, you’ve come so far over the years since I’ve met you, but using your father as an excuse not to fall in love is crazy.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. And besides, that was a long time ago.”
“Which is exactly my point. Who else have you let into your life since then?”
“Amber—”
“All I’m trying to do is tell you, that guy’s in love with you. At least you should hear him out.”
“Just because you’re happily in love doesn’t mean I have to be or even want to be.”
“Since love makes everything complicated—”
“I’m not buying that. You were always so tough and independent, but it’s okay to rely on someone else. To let someone into that closed world of yours.”
The problem was, no matter how hard Caitlyn tried to fight it, Amber was right. She wanted to let him into her world. She missed him and couldn’t get him out of her mind.
“Caitlyn . . . I’m not trying to hurt you. I just want you to be happy.”
“What would you say if I told you I can’t stop thinking about him?” She said it before she let herself think about the consequences of her words. She hadn’t wanted to admit her feelings to herself, let alone to Amber. But now that it was out . . . “He’s the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep and the first thing on my mind when I wake up.”
Amber smiled. “I’d say you’re finally being honest with yourself.”
“You’ve always had that effect on me.”
“Why don’t you just tell him all of this yourself?”
Caitlyn caught her friend’s gaze. “He’s here, isn’t he?”
Amber nodded. “He pulled up right behind me and is in your driveway. Just talk to him. You don’t have to tell him what you said to me if you’re not ready, but the guy’s worried sick about you. And after all the two of you have gone through, he deserves that.”
Caitlyn nodded. There was no way she was going to win anyway. “Fine.”
Amber grabbed her plate of food and headed for the back door.
“But you can stay,” Caitlyn said.
“Not this time.”
Josh stepped onto the back patio a minute later, looking far too good in black jeans and a black button-down shirt. “Hey . . . sorry if I’m interrupting lunch.”
“Help yourself, please. There’s plenty to eat, plus tea . . .”
“Tea sounds great, but I’ve already eaten.”
She felt his gaze search hers as she busied herself by pouring him a glass of tea, wishing she didn’t feel so awkward around him.
“I just want to know how you’re doing,” he said. “I’ve been worried.”
She handed him the glass of tea, then sat back down in her chair, making sure she didn’t grimace with the pain. “Thankfully, I’m almost back to normal. Still sore, but there’s no fluid in my lungs and no additional injuries. What about you? Your face looks almost normal.”
“I’ve been given leave until the investigation is finished, but I’m going to be fine.”
“I’m glad.” She searched for what to say. “I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls. I just haven’t really felt like seeing anyone.”
“No one, or just me?”
She glanced away at his question. “It’s not you, Josh. None of this is you.”
He sat down in the chair across from her and scooted it forward until their knees were almost touching. “Then I’m just going to say what I’m feeling, because I figure at this point I don’t have anything to lose. I think you’re wrong. Wrong about believing that there isn’t a man out there who will love and cherish you and treat you the way you should be treated. I can—I want—to be that person in your life.”
She felt her lungs constrict. She couldn’t breathe, but this time it wasn’t from her injury.
He reached out and took her hands. “Let me show you how to love and how to be loved. I want to be that person who wakes up beside you every morning, who does the laundry with you, takes out the trash, and builds a home and a family with you.”
She was crying now, tears streaming down her face as he waited for her to respond. She needed to let go. Needed to finish ripping down the walls she had built to keep herself from getting hurt, but even if she wanted to, she wasn’t sure she knew how.
“I’m just so scared,” she finally managed. “I don’t know if I can take that kind of risk. Scared that if I do, I’ll wake up one day and it will all be gone.”
“Do you love me?” he asked.
A part of her wasn’t sure she truly knew what love was. She’d known the love her mother had for her, even when she hadn’t known how to show it. She’d felt her grandmother’s love. And Amber’s. She’d struggled understanding the love of her heavenly Father and had finally come to realize that it wasn’t based on what she did but on what he’d already done for her. The one true sacrificial love.
She studied Josh’s expression, the now familiar brown and gold of his eyes, the five o’clock shadow and fading bruises that made her want to reach out and run her fingers across his jawline. As much as she wanted to ignore it, she couldn’t deny how she felt. As crazy and irrational as it seemed, she knew she loved him.
She nodded. “Yes . . . somehow in the middle of all this madness, I fell in love with you, Joshua Solomon.”
He smiled at her. “Then let’s find a way to make this work. Together. We can take as long as you want. There’s no rush. We both still have to heal. I just want to do it with you beside me.”
He wiped her tears away, then cupped both hands around her face. “I never expected to fall in love again. We might not know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but it won’t matter as long as we’re together.”
She smiled at him and nodded. He kissed her lips, now wet with tears.
“I’d like you to meet my family,” he said before kissing her again.
“You did promise if we made it out alive, you’d take me to the Kansas State Fair. Funnel cakes, barbecue, watermelon—”
“Yes, but I don’t plan to wait until September to take you home with me.”
She sat back and smiled at him, feeling as if the world was spinning around her, but somehow, everything right in front of her made sense. Love and life were never easy, but if you could find someone in the midst of the chaos to help give you balance and clarity and support, it was enough to make the journey sweeter. And after a lifetime of running, she felt as if she’d finally come home.