61). Second, forgiveness is essential for healthy relationships, and a strong social network acts as a further buffer to the harmful, age-accelerating effects of stress and depression (29, 57, 64).Over the years, your immune system gradually begins to decline. But certain lifestyle factors can hasten or delay that downturn, affecting your likelihood of staying healthy into late life. Although it’s probably not the first thing you think of in terms of preserving your immunity, forgiveness is actually critical to maintaining good health for the long haul. First, it relieves stress, which suppresses your immune system, speeding its natural slowdown and leaving you more vulnerable to illness and disease as you get older (61). Second, forgiveness is essential for healthy relationships, and a strong social network acts as a further buffer to the harmful, age-accelerating effects of stress and depression (29, 57, 64).
Nursing a longstanding grudge is inherently nerve-racking, and it perpetuates stress’s adverse effects far beyond the original incident. That means, ultimately, it’s damaging you more than it’s punishing the person who wronged you. If you can begin the process of forgiveness, however, either by finding ways to empathize or being able to genuinely wish the offender well while letting go of hurt and angry emotions, you not only neutralize the damage of unforgiving responses, but you actually cultivate positive emotional responses in their place. Called “positive affect,” those responses are linked to better health overall—including a stronger immune system, according to a 2003 study by University of Wisconsin researchers. Other research indicates that forgiveness can help you sleep better at night, while anger, depression, and anxiety stemming from unforgiveness lead to poorer sleep quality, according to a 2008 study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine. Getting enough rest keeps your immune system in tip-top shape and helps prevent illness as you get older (63).
You can accumulate a lot of hurts by the time you reach mid- and late life. Letting resentment fester for years, however, will weaken your immunity and set you up for health problems down the road. Before you mechanically pardon everyone on your blacklist, however, you should keep in mind a few important distinctions. Deciding to forgive someone is not the same as emotionally forgiving someone, according to a 2007 study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine. The authors note that decisional forgiveness, or controlling your behavior, might reduce outward hostility, but it doesn’t switch off the stress response that ultimately wears down your immunity. On the other hand, emotional forgiveness—changing your thinking, emotion, and motivation (which ultimately leads to changed behavior)—has more direct health benefits because it helps you move from a place of negativity and stress to a more hopeful, positive attitude. And staying in that happier frame of mind bolsters your immune system (65).
Perhaps even more important than letting someone off the hook for a specific offense is developing what researchers call a disposition of forgivingness, which means making it a habit to extend grace to yourself and others. Highly forgiving individuals showed less depression and stress and greater subjective and psychological well-being than their less forgiving peers, according to a 2006 study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. They also were more likely to engage in healthy behaviors, have strong social support, and highly rate their religious and existential spiritual well-being, all of which also tie in to better health and improved immunity.
Keep your immune system in fighting shape for years to come by choosing to forgive quickly and often. Whether you’re trying to let go of a thoughtless slight or a deep wound, it’s important to remember that forgiveness is a process. If you can take the first steps toward making peace, you’ll usually find that the rest will come with time. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re saying what happened didn’t matter, or that you’re condoning bad behavior, either. Rather, you are refusing to let bitterness take hold and harm your health. In fact, middle-aged and older adults who showed higher levels of forgiveness toward others reported better physical and mental health, according to a 2001 study in the Journal of Adult Development. Forgiveness takes you out of the victim’s role, puts you back in control, and frees your immune system to function at its best for a long, healthy life.
