With the natural decrease in desire many people experience as they get older, you may find it takes a little extra effort to get in the mood and have satisfying sex. Appealing to all your senses pays off in increased interest in sexual activity, easier arousal, better performance, and overall greater enjoyment in lovemaking—all things that often decline as you get older. So it’s definitely worth the effort, wouldn’t you say?
Start by addressing the visual, and that doesn’t just mean lingerie. Good grooming is important, but you should also clear visual clutter from your bedroom to reduce distraction, and make your bed with your nicest linens. Brush your teeth or pop a mint to make kissing more fun. And put on some mood music, whether you prefer Frank Sinatra, Barry White, neo-punk, or classic rock.
These things may seem minor, but they all send romantic cues to your brain that help set the stage for intimacy.
Scent can be a powerful aphrodisiac, and it may even help counter some of the most common sexual complaints older adults report, such as erectile dysfunction (ED) and vaginal dryness. For example, lavender, reported to soothe stress, may have other sexual benefits as well. Aromatherapy treatment with lavender essential oil (four drops of essential oil diluted with 20 ml of hot water and inhaled for thirty minutes) noticeably reduced cortisol levels and improved blood flow in male volunteers in a 2008 study in the International Journal of Cardiology. Better blood flow is linked to superior sexual performance for both men and women. A warm foot bath with lavender essential oil increases blood flow and the activity of the parasympathetic nervous system, according to a study in the journal Complementary Therapies in Medicine. Besides helping you feel more relaxed, the parasympathetic nerves affect men’s ability to have and maintain an erection, and in women increase lubrication and enhance the pleasure of sexual stimulation. Another small study confirmed that lavender aromatherapy acts on the autonomic nervous system (which includes the parasympathetic nerves) to simultaneously induce relaxation and increase arousal.
Other sexy scents include pumpkin pie, cucumber, and licorice, according to research from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago. In men, an odd-sounding combination of lavender and pumpkin pie increased blood flow to the penis by 40 percent, making it a viable alternative to erectile dysfunction drugs. Cucumber and licorice were stronger triggers for women, increasing vaginal blood flow by 13 percent, and thereby boosting arousal. How much a specific scent turns you on has a lot to do with personal preference—and even age. For example, in the above study, the researchers noted that older men tended to respond more strongly to vanilla. And overall, food scents tended to outperform expensive perfumes, perhaps because we already have positive associations with them.
To take advantage of a scent’s stimulating qualities, light some candles, use a scented body wash in the shower or bath, or mix essential oils into unscented massage oil for a sensual treat. You can also make your own linen spray by combining 3 ounces (90 ml) of distilled water with about thirty drops of your favorite or a combination of essential oils (add more or less depending on how strong you want the scent, and use light-colored oils to avoid discoloring your linens). Shake well and spray lightly over your sheets.
A hug, holding hands, and a caress on the cheek are all simple ways to show your affection for your partner, and touching, even in ways that aren’t explicitly sexual, can increase arousal. Skin-to-skin contact triggers the release of oxytocin, a powerful hormone that enhances feelings of love and desire. That’s one reason why foreplay can liven up your lovemaking. As you get older, you may need to set aside extra time for sensual touching, such as massage or using props such as a silk scarf, to allow you and your partner to get in the mood. Extending foreplay can help increase lubrication for older women with vaginal dryness and make for a more passionate encounter for both partners. You can also experiment with water-based lubricants to make sexual touch more pleasurable.