Amy comes downstairs just as Jack is about to go to the pub.
‘Sure you don’t want to come?’ he asks, pulling on his jacket.
She thinks about it and then shakes her head. She’s been in an odd mood these last few days since his birthday and he can’t quite decide if he should ask questions or leave it alone. Sometimes she needs a bit of encouragement to talk about her worries and he’s not sure if this is one of them. There’s been no sign of Cosmo and she hasn’t mentioned him. At the same time she doesn’t seem terribly cast down about it. Thoughtful, yes, almost as if she is working something out in her mind, trying to decipher a puzzle. But she’s not grumpy or snappy or miserable. Despite his tendency to tease he feels an unwillingness, just at the moment, to make jokes about Cosmo, to ask why he never turned up to the party.
As if she guesses his thoughts she smiles at him.
‘Well, get a move on then,’ she says. ‘Are you meeting anyone?’
‘I said I’d have a pint with Max,’ he tells her. ‘I saw him in Cranch’s this morning, looking a bit glum. Cara’s gone off with young Sam again. Getting very thick, those two.’
Amy grins. ‘Yes, you’ll have to watch out, Dad. Liking opera might just not cut it. You’ll have to try a bit harder.’
‘You’re not too old for a good smack,’ he tells her.
‘When you’re big enough you’ll be too old,’ she retorts. ‘For goodness’ sake, go. Max’ll be wondering where you are.’
He raises a hand in farewell and goes out into the street. Lights twinkle in the dusk, the water is smooth and grey so that the jetties and the little boats seem to be balancing on sheet metal. He goes down the steps and into the pub. Max is already standing at the bar, a pint of ale in front of him, and he turns as Jack comes in and nods a welcome.
‘So,’ says Jack when his pint has arrived, ‘you were looking pretty damned miserable this morning and you don’t look much better now. What’s up?’
Max folds both his arms on the bar and stares into his pint. ‘Judith wants us to move to Oxford,’ he says.
Whatever Jack was expecting, it wasn’t this. ‘Oxford? But why? I mean I know you’ve got family there but … Is she really serious?’
‘Very serious indeed. She wants to be nearer to the grandchildren.’
Jack takes a swallow of his ale, wondering what to say to this. Family comes first, of course, but this is a very big step.
‘Is Paul suggesting this?’ he asks cautiously. Just for a moment he’s forgotten the name of Max’s daughter-in-law. ‘Do they need help with the new baby?’
Max shakes his head. ‘It’s totally Judith’s idea. She thinks that as we get older the journey will become more difficult.’ He shrugs. ‘Well, I can’t argue with that.’
Jack is silent. He knows how much Max loves Salcombe, his boat, sailing, all his friends. At the same time, he loves his family, too.
Max glances at him. ‘Bit of a bummer, isn’t it?’
Jack nods. ‘I have to say it is.’
‘There’s more. She thinks Cara should buy our house, thereby enabling us to buy in Oxford without any delay or problems, and solving where Cara should live all in one stroke.’
‘What?’ Jack sets down his glass with a smack that nearly spills his ale. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Yep.’ Max smiles wryly. ‘She thinks that Cara has settled in so well here that it’s the perfect answer, plus I would be able to keep the boat and we could come down for holidays.’
‘And what does Cara say to these plans for her future? I thought she came here to be near you.’
‘Cara doesn’t know yet. Sam’s taken her over to stay with Fliss and Hal for a few days. They’re back tomorrow when Judith plans to break the happy news.’
‘Sorry. Let me get this clear.’ Jack shakes his head. ‘So your family don’t know you’re coming and Cara doesn’t know you’re going?’
‘I think that sums it up.’ Max drains his pint. ‘I don’t know how Cara will react.’
Jack thinks about it. Part of Cara’s happiness in Salcombe is due to being with her brother. Buying their house while he and Judith move to Oxford is something else.
‘Does she need a house that big?’ he asks.
He doesn’t ask if she can afford it. Everyone knows that the prices of properties in Salcombe are off the wall, but it’s none of his business.
‘Of course not. But Judith thinks that all of us visiting will be an added attraction. I know that Cara’s got to make a life for herself but it’s still going to be a shock. I’m trying to think how I can warn her – how to break it to her gently rather than Judith just coming out with it – but I can’t quite see how it’s to be done. And I don’t want her agreeing to it simply because she thinks it will help us out.’
They stand in silence together.
‘If there’s anything I can do,’ Jack says at last, but Max shakes his head.
‘Thanks, old man,’ he says, ‘but this is my problem and I’m going to have to try and sort it.’
Jack claps him on the back, tries to think of something encouraging and helpful and gives up.
‘Let’s have another,’ he says.
Amy is listening to her music – Joss Stone, ‘Pillow Talk’ – and checking her phone. She’s been FaceTiming with Charley, who’s over the moon with joy because it seems that Simon might be coming home for Christmas.
There’s still nothing from Cosmo. His phone has been switched off for the last twenty-four hours and she veers between a mixture of anger and hurt, and anxiety that something might have happened to him.
She wishes for the thousandth time that she hadn’t told him that she was in love with him, that they hadn’t made love. It all seems cheap now. What was special, magical, now is revealed as a chimera; something that didn’t really exist. She feels ashamed, fooled, and she can’t believe that she’s been so stupid. Yet she can’t quite deny the happy times they shared: driving in the car, walking Reggie, suppers in country pubs. She was so sure that he was in love with her. Yet he can simply walk away like this, without a word.
It was easy to tell from Al’s face, when she spoke to him in the pub at Dad’s party, that he hadn’t known what excuse Cosmo had given for going away so suddenly. Al was covering for him. Earlier in the week she turned up at the barn conversion to ask where Cosmo was and why his phone was switched off, but whether Al was there or not, she got no answer to her knock.
Amy takes out her earphones, gets off the sofa and goes to prepare supper. Dad should be back any time now. She checks the fridge and decides to make a stir fry. Lots of vegetables and a few slices of chicken to make it tasty. As she chops and slices, her thoughts drift to Sam and her heart lifts a little. His friendship is giving her comfort, soothing her bruised pride. She is able to be open with him, to speak frankly about Cosmo and how she feels, and she likes the way that Sam stays calm, neither judging Cosmo nor taking any advantage of her weakness. He’s just there. She’s glad that he’ll be back in Salcombe tomorrow and they’ve already made a plan to meet in the Coffee Shop.
Just as she looks up at the clock, she hears the front door open. Dad’s home.
‘You’re very nearly late,’ she tells him.
‘Nearly but not quite,’ he answers. ‘Poor old Max is down in the dumps so I couldn’t abandon him.’
‘Course not,’ she says, rolling her eyes. ‘Any excuse. So what’s his problem?’
There’s a little silence and she glances round at him as she stirs the vegetables in the pan. He’s frowning, looking serious.
‘What?’ she demands. ‘What’s wrong with Max?’
‘It’s Judith,’ he answers. ‘She’s decided that they need to sell up and move to Oxford to be nearer their family.’
For a moment Amy forgets about her own heartache.
‘Sell up? But they love it here. Oh, that’s a big one, Dad. I hope they think very carefully about it. He’s got a son at the university, hasn’t he? I suppose it’s because of the new baby.’
‘And Judith is planning to ask Cara to buy the house.’
He has her complete attention.
‘Why would she do that?’
‘Because Cara seems to like being here and the family could come and visit her for holidays and Max could keep his boat.’
Amy turns back to her stirring. ‘Got it all worked out, hasn’t she?’
‘It would seem so. Max’s torn in two. He loves his family and he loves living here.’
Amy fetches plates and begins to serve up.
‘Well, it might not work out quite so simply as Judith thinks,’ she says. ‘You know what they say. “It ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”’
Her father is laying the table but he still looks anxious. She knows that he’s worrying about her, too, and the fact that Cosmo hasn’t come back.
‘By the way,’ she says casually, ‘I think I’m over Cosmo.’
He looks at her quickly, eyebrows raised, but resists making the teasing remark he might have made a few weeks back.
‘Thought you might like to know,’ she adds.
She doesn’t tell him her plan for confronting Al but suddenly feels a little more confident.
‘And has young Sam Chadwick got anything to do with this decision?’ he asks.
She grins at him.
‘None of your business,’ she says, and they sit down companionably together and begin to eat.
As Sam drives away from The Keep after breakfast, he has a plan. It’s a soft grey late autumn morning, berries burn brightly in the hedgerows, and the trees are beginning to show their winter shapes.
‘Guess where we’re going?’ he asks Cara.
‘Don’t tell me you need another breakfast?’ she asks.
He laughs and shakes his head. ‘No, but we can have coffee and a walk along the beach.’
He is aware that Cara is still in an emotional state, coming to terms with yesterday’s extraordinary events. Her story shocked him, and he feels very guilty for precipitating such a drama – Hal gave him quite a bollocking for that later – but Sam feels admiration for her; that she was able to tell them. How hard that must have been, after so many years. Once Cara went upstairs Fliss had a moment of inspiration and invited Susanna and Gus over for an impromptu supper, which diffused the tension and covered any embarrassment Cara might have felt when she came back downstairs. This morning she seems quietly happy, and he hopes that the diversion to Blackpool Sands will suit her mood and bring her further away from tragedy and into the light. As for himself, he knows why he is feeling happy. Amy’s texts, treating him as confidant and friend, have brought a whole new aspect to his situation. Suddenly the uncertainty of his future, that weird sense of impending doom if he were to join the navy, even memories of Shanghai and those inspiring children and Ying-Yue – especially Ying-Yue – all these have reformed into a clear pattern, a template from which he can build, move forward. It’s as if Amy’s trust, her need of him, has enabled him to throw off all his anxieties and tempting distractions, his looking back to the past, and to concentrate instead on the one true thing.
‘I can see why everyone says you’ve been chosen to be a leader of men,’ she said to him and, although it was said jokingly, he’s begun to see where his strengths and loyalties lie and how he needs to stick with them. He laughs to himself, knowing that it would all sound rather fanciful if he tried to explain it to anyone else, but he doesn’t have to. The crisis is over. He’s back on track, following in his father’s footsteps.
When they pass the Britannia Royal Naval College gates, on the way down the hill into Dartmouth, he gives a mental salute, and when Cara says, ‘You must be very proud to be going there,’ he is able to answer honestly, ‘Yes, I am.’
Everything looks different today – no dazzling sea or brilliant skies – but the coast road retains its magic and Cara exclaims at this different aspect of the view across Start Bay.
‘So are you any nearer to making a decision?’ he asks her when they’re seated with their coffee in the conservatory of the Venus Café. He’s decided that it might be best not to mention anything she disclosed yesterday unless she does, but simply to go on as usual.
She shakes her head. ‘I simply can’t put my mind to it. Fliss and Hal have been kind enough to offer me sanctuary at The Keep when Judith and Max throw me out.’
‘Why wait to be thrown out?’ he asks. ‘Why not just bite the bullet and go? After all, Salcombe isn’t far away. You must believe Fliss and Hal when they say they’d love to have you. It’s the way The Keep has always been, full of friends and relations, and I think they find it too quiet, especially now that Lizzie’s gone.’
He doesn’t add that he’ll be going soon, too, but she nods as if she’s understood what he’s saying.
‘Maybe you’re right,’ she says. ‘Maybe I just need some extra little push.’
Sam is silent. He’s received a text from Amy this morning.
Breaking news. Max told Dad that Judith wants them to move to Oxford to be near family. She wants Cara to buy the house! It’s a pity you can’t warn her but better not say anything!
‘I shan’t stay with them much longer anyway,’ Cara is saying. ‘It puts too much strain on them. It’s just making the final cut, isn’t it? You sort of want the decision to be taken for you.’
‘No,’ he says at once. ‘It’s much better to jump than be pushed. What you do is, you walk in and say, “Hi, I’m back but only just to pack my things. It’s been great and we’ll be seeing each other, but it’s time to move on.” And then you do it.’
She’s staring at him in admiration. ‘Are you always so confident?’ she asks.
‘I haven’t been just lately,’ he answers honestly. ‘But I’m working on it.’
Cara looks out at the beach and the placid sea. As he watches her she straightens her shoulders, lifts her chin a fraction, as if she’s coming to a decision.
‘Go for it,’ he says quietly.
She looks at him. ‘D’you know, I think I might do just that,’ she answers.
She looks anxious, as if she is marshalling her resources, and suddenly he needs to reach out to her, to show her that he sympathizes with all that she has suffered rather than to behave as if the revelations yesterday hadn’t happened.
‘Cara,’ he says, ‘yesterday you talked of Philip’s secrets. You used the plural, but you only told us one of them. What was the other one?’
Cara looks at him with surprise, almost with gratitude, as if she is glad that he has become so close to her that he noticed her deliberate omission, and that he cares enough to ask. She hesitates, as if she is searching for exactly the right words, and then she says simply: ‘Philip was in love with Max.’
For a moment Sam can’t take it in and Cara watches him sympathetically, accepting his astonishment.
‘How difficult it is,’ she says, ‘to tell other people’s secrets. But I shall be glad to be free of it all. I was in shock still, after Joe’s death and the discovery that I was pregnant, when Philip first told me he was gay but I hadn’t realized that he was in love with Max. He’d always loved him, of course, but in the early days I was too young to understand it. I just accepted that he and Max were like brothers. Philip was always so sweet to me. And ultimately, when I saw the truth, it made a bond between us. We needed each other. Ours was such a strange relationship, but it worked. We loved each other and we both loved Max. He never knew, of course. Max is a simple soul and accepted the fact of our marriage and was glad of it.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Sam says inadequately, trying to cover his embarrassment. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked.’
‘Yes,’ she says quickly. ‘Yes, you should. I’m glad. It’s not good, bottling things up.’
‘No,’ he says. ‘No, it isn’t,’ and suddenly he finds that he is telling her about Shanghai, about the children that he taught, and even, finally, about Ying-Yue, and how he’s been divided in his loyalties, unable to commit.
There is a silence when he finishes.
‘And now?’ Cara asks at last.
‘I know now,’ he says.
‘Good,’ she says. ‘Go for it.’
He smiles and repeats her own words. ‘D’you know, I think I might just do that.’
After Sam and Cara have gone, Hal and Fliss take Honey up on the hill.
‘I think she’ll come and stay, don’t you?’ Fliss asks. ‘What a terrible tragedy and how awful to keep it a secret all these years. It was a shock when she just came out with it like that. Like a dam bursting.’
‘I think it’s just as much a tragedy that she and Philip married,’ says Hal. ‘I can see how it happened but it simply reinforced the awfulness of it all. Terribly claustrophobic. Never talking about it, never letting it achieve any kind of acceptance and then letting go, has simply kept it as a nightmare in her mind.’
Fliss thinks about this for a moment. Then she says, ‘But whatever the shortcomings of the relationship, it’s clear that Cara loved him.’
‘What a mess,’ Hal says. ‘But then what do I know? I can’t talk, can I? I made a mess of my first marriage and for a great deal of the time Maria and I were very unhappy. Cara and Philip probably were happier than most.’
‘But now, I hope, she can begin to let it all go. Or at least put it into some perspective.’
They stand together on the top of the hill, looking out across the valley to the misty tors of the moor, and Hal slips an arm around Fliss’s shoulders.
‘We’ve been so bloody lucky,’ he murmurs. ‘It would be nice just to be able to pass some of it on. Share it around a little.’
She nods. ‘I know what you mean. I feel the same. I have a feeling that she’ll come and stay, I really do.’
His arm tightens suddenly and she feels him tense beside her.
‘Look,’ he says quietly, urgently. ‘Look.’
His other hand shoots out and she turns, looking to see what he’s pointing at. Honey is running down the hill at full tilt, uttering little excited barks as two crows fly up from the ground in front of her. They flap and croak above her head whilst she rushes in circles, tail waving. Hal is laughing, Fliss can feel it right up his arm as he holds her tightly against him.
‘She did it,’ he cries. ‘Good old Honey.’
Fliss laughs too. It might be foolish but she sees it as an omen. If Honey can cast off a lifetime of habits and restrictions, to run free, then so can Cara. Fliss remembers how Mole overcame his fears and ran round the spinney alone, and she hugs Hal tightly. All shall be well. Hal bends to kiss her. Whistling to Honey, turning for home, they walk back arm in arm to The Keep.
Alistair spends the days after he met Amy in the pub avoiding the town. Each morning he takes Reggie off in the car to explore some of the coast. They go to Dartmouth and Kingsbridge, and up on to the moor. Cosmo phones him at intervals from Hackney. Though Becks has thrown him out he is keeping up a determined siege. Al tells him each time that he has to be back in London by Thursday at the latest, and on Tuesday evening Cosmo gives in and says that he’s coming back to Salcombe.
‘Have you seen Amy?’ he asks Al.
Al has indeed seen Amy. This morning soon after breakfast he heard a car coming up the track. Watching from the window he saw Amy emerge from the car and, acting on instinct, he fled upstairs and stood listening, holding his breath. There was a sharp knock at the door, Reggie barked, another knock, then eventually he heard the car engine start into life and the sound of it driving away. He felt ashamed, and furious with Cosmo. Since then he’s been on tenterhooks in case she comes again.
‘She came out here,’ he tells Cosmo, ‘but I laid low. What am I supposed to tell her, for Chrissakes? Just get back here and sort it out yourself.’
‘I’ll be down tomorrow afternoon,’ Cosmo says. ‘Can you meet me?’
Al is swamped with relief. ‘Definitely,’ he says.
They agree times and then Al says curiously: ‘What will you tell Amy?’
‘I shall tell her the truth. That I’ve been finishing a long and difficult relationship so that she and I can be together.’
‘And you call that the truth?’
‘I’m all washed up with Becks,’ Cosmo tells him. ‘She’s never going to take me back. I realize that now. So this has simply made up my mind for me. Sometimes you need that, don’t you? A helping hand in the right direction. I’m sure Amy will understand once I get the chance to explain it to her.’
‘If you get the chance,’ Al reminds him. ‘Do you really think she’s waiting here for you with open arms?’
‘It’ll be fine,’ replies Cosmo confidently.
‘And when you finish here at the end of next week?’
‘It’s not that far from London. We’ll sort something out.’
Al shakes his head in silent disbelief at Cosmo’s supreme self-confidence and shrugs.
‘Fine,’ he says. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. Be on that train.’
‘He’s crazy,’ he says to Reggie, who is waiting patiently for his supper. ‘Utterly loco. But I don’t care. Tomorrow I’m out of here.’