One benefit of AJ coming into their lives? All the frozen casseroles from the local ladies. Randy pulled out a container marked Chicken Enchiladas from the freezer Wednesday evening. The foil had directions written in Sharpie to preheat the oven and bake for an hour. He was getting spoiled with all these precooked, delicious meals. Austin was a fan of enchiladas, too, and Randy wanted him in a good mood tonight.
It was time to ask the questions that had been on his mind since the baby arrived.
He needed to know the truth about AJ’s mom.
The longer they went without talking about it, the more Randy wondered if his brother was the man he’d always believed him to be.
He turned on the oven and adjusted the temperature, then popped the frozen container into the oven. AJ was waving a small stuffed cow around, trying to shove it in his mouth as he kicked in the bouncy chair.
Randy washed his hands before taking a seat at the kitchen table. He probably should have stayed home last night and had this conversation, but a restless energy had summoned a tornado inside him, and the only way to relieve it had been to go to the house and paint. He’d been thankful one of the teens Hannah had suggested had been free to babysit AJ for a few hours. It had given Austin a much-needed break, too.
What surprised Randy the most about painting last night, though, was how much he’d liked having Ned around. The dog helped calm him and, for whatever reason, made him feel safe. Not against an intruder or anything like that. More with his health. Like if he were to collapse, the dog would be there to keep him company.
Sometimes he worried about dying alone.
He’d been careful not to linger at Hannah’s last night when he picked up Ned. She’d been working with Barley, using a clicker and giving him a treat for going into his crate. She said it was important for him to enjoy his kennel so he’d have a place to feel safe. Plus, dogs didn’t like to soil their beds, so it helped with potty training at night. Made sense.
Then, later when he’d dropped Ned off, he hadn’t even entered her apartment. Just thanked her and handed her the leash, staring at her too long in the process.
Even when they weren’t together, he thought about her. He kept going back to the phone conversation he’d overheard last Friday when she’d jokingly mentioned being seated with her brothers at Tess’s wedding. Felt like a lifetime ago. The strange thing was, he kept considering asking her to be his date to the wedding. He didn’t need a date, though, and neither did she, since they were both in the wedding party.
The screen door clanged, and the unmistakable clop of the crutch grew closer.
“What a day.” Austin took a seat kitty-corner to him and bent down to smile at AJ. “Hey, there, buddy, how are you? You like that cow? Tastes pretty good, doesn’t it?”
“Did the waders come in?” Randy asked. Every day he thought of all the things he needed to check at the store when he got a free minute. He should have stopped in last night before painting, but he’d been too keyed up.
“Half the shipment did. The other half won’t be here until Friday.” Austin’s face looked less haggard lately. “How’s the red tag 14 doing? Did you treat the pink eye? Don’t want it spreading to the rest of the herd.”
“Yep. Got her into the squeeze shoot and Luke sprayed the medication while I prepared the eye patch. It took us a while, but she stayed calm. We talked to her and petted her a lot.”
“Good. Makes it easier to treat them when they trust you.”
He’d grown up with cattle and hadn’t spent much time thinking about the trust factor. He supposed it was true. With people, too.
“One of the bulls is determined to take out part of the fence bordering one of the pastures,” Randy said. “We’re going out there tomorrow to reinforce it.”
“The two new bulls are still figuring out where they stand with the older boys.” Austin chuckled. “They’ll all be a lot happier next month when they move to the pasture with the cows.”
“That they will.” Time to ease his way into the conversation he could no longer put off having. “It’s been a wild couple of weeks, huh?”
“Yeah.” Austin nodded. “Without your help and Hannah’s...” He shook his head, sighing. “Thanks. I know this has all been happening at the worst possible time. When everything settles down, I’ll help you with the house. And I hate to lean on Hannah, but I don’t even know where to start with trying to hire a nanny.”
“She doesn’t mind.” He knew deep down it was true. Hannah seemed to thrive on helping people.
“I have a whole new respect for her and for you.” Austin leaned back and stared at him. “Your store is impressive. It’s organized. Well-stocked. I’ve had people from other states come in to get items they can’t find anywhere else. They all complimented it.”
“They ever hear of online shopping?” He tucked away Austin’s words even as they filled him with pride.
“I think they like the adventure of coming in person.”
“Well, I’ve got to hand it to you, too. The ranch is in the best shape I’ve ever seen it. The herd’s growing, and it’s because of your hard work.”
“I try,” he said softly. “I think of Dad and what he’d want. Makes it easier.”
Randy’s spirits fell. What would Dad think of his choices?
It didn’t matter at this point. Dad was gone.
“Austin, we’ve lived under the same roof my entire life. You’re my best friend.” He fought to find the right words. “I need to know. Need to hear it from you. Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?”
Austin straightened, clearly chewing on a thought.
“I’m having a hard time trying to reconcile the man I know with one who didn’t take responsibility for his own baby.” Randy kept his voice even, trying his best not to sound harsh and judgmental. “Will you explain?”
He waited for a gruff I don’t owe you an explanation. But it didn’t come.
“You have the right to know.” Austin seemed to deflate. “But only if you promise me it never leaves this room. It’s my business. No one else’s. Do you agree?”
“Agree.”
“Camila wasn’t my girlfriend.”
His stomach dropped. Had Austin had a one-night stand?
“Remember the summer after Dad died?” Austin waited for him to nod. “We hired Bo, and not long after, I took off for a long weekend in September. I was twenty-one, and my life kind of just hit me. I told you I was going to Alabama to see Ricky. I didn’t go to Alabama. I didn’t see Ricky.”
Ricky had been one of Austin’s childhood friends who’d moved to Alabama their sophomore year of high school.
“Where’d you go?”
“San Antonio, Texas. It’s where Mom and Dad met. I wanted to catch a spark of them. But I didn’t. And I was mad. Furious at God for taking them. I turned my back on Him. In fact, I ended up at a dive bar where I proceeded to drink myself into a stupor. I wasn’t sure I was coming back to Wyoming. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to be alive anymore. I knew I could never fill Dad’s shoes. Since Bo was back here, I knew you’d be in good hands. I was lost, Randy. Lost.”
Randy had no idea Austin had gone through all that.
“The hour got late. I’d been drinking for hours. I didn’t notice the people around me or the new arrivals. A guy started yelling at the bartender. Two other guys were with him. I barely registered them. The place started clearing out. Two shots were fired, and I just sat there, stunned, in a drunken fog. But someone grabbed my arm, hauled me to my feet and told me to follow her. I kept stumbling, and at one point, she hauled me as best as she could on her shoulders and practically carried me through the kitchen and out the back entrance. We didn’t stop moving until we got to her car. She drove me to her apartment.”
Randy sat there trying to take it all in, but so many questions remained.
“I crashed on her couch, passed out. A few hours later, I woke up with a brutal headache. She was sitting across from me, watching me. It all came back. I was so ashamed. I’d been incapable of helping myself or anyone else back at the bar. She told me three people were shot after we got out of there. I stumbled to her bathroom and threw up.”
Randy didn’t move. He’d never known. And he could see in Austin’s face and hear in his voice how much shame he carried over the event.
“I asked her why she’d bothered to help me. I mean, she saved me. And you know what she said?”
Randy shook his head.
“She told me she’d been watching me for a while. That I looked lost. Then she said something I’ll never forget.”
“What?”
“She told me that morning she’d been reading her Bible. And she’d been struck by Jesus’s words about having compassion on the crowds because they were like sheep without a shepherd. When she saw me sitting there, I reminded her of one of those sheep. She said she knew God had sent her there to help me.”
“She knew you’d be there?”
“No, Randy. You’re missing the point. God used her to save me. It was a defining moment in my life.”
“Oh.”
“She’d been trying to find her brother. No one had seen him for a week. Camila’s home life was messed up. Real messed up. She joined the military the day after she turned eighteen. Cut ties with her abusive dad. The only family left was her brother, and he’d gotten into trouble with the law. About a year after I met her, he died in a drug deal gone wrong. But Camila, man, she was strong. Little slip of a thing. But she was strong inside. I told her if there was anything—anything—I could ever do for her, I would do it.”
Randy still wasn’t grasping all the details, but he saw Austin through new eyes. “Did you fall in love? How does this tie in with AJ?”
“We were friends.” Austin shook his head. “I’d visit every six months or so if she was in the States, and we’d catch up. Nothing romantic. Then last year she got involved with a guy she shouldn’t have. Things went south real quick, but not before she found out she was pregnant. He threatened her, things escalated, and he beat her up, so she called me. Explained the situation. Didn’t want the abuser anywhere near the baby.”
Randy’s head was spinning in fifty directions.
“I told her to put my name on the birth certificate. And I promised her I would raise the baby as my own if anything happened to her. She had no one close she could trust, and the last thing she ever wanted was for a child of hers to be raised by an abusive jerk.”
“AJ’s not yours.” Randy slumped in his chair, blown away.
“I would have done anything for her. She saved my life when I needed it the most. If she hadn’t been there... I don’t know. I was in bad shape.”
“You’re raising another man’s child as your own.”
“I’m raising Camila’s son as my own. There’s a difference.” Austin leveled an unblinking stare at him. “My name is on the birth certificate. I’ll be the only daddy he knows. He’s my son. Do you think I’d ever allow some monster who beats women near him? It’ll never happen. And you can be sure AJ will know exactly how wonderful his mama was. Understand?”
Randy nodded.
“All right, then. As long as we’re on the same page.” Austin steepled his fingers. “Does this change how you feel about him?”
“No.” It didn’t, either. He’d fallen for the baby, head over heels.
“Good.” The muscle in Austin’s cheek flexed. “Does it change how you feel about me?”
Did it? Randy considered for a moment before answering. “Yes, it does.”
Austin’s face fell.
“For days I’ve been thinking the worst about you, trying to defend your actions in my mind, but hearing this? I feel like a fool. I should have known you wouldn’t shirk your duties. You’d never turn your back on your child.”
Austin’s mouth dropped open. “But the drinking, the hopelessness... I actually thought about ending it all. Leaving you with Bo. It felt so overwhelming—running the ranch, figuring it all out without Dad.”
Randy shrugged. “Understandable. It was a rough summer. We both know it.”
They sat with their thoughts for a while.
“So you never dated her? Camila?”
A hint of a smile played on Austin’s lips as he shook his head. “Nope. I admired her, though. I’m pretty tore up she died. I always looked forward to seeing her when I could. She was a special person.”
“If you could do it over, would you have tried?”
“Dating her?” His face scrunched in confusion. “No. I told you. It wasn’t like that with us. Besides, I don’t see myself ever getting married.”
Usually, this was the part where Randy announced he wasn’t, either.
But being around Hannah was confusing him.
And that was a problem. Because confused or not, his heart condition wasn’t getting any better.
Maybe he needed to man up and call the doctor soon. Find out how much the disease had progressed. Find out if he had any future—with or without Hannah.
“These are all the people I could think of who might be interested in watching AJ full-time for you.” Hannah handed Austin the sheet of paper when she arrived at the ranch Thursday morning before he left to take care of Watkins Outfitters.
He scanned the paper as he leaned against one of the crutches. “Thanks, Hannah. I’ll start calling them.”
She still held Barley’s leash. He was nosing around AJ’s bouncy seat. She kept him far enough away that he couldn’t lick the poor baby.
The little fluffball better not have an accident right now.
Barley still seemed confused as to what to do when she took him out every couple of hours. Take this morning. She’d led both him and Ned to the common grassy area outside her apartment. Ned did his business while Barley scampered around. She’d kept him out there for twenty minutes. But did he go? No. Then, the minute they went back into the apartment, he’d piddled on the carpet.
It had not been a good morning.
Austin had a funny look on his face.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Well, Leslie Brohan’s dating one of Mac’s cowboys, and rumor has it she’s getting bumped up to assistant manager at the feedstore. So I probably can cross her off the list.”
“Oh.” How had Hannah not heard about this?
“And Sami started bartending at night over at The Pit. I could call her but...”
“Yeah, she’s out.” Hannah looked over his shoulder to scan the list. “That still leaves Bianca and Janelle.”
He glanced up at her with pursed lips.
“What?” she asked. “You don’t like them?”
“I didn’t say that.” He sighed. “I just don’t know how good they are with kids.”
Hannah worried about that herself. Her top contender—Leslie—would likely want the benefits that came along with a promotion at the feedstore. So much for hoping the list would yield a nanny.
Barley seemed to be searching for something.
“Will you excuse me a minute? I need to take him out.”
“Go ahead.” He waved her off, staring at the paper.
She called Barley by name and tugged on the leash for him to get moving. She never missed a chance to work on him with name recognition, and he was getting there. Dear Ned trotted beside her through the door, down the porch steps and out to the lawn where Randy was striding toward them.
Her breath caught in her throat. Probably due to him moving so purposefully toward her in full cowboy gear. Jeans, short-sleeved shirt showing off his muscles, cowboy hat and boots. His face was tanned from the sun.
He looked like the kind of guy who could sling you over his shoulder and carry you out of a burning building.
She was tempted to fan herself. “You’re getting through those ranch chores in record time there, cowboy.”
“Don’t I wish.” His lazy grin made her tummy do a flip. “I’m painting again tonight.”
Was he going to ask her to help? She wanted to. She missed their time together.
But yesterday she’d canceled having her nieces and nephews over and promised to let them meet the puppy tonight. Her brother Michael and sister-in-law Leann were bringing Sunni and Cam over around four thirty, and her brother David and sister-in-law Kelli were dropping off Rachel, Bobby and Owen after supper.
She’d had to split their times up because five kids at once would be too much for Barley to handle. Too much for her right now, as well.
“I was wondering if I could borrow Ned again?” Randy tilted his head. “He’s good company.”
Disappointment slapped her. He wanted Ned to keep him company? Not her?
“Of course.” She tried to sound chipper but was pretty sure she failed.
“Is he supposed to be eating that?” Barley was chomping the head of a dandelion.
“No! Barley, stop. No.” She pulled him away and attempted to get the flower out of his mouth, but he swallowed it before she could. Were dandelions poisonous? And had he even gone to the bathroom?
She’d better get him inside and do a quick internet search on dandelions and dogs.
“Looks like your hands are full. Ned can hang out with me around the ranch for a while if you’d like.”
One less thing she’d have to think about. “Ned would love it. He’s not sure what to do with this one.” She pointed to Barley, rolling in the grass. “Come, Barley.”
“Is Austin still in there?”
“Yes. We’re going over the list of potential nannies.”
He nodded and they made their way back inside, where Austin was preparing to leave. Randy stopped him. “Do me a favor and print off the list of receipts for the past three days, will you?”
“Sure,” Austin asked. “Anything else?”
“Can you bring home these lures?” Randy pulled a crumpled paper out of his pocket and handed it to his brother.
“Why? You planning on fishing or something?”
“It’s been two weeks since I posted a video. These are the ones I planned on doing next.” They continued to chatter as they went out the door with Ned, leaving Hannah alone with Barley and AJ.
No goodbyes.
And the nanny list abandoned on the table.
Ignored and forgotten. Much like her.
Hannah unclipped the leash, then took AJ out of the bouncy seat. “Looks like it’s just the three of us today. Will you help me with Barley, little buddy?”
The baby cooed, and she sat at the table with him on her lap, pulled out her phone and did a search to find out if dandelions were poisonous to dogs. Thankfully, they were not.
Something told her it was going to be a long day...
Several hours later, Hannah plunked down on the couch as frazzled as she could ever remember being. Barley had piddled twice on the floor, both mere minutes after she’d taken him outside. Then AJ had gotten cranky, and while she was trying to calm him down by gently bouncing him, the puppy had torn up a new diaper, which had taken forever to clean up.
After the baby finally fell asleep, Barley saw a spider and started barking and pouncing at it, which woke AJ. The crying had begun all over again.
At that point, she’d been ready to cry herself.
And to top it all off, she’d taken it upon herself to call all four women on the list, and not one of them was interested in babysitting full-time.
Austin and Randy had to hire a nanny. Soon.
She couldn’t keep up with this. Barley needed attention and discipline, Ned needed consistency, and AJ needed a full-time caregiver. This situation wasn’t sustainable.
Would it be wrong to ask Hannah to help him paint tonight?
After supper Randy knocked on Hannah’s apartment door. He’d hired a teen to help Austin with AJ for a few hours. With two rooms left to paint, Randy was beginning to feel more hopeful about moving in at the end of the month. He still needed to work on the landscaping, but he could do that later this summer. If he could cross off a few more items on his list this weekend, he’d be on track.
The door opened to Hannah. Her cheeks were flushed. The shouts of small children made him stretch his neck to see beyond her. One of David’s kids jumped up and down and squealed as Barley chased him. The oldest of the bunch, Rachel, scolded him. “Bobby, don’t do that. You’re making him hyper.”
“He likes it,” Bobby said. “Owen, don’t lift him like that—”
Hannah spun around and returned to the kids. “Okay, what did we talk about?”
All three of them dropped their chins.
“We have to sit down and wait for Barley to come to us.” Rachel flashed a glare at one of the boys. Randy went inside, closed the door and stood near the edge of the room.
“That’s right.” Hannah nodded. “Bobby, why do we have that rule?”
“Cuz puppies get wild, and we don’t want him to get too rough. He’s got to learn how to be a good dog so he can help someone in a wheelchair.”
Hannah smiled at him and, bending down, put her hand on his shoulder. “Very good. But he might help someone who can walk. Maybe the person is blind. Or has autism or diabetes. We don’t know.”
Ned loped over to Randy and sat next to him, surveying the scene.
“Hi, Mr. Randy,” Rachel said, skipping over. He guessed she was about eight years old, but he wasn’t great at guessing ages. “How many minnows do you have at your store?”
“I reckon I have two million, six hundred and fifty-three thousand.” He always got a kick out of her questions when she came into the store with her dad. “Give or take a few.”
“That many?” She shifted her weight to one hip and gave him a skeptical look. “Do you count them every night?”
“Every night.” He winked.
Owen, the youngest, yawned, rubbing his eyes, and Hannah picked him up and settled him on her hip. “Ned’s going to help Mr. Randy paint his new house. Isn’t that nice?”
“Dogs can’t paint.” Bobby shook his head.
“He’ll be supervising.” Hannah’s dancing eyes met Randy’s gaze, and he tamped down the laughter welling up. Kids. He never knew what would come out of their mouths.
“Barley!” Rachel raced away from him. “No, you can’t eat that!”
“I’d better take care of this.” Hannah jerked her thumb to the kitchen where the puppy had disappeared to. She set Owen back on his feet. “Ned’s leash is on the entry table.”
Right. He’d momentarily forgotten he was only there to pick up the dog. And Hannah clearly wasn’t free to help him paint. Disappointment slid down his core.
“I could help you paint, Mr. Randy.” Bobby flashed a grin with one bottom tooth missing.
“I’m sure you could, bud, but your aunt wouldn’t be too happy with me if I took you away from Barley right now.”
The kid nodded. “When I grow up, I’m going to work at your store. I’m gonna go fishing all the time.”
“Sounds like a good plan, buddy.” Tickled, he smiled at the boy. He’d forgotten what it was like to have someone look up to him. “I’ll set aside a special lure for you the next time your dad stops by.”
“Really?” His grin grew even wider. “I’m gonna catch me a big old bass with it.”
“That’s the idea.” He ruffled Bobby’s hair. “Well, I’d better get going. Have fun with the puppy.”
Hannah returned with Barley. Rachel talked up a storm next to her.
“I’ll drop him back off in a couple of hours,” Randy said, attaching the leash to Ned’s collar.
“Okay. Hope you get a lot done.” Did he detect longing in her tone?
“Me, too. Have fun. See you guys later.”
All three kids yelled goodbye to him as he turned to leave. Outside, his spirits dropped.
He liked those kids. Hannah was great with them. If things were different, he could see himself with a couple of munchkins, too. Taking them fishing. Roughhousing with them.
He held the truck door open for Ned and, once the dog was safely inside, shut it.
But things weren’t different.
Not now, they weren’t.
Could they be?
Tomorrow. He’d call the doctor tomorrow. But the thought filled him with dread. It would mean more tests. Medications that might not work. Side effects. Surgery wasn’t off the table. Maybe even worse news.
He started up the truck and checked his mirrors to back out. He owed it to himself to find out. Even if he didn’t like the results.