Chapter Thirteen

VERONICA SPENT A restless hour on the couch awakened frequently by Millie’s snoring and intermittent low-key groans. She gave up, wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, and padded down the hall. Millie had kicked the covers off. The nightlight cast a dull yellow glow over the room, and she was sprawled face down across the bed. Veronica fought her desire to cross the room and dust her fingers over her soft skin. She wanted to trace her way over the freckles on her broad back and kiss her neck until she made the soft sighs that set Veronica on fire.

Instead, she crossed the room and pulled the sheet and then the blanket up and over Millie’s shoulders. She bent and pressed a delicate kiss to her warm cheek, wondering if it would be the last time she touched her lips to Millie’s skin. She cocooned herself in the blanket and sat in the chair opposite the bed, determined to memorize every dip and curve of Millie’s form. What am I going to say? Maybe she doesn’t want a relationship because she has a child. But where is the baby? Child. That photo is at least fifteen years old. She has to listen to me. Please let her believe me.

First light filled the room and turned the black shadows gray. Millie jerked awake and shoved the bedclothes from her body. Veronica stayed quiet as Millie rubbed her eyes. Oblivious to Veronica’s presence, she lurched off the bed and walked to the bathroom, her gait stiff. The sound of water splashing and the toilet flushing was loud. I should have said something. Let her know I was here.

“Hey, Millie?” She called from the chair and pulled the blanket tighter around herself.

A startled yip sounded from the bathroom, and Millie emerged with a towel in her hand. “What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?” A scowl spoiled her handsome face. “Get out.”

“Um. I helped Myfanwy get you up the steps. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Millie snorted and threw the towel in the direction of the bathroom. “You’ve seen. Now go.” She planted her hands on her hips.

Veronica ignored the hard set of Millie’s mouth. “Please talk to me. It wasn’t what it looked like. Ashley played me. She wanted you to think there was something going on. Please believe me.” She chewed her lip.

“Right.” Millie’s lip curled in a sneer. “I’m not a fool. Or blind. I saw you with her.” She took a step toward Veronica. “Get out. Now.”

“Please, Millie. I know what it looked like.”

“Do you?” Millie’s face was dark red. “Do you know what it was like to walk in and see that? Her tits were in your hands. You could’ve told me. I wouldn’t have cared, but you should’ve told me. We don’t have to be exclusive.”

Wouldn’t have cared? What the fuck? Oh. She only cares because I didn’t tell her? Oh fuck. Not exclusive. Friends. Friends with benefits. Fuck me. She doesn’t want what I want. “I’ve been honest with you.” Veronica rose from the chair and took a step toward Millie. “I didn’t tell you because there was nothing to tell. I’ve never lied to you.” She straightened her posture. Her knuckles ached from her grip on the edge of the blanket.

Millie stepped back, maintaining the distance between them. “How would I know? Maybe you’ve been playing me all along. Maybe you get off on sneaking around.”

Veronica scrubbed her hand over her face. “You know how the grapevine works here. If I’d been banging Ashley, everyone would have been talking about it. No secrets here. Everyone would have been dying to tell you. Hell, Ashley would have told you herself. Come on, Millie.”

Millie’s face was stone. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her silence hammered Veronica’s hopes into dust. Veronica stepped back and wrapped the blanket tighter around her body and turned her back to Millie. I’m an idiot to think she would listen. Why would she? She doesn’t care, not the way I care, doesn’t want to be exclusive. Damn, this hurts. I need to go. I’m making a fool of myself.

She shrugged out of the blanket and folded it carefully before she placed it in the chair. A chill chased over her and the fine hairs on her legs rose on goose flesh, reminding her she only had on briefs. “Sorry I startled you.” She balled her hands into fists as hurt morphed into anger at Millie’s continued silence. Veronica kept her back turned, not wanting to see the hard set of Millie’s jaw. “I thought we had something, Millie.”

“Me too.” Millie’s deep voice was soft.

The ache in her chest swelled, and she gulped down the hard knot in her throat. She strode from the room and closed the door behind her. She lifted her chin and clenched her jaw, willing herself not to run. Fuck that. Fuck her. I’m so fucked.

 

VERONICA SHOVED HER legs into her stiff dirty jeans. She stuffed her socks into her back pocket before she tugged her boots on. She snatched her jacket off the hall tree and opened the door. Head down, Veronica pulled her jacket on as she stormed down the stairs. Her face burned. Anger and hurt twisted a knot in her gut. Doesn’t trust me. Doesn’t believe me. Doesn’t want to be exclusive. Doesn’t care. Just like Dee. Fuck, I sure can pick them. Fuck me. She probably thinks I lied about not being guilty. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me. Maybe Ashley did me a favor. Something else would’ve happened, she would’ve wanted someone else, and then she’d have told me she didn’t want to be exclusive and broke my heart.

Veronica rolled back the barn door. Familiar whickers and whinnies greeted her. She unlocked the grain box and threw back the lid. With trembling hands, she lifted the tubs of grain from the box, made her way down the line of stalls, and distributed the horses’ breakfasts. She had done so much work the night before trying to distract herself from her heartache, she had nothing to do this morning.

She walked to her office. From its hook behind her desk, she took down the clipboard with her running list of maintenance tasks and scanned it for things to keep herself busy. She wiped her damp palm on her pants, the stiff fabric reminding her she was dressed in her clothes from yesterday. Shower. Come back and turn them out. Clean some tack. There’s always tack to be cleaned. As the rush of adrenaline from her fight with Millie wore off, tiredness settled over her and a heavy pain settled in her soul. The ache in her heart intensified, and she pressed her palm to her chest. Coffee. I need coffee. Call Mom. Need to know someone still loves me.

 

ONE SHOWER AND two cups of coffee later Veronica sat on her bed. She nibbled on a protein bar she had stashed. That’s my last one. I’ll have to face them at lunch. Ugh. She entered her mom’s number on her phone and sipped her coffee as she waited for her to pick up. Her call went to voice mail, and she hung up without leaving a message. No use worrying Mom.

She finished the protein bar, crumpled the wrapper, and sighed. One disastrous afternoon of letting her guard down and her future at Rowan House was over. She chewed her lip as she tried to imagine finding another job she liked as much. Let alone could get hired for. Maybe the therapeutic stable in Portree? It wouldn’t be full time. And where would I live? Would my work visa transfer? Fuck. Six more months here before I have to think about it. What the hell am I going to do? Fucking Ashley cost me my job and a woman I thought I had a future with. Anger and images of revenge against Ashley filled her thoughts. She rested her head on her desk, stopping short of banging her head on it, knowing the pain wouldn’t dull the burning ache in her heart.

A knock at the door startled her. She lifted her head. No one ever visits me other than Millie, and that sure as hell isn’t ever going to happen again. Who the fuck is that? Nothing on the schedule today. Probably Elaine wanting me to get Luna ready for an impromptu ride. Need to turn the horses out anyway. Veronica ground her teeth and shoved the chair back. Another knock sounded in the room, louder and more insistent. “Give me a minute for fuck’s sake.” She yelled toward the door, not caring if it might be one of her employers. The kindest thing they could do for me right now would be to fire me and send me back home. She snatched the door open, knowing her face reflected her anger and unable to summon the will to care. “What?”

Millie stood on the landing. Veronica blinked. She opened her mouth to speak. Millie stepped into the room and swept Veronica up in her arms. She lifted her off the floor and kissed her. She crushed Veronica to her chest. Her mouth was hot and sweet. Think. You need to talk. Veronica placed her hands on Millie’s forearms and clutched them, holding on to her.

She was gasping when Millie finally broke their kiss. “What the hell?”

“I’m sorry.” She lowered Veronica to the floor, rested her forehead on Veronica’s brow, and stroked her hands down Veronica’s back “I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you.” She pulled back and met Veronica’s gaze. “Forgive me? Please.”

“What changed your mind?” Veronica kept her gaze fixed on Millie’s face.

“What you said. You’re right. Ashley would have rubbed it in my face if she had you.” Millie’s hands rested on Veronica’s hips.

Veronica snorted and pushed away from Millie’s embrace. She pinned her in place with a glare. “So what? We get back together, and the first person you see you want to be with you go with them?”

“What?” Millie’s face pulled into a confused frown. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Veronica embraced her anger like a lost love found. “You said you didn’t care. That you didn’t want to be exclusive. I don’t want that kind of relationship.”

“No. I didn’t…” Millie ran her hand over her hair and blew out a breath. “I didn’t mean it.” Millie’s anxious expression and the fear in her eyes melted Veronica’s resolve.

“Why the fuck did you say it?” Veronica reached up and gripped Millie’s chin hard, the skin blanching under her fingers. “I love you. I love you, and I don’t want to share you with anyone.” Millie trembled under her grip.

Millie gasped. “You do?”

Fuck. Hell of a time to say it. “Yeah. I do.” It’s okay if she doesn’t feel the same way. Veronica lied to herself. She kept her gaze steady, watching Millie’s face, opening herself, letting her love show in her eyes.

“Why?” Millie grabbed her other hand and squeezed hard.

“Why what?” Veronica raised her eyebrow.

“Why do you love me?” Millie’s expression reminded Veronica of a drowning woman. Desperate, unbelieving, fearful.

“For a lot of reasons. I love how caring you are. You’re brilliant and sweet and protective. I love your voice, and your body, and your sense of humor. I love how you care for your chosen family, how you care for me. How you remember all the little things I like. I love you, Millie. For everything you are with every bit of my heart. Why’d you run off and drink yourself senseless?”

“I was angry.” Millie pressed her lips together.

“Angry?” Veronica released Millie’s chin, pulled her hand from Millie’s grasp, and fisted her hands on her hips. She raised her eyebrow.

Millie lowered her chin to her chest. “And hurt.”

Veronica reached out and touched Millie’s cheek, drawing her gaze. “Do you get drunk like when you’re in pain? Is it your version of self-medicating?”

“Not always.” A flash of anger crossed Millie’s face. “So what if I do?”

Veronica pinned her in place with her gaze. “You need to stop. We can’t do this if alcohol is the way you deal with anything that hurts you.”

Millie snorted. “Are you telling me I have to choose? You or drinking?”

“I’m telling you”—Veronica softened her gaze and she leaned in to kiss Millie—“you need to find some healthier coping mechanisms.” She brushed her lips over her mouth before she pressed forward and kissed her softly. She pulled back to observe Millie’s expression.

Millie swept Veronica up and off her feet. Veronica had carried her share of women to bed over the years, but she had never been with anyone able to lift her. Her heart squeezed hard. Cherished. Adored. Desired. Loved? She clasped her arms around Millie’s neck. Millie crushed her to her chest and scattered kisses over her brow and her cheek and then her mouth.

Millie’s eyes were dark as she met Veronica’s gaze. “I love you, Veronica Fletcher. I need you like air. I wanted to die when I thought you had been with Ashley. I was afraid I had blown it.” She kissed Veronica again.

Veronica groaned. The sensation of being loved in return and the way Millie kissed her turned her inside out. She gasped as Millie scattered kisses over her neck. “Wait. Wait. I have to turn the horses out.”

“And then?” Millie paused to sweep her tongue over the shell of Veronica’s ear. “What are you doing after?” She nipped Veronica’s neck and soothed the bite with a sweep of her tongue.

Veronica angled her neck, giving Millie better access. “Letting you show me how much you love me.”