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My heart and body war within me.
~ Adrien’s Journal
ADRIEN HEAVED AGAINST the log wall with his shoulder, working the brace into place as he held the logs back. Every muscle in his body strained against the load. Finally, the prop locked to secure the wall.
He eased away from the logs, not quite daring to breathe as he waited to make sure the whole structure didn’t come down on him like the walls of Jericho.
It didn’t move. Thank you, Lord.
Finally, he let himself take in a deep drag of air. He stepped back and studied the little cabin. It stood up straight now, although with logs of so many different thicknesses, it still looked a bit off-kilter. If he could get enough of the cracks chinked, they’d stay much warmer inside. Normal chinking materials wouldn’t work just now, as no mudding would dry before it froze.
Maybe stretching furs over the walls on the inside would do for the winter.
He turned and strode toward the door. Mary had gone to feed Domino, but when she returned, he’d ask if she had skins to spare. Until then, it was high time he hang that curtain he’d planned, to give her a little privacy.
He finally worked out a way to hang his rope by the time the crunch of snowshoes sounded outside the cabin. He stood on the hearth, stretching as far up as he could reach to work the cord through an especially wide gap between two logs. There was enough space that he could wrap the rope completely around the log and tie it off.
It would take two people to accomplish, though. One to hold the rope in place inside, and another to feed it over the top of the log on the outside. The inside person would then tie it off.
The door opened and Mary stepped in, only her blue eyes and red cheeks showing between her scarf and hood. Her gaze swept to him as she entered the room, and her eyes widened. She pulled the scarf down to uncover her mouth. “What are you doing?”
He probably looked like he was climbing the wall, stretching up on his toes to keep the cord in place. “Can you hold this in place while I go outside and feed it through the opening above?” She likely wouldn’t be tall enough to reach the rope outside, so he’d need to do that part.
She shuffled forward, removing her gloves as she walked. “All right. As soon as I take these snowshoes off.”
She removed the frames in quicker time than he ever could, then slipped off her scarf and coat before stepping up behind him. “What do I do?”
“Hold this rope so I can reach it on the outside.” He shifted over so she could take his spot.
She moved in close—very close—to reach the rope. He held his breath, but it didn’t keep away the heady sense of her nearness. The touch of the wild that clung to her.
Her fingers brushed his hand as she took the cord. “I have it.” Her murmur sent a caress of warmth against his cheek.
He stepped off the hearth, more to still the rush of reaction roiling inside him than anything. And when he made it outside, the blast of icy air was just what he needed to cool his inner turmoil.
Good thing he hadn’t waited to hang this partition. A little separation from that woman might keep him from something he would regret. Did she feel the same way? How could she, still grieving the loss of her husband and babe?
Yet there were moments that he sensed something within her. A softening. Maybe even attraction.
But he couldn’t push her. If she wanted anything more than someone to help endure the winter, she’d have to take the next step. But who was he fooling? She’d made it clear, she didn’t even want that much.
Around the side of the cabin, he could see the rope protruding between the logs. Thankfully, the snow had drifted high against the wall, lifting him up enough that he could feed the cord back through the higher crack.
He worked a length of rope through, then called through the wall. “Can you reach the end now?”
“I have it.” Not even the logs between them could muffle the clear determination in her voice. Mary Standish wouldn’t be deterred once she set her mind to something.
He tromped back to the door, then stepped in.
Mary still stood on the hearth, but didn’t have to stretch nearly as far up, for she’d altered the set-up a bit. She’d turned the iron pot upside down on the hearth and now stood on it. Not a sturdy base when she stretched upward at an angle.
He strode forward, hands extended to catch her should the entire arrangement topple. “I can take it now.”
“I’m assuming you want this tied.” She started to knot the rope around the log.
“Yes, but I can do it. That pot will slide out from under you.” He touched her back to steady her.
Just in time, apparently, because her platform slid a bit, and she jerked.
He planted a foot beside the pot to keep it from moving farther and shifted his hands to grip her sides. “Really, Mary. I’ll do it. Just get down.” If she was hurt in this little project, he’d never forgive himself.
“There. All done.” She shifted again as she released the rope.
He had no idea if she could tie a knot that would hold, but he could fix that later, if necessary.
She turned and placed a hand on his shoulder while she peered down to place her feet. No sense in that though. He lifted her the same way he helped his mother down from a carriage.
Except she was nothing like his mother.
Mary gripped both of his shoulders, her blue eyes widening and her mouth forming a soft O as he lowered her. Such a beauty, this woman. Her heart-shaped face with its features perfectly proportioned. Those lips, slightly chapped by the wind. They suited her perfectly. A little roughed-up by the elements, but soft on the inside. And very much in need of kissing.
A stillness settled in the room, pulling his gaze up to her eyes.
They locked on his, a little wildness in them, as though she could read his thoughts. He shouldn’t have even been thinking about kissing her. Not after he’d just told himself outside he needed to give her time.
He swallowed, working to gather some moisture in his mouth to apologize. The last thing he wanted was to frighten her.
But then her gaze dipped to his mouth, throwing another log on the blaze he’d been trying to quiet within him. Fire and ice. He wanted more than anything to lower his mouth to hers. But he couldn’t. She had to take the first step.
As if she could read his mind, she reached up and raised her mouth to his.
Sweet honeysuckle and pepper. He’d been wrong about her kiss. She was softness, yes, but with fire infused in her touch. A fire that fed the flame inside him.
He forced himself to gentle his touch. Not to lose himself or give in to the inferno inside him. She was so exquisite. A lily to be treasured and cared for.
~ ~ ~
SHE’D LOST HER MIND. But she couldn’t bring herself to be sorry about it.
Not yet, anyway. Mary gripped Adrien’s shoulders, more to hold herself up on quivering legs than for any other reason. She eased away, ending the kiss before she lost the rest of herself.
She’d never had a kiss quite like that. Never. It left her mind and her stomach spinning so that she was breathless.
He reached up to cup her neck, stopping her retreat. Those eyes. Dark and glimmering with the smile that always seemed so near. What did he see in hers? Stark terror?
She shouldn’t have kissed him. It gave so many signals that she hadn’t meant at all. Couldn’t mean. But the way he’d been looking at her. He’d been so near. So gentle. And all his other kindnesses seemed to pile up in her mind. He’d wedged himself so deeply in her heart, in that moment with him so close, her thoughts had turned reckless.
“Mon lys.” His thumb stroked her jaw, leaving a warm tingle everywhere it touched.
Had he just called her his lily? She’d never ever been called anything so delicate. Yet the way he spoke, the way his eyes drank her in, she could almost believe he saw her that way.
Or maybe she just wanted to believe it. Perhaps she’d let herself be fooled by a handsome face and a gentle touch.
She pulled away, lowering her gaze. She should make some excuse, say something. But the words wouldn’t come. Nothing came except the ache in her chest.
So she stepped down from the hearth, snagged her coat from the pile where she’d left it, and then headed out the door.
~ ~ ~
HE’D PUSHED HER TOO far.
He knew she wasn’t ready for anything more than a helping hand around the place, but he pushed anyway. Even though she started the kiss, he’d jumped in and taken off running. And now, that stiff façade she’d shouldered just before striding out the door made it clear she was through with him. He’d be lucky if she let him stay the night. Perhaps he should go share the cave with Domino.
For now, he might as well complete the job he’d started. It wasn’t hard to finish hanging the cord, and he used a couple of the furs from Mary’s pallet to form a curtain. Hopefully she’d not be irritated that her bed was a little lower if it gave her some privacy.
Next, he scanned the room for something to chink the walls with. There really wasn’t anything, except maybe furs. And he’d have to ask Mary before touching any more of those.
Speaking of Mary, where had she gone? Escaping from him, surely. But she shouldn’t have to stay out in the cold just to keep away from him. Maybe if he went out to gather firewood, she’d come back to the cabin. Of course, maybe she wouldn’t know he’d left, and they’d both be out in the cold, avoiding each other. But he’d have to take that chance.
Besides, they always needed more firewood.
He strapped on his snowshoes and grabbed his hatchet, then headed toward the little cluster of trees where they’d seen the lynx a few days before. He could check the snare while he was there.
By the time dusk began to coat the landscape in shadows, he’d cut a sizeable stack of wood. He’d best start hauling it back to the cabin now if he was to finish before dark fell in earnest.
With his arms loaded down, he paused at the door to the cabin. The latch string was out, which either meant Mary hadn’t returned, or she’d not locked him out just yet. He made a racket as he raised the latch, to give her warning if she was inside.
As his gaze scanned the room, it snagged on Mary’s lithe form, kneeling by the fire. She didn’t turn to face him when he dumped the load where they normally stacked the firewood. The branches already there proved she’d been of the same mind. At least they’d have plenty of fuel for the fire.
“I have a few more loads to bring in. And there was another hare in the snare. Would you like the meat for tonight?” He tried to keep his voice genial, as though this evening were no different from any other. Maybe if he pretended that kiss had never happened, she wouldn’t mount her defenses as high as they had been before.
“The evening meal is almost ready. We can eat the hare tomorrow.” Her voice was quiet. Not the stiff distance he expected, just...quiet.
Should he offer an apology? Maybe this wasn’t the best time. “All right. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She didn’t turn to him as he strode toward the door, but the brisk efficiency in her movements and the line of her shoulders showed her determination. Exactly what he’d been expecting. She had more strength of will than a cart horse headed home. But he couldn’t complain about that part of her character when it was one of the things he loved best about her.
One of the many things.
Along with her beauty and ingenuity and intelligence. The one thing he’d not been able to ascertain was her faith. Did she know the Father? She’d not shown resistance the times he’d mentioned trusting God or when he’d prayed before eating, but she’d not spoken of God either.
Lord, show me how to help her. Because the matter of her faith was the only thing that kept him from losing the rest of his heart to her. She’d need time, for sure, to heal from the loss of her husband and babe. And he’d wait as long as she needed for her heart to be ready.
Is she Your plan for me, Father? Make my way clear.
