It was Saturday, and the boys had been so excited about coming into town they were up before the sun. He had put them off until after lunch, but finally gave in to their pleas. Even Ethan had mumbled about wanting to go into town. Max slowed the truck to a crawl as they passed the café and feed store.
In the back seat, the boys strained against their seat belts, trying to see everything at once. People were everywhere. There were more pedestrians on the street than vehicles. All the town’s four hundred inhabitants, and then some, had to be on the main strip.
All the boys wore wide-eyed expressions of wonder, even Ethan. “Wow. They have Christmas trees all over the place.”
Bergmann’s Lumber was right in the middle of it all. The two-story limestone building had a deep balcony on the second floor. The building had stood there for over a hundred years and looked like it would last another hundred.
Jackie had every right to be proud of her family. And he was an idiot for trying to kiss her. What had he been thinking?
She had made it clear his attentions were not welcome. He would have thought he had learned his lesson long ago, but apparently, he was a slow learner.
Sammi waved them down from the sidewalk. Max eased the truck to the curb and glanced around, looking for Jackie.
Ethan sat up. “There’s Kelsey.” He had the door open before Max had the engine turned off. Then he pulled back and sat there, staring at the group of teens.
“What’s wrong?”
“Her mom doesn’t like me.”
“It’s just a town Christmas event. There are lots of people here, including Kelsey’s brother, right?”
Ethan nodded, but his frown stayed tight.
“Ethan has a girlfriend.” Isaac and Tomas giggled from the back seat.
“Shut up.” The teen crossed his arms.
“Hey, it’s not like you’re asking her on a date or anything. You have a right to talk to anyone you want.”
“Are you going to ask Jackie on a date?”
“We’re not talking about me.” That was a whole other issue. “Just go over there and talk to her, or talk to her brother. Sitting here in the truck isn’t going to help.”
Ethan climbed out of the truck and stood there.
Sammi walked over. “Hey, guys, we were just wondering if you were going to make it into town. Ethan, you should join them. They’re decorating one of the trees for silent auction next weekend.”
Nodding like he had a clue what she was talking about, Ethan stuffed his hands in his pockets and moved in their direction.
“Make sure you stay where I can see you!” Max hollered, for good measure.
Sammi leaned into the cab with a huge smile. “Don’t worry. They’re good kids, and everyone is right here on Main.” She looked over into the back seat. “Hey, boys. Y’all ready to get your Christmas on?”
“Yes!” they yelled with excitement. She helped them out of the back seat and winked at Max.
This had been the right thing to do. His brothers needed normal, even if he had no idea what that should look like. People laughed as they hung wreaths, fake snow frosted the windows and Christmas songs floated through the air on unseen speakers.
A cherry picker was parked under a street lamp, hanging green and red banners. He imagined this was about as close as anyone could get to the American dream. All they were missing was real snow to make it a perfect Christmas card.
Stepping onto the sidewalk, Tomas took his hand. He bounced with excitement. “Are we going to get a tree for the house?”
They didn’t seem to get the idea that they might not be here for Christmas.
If Vanessa came early enough, he wouldn’t have to deal with it. “I’m not sure we have the time.”
“There’s always time to spread Christmas joy.” Jackie had sneaked up behind them, an industrial-sized wheel of lights over her arm.
Sammi appeared between the boys. “I’m going to the courthouse with the ornaments made by the Sunday-school classes.” She looked down at them. “My nieces are over there with their mom. You want to come help?” She glanced at Max. “Is that okay?”
“Please, please!” cried the two boys.
“Are you sure? Do you need my help?” answered Max.
“I wouldn’t have invited them if I didn’t mean it.” She grinned. “We have plenty of help at the square, but Jackie could use you.”
There was a sparkle in her eye that had him suspicious.
She pointed to the upper level of their store. “I usually help her with the balcony, but Danica claimed me this year.” Her attention went back to the boys. “Come on, let’s go in and get the bags.”
Placing his hands on their shoulders, Max looked each of the boys in the eye. “You have to stay with Sammi and Danica.”
“The one that looks just like Jackie?”
“Yes. No wandering off, no matter what you see. Do you understand?”
In unison, the boys nodded. “Yes, sir!”
They didn’t hesitate for a second. They followed Sammi into the building without a backward glance.
It didn’t feel right sending them off with someone else.
“They’ll have fun,” Jackie reassured him, patting his arm. Her hand rested on his sleeve. “My sisters will keep them safe.”
He smiled, not sure if he liked the idea she knew what he was thinking. “I should just go to the ranch and get some work done.”
“You mean go hide at the ranch.” Her hand was warm through his heavy jacket. Then she pulled it away, as if she remembered who she was touching. “Come on. It appears I’ve been abandoned by my whole family. I need to hang the lights and garland on the top balcony. Plus, everyone can have a better look at us up there.”
She waved to a group of women who had been staring at them. With a flip of her red braid, she marched past the display windows.
“You mean I’ll make an easier target for gossip?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’ll be able to see the boys, too.”
The bell chimed as he followed her into the store. Inside, the smells of lemon oil and old hardware created a welcoming atmosphere. The small group of men that turned and frowned at him? Not so much.
“Hey, Daddy.” Jackie kissed her father’s cheek. “Max has volunteered to help me hang the lights upstairs.” She flashed him a smile.
The men looked at him. He’d faced two-thousand-pound bulls with more welcoming expressions. He smiled and nodded.
A tall cowboy with a genuine smile held out his hand. “I’m Lawson. Sorry to hear of your loss, but glad you’re back. We were just wondering now what your plan is to get the pastures under control. Anything we can do to help?”
Max swallowed his glare and met the man eye to eye. “I’ve looked into it, but I’m a rodeo guy. Never worked the land. I’m more than willing to hear ideas and pass them on to my uncle. It looks like burning this time of year might be the most effective method. I’ve put a call in to my uncle to see what he thinks.”
The man who spoke to him at the café, Dub Childress, cleared his throat. “Not to start an argument, but we don’t much trust your uncle.”
“He’s in charge.”
“Don’t you have your father’s vote now?” The man’s sharp eyes glared at him. “You’re not selling to some developer? Some of the best ranches have been lost that way.”
He turned from Dub only to find Jackie’s dad glaring at him.
Mr. Bergmann stared him down. “But you’re letting Jackie work on the old settlement. Is she going to lose that?”
“Daddy, we’ve talked about that. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. These lights are getting heavy, and I need to get them up.” Jackie shifted the lights from her left arm to her right.
Max hated that he agreed with her father, but he didn’t want to oppose her in front of these men. Putting one hand on her back, he took the lights from her with the other. “Upstairs?”
“Yes.” She smiled, and he was momentarily reminded of the girl he’d been obsessed with.
“He’s going upstairs with you?” Her father was frowning at him.
“Daddy, could you get the nativity scene down, so we can put it in the window?” Apparently, she was going to ignore her father’s last comment.
With a nod to the men, he followed her, their boots clicking on the old wood floor. They passed through an office area and ascended a flight of narrow stairs, their edges worn by years of traffic. “I know you’re going to hate this, but I agree with your father. Until I get something in writing you shouldn’t do anything to the buildings.”
Jackie made straight for the eight-foot glass doors, ignoring him on the subject just like she did her father. They stepped out onto the vast balcony that ran the length of the building. It had to be twelve feet deep. The railing and trim reminded him of an old Western movie.
He gave a low whistle. “I can see a rifleman standing guard up here as trouble rides into town.”
She laughed. “You always had such a great imagination. Of course, it is possible. This building has been here since 1886, and I’m sure it’s seen plenty of trouble. There are stories about the Bergmanns and Delgados having a showdown right here in front of the store. It wouldn’t surprise me if they stationed a few men with guns up here.”
He glanced down the main street. From here he could see the courthouse. At the other end of town was a line of shops and a few houses. Smalltown, America, at its quaintest. “It appears be the best view in town.”
She started unrolling the string of lights. “Yeah, not much has changed in Clear Water over the years. The new school building has a third floor.”
“New?”
She nodded. “It was built in 1937. But it caught fire in ’72, so they had to rebuild it.”
He shook his head. “That’s new?”
“Hey, your family’s ranch has the oldest history in town. Don’t go throwing rocks.”
“No wonder my father and uncle left here. They both love new and modern.” His father. How did he keep forgetting he was gone? “My father hated anything old. He was always looking for the newest and most improved. Including family.”
She stood and reached out to him. “Max, I’m so sorry. Even if you didn’t have a good relationship with him, it still hurts to lose him. Maybe more so because you didn’t have a chance to mend it.”
His heart twisted, but he shrugged it off. “Is there a ladder around here?”
“Ignoring it won’t make the feeling go away.”
“He’s gone, so there’s no point. Where’s the ladder?”
“Max.” She touched his sleeve.
“Ladder?” He had to look away from the concern that was heavy in her gaze. It hadn’t helped to talk to his father when he was alive, so there was no point talking about him now.
“Go to the room in the back. There’s a closet on the left. It should be there.”
He rejoined her a few minutes later, and took a deep breath. “I never thought of Christmas having a smell.” Sugar cookies, gingerbread, coffee and crisp air filled with the scent of fresh-cut trees made it feel more like Christmas than anything he’d ever experienced.
“The bakery has delivered the gingerbread pieces for making the houses. And the giant tree for the center of town has arrived.” She looked up from her neatly laid-out lights. “It smells delightful, doesn’t it?” She rubbed her hands together. “And it’s cold. I don’t remember it ever feeling so much like a real Christmas.”
“Where do you need the ladder?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I need to put the garland on first, then the lights.”
“We have the lights and ladder. Why not get this done, then we can get the other stuff?”
She shook her head. “It needs to be done in the right order.”
“It’s Christmas decoration. How terrible can it be?”
She glared at him. “That’s the problem. Sometimes you don’t see the disaster until it’s too late.”
“Okay. So where is the garland?”
“It’s in the building out back of the lumberyard.”
“Let’s go get it, then.” He needed to keep moving. Looking at her was risky to his heart.
Hands in pockets, he followed her down the stairs and out the back door. “It’s gotten colder again. Should I get the boys?”
“No. They’ll be fine. Danica will bring them in if it gets too cold.” The tall woodshed blocked the wind as they entered. Lumber was stacked two stories high, and in the back was a long workbench covered with greenery and red ribbons. The evergreen had to be thicker than his thighs.
Jackie pulled a wobbly flatbed cart to the table and started layering the green and red carefully across the wood planks.
“Let me help.” He picked up one of the large wrapped bundles, but she stopped him.
“No. It’s okay. I got this.”
He stepped back and watched as she arranged each branch, ribbon and ornament as carefully as a good bull rider arranges his gear before a ride. “You like order.”
She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but he sensed an underlying tension, one that stopped her from relaxing and enjoying life—even when everyone else was caught up in the joy of Christmas.
He looked around for something to do. “Why am I here?”
“Every small town needs a good-looking cowboy. I’m sure the tourists would love to meet a real hometown bull rider.” She didn’t even glance at him.
His jaw tightened. Really. “Yeah, that was my father’s thought, too.” The man had ignored him until he’d started making a name in the PBR circuit. All of a sudden he was good for business, and his father and uncle became his most prominent financial sponsors. “I’m going. Tomas needs to rest, and we still have a bunch of stuff to do at the ranch.” He turned to leave.
“Max.” She caught up with him before he made it outside. “I was just teasing. I didn’t mean to upset you. Most people don’t mind being called good-looking.” She indicated her loaded cart. “Will you help me get this up the stairs? I’m afraid I’ll drop something if I try to do it alone.”
He saw concern in her eyes. Maybe pity. Now she thought he was oversensitive or had daddy issues. He was such an idiot.
Riding bulls was so much easier than dealing with life. He looked over her shoulder. He feared she saw the weakness in him. The truth of who he was.
He forced a smile. “Sorry, just worried about the boys. What do you need me to do?”
She directed him with the sureness of a drill sergeant, keeping watch over the cargo as he pulled.
“There’s a platform attached to a pulley in the back of the store. We’ll load the cart, then go upstairs to lift it.”
Once they got the flatbed secure, she led him up the back stairs. In the corner of the newly restored room stood a huge iron wheel. It had to be at least eight feet tall.
“Crank here, and it will bring the cart up to us. Then we can unload.”
“I’ve never seen anything like this.” With her help, he started turning the large handle. The metal gears and chains creaked as the platform reached the second floor.
“This is a two-hundred-year-old elevator. I had wanted to refurbish it forever. One of my brothers-in-law finally got it working again a couple of months ago.” She beamed like other women did over diamonds.
They wheeled the cart onto the balcony, where she had him hold the garland as she attached it to the columns and trim. She laid it a foot at a time, intertwining the lights as she went. He had never seen someone take Christmas decorating so seriously. “Do you do this every year?”
She kept on twisting the ribbon, her tongue between her teeth. She was so focused on her job she hadn’t heard him.
A smile pulled at his lips. As a teen, she had done the same thing whenever something had her full attention. Back then, he thought everything she did was fascinating. She still captivated him. She was so cute. Not that he needed to notice that. She’d made that clear yesterday.
With the last light perfectly placed, her gaze swung to him. “The last couple of years, everyone runs and hides when it comes time to decorate the storefront. I’ve been accused of being hard to work with.”
“You? They just don’t get how important the details are.” He grinned.
“Exactly.” She hopped down the ladder. Turning, she knocked a delicate tea cup off the edge of the table. In her rush to catch it, the cup broke and cut her palm. It hit the floor and shattered.
Blood spattered the white porcelain. Tremors rattled her hands. Her breathing became sharp and hard. She didn’t move. Locked in place, she just stood there, looking down. The blood started dripping. “Jackie.” He reached out to touch her, but she didn’t acknowledge him. “Is there a first-aid kit?”
Her head shot up, eyes wild. “There’s blood.”
He scanned the area. Inside the door stood a roll of paper towels. Grabbing them, he applied pressure. “Once we get the blood stopped, we can see how deep the cut is. It’s hard to tell with fingers. They bleed easily.”
Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking as he wiped at the blood.
She tried to pull free. “Don’t worry about me. We need to clean the floor. There’s blood and…” She made a noise that was somewhere between a sob and grunt. “Don’t let Daddy see.”
“Let’s stop the bleeding first, then we’ll clean up the blood. I promise the area will be pristine before anyone sees it.”
Her breathing returned to normal, but he could still feel her rapid pulse. Another deep breath and she seemed to regain control. Her head remained down.
“There’s a first-aid kit under the cabinet to the left.” She pulled her hand free and stumbled inside.
He was right behind her. “I’ll get it.” Without another word, he quickly cleaned and wrapped the cut.
As soon as he let go, she gathered cleaning supplies and went back to the balcony. As the sun went down, so did the temperature.
“Jackie, are you okay?”
She nodded.
Something was off. Maybe being at the crash site had upset her on a deeper level. The past always had a way of messing with the present.
“I’m fine. I just don’t like messes or blood.” She fidgeted with the garland and ribbons she had already arranged several times.
“Is this about seeing the accident site yesterday? How old were you, four or five?”
“That has nothing to do with this. I should have never told you about that.” She moved to the far corner of the balcony and stared out over the holiday festivities.
Pulling her sweater tighter, she wrapped her arms around her waist. “I was supposed to stay in the truck. When things aren’t where they belong, someone gets hurt. Like that cup being too close to the edge when I wasn’t paying attention.” She scowled, then closed her eyes. “I know it’s more complicated than that, but Daddy told me to do something and I didn’t.”
“You really should talk to him.” He wanted to hold her, but the stay-back vibe was strong.
“If he found out now, what good would it do? It would make him feel worse. He doesn’t need or deserve the guilt.”
“But what about you? I’m not an expert, but I think you do need to talk to someone. It can’t be healthy to hold on to something like this. You were a tiny little girl who saw something you shouldn’t. I’m really the only person you’ve told this to?”
“I’m okay. Seeing the site for the first time caught me off guard. I never think about it anymore.”
“Jackie, at least talk to your sisters.”
“No. What’s the point? It would just make everyone sad. It’s in the past, right?” She made a dismissive gesture. “It’s done, long buried. Bringing it up again will only cause more pain. My family’s in a perfect place right now. New babies on the way. Even Daddy’s dating. Everyone’s happy.”
He started thinking that sometimes the past did need to be dealt with. “What about you?”
She shook her head. “As long as they are happy I’m good.”
Did she really think she didn’t matter? Tears hovered on her bottom lashes. When he was younger he had wanted to slay dragons for her. Then he got smart and buried those stupid notions, right along with his writing. But those eyes had him wanting to be the kind of man who could fix all her hurts.
With a tight smile that broke his heart, she looked him in the eye. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s the holidays. Do you realize next week will be the anniversary of our mothers’ deaths?”
“It’s not an anniversary I keep track of. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m out of line. I’m the last person to give family advice.” He pointed at himself. “You know the D in Delgado stands for dysfunctional.”
She snorted. “None of us are perfect.”
He wanted to tell her she was just about as close as anyone he knew, but it sounded too much like a come-on. They stood in silence as the lights started to illuminate the main street. The courthouse became a winter wonderland, a million tiny twinkles bringing the stars to earth.
“Hey, Jackie!” Sammi stood below them, surrounded by the kids and her two other sisters. “Is the Bergmann building ready for Christmas?”
Leaning over the railing, Jackie smiled and her face lit up. “Y’all ready to flip the switch?”
A chorus of yeses filled the air.
“The gingerbread party is about to start, and the kids don’t want to be late,” Danica yelled at them.
He looked at Jackie. Why did he have a feeling he was about to find himself at another down-home Christmas tradition? “Gingerbread houses?”
She nodded as she moved to the doors. “Yes. For a donation, you get a house to decorate. The boys will love it, and you might have fun, too. The last few years it’s become a bigger event. It’s a fund-raiser for a couple of organizations in the county that help kids and families.”
With one hand on the switch, she called down to the small crowd gathered below the balcony. “I need a countdown.”
They all started counting. “Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two…one…now!”
Suddenly he stood in the midst of radiant light, and it wasn’t all from the strings of bulbs they had hung over the balcony. Jackie’s eyes reflected the joy that represented everything good about Christmas and family.
This is what every Christmas card tried to capture. Love, warmth and belonging.
He stepped back. He didn’t belong here.
The grip she had on his hand caught him by surprise. Despite the cold, her touch was warm. Pulled along down narrow stairs, he was pretty sure this was how it felt to get sucked into Alice’s Wonderland.