Max bent forward so he could look out the little oval window on the airplane. As they descended over Las Vegas, he could see the ornate and flashy strip calling to its visitors. He had worked hard to get here.
He rolled his shoulder. It had not been easy but success was his. He was back in the game. Closing his eyes, he hit his head on his seat. So why was the hollow feeling of defeat making him feel like a loser?
“Daddy, look. We’re going down.” The little boy in the middle seat stretched his neck so he could see. “Will Mommy be there?”
“Yep. She’s waiting at the airport right now.” The man patted his son’s leg. “We’re almost home.”
Max’s heart twisted, and he swallowed hard. It hadn’t even been a full day and he was already missing the boys. Were they missing him?
His Bible was tucked into the pocket in front of him. Pulling it out, he flipped through the pages until he found the one he had highlighted in church last Sunday. He recalled Pastor Levi’s words about listening to God. Every morning we wake up and make a decision on which path we will take that day. One that takes us closer to God or a path we are trying to forge on our own. He had been whacking at weeds, working hard to make his own way.
Proverbs 4:18. “But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.” Lifting his head, Max stared out the window. The sky was wide and clear. A backdrop of brilliant blue was spotted with a few white clouds. The sun’s light radiated from behind.
God had already told him. But he had allowed fear to stop him. Fear fed into the lie. That he wasn’t good enough. That he couldn’t be loved. That he had nothing to give.
Why was he so willing to believe the lie? Fear and selfishness. He was protecting his heart at the expense of his brothers. He dropped his head and read the passage again.
Dear Father, You know my weaknesses, my hurts. I ask for forgiveness and offer forgiveness to those that hurt me. Tilting his head back, he savored the peace that flooded his nerves.
Tapping his arm, the little boy next to him smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. “Are you going home, too?”
His Adam’s apple doubled, blocking any words. Why was such an innocent question bringing him to tears? “No, but I will be soon.”
First, he would have to go to Dallas.
* * *
Jackie stared out the window. A thunderstorm had rolled through the valley this morning. The smell of fresh earth washed clean with the rain might be better than coffee and bacon. She took another sip of coffee. Maybe.
Max had left for Vegas two day ago, and she had been too much of a coward to go tell him goodbye.
After the stupidity of that kiss, she didn’t want to risk doing something even worse. Like begging him to stay. He was back to his life on the road. The life he wanted.
Vanessa had the boys, and they would be leaving for New York after the pageant, then going on to London. Her chest ached. She closed her eyes, trying to block the pain. They would be a whole other world away.
She wasn’t sure how it happened, but the Delgado boys had ended up with a big chunk of her heart.
Danica sat at the table, Reid close behind. Her sister looked a little pale.
“You feeling okay?”
“The morning sickness seems to be hanging around for lunch.”
Reid went to the pantry. “You want some crackers and crushed ice?”
“That would be great.” Danica put her head down and the girls twirled around the kitchen.
Jackie watched as Reid took care of Danica then settled the girls down to eat. Images of Max in a fatherhood role flashed through her imagination. She had always pictured her children being dark haired. Like Max.
“Are you heading to the church early?” Reid’s question pulled her back to reality.
“Yeah. As soon as we finish lunch.” She loved being around her family, but right now she felt a little raw. Max had chosen the rodeo over having a family.
Her father rushed into the room. Putting his coffee on the table, he grabbed his jacket. “There’s a fire on the east side of the Delgado place on Herf Road.”
Jackie stood. “That’s where the church is.”
“I know. I’m heading out. You want to go?”
She was at the door without answering. Her father had always been a volunteer firefighter for the county. At times she would go with him.
As they sped to the ranch, she tried not to imagine the worst. It had been safe all these years. There was no way she would lose it to fire now. Turning in to the new entrance, her father slowed down a bit, his body stiff and his jaw harder than normal.
They were going to drive past the site of the accident. Her father’s white knuckles indicated that he was all too aware of that fact. Guilt crushed her. He had avoided this area since that day so long ago.
“Daddy.” Her throat closed. She coughed. “I have something I need to tell you.”
His frown went deeper, harsher.
What was she doing? This was not the time or place. She looked back at the site of the demolished bridge. There was never a right time. One deep breath.
“Sweetheart, you’re scaring me.”
Her stomach pitched. “It was my fault.”
He glanced at her, his face marred with confusion. “The fire?”
Her nails bit into the skin of her palms. “Mom’s accident.” She rushed forward, out of breath. “I left my horse in the car after you told me to put it away. You said someone could get hurt and you were right.” She swallowed a sob. “I saw it there at the crash site.”
All of the color drained from his face. He hit the brake and looked at her. “You saw the crash site from the truck?”
“No. I followed you. I saw you holding Momma. I heard you.” She shook her head. “I ran back to the truck, so you wouldn’t see me. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, baby.” He reached out his hand. It shook. Placing her palm against his, he gripped her fingers. “It had nothing to do with a toy. They hit a patch of ice and went into a spin. Right off the edge of the bridge. There were skid marks, so she had hit the brakes. It had nothing to do with you.” He put his head down. “It was a horrible accident. Horrible. You thought it was your fault all these years?”
“If it was an accident, why do you blame the Delgado family?”
“Max’s mother wasn’t from Clear Water, but when she came to town with her husband and son, she wanted to return the old town to the county. No one wanted to work with her. There were the long-standing grudges against the Delgados, so old we’d forgotten most of the reasons.”
He placed his hand on the back of her neck. “You’re so much like your mother. She joined forces with Gabby Delgado, despite my objections.” A slight pull at the corner of his mouth indicated a grin. “Or maybe because of them. That woman could be stubborn, but she had to be to put up with me. I…I lost my heart that day. It was easier to blame the Delgado family than myself or God.”
Jackie nodded. A tear slipped past her eyelashes and landed on her father’s wrist. “I thought my toy slipped under the brake, like it did the day before.”
“No, baby. In no way was it your fault. We have enough pain and loss without adding to it. I’m so sorry I…didn’t notice. I should have had you in counseling, but you were so young, I didn’t think.” He bit down hard on his lips, and moisture gathered at his lashes. “I’ve let you and your sisters down in so many ways.” He kissed her forehead. “I wouldn’t have survived without you girls. Y’all became my reason for waking up in the morning.” He shifted gears and moved the truck past the river.
“I’m so sorry, Daddy.”
“You have nothing to feel sorry for. I know I’m not good at saying I love you.”
“I’ve never felt unloved.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek.
Rounding the corner, they saw flashing lights through the trees and smoke rising behind the old church. Cutting the engine, her father turned to her. “Promise me you will let this go.” His big hand cupped the whole side of her face like it had when she was little. “I can’t bear the thought of you feeling any guilt over this. Please.”
She nodded.
“I love you, Daddy.”
“Love you, too, baby girl.” With that, he ran to join the other volunteers.
The fire had been beaten back from the church. It hadn’t gotten within a hundred yards of the old buildings. Jackie wasn’t sure what to do. Glancing around, she spotted the ambulance. There was someone sitting in the back.
Rushing over, she came to a sudden stop when she saw the man Brenda was working on. She shook her head. It couldn’t be. He was in Las Vegas.
“Max?”
“Oh, Jackie. I’m so sorry.” Black soot and dirt was smudged across his face.
“What are you doing here?” Still confused, she stepped closer. That’s when she saw his arms and hand. “You’re hurt! What happened?”
“I decided to come back. I didn’t want to disappoint the boys and…well, I wanted to see you. We never did have that talk. I came out here to talk to God. I saw the fire and called 9-1-1.”
“He also tried to put out the fire by himself.” Brenda was applying cream to his burns.
She glanced at Brenda. “Is he okay?”
“Minor burns on his left hand and both arms. Mostly first-degree, but you’ll need to keep an eye on them. They can get worse. It’s enough to keep him off a bull for now.” The EMT moved past her. “I need to check on the others. You stay here and don’t touch anything.”
Max tried to look around the ambulance door. “Have they contained the fire?”
“I don’t know.” The fire wasn’t what was occupying her mind right now. “Why are you here?”
“I was trying to stop the fire from—”
“Not in the ambulance. Why are you back in Clear Water?”
He grunted as though that question was too hard to answer. She put her hands on her hips and stared him down.
He looked down at his hands. “I discovered what I needed most was being here in Clear Water.” He brought his eyes up to meet hers. “I realized God had given me some of the greatest gifts, and I was an idiot for walking away from them. The boys needed me and, like you said, I don’t have to be my father. I want to make new family traditions.”
Blood rushed in her ears. “What about the finals?”
He gave her his heart-melting, lopsided grin. “There’s always next year. I have time to fully recover and have another go at it—” he shrugged “—or not. I came back for the boys.” His Adam’s apple bounced. “I want to spend more time with you, too.”
“Me?” She pressed her hand against her chest, hoping to steady her breathing.
With a quick nod, he leaned forward. “Jackie, I love you.”
She blinked, not sure she’d heard right.
“You don’t have to say anything. But I want you to know it’s not that teenage first love, but a love so deep I didn’t even know…” His hand came up, toward her, but then he dropped it. “It’s the kind of love that challenges me to be a better man. A man that deserves your gifts. A man of God that will stand and fight for his family.”
He looked away from her, his gaze going to the smoke billowing above the trees. “But I think I might have messed up. We must have left one of the pasture fires smoldering from the thistles purge.” His gaze met hers. “I’m so sorry. The church was almost—”
Stepping forward, she cupped his face and shook her head. “It was an accident. Just an accident.” She gave a very unladylike snort. “Ironically, my father just used those words with me. I told Daddy my secret.”
His eyes searched hers. “You did?”
“They hit a patch of ice. It was a horrible accident. My father hates talking about it—he never does—but he did for me. He told me to let it go.” With her thumb, she wiped at the skin around his eyes. “You’re a mess.”
He turned his face and pressed his lips against her palm. She stepped closer and leaned her forehead against his. “Max, you tried to put the fire out before anyone got here. Don’t do that again. These buildings are not worth your life.”
“I’m not sure my life is worth much without you in it.”
Her heart skipped a beat.
“Jackie. I want to raise the boys here in Clear Water. I wa—”
Her eyes went wide. “Wait. This means you’re taking full custody of the boys?”
“Yep. When I landed in Vegas I knew what I wanted. I got on the next flight to Dallas and met with my uncle and one of the company lawyers. The ranch officially belongs to me and my brothers. I want to build a home and family here on my ancestors’ land. I pray I don’t mess those two boys up.”
“You won’t any more than other parents do anyway. You’ve got this.”
“It’ll take lots of prayers and maybe a bit of professional counseling, but we’ll get through it as a family.”
“What about Ethan?”
He nodded. “We’re trying to see what we can work out with his mother. She’s hard to read. For now, he is with us until his new semester starts mid-January. If she won’t let him move down here full-time, he’ll be able to come down once a month and holidays.”
She brushed his hair back, noticing some of the tips were singed. “You’re going to make a great father. Those little brothers of yours are blessed to have you.”
“You’re the blessing. I love you. I’ve loved you for a very long time. I want you to be part of our family.”
Leaning forward, she pressed her forehead against his and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “I don’t know what to say. I—”
“Jackie?”
She jumped at the sound of her father’s voice. Straightening up, she stepped away from Max.
Her father cleared his throat, then started coughing.
“Daddy, are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.” He waved her off. “They have the fire under control. Lightning hit a tree. Max must have been right on it as soon as it started. The fire was contained due to Delgado.” His attention focused on Max. “You going to be okay?”
“Yes, sir. Looks like I’ll have to sit out this round of finals, but I got more important things to do anyway.”
“So, are you—” he gestured between them “—an item now?”
She laughed. “‘An item?’ Really, Daddy.”
“Isn’t that what they call it now?” He lifted one eyebrow at her before turning back to Max. “I heard you’d been hurt fighting it on your own. Thank you. We both know how important this project has been to her.”
Max looked straight at her father. “And she’s important to both of us.”
“Yes, she is.” He narrowed his eyes. “Will you be at the pageant?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“I’ll see you there.”
She fought the urge to roll her eyes at the two men she loved most in the world. They were one step away from beating on their chests. She glanced at Max. He’d said he loved her. “Daddy, I’m going to make sure he gets home.”
With a nod, her father turned on his heel and went to his truck.
Brenda returned to give him instructions on what to do if the burns got worse. After she left, Jackie helped Max down from the ambulance. “Let’s get you home.”
On the way to his truck, they were stopped by many of the volunteers. It seemed everyone wanted to chat with him like they were longtime friends. She could see the tiredness in his eyes.
With polite smiles she kept moving him closer to his truck. She wanted him alone so they could have that talk. He got in on the passenger side, his eyes heavy. As she went around to the driver’s seat, Adrian stopped her and asked some questions about the white lights she had wanted in the trees surrounding the church. By the time she climbed up into the cab, ready to talk to Max, he’d fallen asleep. His head back and his mouth slightly opened, he looked exhausted. He’d been running since he left for Vegas, then fighting the fire. He had to be wiped out. Well, she’d get him home for now and later they would have that talk. She studied him one more time before turning the key. God, I love him so much it scares me. Please guide me.
Could happy-ever-after happen for her?